Success & Prosperity Blog

The Joy of Self Control

By Randy Gage in Critical Thinking, Success, Prosperity.

Confucius taught before attempting to govern affairs, a person must learn to govern themselves.  Yet it’s amazing how many people seek out positions of leadership and control when their own lives are so completely out of control.  It’s totally escapist mentality, looking for diversions, so as to not have to face their own demons.  And unfortunately they miss out on one of the greatest joys in life…  

The joy of self-control.

Now that may sound strange to you.  On the surface you may think a life of total abandon, with no discipline or control would bring you more pleasure.  There was a time I believed that.  But no more.

Some people see self-control as a life of deprivation, denial and monotony, but it’s actually the opposite.  Yes without a doubt, self-control involves renunciation.  But it’s renunciation of that which is base, temporary, and false, in order to make space for that which is abiding, permanent, and true.  It’s the perfect demonstration of the vacuum law of prosperity.

The glutton, addict, or hedonist is able to enjoy only the most fleeting joy, because they are forever chasing the next elusive pleasure and sensation.  I spent five years chasing a high to match the first time I took crystal meth, only to come to realize that first high can never be equaled.  At least not from drugs…

But I exceeded it last week, when I wrote you of my special evening in Hawaii.  And I came pretty close yesterday morning in Newport Beach, simply sitting on the porch, eating the most perfectly ripe pear, watching the sunrise.

So what about you?  Have you experienced the freedom that comes from discipline, the joy that only control can offer?  Please share your thoughts on this, and next post we’ll look more at the process of self-mastery.

-RG

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58 thoughts on “The Joy of Self Control

  1. Jason Bishop says:

    Hi Randy,

    Indeed, I think, with self control, comes co-operation and selflessness and the ability to bring happiness to others which, in turn, comes back 🙂

    Cheers
    Jase

  2. David Wood says:

    Randy – great post man.

    I sort of wonder if this is half – philosophy – half stab at some things that happened recently.

    As always though – you’re spot on.

    -dave

    1. Randy Gage says:

      Pretty much all my work is half philosophy, half what’s going on in my life right now! 🙂

      -RG

      1. David Wood says:

        Ha ha, suppose that’s true.

        Anyways Randy – wanted you to know I respect you a lot man, you’re a rock to all of us out there learning in a lot of ways 🙂

  3. Clyde Keep says:

    WOW….Powerful & timely, Randy! Thank you!

    My #1 area to work on this year IS Discipline! An area I have been very strong at in the past and had let it slip over a few years.

    Thanks for the reminder message!

  4. Steve says:

    Hey Randy,
    I Know what you mean, just the other day I was cycling along the river bank heading towards the harbour where I live and glanced to the side to see the wetland at the side of the river like I had never seen it before, A pallet of greens and a river so blue it took my breathe away. If I had been sitting at home trying to decide if the bike ride was worth the effort I would have missed something very special. Since then I am noticing more and more events like this. The more you see and appreciate the more you attract. Awesome stuff.
    Steve.

  5. david pierson says:

    Read a post recently where the word discipline is a compliment from it’s original Latin origins… those moments in nature are priceless aren’t they… two of mine… being the first on top of Whistler mountain with not a cloud in the sky, gorgeous sunshine sparking on fresh snow… and the other was looking out over the Grand Canyon after taking a chopper ride… incredible…

  6. Natalie Silakoff says:

    Absolutely agree… Self-control has been my greatest mentor so far and has helped to change my life and myself completely… I used to fight for an illusion of freedom which proved to be nothing but the absence of elementary discipline. Now I’m always on time, a successful businesslady, have enough time for every kind of things: career, intensive sport-training, learning new skills… and which is more important I feel blissfully happy and look 10 years younger 😉

    1. KimbraLee says:

      “… and which is more important I feel blissfully happy and look 10 years younger ;)”

      Natalie, we’ll all have what you’re having! LOL!

      LOVE this ! Enjoy it all!

