Success & Prosperity Blog

Screening Your Relationships

By Randy Gage in Critical Thinking, Success.

“You’ve got to be kidding? The first thing that comes to my mind when I read this is, ‘If I were single I’d make sure I didn’t fall in love with someone like this!’

“It sounds like this description of ‘obsessed with relationships’ is about being obsessed with protecting oneself and never allowing anyone close enough to really give love or receive love.”   That’s what Lisa Jimenez wrote me about what I said in the last post.

To refresh your memory, I said, “I’m obsessed about relationships.  I’m fiercely protective of my consciousness and mindset, so I am hypercritical about who I let into my live.  I only want people who are real. They will tell me the truth and I can tell them the truth.  They don’t waste my time blathering about inane things like the weather, gossip and trivia.  And most importantly, they don’t talk negative lack messages.  I enjoy being with them, and I can’t wait to see them again.  They bring value into my life, and I bring value into theirs.  Otherwise, I move on.”

Well Lisa certainly raises an interesting question.  Bonnie checked in and extended Lisa’s thoughts, adding, “So Lisa, I agree with you! No one is perfect – and if we seek for perfection in our close loving relationships, we are closing the gate, and will fail in ever really getting some!”

Chris agreed, stating, “I was alarmed at how cold, distant and controlling appeared Randy’s explanation about who he would ‘let in’; that phrase in itself implying that this is a one-way process, rather than the parallel journey which I believe to be the hallmark of an enduring and mutually beneficial relationship.”

Interesting indeed…

And this was certainly not the first time I have been accused of being cold and distant.   At least ten cab drivers, a few limo divers, and a couple of ex-lovers would agree.  So let me get my confession out of the way right now…

I have no patience for drama, dysfunction, and worse of all, banality.  And I make no bones about it.  Case in point…

I was in Fiji and had a massage scheduled on the beach.  But it was drizzling a little, so we moved it to my room.  The massage therapist was driving me there on a gold cart, when the following actual conversation took place.

Her:  So is this your first time in Fiji?
Me: Yes
Her: So you like it?
Me:  Yes it’s very nice here.
Her: You here on vacation or business?
Me: I am here with my Mastermind Group, so we are kind of doing both.
Her: Is this your first time here?
Me: Yes
Her: Are you here on vacation or business?

Now would it surprise you to know that I shut down and went into auto-responder monosyllabic mode?  I bet if you asked her after the massage what kind of client I was, she would say I was aloof or distant.   She would be right.

Because I have no patient for people’s “stump speeches.”  And by that, I mean people that repeat the same robotic banter, without even listening to what the other person responds.  They think they’re being “polite.”  I think they’re rude as hell.

Now you may think I’m exaggerating to make a point and that she didn’t repeat her questions within ten seconds of each other.  But she really did.

That’s just part of her stump speech she gives to clients to fill time before a session.  She is not listening to what she is saying herself, let alone what they are replying.  Most people will overlook this in the people around them and play along with the “let’s pretend that I give a crap about you” game.  I used to too.  But I no longer have the desire, so I don’t.

Does that make me cold, controlling and distant?  Prevent me from loving or being loved?  Or protect me against “fake” relationships?  What do you think?

-RG

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55 comments
Alice Flanders
Alice Flanders

I think she may have limited English skills. She may be repeating the only English sentences she knows.

Anonymous
Anonymous

Hi Randy

It's easier to be honest when I've only ever read 2 of your blogs (although I've been meaning to read this blog for months). I think it takes balls to get on here and ask people how they view you. It also appears your readers are real!!! They tell you as it is and I have complete respect for honesty. If I were in your position, I would surround myself with more people like your readers.

I have always "screened" my relationships since I was just a kid and I've had a pretty great life. I have been drama free and prosperous. It is only when I started living a "normal life", I fell into the trap of politics, drama, negativity and mainstream "misery".

While the experience was great, the benefits of screening relationships far outweighs the misery that comes from welcoming anyone on the basis they MAY POSSIBLY add value to your life. If you were meant to connect with people like the masseuse, the universe would ensure her ears weren't painted on that day.

I wonder how you could be polite in these situations? I can't think of any other way of avoiding more painful conversations with people like this other than lying and stating you just got a severe case of laryngitis.

Edward Devero
Edward Devero

Jesus would have washed the masseuses feet and then give her a massage because his mission is to give rest to those who are burdened and heavy laden.

Kathy
Kathy

Perhaps her English wasn't so good? Don't know, I've never been to Figi - What language do they speak? Maybe she has memorized a script of filler questions, to avoid uncomfortable silence, but she doesn't understand a word of the replies. Does that make her shallow? I agree with Bernice, you could have asked questions. Starting with "What is your native language?"

