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Who’s Programming You Now?

Posted By: Randy GageFebruary 25, 2009

It’s an interesting phenomenon.  Kids who are told that hey are smart do well in school.  Kids that are told they will be good students do well in school.  Later studies show them to be successful in life.

Kids that are told they’re not bright, live up to those expectations as well.  How many kids have been told they aren’t as smart/good/athletic as their older sibling?  The legacy this creates isn’t a good one.

Which raises some interesting questions:

What were you told when you grew up?  And how did that affect you?   And more importantly…

What are you being told now?  By who?  And what are you going to do about it?

I’m heading back to South Beach for softball this weekend.  I’ll check in on the other side of the water.

-RG

P.S.  All you Twitter Critters, you can follow me here:

19 comments on “Who’s Programming You Now?”

  1. I was given one word of encouragement many years ago by a gentleman at church. One word of encouragment I often turn back towards when the trails of life try to come at me.

    Speak life over yourself and others!

  2. I was always told that I was stupid and compared to my younger siblings, and the siblings of my parent's friends who were supposedly alot brighter with brighter futures. They were WRONG about all of them as their lives have not been the greatest by any stretch of the imagination!

    Now looking back I can at least see why my parent's friends children had brighter futures and that was because their parents showed them things like running/owning a business and getting a better education in school and how to handle/make money! My parents figured we'd gain this information by osmosis or something as we got older! In fact they'd say, "you're 18 now...don't you know that?" One thing I did learn as I got older was to CONSIDER THE SOURCE....so when I heard THAT getting into the business I immediately resonated with THAT! Now, I only listen to people with PROVEN track records of success such as YOU...!

  3. Yeah, one word can kill other can give prosperous way of thinking till the rest of your life. And more important is inner dialogue which can be your friend or your enemy. One need to speak with yourself as a precious creature 'cos it is true.

  4. My father was a quiet hard working man. My mother was and still is an optimist. She always sent us kids off to school with a positive note. I reflect on that and am even more involved in encouraging my children. Every day is a SUPER Day for my boys!

    I had to chuckle, the other day I commented to my son that "...he could do that when he works for NASA". My son replied, "work for NASA.... Dad... I'm going to own my own rocket ship company!"

    Love those kids!

  5. I am 42 now, When I was 5 years old, my mother and father got, separated, an uncle came and told me your mother does not love and she is a bitch, that statement practically destroy my relationship with my mother and all woman in my life,them one day when I was about 11 years old my father told me out of his frustrations that I was born as a result from an accident and that he never want me, well once again, I made up that I was not good enough and that I was a piece of shit. today I am liberated from all the anger and I have forgive them and I have forgive myself , it took more than 40 years of suffering.
    My point is= becareful of what you tell your kids, parents, friends and anybody outthere, you can create heaven or hell in their lives, Every morning I give a huge HUG to my dauther and I tell her that I love her, them when I drop her at school once again I repeat this cosmic retual, It could be the last time I will see her, who knows? love you all and talk LOVE......

  6. This is SUCH a great topic Randy.. And I say this because the early adoption of the beliefs imparted are those that get in our way now.

    As for myself, I adopted behaviors from my Dad's Mother who was one of the most bitter, negative, angry and fearful people I think I've ever ecountered. What's interesting is that my Mom knew this even when dating my Dad, and yet elected to have her watch my brother and I when we were very young. The result has been working hard to overcome these beliefs and the work is ongoing.

    My folks were both 'starving artists' and had the mentality that life is a struggle. As a middle child, I was the classic revolutionary who bucked everything I was told for the most part. Coupled with them not giving me the attention the other two got, a poor self esteem developed. What's great is I'm completely aware of all of this due to courses like The Forum, Covey's Seven Habits, etc.

    As we all know, acknowledging our beliefs is the first step to healing. Plenty more to tell, but I'll leave it here for now..

    Peace out!

  7. Great post Randy.
    I have a question. Lot of times these negative things are told to you by people you cant get away from- like your family members or even your boss. What do you do then to not get affected by them?

  8. I know the stupid part only too well.

    My dad use to say to me "It's a good thing you're strong boy, cause your not very smart" and many other little backhanded complements.

    Very powerful stuff when you do not know how to defend yourself.

    At age 38 I found out that I am dyslexic.

    So in 1999 at age 49 I decided to do something I had avoided my whole life; learn to read and write. By 2005 I had written my first book called 'Prisoners of Our Own Beliefs'. The book is about the dream stealers and the dream builders in your life, the words they use and the stories they tell you everyday to empower you or steal your dreams.

    Key point:
    Dream stealers do not tell you their stories to steal your dreams. What they are actually doing is telling you the stories they tell themselves every day to steal their own dreams. So if you are not completely commited to your dreams and how you are going to build them, you will believe their self defeating stories and end up stealing or own dreams as well.

