Jim Rohn always used to say, “Don’t wish things were easier. Wish you were better.” And that builds on yesterday’s post about your ability to change…
For most of us, we don’t make meaningful change until we face meaningful adversity. Almost every success story I know started out when the person faced down a great challenge. Because challenges are the impetus that causes us to finally change.
At some point you get sick of being a victim and decide you have had it with defeat, humiliation and lack. And when you decide you simply won’t tolerate losing any more, that’s when fate, circumstance and destiny join together for a conference. They agree to step aside and let you go through. Because they recognize that they are powerless against such resolve.
Now when you’re still in victim mode, the universe will be happy to stand by and watch you feel sorry for yourself. And you can stay in that space, until you finally die lonely, sick and broke. But when you decide that you are going to be a victor instead of a victim, you bend the universe to your will.
The universe doesn’t have time to care which choice you make. Because it is meaningful only to you. But if you will make the choice to forgo victimhood, you open yourself up to a life of significance, meaning and adventure.
Ain’t it great!
'They (fate, circumstance and destiny) agree to step aside and let you go through. Because they recognize that they are powerless against such resolve'.
That is exactly where I am in my life today! And it feels f**king good to be liberated!! I am the master of my own life! I acknowledge the power in me to do and be anything I want.
Thanks for a great post Randy!
It is great! And it clarifies for me why so many people around me with such great ideas are always stuck in their private little hell. They're always in victim mode. When they're at parties, at work, or at school someone's always out to get them or the world just simply can't stand to see them happy - in their eyes that is.
Do you think it's a natural process the people eventually break through this slump and get over feeling like a victim or do you think it generally takes outside influence to realize the fault and grow from the realization that they are actually in control of their lives?
What a great quote Randy, "when you decide you simply won’t tolerate losing any more, that’s when fate, circumstance and destiny join together for a conference. They agree to step aside and let you go through. Because they recognize that they are powerless against such resolve." Thank you so much for your constant daily wise insight, and for investing so much into us.
Sometimes people do need to be knocked to the ground and have sand kicked in their eyes to make them open their eyes and face reality and realise that they can change and better their circumstances. I say that from personal experience over the last two years. From being a ` victim` over a couple of decades, I now have seen that most of my problems were of my own making, compounded by the fact that I could not be arsed about changing myself, and always blamed fate this or fate that and now have resolved to change myself and my life.There is no magic pill or snake oil that will create a miraculous change of circumstances..just sheer hard work, after facing and accepting reality.
DONT BLAME OTHERS...BLAME YOURSELF. EMBRACE CHANGE.
Randy, I just wanted to thank you for making my life a lot easier, for giving me the tips on how to become the richest person on earth even when my bank account is overdraft.I simply "...won’t tolerate losing any more..."
Good for you.
I think that the Universe wants to see how serious we are. If there was no resistance a jet would never take off, it would just taxi aimlessly.
I also think I have allowed myself to struggle a lot harder than the universe ever intended. THat was because I held onto limiting beliefs and taking the change that is good for me was a struggle with my ego. It has something to do with sabotage and self worth.
THanks for making me think in a good way.
Sometimes you can be really dark, you know? Why does it have to be adversity that makes us change? Sometimes positive events make people change too, don't you think? I guess it is all in your perspective.
Once again, I am not sure if our idea of the universe is the same, but why would the universe be happy to just stand by and watch us feel sorry for ourselves? Maybe the universe is prodding us on gently and patiently waiting for us to see the light.
As for letting go of victimhood, that is definitly a good thing to do. However, nobody is perfect and if it pops up again, just deal with it the best way you can.
Adventure, yes the less of a victim you are the more positive you adventures will be. Victims have adventures too, they may not preceive them in the same way, however.
I am going to talk about intrinsic and extrinsic freedom, because I think this is a good post to do it. It has to do with adventrure, truly.
I went on an adventure when I was 22. I went to Texas and taught Kindergarten as a volunteer for a Catholic volunteer program.(no matter where you teach kindergarten that is always an adventure!) I lived in the school convent with two other volunteers, who were from the recently liberated Czech Republic.