Francisco
Francisco

Most people's lives are a direct reflection of the expectations of their peer group. Choose your friends well.

sarah marigliano
sarah marigliano

I couldn't agree more with Randy, I am in the process of going through the 'let's pretend' we're friends mode and filtering out people I really want in my life, which I am finding very hard and upsetting but I know for my life goal and purpose I have to do this to protect 'self' I also hate it when people wait (or sometimes don't bother to even wait) until you have finished speaking so that they can have their turn. That is not listening, that is being rude and impatient and I have no time for that either. It's difficult having these kinds of principles because it means that you can go through a lonely stage as I am right now, but I have felt alone in a room full of people before now and I enjoy my own company so I just need to attract like minded people. :)

Josephine Gross
Josephine Gross

I didn't read all the comments on this post, but I found the story of the massage conversation interesting as an example of situations we find ourselves in all the time.

Randy was obviously annoyed at the massage therapist's approach to connecting with him, interpreting her words as "stump speech" and "robotic banter," and further concluding that she ended up viewing him as aloof and distant.

I can only imagine what it would feel like to have someone massage my body subsequent to this kind of negative, judging stream of thoughts.

Please allow me to offer a different interpretation and solution to this incident.

Most people don't know (because they haven't learned) how to connect with others in a way that's appropriate for the situation.

The fact that this massage therapist repeated the same banal questions could simply be a clumsy way to look for some verbal connection to the anonymous body she would be working on for the next hour, or she may not have understood Randy's answer, or it may not have registered because she was distracted.

I would notice this but I would choose to stay away from any negative interpretation, first and foremost because this could compromise the optimal effect of the energy exchange during the massage.

Just like Randy, I would not be inclined to continue the chitchat. I would say something like, "I appreciate your kindness however, if you don't mind, I would prefer to be quiet and simply receive the gift of your touch. Please don't take it personally but I prefer not to talk right now so I can fully focus on relaxing and being present in my body.

No matter the cultural difference or the level of sophistication, the massage therapist would understand this and receive this comment in the loving spirit it was intended. She would be put at ease and there would be no need for further comments, and the session could unfold in peace and mutual respect.

I believe one of the most important relationships skills is to learn to ask for what we need in a loving and respecting way, and be aware of any negative stories we make up about each other.

Always remember that everything we do or say is either a request for love or an expression of love. In this case, it was easy to offer the massage therapist some love after her request for human connection, all the while expressing my own need and establishing my boundaries.

The difference between my approach and Randy's is that I would not feel the need to "protect myself" from this relationship because I see it differently. It is my experience that by expressing my need in a loving way and communicating from the heart, the other person will respond accordingly and we all get what we need.

Mo
Mo

I haven´t seen any coldness from you so far, but I know it is very easy to tell the whole world what kind of person you are in front of a computer where nobody can touch you.
My ex husband looked at life that way and I called him cruel and stonecold many times.But he is also warm and fun.
I have lived my life totally different like shouldn´t give up and maybe people need me and maybe I can help them etc but that didn´t make me happy.I want to GIVE but people do not always WANT.I want a relationship but I don´t meet anyone to love.I also know what I need and not, and I don´t think nice cars is going to be the point of my life anyway.Is it not a question of destiny too.You have to make choises but to me it seems very often that I don´t have a choise.Life comes anyway forcing me to things.And when I am a mother, I cannot just say goodbye to all the relationships my child has,too.LIFE is not easy and I keep on asking myself YES-and THEN HOW DO I REALLY REALLY DO IT???

IAN KIRK
IAN KIRK

RG - I am go to have to completely agree with Randy on protecting your mindset by closely guarding who you listen to and who you allow to influence your life. I have found through my first year of study of prosperity that there is not one prosperous person who does not practice "information filtration." Your thoughts and your philosophy are the most precious thing in your possession. Yet so many allow invaders in with their broke mindsets, and victim mentality. If you what to rise above your going to have to build some walls to keep these invaders out. Some view this as cold, but those are the invaders. Contributors are never met at these walls with resistance, they are welcomed in through the gates and escorted to the table of shared ideas and prosperity.

Natalie
Natalie

I honestly don't think RG is THAT shallow!!!! :-)

Carmen
Carmen

Randy, people like you will understand you and where you're coming from and won't have a problem with it. Those who don't, won't. You don't want to spend time with them anyway, so who cares? You are I and a lot of other people on this blog could not give a stuff what other people think of us. We know that it's impossible to please the herd and damn frustrating and soul destroying in the process. Live life as you please and in a manner that works to get the results you want. Amen.