    2. Randy Gage says:

      “Self-control has been my greatest mentor” Fascinating choice of words.

      -RG

  7. Alyson Ogilvie-Lee says:

    I reckon most of us have experienced the lack from lack of self discipline. So often, that it makes you wonder why we take so long to educate ourselves. Today is a good day to start over.

  8. Great article Randy, discipline and self control does make a difference in ones life so as to better accomplish your goals which require that discipline & self control to be realized

  9. kathleen Caldwell says:

    First Randy… love the site re-do.
    You’ve brought me from the depths of self doubt and lack and encouraged me to shoot for the “Oprah show” and my own concerts. (That is what I will do since I cannot fail!)
    But now you have really hit upon my greatest need.. discipline and self-control! To be in the public eye, I need to be the best physical me that I can (since I wouldn’t be happy any other way)but sugar addiction and allergy to exercise are not helping 🙁
    I am looking forward to making this great change…See you on tv.

    1. Sunny d says:

      I totally agree with you about what I want to look like to be on Oprah. Let’s hope we both make it there. There’s not much time left so we both need to exercise and cut out sugar. good luck !

      1. Randy Gage says:

        You guys are funny. I’m going to be on KOMO TV, channel 4 in Seattle this afternoon. I guess you’ll be checking out my physique! 🙂

        -RG

  10. Trevor Baret says:

    Aaahhh!

    Self-control…

    A great ideal, and not easy to achieve.

    That Confucius was a pretty clued up dude – he had a lot of good stuff to say. But then, so do you, Randy.

    It really doesn’t take a lot of thought to realize that what you are writing about here is spot on…

    Take physical health for example. it takes some self control to eat reasonably well, and to spend a sensible amount of time doing good quality exercise. But look at the benefits –
    You look better
    You feel better
    You live longer
    You can do things that the couch potatoes can’t even dream about
    Life is better and happier – all because of a little self control

    The same applies in various areas of Personal Development. For example, practicing regular meditation makes it much more valuable than if you just sit down to meditate for a few minutes every now and then – but it takes self control (perseverance) at first. (Feel free to substitute the word “prayer” for “meditation”)

    The Joy of Self Control…

    You are SO right there Randy.

    Thanks for yet another great post.

    Regards,
    Trevor

  11. Zhannur says:

    Sorry for offtopic, but as a designer I really rejoiced looking at your new website design. They did a good job for you deserving their good money. ))

    About the topic I found it really interesting the connection between self-discipline, joy and the law of vacuum.

  12. KimbraLee says:

    “Some people see self-control as a life of deprivation, denial and monotony, but it’s actually the opposite.”

    Absolutely the truth.

    And the reason people struggle so much with self-control and believe it to be difficult is because the tangible results of your ultimate rewards lie ‘over there’ somewhere … on the other side of consistently practicing a discipline for a period of time. When you’re at the starting line, you can’t touch ‘em; you can’t see ‘em. You don’t get the goodie until you master the deed. There’s no instant gratification, at least not in 3-D reality. But it gets easier once you can really internalize that you’re trading in the ‘keep you stuck’ stuff for the ‘set you free stuff.’

    Best practice for me? Use the creativity of your own mind (best tool in the box!) and imagine how it’s going to look, feel, sound, taste and smell for you once you have the big ‘it’ in your grasp. Put yourself there in your mind. Stay focused on that. Start acting like it’s a done deal (all day, every day – if you can!) … and pretty soon, it will be! And in my experience, when I finally achieve the real thing, my imagination usually didn’t even do it justice. It’s so much better!

    Living a lifestyle governed by self-control definitely requires mental maturity, and we each get there when we get there. It took me a long damn time to learn the process and I’m still polishing it up, but it’s so worth the effort, and the rewards continue to bring me joy and blow me away. 😉

    K

    1. Carmen says:

      Well said!

    2. Jim Barber says:

      “And in my experience, when I finally achieve the real thing, my imagination usually didn’t even do it justice. It’s so much better!”

