(With prolific apologies to the estate of Clement Clark Moore)
Back in the day, I used to write a satirical version of this childhood yuletide classic to my newsletter subscribers. Somewhere around the millennium, I moved it to the blog here and created a contest where I started it and you guys finish it. The results were brilliant. The creative genius of my readers is truly astounding. Last year was a little crazy and I never got around to it. But with all the insanity of 2022 there can be no better time to restart this sacred tradition.
The best submission will receive a $500 credit toward any of my public seminars or coaching programs in 2023. Not to mention, the fame, admiration, and adulation bestowed on the contest winner. You should know that this competition is closely monitored annually by all the major publishers, the Pulitzer Prize in Literature committee and the producers of Bosnia's Got Talent.) The decisions of the judges (that would be moi) are final. Here's your set-up:
'Twas the night before Christmas, and down here in Miami
I was reflecting on the year, sipping cocoa in my jammy;
The pandemic was abating, still the mood was depressing,
Crypto was crashing and the future seemed distressing;
The children were huddled all snug in their beds,
While visions of Squishmallows danced in their heads;
Sleep eluded me, for my head it was aching,
Riddled with doubt, for the future we’re making.
When out on the street there arose such a racket,
Alright dear reader, the rest is up to you. Hit me with your best shot and post your submissions in the comments section below. Be creative, have some fun, and reflect the year. But please try to end on a note of positivity and hope, since this is a prosperity blog after all. The winner will be announced on Monday or Tuesday and broadcast live on NBC. (Or not.) Let’s see who takes home the award for the Best Prosperity Poet in the Universe, 2022!
P.S. Here’s wishing you a joyous holiday season filled with joyous socially distanced reunions and plentiful “Die Hard” movie viewings. LEGAL NOTICE: In light of the FTC regulations on bloggers, these wishes are subject to the following terms and conditions…
This greeting from Randy Gage (“Wishor”), to you (“Recipient”), is extended without obligation, implied or implicit, for best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, politically woke, gender neutral celebration of the secular winter solstice only. Any similarities to holidays celebrating the festival of lights, God, or birth of the baby Jesus are purely coincidental.
This greeting may be accepted in the context of the traditions of the religious or secular beliefs of your choice, regardless of sexual orientation or operating system preference, and is void where prohibited by law. Acceptance by the recipient does not imply any endorsements or consent by the Wishor. The good tidings expressed in this greeting are subject to further clarification or withdrawal, are revocable at the sole discretion of the Wishor, and are non-transferable.
The Wishor implies no guarantee of actual results. The extent of the holiday spirit experienced will be determined by the effort recipient puts into it. The claims described are for illustration purposes only. Your results may vary. This salutation is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, and has not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration.
“Christmas” “God” and “Jesus” are registered trademarks of the Amway Corporation. All rights reserved.
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