Bernice
Bernice

"What would Jesus do?" is my way of trying to step back and look at something.

When I did, this came to my mind:
"Love all trust a few do wrong to none"- William. Shakespeare

So was thinking this might be it...Love all but trust a few people close to you & harm no one.

then thought of "If you judge people, you have no time to love them." ~ Mother Teresa

So if you don't love everyone, you are judging ...or if you judging you aren't loving...still thinking about it.

This is just where my thoughts took me. What does that say about me? ( everything I wrote was more about me , my beliefs & what I was thinking).

Alan Allard
Alan Allard

"Kindness" or "love" mean different things to different people. One persons definition of "kindness" might be the definition of "enabling" to someone else and vice-versa.

A patient and gentle response can be empowering or it can feed a dysfunction.

Someone posted the question "What would Jesus do?"

From what I've read in the new testament, there were times when he responded quite his quite abruptly and in a way that was anything but gentle.

Every interaction with another person calls for a choice. I don't think any of us are wise enough or healthy enough to get it right in every encounter with someone.

We can make our choices, learn from them and move on.

Deb Bruser
Deb Bruser

thanks, Shelly, I appreciate & resonate with your post!!

Have a great weekend, everyone :=)

Michele
Michele

Excellent advice, eloquently put!

Michele
Michele

Just put the quote about contradictions on my FB page. Thanks!

Steve
Steve

"His time is more valuable"? Yuck! That just screams of victimhood and lack programming.

He was ok with a little small talk but she didn't even listen to his answers and asked the same question again. That's a flag!

People it that state of mind are black holes of energy, better to steer clear until such time as they are receptive and open...at least that's what I got from him.

Cheers

Steve
Steve

That one made me laugh ;).

I guess Daryl's point was that good looks outweigh indifference. He may have a point.

Eve
Eve

I am learning this now...... everyone has a path they are on. And we should accept others as they are by finding others who are on our paths rather than trying to force others into relationship that aren't on the same path as we are. Everyone is needed in different places. So let's all go get where we belong and then the relationships we find will be exactly what we need to grow.

Jamie
Jamie

I can assure you Deb, that RG is one of the kindest & most generous persons I know. And totally capable of being extremely warm & humble. Everyone who knows him personally adores him - and there's good reason why. He is a gift.

We can all do with more focus in our lives, and when faced with the decision to engage with a checked-out person or not, it's probably kinder to yourself to not engage. Their energy is weak, inconstant, and at most times scattered - which affects yours. I'd rather be alone & silent than engage - i'm not sure if that makes me aloof or distant, but I'm just particular about protecting my space so I can be more collected myself. Which affects everything in my day. Maybe you can look at it that way and gain a deeper understanding of what he meant. It's very wise.

si
si

I perceive (not that I'm saying I'm always right in my perception but I often find it being true..) that in this post as well as yesterday's post, Randy was simplying pointing his message using some issues to specific people, I think, not necessarily to mean to discuss what people have been discussing by going into such details and on a deep level - 'a lack of kindness, no patience for drama, dysfunction, banality, manners, no time for no-brainers, and no bones about it, and all,' but he ended up talking about his ways of dealing with people in some situations just to address his points by making some examples...perhaps to some people. I know there is more to how he wrote what he wrote than what seems to mentioned in the content of the posts that people read. He is merely a human, too, and needs to express what is in his mind sometimes, while being a rockstar. :) People's many comments do indicate that people do care what this Rockstar would have to say on each subject. I do know Randy is a nice and deep person with a good heart. Not to make Randy feel awkward here though, because of my awkward way-off statement that I'm writing in the language other than mine, but perhaps he didn't expect these posts would bring up many controversies. As we all know, he is very intelligent, touching this issue here and there by throwing people off once in a while here and there just to get us right to the point where we begin to think various subjects on a deeper level. :)

Speaking of fake relationships, we live in such a modern technologically advanced world today where so many possibilities/power of Internet's global cybersapce are provided, and it's so easy to get connected with people whom you've never met but who you find would be great potential friends or possible business partners to go into relationships, especially those of us being so busy, not having much time to meet people in person. So, unlike the old times, it is very important to protect oneself from unnecessary unfake relationships, so that one would not have to waste his/her time, if a cyber long distance relationship/(business relationship) is the way to go and must continue on -Simply because life is very short, and nothing, including even the existence of tomorrow is not guaranteed, unless you choose the positive, prosperious and healthy mentality.