So, anyway one day I had a conversation with Petr(the Czech volunteer)about intrinsic and extrinsic freedom, because of course he had lived under communist totalitarian rule. His point about intrinsic freedom was this, even though he and his family were oppressed,(estrinsic freedom)they still had intrinsic freedom. Because they were courageous enough to keep living by their values, spirituality, and principles. They never gave up going to Catholic mass even though it was illegal, and because of this they faced some not so happy adventures. For instance, Petr's father who was a surgeon in the city where he lived, was forced to practice fifty miles from where he lived, a sanction for standing up for his belief.
Anyway, the point of the story is to say that sometimes we cannot change the extrinsic forces in our lives or circumstances where we live, however, you can always have intrinsic freedom, freedom from oppression from withing yourself. The choice to live with internal integrity no matter what the circumstance. Petr and his family maintained their intrinsic freedom and their intergrity, even though it brought them sanctions and difficulties. However, real love and joy was still theirs. It is always an adventure when you choose to live with freedom within, no matter what your circumstances.
This is what I thought of when I read James Allen's "As a Man Thinketh", where he wrote about slaves and the oppresors.
Excuse me this was so long, but I really wanted to share it!
Not really dark. I don't judge challenges and adversity and see them as bad things. Simply stepping stones that help us become who we are meant to be. And you are correct that we can learn and grow from positive things as well. I was just a slow learner on that!
Okay RG, I am only going to challenge you a little here. First, you said we don't make meaningful change until we face meaningful adversity, adversity in and of itself means misfortune. Challenges on the other hand can be viewed as positive or negative, I guess it depends on the challenge. I agree that challenges and adversities often do prompt us to change and hopefully in a positive direction.
Maybe dark is too much, but how about a little dreary. Especially when you say, "the universe will be happy to stand by and watch you feel sorry for yourself." I think that is a little sad. If I were the universe, I would give the person a hug and some inspiring words. Because, sometimes bad things happen to us, and it is okay to feel bad for ourselves that it happened. The snag comes if you keep using it as an excuse(I know from experience).
However, I also believe that people remain victims sometimes because nobody gave them support, or that hug when they were truly victimized. It is easy to get stuck in a place of victimhood if you don't feel supported and understood. That happens when we are children. When we are adults we should be able to give ourselves support. Although, I still think it is helpful to have someone else give us some love. 🙂
PS I think you learn pretty quickly, plus it is just great to learn at all (you know what I mean?).
Here's my view: psychology tells us that we as humans will do far more to avoid pain then we will to attain pleasure. So I think the initial thrust of motivation to change comes from displeasure (pain). Once we get moving and we start getting some postive results, then the motivation of attaining further "pleasure" kicks in. In my expereince, pain is not a motivator long term. Pain gets the ball rolling, pleasure sustains it. Make sense?
Sure. Why would you want something that makes you feel happy to change. It is not that I am saying we don't change things that cause us pain. I am saying sometimes we get to change and turn away from something painful by good circumstances and challenges.
I hope it happens sometimes this way. I like to think it does.
I was not so much talking about what makes us want to change but what actually causes us to change. It could be something good or something not so good. What do you think?
The story in your post reminds me of that of Viktor Frankl and the times of the Holocaust.
I completely agree that we may not be able to control all of our outside circumstances (though many waste time attempting this!) but we can always control our own reaction to them.
My favorite quote from Frankl:
“When we are no longer able to change a situation - we are challenged to change ourselves.”
Clearly, the greatest work we have is within. 🙂
Thanks for sharing this, Annie.
I love that quote you used. Thanks for sharing that. I also think of the holocaust too, when thinking of intrinsic and extrinsic freedom. Especially of Anne Frank, who saw so much beauty in the world, even under such terrible circumstances.
PS That was really sweet that you sponsored Venetta. 🙂 You are such a great lady!:)
There is such great joy in giving. 🙂
Great quote from Frankl. Thanks for sharing.
Everyone: "Man's Search Meaning" by Victor Frankl is required reading for anyone on a path of personal growth.
"Man's Search for Meaning" by Frankl was the first book that shifted my perspective. I completely agree, Kimbralee. That quote is the one I thought of as I read this post.
Also this one from Walt Disney:
All the adversity I've had in my life, all my troubles and obstacles, have strengthened me... You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you.
I was just finishing a book written by Lowell Fillmore which relates to you post today here's what he says;
"When we seem to be helplessly lost in the troubles of our world, which strangely enough, we ourselves have created by our own negative thinking, we see trouble and discord about us, when we should see goodness and harmony. When this condition exists it indicates that we need to clean house."