      Ain’t that the truth, KimbraLee!
      jim

      1. KimbraLee says:

        🙂 🙂 🙂 Jim!

    3. Randy Gage says:

      Great points you add here! Thanks, RG

  13. RANDY, I love your new blog presentation: COOL!

    As a persistent & determined entrepreneur who wants the kind of success you inspire, I can tell you there is only one way to greatness; and that is DISCIPLINE, the quality that separates the good from the TOP PERFORMERS. Ref: Steve Seibold, Jim Rohn.. Randy Gage!

    Note: It certainly worked for me in Academics, Sports, Fitness & Wellness. So it´s just a matter of time that I make it in Business!

  14. Carmen says:

    I have to say that I feel just fantastic when I’m leading a disciplined life. Controlling behaviours that I know are not in my best, long-term interests make a huge difference to how I feel. It also irons out the emotional rollercoaster and gives me stability.

  15. Jack Foley says:

    Great Post Randy,

    Self control in my opinion in not giving a crap what the herd are doing but only focused 100% on what u are doing and how u are growing..

    thankd for sharing..

  16. Sourav says:

    After reading Randy sir,s post i always look forward to your take on the topic. Kind of doubling the efficacy of the post. Thank you KimbraLee

    1. KimbraLee says:

      Thanks, Sourav, for your kind words. I also look forward to reading the comments of the readers here and have gotten so much value from so many personal posts. Aren’t we fortunate to have access to this classroom? I’m grateful. 🙂

      Randy has become an AMAZING mentor for me over the past year or so, and the thoughts that he posts here challenge me to continue to put these principles into practice more and more every day in my own life. I wish there was a way to really put into words the way it ‘feels’ when the wisdom he shares on this page starts to produce ‘reality’ rather than just being ‘philosophy’. It is awesome and humbling, all at the same time.

      I still have far to travel to manifest ALL that I want to see in my life, but I have definitely started exercising my prosperity building muscle, and it is coming along nicely! Practice makes better, so you keep at it and I will too! 😉

      K

  17. Because of self-control I can sit on my balcony at 11 a.m. on monday and enjoy the first sunshine of the year here in Austria while many others are in their offices working in jobs for their company owners that maybe sit on their balcony in the sun for them.

  18. Michael Capilli says:

    Amen to that!

  19. Olanrewaju Edun says:

    Thanks for this blogging. It came at a time I have been struggling within inner self with self control due to procrastination

  20. Sean says:

    Great post Randy, and fantastic follow up KimbraLee.

    We simply have to remove all that is without beauty in our lives (procrastinantion, unhealthy choices,instant gratification, negative thinking, toxic relationships, etc.) to make room for the true beauty we want in our lives (wealth, self-respect, fullfilment, love, joy etc).

    Ladies and gentelmen, start your vacuums!

    -Sean

    1. KimbraLee says:

      Oh My God, Sean! ROFL!!!

      This was priceless and sooooo brilliant!

      🙂

  21. Jeff says:

    Beginning of 2010 I was doing very well with self-control I was able to accomplish a lot that I KNOW I wouldn’t have if I was too busy looking for the next fleeting joy BUT it all happened too quick I remember one day being more lenient to myself then slowly little by little I was start becoming the person I used to be almost as if its my default mode. I’m currently trying to find my way back because if its one thing I remember its that I was living a much happier life when self-control was in the picture

  22. Sean says:

    Btw so glad I made it down to see you in Newport! You were amazing as promised! 🙂

    -Sean

  23. douglas says:

    -RG,

    I never wanted to control anyone or anything. I thought of myself as be highly “evolved”for having such a believe.
    I finally realized that that also include myself. Bummer. Not highly “evolved” but under-evolved. I was void of self control.

    No I know that is the only thing that we can and must control.

    Mahalo,

    -DJM

  24. Leslie Esperanza Espaillat says:

    In honor of Martin L. King, Jr.:

    “Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.
    — Strength in Love (1963)

    …and so I work on myself everyday, day in day out. It is a positive habit. No excuses!