My simple conclusion:
I agree with what Pierre Leyssac said:
"The one that’s close to give and receive your love is the one that match your consciousness and mindset – no protection necessary."
My advice for someone/people here who sound(s) desperate about winning love: "If you love something let it go free. If it doesn't come back, you never had it. If it comes back, love it forever." - Doug Horton

PS. I must say I can't help letting the world see that Randy is a rockstar but also is a kind and quality individual.

Elsa
Elsa

"I enjoy being with them, and I can’t wait to see them again. They bring value into my life, and I bring value into theirs. Otherwise, I move on.”
Hi Randy. A dear friend of mine was a beacon of light to me at a point when I felt I was at the bottom of a dark hole. Since that time I have pursued prosperity and she has wound in on herself in negativity. We are reversed. It has been several years of her being caught in a self defeating mindset. She has lost a few jobs due to panic attacks. I am strongly considering helping her build a business from home, I would use some money I have set aside for investing. The monetary risk for me would be fairly small, but the emotional risk is rather great. If I am unable to explain to her the importance of prosperity principles in one's life, if the business fails due to her emotional instability, I will have lost my friend. Possibly I have already lost her. It is a great strain on my heart to hear her dispairing talk, but I cannot walk away from her without one more try. Is there anything similar to this that has happened in your life? How have you dealt with outgrowing friends and family members?

Junjie
Junjie

Randy, you're probably too lazy to be controlling. Controlling is a lot of work. That's why you screen so do don't work so hard later! :)

Deb Bruser
Deb Bruser

I'm with YOU, Michele !! The entire time I was reading this post and the comments, I was thinking, "Geez, how come His time, or their time is soooo much more valuable?" Small talk is "ice breaker" talk...it might have even been a totally different conversation, had you not 'shut down.' You'll never know. Not everyone has a vast array of social skills available to them at any given moment. Maybe, you could have asked a question or 2 about Fiji, since it was your first time visiting there. We are not talking about a "life time relationship here"...just a few moments of kindness with another human being. A missed opportunity! Truly!
This is NOT a relationship folks. This is a brief encounter with someone that was offering a service. That is all!!
I am not trying to "break any of your rules here, Randy. I just think the post and your expectations of such an encounter are silly and unprofessional.

This should have been a no-brainer...Kindness & manners still count in my world. This certainly wasn't "drama"...dysfunction or banal...and a cause to "shut down"...we are only talking about a short ride to your hotel room. No humility here that's for sure. I am certain that I don't fit into your "circle of friends."
All the best to you on your journey of kindness & humility.
deb b.

ShelleyP
ShelleyP

for what it's worth Michele i'll agree with you... manners still do matter; especially if you are well known and looked up to. If the masseuse found out later who RG really was and what he teaches would she be impressed and possibly interested in what he had to say? I'm guessing NOT. Furthermore, Randy, she could have been nervous or having a personal problem on her mind that she just mindlessly repeated herself. Yes I do agree that talking about the weather and chit chat can be boring / irritating but it is used as an icebreaker in most new situations. If the other person is crappy at intellegent talk then it would be up to us to turn it into a positive. We don't know where the other person is coming from; what kind of day they had or what stresses they are going thru.... what an opportunity to reach out to them and maybe listen to them OR as Michele put it "tell her what you do for a living" .... she could be your future downline superstar or fan. Or she could turn away in despair and think that "rich people are snobs". And yes sometimes people can drain us with their negativety but we have the power to change it to the positive and perhaps influence them in a good way. No, we do not want to be around negative people all the time or boring ones... we would spend limited time with them (family/friends/co-workers)... but people we briefly deal with in life (cashiers, hairdressers, massuers etc..) we should be kind and positive to because those short encounters can impact the other person in a big way if we are more forgiving and less judgemental towards others. So thanks Michele for bringing the other view to light because I agree that being seen as cold or rude will not bring others towards you and thus attract prosperity. Would we want to follow Christ and listen to his words if he came across as aloof or cold....no!

Bernice
Bernice

What would Jesus do?

John Lowery
John Lowery

I personally will cut off any association where the person drains me. I have learned that no matter how good my intentions negativity is poison to my mindset, relationships, and business.

Randy Gage
Randy Gage

I don't like small talk, but I understand the need for it sometimes and I get your point. But when the small talk is repeating the same questions ten seconds later because the person isn't listening to my responses anyway, I move on. Life is too short to spend it with that kind of interaction in my book.

-RG

Pierre Leyssac
Pierre Leyssac

It uccurs to me the resistance Liza has to what you wrote has more to do with the term 'protecting' than it has to do with the bahavior of being hypercritical about who to let into once live.