He goes on to say that the cleansing process is not always pleasant, and indeed many hit rock bottom before they can see the dawn of a new day but, if you can get through the storm with a sense of gratitude at the end of that is change, a re-birth of who you really are.
Today I give thanks for all the mentors along the road of my life that have brought me to the light of awareness.
This is a GREAT post, Olga!
And isn't it interesting that on our way to Prosperity, we make HUGE progress many times through what we let go of (cleaning house) as opposed to only that which we pursue! 😉
One of the most powerful decisions I have ever made was to think, feel and act from the belief that the Universe is conspiring on my behalf, orchestrating events in my favor and supporting me in all ways. When I live in this space, miracles occur regularly. It's all a decision. We get to choose: am I being supported or victimized?
Bravo! I Love this! 🙂
Well said Olga and Joe.
Saw a Frontline special on PBS last night on those poor vets coming home from Iraq with terrible post trauma syndrome... made me really admire an old friend from OZ who won the lottery as they say and had to serve in Vietnam... nicest guy in the world and put that hell behind him.. but one thing about it, you come through crap like that you got no time for bs...
So anytime I start thinking about it my tough stuff, right now, looks like I gotta put my poor Mom in a home.. something she said she never wanted...I think of my buddy Neale and realize, hey, if he can come thorough that hell.. I got nothing to worry about...
Great point, David. There's an old saying that if everyone in the world sat around a table and put their troubles out on the table, everyone would quickly take back their own problems instead of trading them with someone else.
There are two kinds of adventurers; those who go truly hoping to find adventure and those who go secretly hoping they won't.
Right between the eyes again my friend.
I'm learning how powerful victimhood can be - especially when it's part of the cellular energetic memories I learned before I was even 6 years old.
Every time I clear a layer of victim thinking - another one comes along to subtly fill in for the last. Thanks to my childhood cycle of striving to be perfect, failing and then having really bad things happen to me - again and again and again - I am deeply programmed to be a victim. Even though I don't think of myself as a victim AT ALL. Never have.
Asa matter of fact - I would argue that I'm anything but a victim. I've saved lives, faced tough tough situations in life and always created positively - mostly for others.
Yet these last few months I've come to realize I have created an entire life of self-fulfilling prophecies for myself - based on a childhood pattern that says no matter how good things get - I will crash and horror will come to me.
That pretty much describes every relationship in my life - from being stood up at the altar to having my jaw broken by a hitter to being taken to the cleaners more than once an betrayed in ways you don't wanna think about.
And still I argue I'm not a victim. Well -in the past few months I've realized that deep deep down, way beyond conscious and sub conscious, down in the core of my little girl self - I did believe that my childhood pattern of victimhood will continue. And so it has. An I didn't even see it - even as I focused on prosperity an abundance - created just enough to be 'thriving' - I was limiting my life thanks to that underlying tone and expectations of being a victim.
I am ready to step beyond the victim that exists in my core. I'm reprogramming myself. With a little help from the universe - which has decided to pick up the baseball bat yet again and hit me up side the head to get my attention.
I am a powerful co-creator, capable of thriving in the midst of chaos, of powering a passionate prosperous life.
Enough with the victimhood patterns. Begone foul odor!!
This is my year to step forward in faith - and so I am. One thought and one intention at a time!
You bend the universe to your will in both cases, and you will be tested in both cases by your Oversoul to see if you have really decided to stay the course, whatever that is.
Everything is meaningful in God-Mind, or it wouldn't exist. It's we who put labels on things, when everything already have a true frequency (color, tone and archetype) attached in the timeless energetic true reality, or actuality.
We are not here to "save" the planet, or certain people around us. People need their experiences, whatever that is. Interference doesn't really work anyway, as that will only shift the energy around and perhaps land on you instead, so that you get to have the experience. And it has already been stated here that you can't really force anyone to do anything.
However, no one remains ignorant forever.
I experienced something like this recently when i had this chronic pain in my lower abdomina and was checked by multiple doctors. After seeing so many of my wife's relatives die recently it was a wake up a call for me to work harder at being their for people and loving others better. It put things and priorities into perspective for me and cause me to make some personal changes in my character.
