Success & Prosperity Blog

Finding People You Can Trust

critical thinking
By Randy Gage in Critical Thinking, Success, Prosperity.

Last post I said you need someone in your life who knows you personally and can be there for you in moments of doubt, fear, or weakness.  It’s important that they are someone who cares for you, wants the highest good for you, and most importantly, believes in you.  If you don’t have someone who qualifies in that role right now, that’s the most important next step in your journey toward prosperity and enlightenment.  Let’s explore some ways to do that…

It starts with something so simple and so POWERFUL you’d think that everyone would be doing it already.  But almost no one does.  And that is making truth telling your highest value and demonstrating to the people who are close to you that indeed, this is the requirement for maintaining a healthy relationship with you.  It starts by unequivocally rejecting when people pander to you and tell you what they think you want to hear – which is what the vast majority will do.

Most people are fear-based, desperate for acceptance, and have low self-esteem.  So when you ask them even simple things like how a suit looks on you, or more meaty questions like evaluating a business proposal you’re considering – they default to assuring you that you’ve made the right choice.

You have to push back, dig deeper, and prod them to get at the truth.  After enough conditioning, they’ll begin to understand that you really do want their honest opinion, not to be pandered to.  Once they make the change it is critical that you don’t feel attacked, get defensive, or make them feel bad for speaking their truth.  Even if the advice feels brutal to you, thank them for telling you how they see it.  (And do your best to process it objectively.  No one wants to hear that their baby is ugly.  But there are a lot of ugly babies out there.)

The second part of the equation is to be willing to offer this precious gift of truth telling in return.  You will eventually train people around you to recognize that when they ask you something, you’re going to answer honestly.  You’ll know right away the people who don’t really want truth because they’ll stop asking you.

This will lead to the sweet spot – you will uncover the people who will tell you the truth and want you to tell them the truth.  If you can find five relationships like this in your life, you have an almost embarrassment of riches. Most are lucky to find a couple. Whatever the number is, now you know the roster of people you can turn to for guidance when making critical decisions.

It’s important to reach out for help in the proper context… 

Just because your friend is a brilliant genome researcher, doesn’t mean she’s qualified to give you advice on protection against the Corona virus.  Your brother-in-law who made billions in the tech space may not be a good person to ask about real estate investing.  Your empathetic spiritual counselor might not be the best person to seek financial advice from.

Start with the premise that someone cares for you, wants the best for you, and will tell you the truth.  But then make sure that they are qualified to give advice in the area you’re asking about.  Don’t take financial advice from broke people, don’t seek exercise guidance from someone out of shape, and stop getting relationship advice from someone working on their fourth or fifth marriage.

Don’t just evaluate the advice you receive.  Evaluate the qualifications of the sources and any confirmation biases they could have that wouldn’t be apparent to them. There is so much white noise, misinformation, and even deliberate disinformation around today, you have to be more proactive than ever.

At no time in human history has it ever been so important to practice skepticism, discernment, and critical thinking. 

Which leads us to my next suggestion: creating an extended mastermind of critical thinkers for yourself.  Which is where we’ll pick up on the next post.  In the meantime, would love to see your comments below.

Peace,

– RG

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5 thoughts on “Finding People You Can Trust

  1. It’s very challenging.. very very challenging indeed.. I’m awakening!

  2. graham UK says:

    Hi Randy, I must admit I have barely a friend left, apart from 2 good friends plus wifee being african will challenge my culure/up bringing every step of the way..ouch! Anyway… There was a knock on my door and it was a young black girl doing door to door sales which I did not need, I thought about her as she continued down the street and a flash thought came to me .. give her dynamic law of prosperity book.. next thought.. don’t be ridiculous… divine thought next… if you don’t do it who will? Which brings me back to you, you challenge us to rethink in so many ways in the 21st century.. if you don’t do it , who will?
    Love as always.. Graham uk

  3. Iliyana Chavalinova says:

    Yes,I have to know the truth or to create it.I love to see everything as my creation.

  4. Barry Moniak says:

    Randy,

    As one of my most adored minds to hang out with, and the person who introduced me to the world of memes many years ago, it surprised me to see, if I’m interpreting you accurately, endorsing a meme about relationships in the second to last paragraph of this post.

    In so many scenarios of the human experience we learn, study, practice – what ever it takes – to get to a place of graduation. And when that happens people around us celebrate our achievement, and encourage us to move on to the next level. Except when it comes to relationships – then it’s supposed to be the meme of one marriage for life. That’s just not how people evolve their relationship skills.

    Back in the day I was a relationship counselor for a decade, and found that couples who gave themselves and each other permission to leave their partnership with respect, honor and love, graduated to being ready for a new level of relationship. These seemed to be the most successful and the happiest couples. I promoted the idea of not buying into the guilt, shame and blame game of a “failed” relationship. Rather to thank their partner for providing them with the opportunity to become a better quality human being, one capable of actually having a more sophisticated relationship moving forward.

    Many fellow relationship counselors had similar perspectives, in part because of their own growth cycles, making each new relationship better than the last. They were teaching from very real personal experience.

    Some of the American Indian tribes actually limited the time period for intimate relations, based on a pre-established intent. Once that intent had been realized, the elders officially called the relationship a success, and then terminated it – unless the couple could come up with a new intent for mutual learning and growth.

    There are certainly people who treat relationships with little to no mindfulness, repeating bad habits over and over again. But I would advise couples looking for relationship advice to find someone who’s been around the block a few times, owned how they themselves are wired and how they show up in a relationship, as well as having come to a firm understanding of the physics and metaphysics of relationship dynamics.

    Love you brother,
    Barry

    1. Randy Gage says:

      I’m not sure someone who believes in serial monogamy should be going through the legal structures of marriage, but that’s not really for me to judge. I do love your take on rejecting guilt and considering all past relationships failed. Good point.

 

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