You were though writing that you are

'fiercely protective of your consciousness and mindset',

which is somewhat different from how it sounds for Liza namely that it is about being obsessed with protecting oneself and never allowing anyone close enough to really give love or receive love.

The one that's close to give and receive your love is the one that match your consciousness and mindset - no protection necessary.

Fransico d'Anconia is giving Dagny a hint: Contradictions do not exist. Whenever you think that you are facing a contradiction, check your premises. You will find that one of them is wrong.

Love and Respect

Pierre Leyssac, Copenhagen

Michele
Michele

Wow.

I read and reread this post; then I read and reread all the comments thus far. I found my self quite surprised at how many people were supporting the attitude shown toward the masseuse.

I will preface with acknowledging that I truly do understand the various thought processes. I think most people dislike being around someone who insists on filling every second with meaningless talk--even though the intentions are sweet. It's annoying as Hell.

But small talk is a perfectly logical and viable way for people who have never met each other to start on a path to conversational exploration. Small talk is a verbal handshake...an icebreaker that in many cases leads to big talk. With a little patience, and a little skill, and amenable parties, meaningless drivel can lead to fantastic discovery and wisdom. So many times, it does!

From a practical (prosperity) standpoint: how many studies have been done proving the vastly extended effort and performance of employees, colleagues, etc. who feel welcomed, safe, listened to, and individually important...of people who feel a simple connection has been made with them??

I love this blog, because it promotes (and delivers!) a daily punch of positivity. Today's entry seems to promote...bad manners. Many times in the responses the word "rude" came up, often in respect to folks having their time wasted by wishwash talk. Yes, time wasting can certainly be considered rude. But also rude--in at least equal measure, I myself would argue vastly more so--is slamming the door on someone's attempt and making a connection. Are we obligated to accept every offer of connection made to us? Absolutely not. But if we are going to shut someone off or out, we are obligated to do so gently, with tact, grace and respect. To do otherwise is entirely rude and unfair.

An early response references that for a masseuse to do their job well, there has to be an energy connection. Absolutely! A connection is created when two people reach toward each other. I gleaned from the Randy/Masseuse dialogue that only one party was making the attempt. The other party seemed frozen stubbornly shut...and yet I can't help upon rereading the post that--somehow--the masseuse is the one with the shortcoming?? I don't imagine it was the best bodywork session for either person. That's too bad; perhaps it should have been suggested to her that she...move on.

The other thing I find quite disturbing is the resounding echo proclaiming that small talk is a waste of time...waste of time... time...time...I felt an uncanny inclination to respond with a chorus of "Bah! Humbug!"

If we shut people down...what are we missing? Yes, the vast majority of people we meet are going to end up being trivial to our existence, but you cannot know what one's gifts are until you ask..and until they feel safe responding. Likewise, you don't get the chance to let them know what wonderful things you have to offer them.

Imagine the scenario played out this way:

Travel-weary Motivational Speaker requests a massage.
Masseuse arrives.
Small talk ensues; Leads to Conversation where Masseuse expresses unhappiness with her job--for example, she takes a lot of shit from people.
MotSpkr digs deep and finds a little time and sensitivity. He explains what he does for a living.
He can help!
He DOES help!!

Seems like a match made in Prosperity Heaven.

And, if you're looking for relationships outside of business, we might do well to remember that "perfect people" rarely fall into our laps. We have to dig a little, find them, discover them. It seems accurate that of all the dozens (hundreds? thousands?) of people that we "brush up against" in each week, there are only a few who are just icky energy; and a only few who are outstanding energy instant matches. Everyone else is neutral, and that neutrality can be fostered in either direction. Opportunity abounds...

...Does this have a use in the search for prosperity? Of course it does. People who like you will do shit for you. That's not rocket science. Getting them to like you is always time well spent. You get a very small window of opportunity to make a positive impression--to make someone feel good about themselves and about you. A person who likes you is powerful; a person who doesn't like you is exponentially more so.

Not everyone is a "people person". That's fine, in fact it's necessary. It really does take all types. But I'm sticking with my story: People are not to be dismissed and discounted after an exchange of fifty or so words. Nor should rudeness or bad manners be tolerated.

And I know, I know, I know This Is Not About Me...but I'd really, really love to hear from someone out there who maybe agrees with this?? Someone please shout out that decent manners still count for something!

Like wise, I'd love to get the perspective of anyone who has been called "rude" or "cold" and has taken it as a compliment, or truly seen it as a great personality trait. How does it help you to reach prosperity? Am I missing something?

As always, my best to all.
Michele

Randy Gage
Randy Gage

LOL, I don't know what to say to this!

