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'Twas the Night Before Christmas, 2022…

Posted By: Randy GageDecember 22, 2022

(With prolific apologies to the estate of Clement Clark Moore)

Back in the day, I used to write a satirical version of this childhood yuletide classic to my newsletter subscribers.  Somewhere around the millennium, I moved it to the blog here and created a contest where I started it and you guys finish it.  The results were brilliant.  The creative genius of my readers is truly astounding.  Last year was a little crazy and I never got around to it.  But with all the insanity of 2022 there can be no better time to restart this sacred tradition.

The best submission will receive a $500 credit toward any of my public seminars or coaching programs in 2023.  Not to mention, the fame, admiration, and adulation bestowed on the contest winner.  You should know that this competition is closely monitored annually by all the major publishers, the Pulitzer Prize in Literature committee and the producers of Bosnia's Got Talent.) The decisions of the judges (that would be moi) are final. Here's your set-up:

'Twas the night before Christmas, and down here in Miami

I was reflecting on the year, sipping cocoa in my jammy;

The pandemic was abating, still the mood was depressing,

Crypto was crashing and the future seemed distressing;

 

The children were huddled all snug in their beds,

While visions of Squishmallows danced in their heads;

Sleep eluded me, for my head it was aching,

Riddled with doubt, for the future we’re making.

 

When out on the street there arose such a racket,

_________________________________

 

Alright dear reader, the rest is up to you.  Hit me with your best shot and post your submissions in the comments section below. Be creative, have some fun, and reflect the year. But please try to end on a note of positivity and hope, since this is a prosperity blog after all. The winner will be announced on Monday or Tuesday and broadcast live on NBC.  (Or not.)  Let’s see who takes home the award for the Best Prosperity Poet in the Universe, 2022!

Peace,

-RG

P.S. Here’s wishing you a joyous holiday season filled with joyous socially distanced reunions and plentiful “Die Hard” movie viewings.  LEGAL NOTICE: In light of the FTC regulations on bloggers, these wishes are subject to the following terms and conditions…

This greeting from Randy Gage (“Wishor”), to you (“Recipient”), is extended without obligation, implied or implicit, for best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, politically woke, gender neutral celebration of the secular winter solstice only.  Any similarities to holidays celebrating the festival of lights, God, or birth of the baby Jesus are purely coincidental.

This greeting may be accepted in the context of the traditions of the religious or secular beliefs of your choice, regardless of sexual orientation or operating system preference, and is void where prohibited by law.  Acceptance by the recipient does not imply any endorsements or consent by the Wishor.  The good tidings expressed in this greeting are subject to further clarification or withdrawal, are revocable at the sole discretion of the Wishor, and are non-transferable.

The Wishor implies no guarantee of actual results.  The extent of the holiday spirit experienced will be determined by the effort recipient puts into it. The claims described are for illustration purposes only. Your results may vary.  This salutation is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, and has not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration.

“Christmas” “God” and “Jesus” are registered trademarks of the Amway Corporation.  All rights reserved.

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11 comments on “'Twas the Night Before Christmas, 2022…”

  1. I ran downstairs grabbing my jacket.
    A crowd was standing around two small boys.
    One was sobbing he had no toys.

    I stood and watched all by myself
    Then next to my side was a boy now an elf.
    He smiled at me and held my hand
    Dragging toys we were off we were leaving the land..

    I sat in the sleigh looking down from the sky
    It all looked so beautiful that I wondered why -
    Misery and tears, lives falling apart.
    The pandemic , Covid that was the start.
    Now war, homelessness, migrants drowning -
    Parents losing infants
    I started frowning. Thinking all these things have been with us forever,
    Have we lost hope that life will get better.

    I learnt this year the most important to me
    Is surround myself with people who are happy
    Who are good and kind
    People who try not to be blind
    To what’s happening worldwide
    But who live their lives leaving worries aside.

    This year I got the best present of all
    A cancer free result from a man not so small
    But with sparkling eyes as he told me with joy
    ‘Your health is clear, now go and enjoy.’

    So to all I say as Rudolph lands with stealth
    Have a good life be happy
    Your health is your wealth

    Merry Christmas

  2. There’s nothing better I could write or wish then for Angela to celebrate her health with some time with you, Randy.

  3. Randy Gage went out and threw on his jacket
    his buddy Worre said why are people so sore?
    Gage smirked and fell on the floor
    I'm just a trainer Worre whined
    Oh you didn't know these were scams? Gage opined
    On OneCoin, on OmegaPro, on Donner and whatever
    mlm crypto scam can come through the door
    And now all these cryptos are falling thru the floor
    oh I feel so sorry for you greed heads and more
    and to all you assholes and more and all a good night!!

  4. I grabbed my camera
    And rushed downstairs to check it.

    But I was distracted:
    I met our neighbor, an immigrant woman,
    Who shared some crazy stuff -
    Totally unexpected!

    I thought: “What on Earth
    Is she talking about?
    One conspiracy theory after another,
    I need to get out of it!”