    Prisoners of Our Own Beliefs was published in 2006.

    As I work on my second book I have to keep reframing all of the dream stealers' words of self distruction that run through my head while I am writing. But I know that I will never give up or give in to their influence again.

    Gary, The Renegade Dream Builder
    Dream Big, Run Fast, Challenge Life, Take Action Today

  9. I'm engrossed in my personal developement so thoroughly that when the programming from outside is presented it makes my head snap in reaction to it. I have a physical response to the negative stuff so much so that my colleagues are now conditionally reacting for me. They comment, "Oh that's going to really bug him" and are actually telling people they care about that they should reconsider their words because that will not fly with me! I continually am referred to being "Gung Ho!" or other references to my enthusiasm about living a positive production life. Where at first I questioned those references, I now embrace them. This is a direct result of my MLM exposure and specifically RG's words of encouragement. Thanks, TJ

  10. A good read that deals with this stuff is "The four agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz... when I read it I realized many of the programed ideas that I've taken for granted... and that they needed to go away. A highly recommended reading.

    You can find the book here: http://tinyurl.com/aqozsz

  11. I have a mentor who always tells me " It is none of your business what other people think of you. It is your business what you think of yourself"

    I don't know if he came up with it, but it sure hit me pretty hard the first time I heard it.

    Gary McElwain

  12. Me I'm Stubborn and whenever anyone tried to tell me I would amount to nothing I always thought just you wait I'll show you now I just want to show myself and I always find the positive in every situation no matter how bad. Must admit it drives my family nuts at times but thats their problem not my.

    Stay bouncy

    Love and Light
    Colleen The Crystal Dragon

  13. ~ Mr Gage,
    I had no idea who you were/are as the book literally fell right in front of me last time i visited my local library.... Initially the title "Why you're dumb, sick and broke" put me off..... I guess it was a little blunt.... but I opened the book to a section and began reading.... obviously it fell in front of me for a reason. Have been reading it and allowing it to sink in!!! Just wanted to say Thank you!!!! - In relation to your post... I am a 25 year old girl with a younger sibling... I have always been looked upon as the golden child, the responsible one by my entire family. This has bothered me, especially now that i see my sister struggling to keep up... The family send her messages she will never measure up. I guess I have taken it upon myself to try and assist her in reversing some of this negative programming... slowly we're seeing results!!!! QUESTION???? How do we avoid the apparent negative patterns our families continue to impose upon us??? is there a switch off button if we are unable to change environment at this point??? peace, Mia from Adelaide, Australia xx

  14. Programming... It goes much deeper than what someone got told in school etc. It's through programming this planet is run to begin with, and it comes from all kinds of sources.

    Have you ever thought why you sometimes wake up in the middle of the night for no apparent reason, hear pitched sounds or have certain addictions etc?

    A person can also be programmed to "success" on behalf of someone else, sort of acting like a slave but still thinking it's successful.

    Deprogram and rise above the group consciousness!

  15. Hi, I want to tell you something that happens to me last week. I was at the Arena RB Montreal, my son was playing hockey, I was talking to one of the moms there when she tells me:

    Mom's kid: Yesterday, when your son was at my house I told him that when you are in a team, the name in the back (his name)is not as important as the name in the front(the team's name).

    Me: I dont understand what you want to say, why did you tell him that?

    Mom's kid: Well, yesterday he told me he was the best player of his team, so I answered him like that.
    When you play for a team, it is a team efford, not just one.

    Me: What do you want me to say?, it is true that he is the best in his team, the others have only one year playing, they hardly know how to skate, the fall often, but my son has 2 years skating, he was in figure skating and power skating, he knows how to skate , and bla,bla, bla.

    Mom's kid: Well, he should be more of a team player, make more passes and be more humble.

    Me: Listen, they are only 6 years old, they dont know all the rules, and when my son make some passes, the kids in his team dont know what to do after, they fall, they miss the past, and at 6 years old you want to score, that is why they play at this age, to score.
    When they are older, they will be in a team with the same level, and then they will know how to make passes, bla,bla,bla.

    Mom's kid: (my son and her son are in a different team, but they go to school together) Well, my son told me that he is the best of his team, and I told him that it isnt true, he wasnt the best, that there were other kids in his group better than him (his son is the best in his team).

    Me: Well, if you want to tell your son that, well I cant stop you, but I wont lie to my son, he is the best for now, and I tell him all the time, and I tell him that he is the best, not because God gave him that gift, but because he work hard to be in the position he is. He tells me that he wants to be the best and I tell him that he has to work hard to be the best.