-RG

Michael Eisbrener
Michael Eisbrener

Randy I know you are not cold, controlling and distant. The question is “Where is, what isn’t?” It isn’t where it is either because it’s there when it is what it is. What you are asking about is when someone occurs in some kind of automatic spin mode: Where is what’s missing? Where isn’t, what is [missing] now?

Being in the presence of something is different than being in the concept of something. MOST people practice the concepts of ‘be nice’ or don’t offend or you have to go along to get along. They do not presence themselves at all this way. What they are is no more than a machine with limited access to voice mail scripts they play over and over. Having lived in many places this is clearly a human condition. It is about playing it safe. The more one believes they have at risk the easier it is to play safe.

When you look at relationships that make it, the people are good friends and treat each other with respect; they have shared values and they trust one another. Trust is the foundation. Without it, you don’t feel safe. If you don’t feel safe, you can’t be vulnerable. If you’re not vulnerable, you can’t be intimate.

I say what we all want is intimacy. Unfortunately we are the problem. Fitz Hugh Ludlow wrote in 1857: There is no self! There is no I. There is merely a shifting mosaic of moods and thoughts, changed like a pattern in a kaleidoscope every time circumstances shake the instrument. This ridiculous object has been strutting around saying I this and I that and all the while it has no more I than a scarecrow and no more will than a puppet.

IF someone really wants intimacy there are two essential things one must do. First you will have to set aside and for many give up entirely your conditions for satisfaction. [You may always pick them up again.] The second is how you interpret the people in your life. You must give up ‘knowing’ who they are and consider them to be a mystery.

Risky business this place called life on earth.

Daryl
Daryl

i bet if that masseuse was hot you would have made her talk to you. you seem to be a bit eccentric and privileged at times. But hey u can afford to be.

Debi Granite
Debi Granite

I agree with your comment...sometimes. Depending on my mood. On a warm drizzly day at the beach on my way to a massage...all I would be thinking about is me and relaxing! With some people it just doesn't pay to engage them in a conversation. Otherwise, I'm with Randy. Allowing an energy- sponger to hang around is much like having barnacles on the bottom of your boat. Keep her clean, quick and sailing smoothly!

Ellen Martin
Ellen Martin

I didn't think you were being cold or distant. I think it makes very good sense to screen those you allow into your life. I have a hard enough time keeping myself from falling into the negativity trap without having someone around who is pulling me into it.

So, I completely agree with this obsession of yours.

Ellen Martin

Jennifer
Jennifer

I like to think that everyone comes into my life for a reason. Sometimes I have been given this person to learn from and sometimes this person is learning from me. Even if the lesson is not clear at the moment. Think of the imprint you might leave on someone who, up until meeting you, was somewhat shallow and uninformed.

This also reminds of me of a man in my office. He came out as gay late in life and in doing so, made the specific decision to only socialize and surround himself with gay men. It makes me sad to think of how he's cutting himself off from so many much in life.

Rebel Brown
Rebel Brown

Right On Randy!

IMHO managing the energy and people who 'connect' in our lives doesn't make us cold or withdrawn, it makes us self aware!

I spent decades allowing anyone and everyone into my 'space'. I didn't filter anyone, just opened my heart and let anyone who wanted to join me come right on in. I always thought that made me a giver and an open person.

After about 40 years and 100s of negative relationships later (My friends think I had a sign on my back that said Conmen Welcome), I'm finally learning that I get to choose the energy (and people) who are in my inner circle, in my larger community and in my "passerby" networks.

That's not being cold - and it hasn't made me any less open with people who pass my sniff test. My sniffer isn't that particular. I simply filter out those folks who aren't present with the conversation, who smell phony or bring a negative quaff to my space.

I also filter for energy Vampires - not that I don't allow them into my space, but I do note that there's an energy suck happening and I take appropriate measures to connect to Source so I'm channeling Source energy into their Vortex as they need, not my own.

We can be pleasant and communicative without opening our hearts and souls to everyone who passes through our energy space.

It took me too long to learn that lesson - and the impact on my own personal energy was tremendous.