Awesome article. Thanks to your book I have know learnt to stop focusing on the 'lack' in life and moved onto making things happen.
Awesome article mate.
Being a 'victim' is not a happy place to be. Being a victim keeps you focusing on the problem. When you let go of that, you can start growing again and learn to focus on a solution
If there is a time when I can do some universe bending, it is right now. I'm determined to be victorious with my present dealings and in the future.
I have had a share of adversity, so appreciate the happiness as it comes.
I ask for forgiveness from the universe when, under society's rules, I am forced to play the blame game in order to protect myself from it.
I know that all the universal help will be there for me because I look for lessons in my setbacks rather than looking to blame or recriminate.
The old universe ay?..she acts in mysterious ways 🙂
What a great post and comments.
I can't help but want to bring things to a really simple 'fairytale'. "Wizard Of Oz" ... Dorthy faced adversity and was 'off to see the wizard' only to find she had always had the power. She only had to 'click the heels' of her ruby slippers.
"Peter Pan" ... to fly you only had to think 'happy thoughts'. I believe that as children we know our 'birthright' and the Pirates (adults) steal our dreams and make things more complicated than they really are.
I agree, Randy, "we don’t make meaningful change until we face meaningful adversity."
Once we have said, ENOUGH, that's when the magic begins to happen. When we begin to start thinking those 'happy thoughts' and (as you said) we begin to visualize our life as we WANT it to be ... only THEN will we be able to fly.
Victim or Victor? I choose Victor.
I'm off to 'Never Never Land'
Hmmmm. Randy, think that maybe we are all trapped in 'OZ' and YOU are our 'wizard' ??
I think it was a couple of posts back that really got me thinking about being a victim.
I'm not big on victimhood or drama, after living like that for a long time. But if I constantly find myself facing difficulties and obstacles before finally achieving my goals - I can't ignore the law that all things are attracted by who I am choosing to be.
So that post of yours started me questioning myself on why. Why would I want to create all these situations to overcome and then only actually winning?
Where are the boundaries between what someone said earlier here - that the universe is testing us on our course, and actually sub-consciously manifesting victimhood/ superhero situations?
My desire now is to release all victimhood tendencies and fully believe that good things can come to me without needing to overcome so much unnecessary obstacles & challenges.
I guess it's like you always say, when you're overqualified for this assignment, only will the universe send you the next one. Focusing my energy on this.
You're right the universe doesn't care which choice you make, but your friends do. I recently discontinued my friendship with a long-time friend for she was pulling me down with her victimhood. I wish she was an internet user so I could send her your post.
"The universe doesn’t have time to care which choice you make." ??...??
The Universe is all the time waiting on the choices we make. She honors the ones that promote "a life of significance, meaning and adventure." That is why there is no power, no joy, nothing of interest in living a life of a victim.
When Joe Gregory does "think, feel and act from the belief that the Universe is conspiring on my behalf, orchestrating events in my favor and supporting me in all ways" She smiles, concurs and life is oh so sweet. We all can operate and live from there.
Acknowledging the 'what's so' for the ‘so what’ of it all and seeing everything as going unexpectedly well with some of it for reasons that are not yet apparent, magic happens. Trusting the Universe without doubt makes everything sparkle.
Randy, Take care of your followers. Remember, To whom much is given, much is expected. Take care of all of them as long as you choose to take it on. God bless you all and I'll see you on the other side. M-E
Victimhood suggests innocence. Innocence, by the inescapable rationale that governs all relational terms, suggests guilt.
Another wonderful quote from Victor Frankl's book "Mans Search For Meaning" about his time in a concentration camp - "The one thing you can’t take away from me is the way I choose to respond to what you do to me. The last of one’s freedoms is to choose ones attitude in any given circumstance. »
It is a well known fact that very successful people often have the biggest problems - they just know how to deal with them.
Big people LOVE big problems because they understand that is every adversity lies the equivalent opportunity - if you look for it.
As this post is about adventure, here's another quote from Victor Frankls book:
Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail - Victor Frankl, in “Man’s Search for Meaning,”
Victimhood sucks big time, and I didn't realise this for a long long time! I'm on a journey and it's ultimately life changing for me. Truly am enjoying this learning phase I'm entering RG. What's a television now? I've replaced it with energy building. Yay