    I told you this story for you to see how two mothers deal with the same situation. I wouldnt lie to my son if he wasnt good or viceverse, I try no to program my son with negative, that was what my mother did to us and I had self steem problems, I had to read, and read a lot to have a the bit of confidence I have now and I have to keep working on it.

    I try to keep a balance on what I tell my kids by just telling them the true all the time, and trying to make them understand any situation. There is not a book on parenting but my husband and I we are trying to program them with positive thinking and been proud of them.

    Elsa

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  • 19 comments on “Who’s Programming You Now?”

    1. I was given one word of encouragement many years ago by a gentleman at church. One word of encouragment I often turn back towards when the trails of life try to come at me.

      Speak life over yourself and others!

    2. I was always told that I was stupid and compared to my younger siblings, and the siblings of my parent's friends who were supposedly alot brighter with brighter futures. They were WRONG about all of them as their lives have not been the greatest by any stretch of the imagination!

      Now looking back I can at least see why my parent's friends children had brighter futures and that was because their parents showed them things like running/owning a business and getting a better education in school and how to handle/make money! My parents figured we'd gain this information by osmosis or something as we got older! In fact they'd say, "you're 18 now...don't you know that?" One thing I did learn as I got older was to CONSIDER THE SOURCE....so when I heard THAT getting into the business I immediately resonated with THAT! Now, I only listen to people with PROVEN track records of success such as YOU...!

    3. Yeah, one word can kill other can give prosperous way of thinking till the rest of your life. And more important is inner dialogue which can be your friend or your enemy. One need to speak with yourself as a precious creature 'cos it is true.

    4. My father was a quiet hard working man. My mother was and still is an optimist. She always sent us kids off to school with a positive note. I reflect on that and am even more involved in encouraging my children. Every day is a SUPER Day for my boys!

      I had to chuckle, the other day I commented to my son that "...he could do that when he works for NASA". My son replied, "work for NASA.... Dad... I'm going to own my own rocket ship company!"

      Love those kids!

    5. I am 42 now, When I was 5 years old, my mother and father got, separated, an uncle came and told me your mother does not love and she is a bitch, that statement practically destroy my relationship with my mother and all woman in my life,them one day when I was about 11 years old my father told me out of his frustrations that I was born as a result from an accident and that he never want me, well once again, I made up that I was not good enough and that I was a piece of shit. today I am liberated from all the anger and I have forgive them and I have forgive myself , it took more than 40 years of suffering.
      My point is= becareful of what you tell your kids, parents, friends and anybody outthere, you can create heaven or hell in their lives, Every morning I give a huge HUG to my dauther and I tell her that I love her, them when I drop her at school once again I repeat this cosmic retual, It could be the last time I will see her, who knows? love you all and talk LOVE......

    6. This is SUCH a great topic Randy.. And I say this because the early adoption of the beliefs imparted are those that get in our way now.

      As for myself, I adopted behaviors from my Dad's Mother who was one of the most bitter, negative, angry and fearful people I think I've ever ecountered. What's interesting is that my Mom knew this even when dating my Dad, and yet elected to have her watch my brother and I when we were very young. The result has been working hard to overcome these beliefs and the work is ongoing.

      My folks were both 'starving artists' and had the mentality that life is a struggle. As a middle child, I was the classic revolutionary who bucked everything I was told for the most part. Coupled with them not giving me the attention the other two got, a poor self esteem developed. What's great is I'm completely aware of all of this due to courses like The Forum, Covey's Seven Habits, etc.

      As we all know, acknowledging our beliefs is the first step to healing. Plenty more to tell, but I'll leave it here for now..

      Peace out!

    7. Great post Randy.
      I have a question. Lot of times these negative things are told to you by people you cant get away from- like your family members or even your boss. What do you do then to not get affected by them?

    8. I know the stupid part only too well.

      My dad use to say to me "It's a good thing you're strong boy, cause your not very smart" and many other little backhanded complements.

      Very powerful stuff when you do not know how to defend yourself.

      At age 38 I found out that I am dyslexic.

      So in 1999 at age 49 I decided to do something I had avoided my whole life; learn to read and write. By 2005 I had written my first book called 'Prisoners of Our Own Beliefs'. The book is about the dream stealers and the dream builders in your life, the words they use and the stories they tell you everyday to empower you or steal your dreams.

      Key point:
      Dream stealers do not tell you their stories to steal your dreams. What they are actually doing is telling you the stories they tell themselves every day to steal their own dreams. So if you are not completely commited to your dreams and how you are going to build them, you will believe their self defeating stories and end up stealing or own dreams as well.

      Prisoners of Our Own Beliefs was published in 2006.

      As I work on my second book I have to keep reframing all of the dream stealers' words of self distruction that run through my head while I am writing. But I know that I will never give up or give in to their influence again.