Love this post my friend! You rock as always!!!

reb

Kathleen Caldwell
Kathleen Caldwell

Hi Randy,
I'm glad you are still alive and well :)
Your posts about having passions/obsessions and screening relationships go well together. No, I don't believe your cold or distant as a person. I think that you are right to "distance" yourself from negative or empty relationships, no matter how temporary.
My obsessions are health/vitality of the body and mind, being the absolute best I can be and helping others to avoid the damage coming their way. Most of my time is spent in research, experiment and learning from wise people who are "in the know". The more I learn and value my own "health" ( all encompassing), the less tolerant I am of the ignorance/stupidity of the herd. People who come into my life will sort themselves... they will stay because they like to talk about the newest research, good book, best social media practices, spiritual growth, etc. or they will run the other way because I'm crazy and "it really doesn't matter anyway, we're all going to die of something". As soon as I hear the question, "why do you care so much?", I know we're done.
I want to leave a sonic boom in my wake, not collect anchors.
I have spent all my life feeling like I didn't fit in, not knowing what my assignment was. You hit the nail on the head, the combination of all my knowledge and experiences is leading me to step out of my everyday life and hit the road as a speaker, singer and author on wellness and my spiritual experiences. It is a scary/exciting realization but the next logical step in my journey. It is being laid out and visualized at every turn, now it's time to go...

Alexandra
Alexandra

Totally resonate with what your sayin, couldn´t agree more. Have no time for people not listening or not adding any value into my life. Haven´t always been like that though, and in my day-to-day job I constantly bump into them... Doesnt mean though I would spend time with them in my spare time.
It´s about choosing what to fill your life with, things that inspire you, or things that will bring you down. Now, for me, I can for sure add more value to others, if I fill MY life with joy, positive people and gratefulness. And if I can share a positive outlook on life with others, chances are THEY will share it with others.... and so on. You know, the butterfly effect...
Blessings/ Alex

Ourania Mougiakos
Ourania Mougiakos

No you are not. I never sensed a glimpse of coldness in you. Just because you expect a certain quality in relationships, means that what you choose to give back is also from high quality. You are not only doing yourself a favour, but also the ones who are close to you in your life. I would say to everybody, just try it yourself and see if it makes a difference in the quality of your own relationships and therefore life. It does in mine.

Piolo
Piolo

Is it her responsability to direct the conversation to a more "open and real" mode or is it YOUR responsability?... Given your preparation, I believe you should be the one doing the effort...

WealthyRocketWoman
WealthyRocketWoman

Randy, I say you are a wise man who is avoiding "fake" relationships.

Lack of listening in a conversation signals lack of respect... it's doubtful such a conversation will create a deep connection. Lack of listening creates emotional distance.

Regarding chit-chat: sometimes it's necessary to begin a conversation with some "small-talk", like weather and what you are doing. The key is to move the conversation into more stimulating topics. Listening to the responses and asking continually deeper questions is a way of connecting with people. When I listen to the other person, I am giving them relevance and respect, which are two qualities that people crave. I end conversations if the other person keeps steering the topic back to their "drama" or to inane topics such as celebrity gossip.

My theory: people seek relevance in two general ways. Commonly, people do this through destructive and/or indirect means: griping about their dramas or by gossiping about famous persons (the "reflected glory" method). The second way is to build one's skills and influence to become a positive role model.

I too seek people who are "real" and truthful, and I further seek companions who strive to positively impact large numbers of people. Like Randy, I have cut out many drama-queens and poverty-focused people from my life... what a relief.

And simultaneously I am a woman who loves to hold long MEANINGFUL conversations. Long doesn't necessarily imply "banal" or "waste of time."

Viviana
Viviana

I agree, I dont think that you are unfriendly.

I think the time is a precious treasure and we have to take care of it, if the conversation is not giving you good things maybe is because :
1. We have opened a door to receive this bad information. Sometimes we are not clear with the other partner to avoid this topics so we become a sponge of bad news
2. We have not change skillfully the way of the conversation and give a different perspective.

So, in order to have a nice relation with others and keep moving forward in our self development, we have to stop and think (God have gave us two ears and one mouth) : I am listening the answers that I am receiving? Sometimes do I act like this kind of people? Do I propose significant topics to others or my complaints are always the principal choice in my speech?

I select nice people to share my dreams and thougths. I prefer significant conversations than negative ones

JettarinTH
JettarinTH

That's not true, Mr.Randy

If this is happening, I rather do the same as yours. Why? Because, They are totally not sincere to me. They just came around me, say somethings and smiles, they do it just for the positive manners.

Someone can be real and make you feel comfortable, of course. In the other hand, most of them are not, they are fake them all up.

Just my vision, ok? In the end, I try to stay away from them and find another person who is REAL to me.