    Thank you Randy for the work you do.

  25. Natalie says:

    Indeed – if we used our self-control we let go of the things that make us small, insignificant and worthless.What joy, eh?

    When we use our self control we come see all we can Master and create in this wondrous world. Our self control enables us to break free from negative habits that prevent us from seeing the miracle of loving and living, eh? With less distractions that prohibit our greatness, we are free to live vibrant, amazing lives…

    Goethe says:

    “When a man feels that he exists in the world as in a great, worthy, and beautiful whole, when this harmonious ease affords him a pure delight, then the Universe, if it could experience itself, would shout for joy at having attained its goal, and admire the pinnacle of its own essence. What end is served by all the expenditure of suns, planets, moons, of stars and milky way, of comets and nebula, of worlds passing away, if at last a happy man does not involuntarily rejoice in his own existence.”

  26. Jamie says:

    My addictions were my way to punish myself for being too chicken to do what it took to be the best that I could be. I saw a glimpse of my greatness, freaked out, and headed the opposite direction. Because, if I tried, I could fail….so, I didn’t.

    Instead, I chain-smoked 2 packs a day for a decade, drank to pass out for 5 years in a row, co-created life-draining relationships, rejected everything & everyone that was good for me – destruction & drama trailed me like a shadow. I was the story of the week for years – thankfully facebook & twitter didn’t exist yet.

    About 2 years back, I got completely sick & tired of who I was choosing to be. So I quit the smokes, stepped out of all serious romantic relationships, cut out all meat, and worked on me.

    Now, what was once a sacrifice, this thing called self-control, is now the natural choice – because I know where I am heading to, why, and what & whom I want with me on that journey. It is the greatest privilege life has to offer, the choice to exercise my power to create my life as I wish it to unfold – and I have chosen not to squander it anymore. I’ve done that for too long, and that route leads to a barren wasteland, raping one’s soul in the process – a price much dearer to pay than that of conscious self-control.

    The lesson I took 10 years to learn: The only way out of self-destruction is self-control.

    I know now that I’m not remotely interested to settle for any counterfeit of joy, freedom, or love. As you said so beautifully, “…only that which is abiding, permanent, and true.“

    Thank you for this post, and for letting me share. This was a big part of my life lesson, and my journey of self-mastery is, and will be, a life-long work in progress. I can’t wait to read your post on that topic. ☺

    xoxo

    1. Randy Gage says:

      Not sure I need to write the next post after you wrote this!

      -RG

      1. Jamie says:

        LOL. Now you know why I so love you. (1) Your story was more messed up than mine (LOL) and (2) your life choices and results inspired me from a place within me that no one could reach before & one I forgot I have a claim to as well. Be blessed my rocksta, you’re a gift. xoxo

    2. Sean says:

      Beautiful stuff Jamie! Thanks for sharing your story.

      -Sean

      1. Jamie says:

        Thank you Sean, namaste. 🙂

    3. KimbraLee says:

      Wow, Jamie. So glad for all those fortunate enough to get to be touched by your huge spirit that you are where you are today. Such an inspiring story. ♥

      K

      1. Jamie says:

        Thank you KimbraLee, and I for them in my life. Namaste. 🙂

    4. Natalie says:

      Jamie,

      I so love you! And you know.. there are few people in the world who are as loving and gorgeous as you – your heart flows through your eyes, your touch, your way with people, your generosity, and your joy.

      I’m SO grateful that you chose the path of self-control, in so doing your spirit has been given a vehicle to celebrate… And you just radiate.

      You’re a blessing! Mwah!!! xoxoxo

      1. Jamie says:

        I LOVE YOU TOO!!! XOXO

    5. Sourav says:

      WOW JAMIE! WHAT A LIFE OF TRANSFORMATION! **THE ONLY WAY OUT OF SELF~DESTRUCTION IS SELF DISCIPLINE** TRULY POWERFULL! GOD BLESS YOUR LIFEJOURNEY! THANK YOU, Sourav

  27. Leadership is not a formal position.

    Be a leader wherever you are.