    But her words sank deep inside…
    Genderless children and no-name parents,
    Games of war and power
    To quarrel the neighbors…

    The secret agenda
    To erase 6/8th of the world
    To make life “sustainable”
    And people - easy to rule…

    And all of a sudden,
    Here and there,
    These crazy things
    Came to light -
    Out of nowhere!

    So maybe the immigrant neighbor
    Was right?
    And maybe it’s time
    To open eyes wide?

    Switch OFF, right now,
    Your mainstream TV!
    Instead, turn ON
    The critical thinker within!

    And yet…

    Despite all the nasty things going on,
    Why not change the FOCUS
    And see some of
    The human progress?

    With that being said,
    Let’s value peace
    And break together
    Some bread!

    The holiday season
    Is a perfect reminder:
    Be generous and loving,
    Just human-kinded!

  5. Thanks for the submissions guys! In retrospect, I started the contest too late because it was a last minute decision. I heard from some people that thought they needed to submit before Christmas day. Next year I'll open it up earlier like we did in years past. So be prepared!

    For 2022, the winner of the Best Prosperity Poet in the Universe prize is...

    Angela D'Alton! Congratulations. You have won a $500 credit toward any of my live events, coaching, or consulting services in 2023. Please contact leila (at) randygage.com to claim your award. And stay close to your phone in case the Pulitzer Prize committee calls!

    1. Hey Randy
      Merci beaucoup from Marseilles.
      I love this comp and it really gives the old grey matter a prod.
      I have a novel published and am writing a kind of memoirs. So maybe I could give you a shout .
      Happy New You New Year ❤️

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  • 11 comments on “'Twas the Night Before Christmas, 2022…”

    1. I ran downstairs grabbing my jacket.
      A crowd was standing around two small boys.
      One was sobbing he had no toys.

      I stood and watched all by myself
      Then next to my side was a boy now an elf.
      He smiled at me and held my hand
      Dragging toys we were off we were leaving the land..

      I sat in the sleigh looking down from the sky
      It all looked so beautiful that I wondered why -
      Misery and tears, lives falling apart.
      The pandemic , Covid that was the start.
      Now war, homelessness, migrants drowning -
      Parents losing infants
      I started frowning. Thinking all these things have been with us forever,
      Have we lost hope that life will get better.

      I learnt this year the most important to me
      Is surround myself with people who are happy
      Who are good and kind
      People who try not to be blind
      To what’s happening worldwide
      But who live their lives leaving worries aside.

      This year I got the best present of all
      A cancer free result from a man not so small
      But with sparkling eyes as he told me with joy
      ‘Your health is clear, now go and enjoy.’

      So to all I say as Rudolph lands with stealth
      Have a good life be happy
      Your health is your wealth

      Merry Christmas

    2. There’s nothing better I could write or wish then for Angela to celebrate her health with some time with you, Randy.

    3. Randy Gage went out and threw on his jacket
      his buddy Worre said why are people so sore?
      Gage smirked and fell on the floor
      I'm just a trainer Worre whined
      Oh you didn't know these were scams? Gage opined
      On OneCoin, on OmegaPro, on Donner and whatever
      mlm crypto scam can come through the door
      And now all these cryptos are falling thru the floor
      oh I feel so sorry for you greed heads and more
      and to all you assholes and more and all a good night!!

    4. I grabbed my camera
      And rushed downstairs to check it.

      But I was distracted:
      I met our neighbor, an immigrant woman,
      Who shared some crazy stuff -
      Totally unexpected!

      I thought: “What on Earth
      Is she talking about?
      One conspiracy theory after another,
      I need to get out of it!”

      But her words sank deep inside…
      Genderless children and no-name parents,
      Games of war and power
      To quarrel the neighbors…

      The secret agenda
      To erase 6/8th of the world
      To make life “sustainable”
      And people - easy to rule…

      And all of a sudden,
      Here and there,
      These crazy things
      Came to light -
      Out of nowhere!

      So maybe the immigrant neighbor
      Was right?
      And maybe it’s time
      To open eyes wide?

      Switch OFF, right now,
      Your mainstream TV!
      Instead, turn ON
      The critical thinker within!

      And yet…

      Despite all the nasty things going on,
      Why not change the FOCUS
      And see some of
      The human progress?

      With that being said,
      Let’s value peace
      And break together
      Some bread!

      The holiday season
      Is a perfect reminder:
      Be generous and loving,
      Just human-kinded!

    5. Thanks for the submissions guys! In retrospect, I started the contest too late because it was a last minute decision. I heard from some people that thought they needed to submit before Christmas day. Next year I'll open it up earlier like we did in years past. So be prepared!

      For 2022, the winner of the Best Prosperity Poet in the Universe prize is...

      Angela D'Alton! Congratulations. You have won a $500 credit toward any of my live events, coaching, or consulting services in 2023. Please contact leila (at) randygage.com to claim your award. And stay close to your phone in case the Pulitzer Prize committee calls!

      1. Hey Randy
        Merci beaucoup from Marseilles.
        I love this comp and it really gives the old grey matter a prod.
        I have a novel published and am writing a kind of memoirs. So maybe I could give you a shout .
        Happy New You New Year ❤️

    Leave a Reply

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