      Gary, The Renegade Dream Builder
      Dream Big, Run Fast, Challenge Life, Take Action Today

    9. I'm engrossed in my personal developement so thoroughly that when the programming from outside is presented it makes my head snap in reaction to it. I have a physical response to the negative stuff so much so that my colleagues are now conditionally reacting for me. They comment, "Oh that's going to really bug him" and are actually telling people they care about that they should reconsider their words because that will not fly with me! I continually am referred to being "Gung Ho!" or other references to my enthusiasm about living a positive production life. Where at first I questioned those references, I now embrace them. This is a direct result of my MLM exposure and specifically RG's words of encouragement. Thanks, TJ

    10. A good read that deals with this stuff is "The four agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz... when I read it I realized many of the programed ideas that I've taken for granted... and that they needed to go away. A highly recommended reading.

      You can find the book here: http://tinyurl.com/aqozsz

    11. I have a mentor who always tells me " It is none of your business what other people think of you. It is your business what you think of yourself"

      I don't know if he came up with it, but it sure hit me pretty hard the first time I heard it.

      Gary McElwain

    12. Me I'm Stubborn and whenever anyone tried to tell me I would amount to nothing I always thought just you wait I'll show you now I just want to show myself and I always find the positive in every situation no matter how bad. Must admit it drives my family nuts at times but thats their problem not my.

      Stay bouncy

      Love and Light
      Colleen The Crystal Dragon

    13. ~ Mr Gage,
      I had no idea who you were/are as the book literally fell right in front of me last time i visited my local library.... Initially the title "Why you're dumb, sick and broke" put me off..... I guess it was a little blunt.... but I opened the book to a section and began reading.... obviously it fell in front of me for a reason. Have been reading it and allowing it to sink in!!! Just wanted to say Thank you!!!! - In relation to your post... I am a 25 year old girl with a younger sibling... I have always been looked upon as the golden child, the responsible one by my entire family. This has bothered me, especially now that i see my sister struggling to keep up... The family send her messages she will never measure up. I guess I have taken it upon myself to try and assist her in reversing some of this negative programming... slowly we're seeing results!!!! QUESTION???? How do we avoid the apparent negative patterns our families continue to impose upon us??? is there a switch off button if we are unable to change environment at this point??? peace, Mia from Adelaide, Australia xx

    14. Programming... It goes much deeper than what someone got told in school etc. It's through programming this planet is run to begin with, and it comes from all kinds of sources.

      Have you ever thought why you sometimes wake up in the middle of the night for no apparent reason, hear pitched sounds or have certain addictions etc?

      A person can also be programmed to "success" on behalf of someone else, sort of acting like a slave but still thinking it's successful.

      Deprogram and rise above the group consciousness!

    15. Hi, I want to tell you something that happens to me last week. I was at the Arena RB Montreal, my son was playing hockey, I was talking to one of the moms there when she tells me:

      Mom's kid: Yesterday, when your son was at my house I told him that when you are in a team, the name in the back (his name)is not as important as the name in the front(the team's name).

      Me: I dont understand what you want to say, why did you tell him that?

      Mom's kid: Well, yesterday he told me he was the best player of his team, so I answered him like that.
      When you play for a team, it is a team efford, not just one.

      Me: What do you want me to say?, it is true that he is the best in his team, the others have only one year playing, they hardly know how to skate, the fall often, but my son has 2 years skating, he was in figure skating and power skating, he knows how to skate , and bla,bla, bla.

      Mom's kid: Well, he should be more of a team player, make more passes and be more humble.

      Me: Listen, they are only 6 years old, they dont know all the rules, and when my son make some passes, the kids in his team dont know what to do after, they fall, they miss the past, and at 6 years old you want to score, that is why they play at this age, to score.
      When they are older, they will be in a team with the same level, and then they will know how to make passes, bla,bla,bla.

      Mom's kid: (my son and her son are in a different team, but they go to school together) Well, my son told me that he is the best of his team, and I told him that it isnt true, he wasnt the best, that there were other kids in his group better than him (his son is the best in his team).

      Me: Well, if you want to tell your son that, well I cant stop you, but I wont lie to my son, he is the best for now, and I tell him all the time, and I tell him that he is the best, not because God gave him that gift, but because he work hard to be in the position he is. He tells me that he wants to be the best and I tell him that he has to work hard to be the best.

      I told you this story for you to see how two mothers deal with the same situation. I wouldnt lie to my son if he wasnt good or viceverse, I try no to program my son with negative, that was what my mother did to us and I had self steem problems, I had to read, and read a lot to have a the bit of confidence I have now and I have to keep working on it.

      I try to keep a balance on what I tell my kids by just telling them the true all the time, and trying to make them understand any situation. There is not a book on parenting but my husband and I we are trying to program them with positive thinking and been proud of them.

      Elsa

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