    And the best of intentions don’t work if you don’t know what you’re doing.

    1. Randy Gage says:

      And people love to follow anyone who has attained self-mastery.

      -RG

  28. Anonymous says:

    Self control for me is about not succumbing to temptation of temporary gain or enjoyment or pleasure. And being clear of what I want to create in my life, and aligning myself to my goals.

    A little pleasure is ok. Moderation is the key. Anyway prosperity is about experiencing everything in life and living life to the fullest. So I believe we should experience everything we can but still practice self-control so that we are clear of what we are doing.

    It also applies to relationships. I fell in love with a girl a few years back. She was incredibly beautiful, passionate, charming, sexy. I loved her very much even though I discovered later that she was destructive. I saw beyond all that and I saw who she really was inside. And to me she was beautiful. But she didn’t see that in herself at that time. And she lived a very destructive life. So much so that it was beginning to affect my life. There were many times I questioned myself if I should leave the relationship because she was pulling me down. My mind was clear that if I continued to remain I would have a hard time. But I loved her very much and wanted to be there for her, with her. I let myself go and sacrificed my own well being to be with her. I decided the relationship was more important than my own goals. I did my best to make it work, to provide, to be strong. But of course eventually everything fell apart including my own life. I was totally devastated when our relationship ended. That was a huge lesson for me.

    Do not give yourself up for someone or something.

    To me self-control is having the discipline to follow your instincts all the time. Your instincts are messages from your higher self. I always keep myself in check now and make sure that whatever I do is for the highest purpose for myself and those around me. It’s about knowing where the line is between higher purpose and selfish desires. And having the discipline not to cross that line (too often). We’re human after all and having a little fun is okay as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone, including ourselves.

    Be at peace and prosper.

  29. Francisco says:

    A Self-Control Joke:

    A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three-year-old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the child asked for cookies and her mother told her, “No.”

    The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, “Now Ellen, we just have half of the aisles left to go through; don’t be upset. It won’t be long.”

    He passed the Mother again in the candy aisle. Of course, the little girl began to shout for candy. When she was told she couldn’t have any, she began to cry. The mother said, “There, there, Ellen; only two more aisles to go, and then we’ll be checking out.”

    The man again happened to be behind the pair at the check-out, where the little girl immediately began to clamor for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering there would be no gum purchased today. The mother patiently said, “Ellen, we’ll be through this check out stand in five minutes, and then you can go home and have a nice nap.”

    The man followed them out to the parking lot and stopped the woman to compliment her. “I couldn’t help noticing how patient you were with little Ellen…”

    The mother broke in, “My little girl’s name is Tammy… I’m Ellen.”

  30. Elly says:

    Love the new look Randy!

    I went from overcontrolled self discipline (to the point of rigidity)for many years which were a coping mechanism for my life at that time, to the complete opposite with no discipline or schedule or responsibilities or accountability. Guess which one messed up my life the most? Yep, it took a long time to get back the necessary self discipline to create success and prosperity.
    Randy is right, the greatest freedom is self control.

  31. “The glutton, addict, or hedonist is able to enjoy only the most fleeting joy, because they are forever chasing the next elusive pleasure and sensation.”

    I couldn’t agree more!

    Douglas Adams

  32. Ewa Cuper says:

    Great topic Randy

    Without self-discipilne and control you can not create successfuly. When I have found self-discipline the world around has started to change. It was amazing. Law of attraction started to work on my rules cos I cleaned up mess in my life first and my mind was free, ready to create what I want.

    best
    e

  33. Phil says:

    Fantastic post!! Having been in recovery myself and sober for 18yrs, I too find joy in self mastery. One of my biggest rushes now is telling my story at treatment centers and helping others to change and grow their lives. The feeling I get in walking with another through their recovery and watching them grow as an individual is beyond description.

    Best regards
    Phil

 

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