Years ago, when I first read the book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, I felt the real breakthrough was Covey’s simple, yet profound insight that you must first achieve independence before you can accomplish interdependence. There are a lot of parallels in living a prosperous life and maintaining healthy and loving relationships…
In an enlightened society, we must depend on each other to make our daily existence function better. It just works well if some people specialize in giving massages, while others are plumbers, and yet others concentrate on brain surgery. This system works elegantly until we start becoming dependent on other people psychologically and emotionally. (For my newsletter subscribers, think about the topic we discussed in the last Friday Filosophy edition.)
The danger is when you begin to rely on other people for your happiness. What happens next is that you start requiring the people around you to contribute to your happiness to stay in your orbit. Conversely, if you tell someone that you love them so much that you can’t live without them – if you are so emotionally or psychologically dependent on them – we can’t really classify that as love.
For love and loving relationships to work, there can’t be demands or dependency. The relationship must be built on the music that is created when each of you contribute your melody. And when that other party steps away for any reason, you still have to be able to play your own song.
I realized that I would put playing my own song (which I believe will help many) before relationships.
If I had to chose, I would pick playing my own song. A relationship would have to be a positive in my life and their life.
A win + win. Which is also a win for others.
I never got to the end of the 7 habits - i should try it again. I found it very hard reading for some reason. However your article makes me think of the Book on Happiness i am reading by the Dalai Lama. He talks about the importance of compassion over romance for a long lasting and happy relationship. Also i think of the Will Smith video when i read your words - he talks of not making others responsible for your happiness. I thank you for reminding me of this all over again...we have to own our own awesome and joy in life. Wishing you good things Randy xx
What if the music that you create only sounds savvy with that single soul?
Follow the beat!
There may be some truth here but the concept of money, intimacy and communication hasn't been factored into this concept. They tug at the very fabric that is holding the relationship together. What might have brought two people together is easily eroded by these.
Being able to still play my own song is definitely apart of my quest right now and for a while now. Love that principle.