Vonnie
Vonnie

So I just hung up the phone with an upline and amazing friend, you see I have for the last few month or days, I really don't know how much, I have and am reacting the same way as you do, but you see after talking to my upline,.. Randy, well, we change, in this business as you go through personal development y grow', we change, and well some games like the ones 'I care game'', when you realize that somebody is trying or acting like they are friendly or interested but isn't even listening, I feel that it is terribly rude! I would have reacted the same way as u, u see, I was feeling really bad about my being cold if you want to call it that, but after thinking about it an really analyzing it, well our time is precious, and we have and do work really hard on ourselves, and wasting time in gossip, or talking to somebody who doesn't even care, or that is unappreciative is not for us anymore, in the past we would put up with it, why?? we didn't know ourselves or love ourselves as much as we do now, and you know what, I believe there is nothing wrong with that, I think if somebody is rude to us, why do we have to try and get along or be nice, or even pay attention, the whole situation is interesting, like Jim Rhon would say, and well I am not signing up for any of those types of courses!!! Did I explain myself right? It is like our business, we are sharing with people a great opportunity but if they don't see it, then NEXT!! we don't need to beg, so for those people that don't have the same philosophy in life that we do... then NEXT!! and I really don't care if somebody thinks I am cold or distant. Have a great day!!!

Natalie
Natalie

While I wouldn't say I'm banal - am I the person with the most dysfunction and drama around you, RG? Does my drama and dysfunction irritate the most out of everyone... Does it??!!! ;-)

Joking aside even tho it's known true words spoken in jest...

I see both Lisa and your perspective. From a feminine perspective it does seem cold, aloof and distant. And it would seem that she requires a man with more feminine qualities of tolerance, openness, compassion, gentleness, and connection. Not that you don't have those in smaller doses, but those aren't your modus operandi.

You're highly masculine: NO TOLERANCE FOR DRAMA - and a complete obsession with freedom from it! It's absolutely normal for that extreme masculine energy. Masculine energy is DIRECT, clear, strong boundaries, facing challenges, adventuring. Masculine energy can not have it's mind filled with banal irritating issues that cloud its direction. It has to have strong purpose, goals, and actions to get there and nothing get's in its way. The goal is more important every time than the relationship. It's natural and normal for masculine energy. THAT is what attracts many people to you your intentional forging ahead. The world is begging for more masculine men and you can see why so many men are scared to step into it, because the second they do they get shouted down for being cold hearted bastards. Actually the world desperately needs more MEN, and fewer pussies (as Larry Winget calls them).

But the GIFT for you is not avoiding actually. I was asking Larry Winget about it a couple of weeks ago why he never avoids conflict with me. He said it energizes him, and that men who avoid conflict are pussies! Not calling you a Pussy Mr Gage!!! But that drama is the thing that will challenge your consciousness and propel you to grow higher in integrity, strength and presence. David Deida (who Tony Robbins studied for his teachings on masculine/feminine relationships) says that part of the feminine ways (of wildness, drama, love, emotionality) is to test the masculine consciousness, and show him the edges that are still calling to grow in strength. So relentlessly cutting off that simply lessens that gift to grow.

I'm seeing someone who reminds me SO much of you in this - and I can tell we've attracted this because I'm highly feminine - airy fairy, wishy washy, feeling-orientated - so I get the opposite of me: A complete adventurer, highly successful, and very goal directed, dominant masculine being. It's fun! He gets to give directions and be an amazing protector /provider, and I get to love, enjoy and be beautiful. Wea're both happy! And because of the polarisation, there's tension and high sexual energy. Often when the mas/fem mix isn't as extreme there's not as much chemistry and less sex.

Lisa it seems - while being very gorgeously radiant and feminine - also has strength in masculine energy. You can focus, you can organise yourself, you can move forward in progressive direction. So your match would have a balance of more feminine qualities. I don't have those more masculine qualities I'm so all over the place... I admire you having those. That's probably why I attracted RG as a sponsor. Randy is HIGHLY masculine - it doesn't mean he's WRONG, just that he doesn't have the feminine, touchy feely enjoyment of circular -never-ending girly talk. If I'm going on and on and on and on I can hear him typing. If I'm saying something important he stops and listens and give me full attention. There are few long winded conversations I've ever had with him. Sometimes he'll humour my long story with him working as we talk - but mostly he prefers direct one minute calls that are to the point. Highly masculine energy - which is a balance I need being ridiculously feminine and all over the place. Doesn't mean he's an arsehole to me ever he's funny, a gentleman, very kind, and very strong. All positive, healthy qualities of a highly masculine man. If I wanted a girl friend to share my tales with I can't go to him. If I want guidance, direction, insight and clarity, I think to call RG.

That said, The one thing about network marketing that I adore is the gift of seeing people drama's, the bits that are calling to grow and the challenges they face and how they face them... And the depth of connection that I share with them... At times we have expectations, or issues to clear up and communicate in... Facing those situations with curiosity, and enjoyment for the mess means I get to grow in my capacity to contain more... and be with more. Just by shutting them down to avoid the drama and dysfunction kills off the chance for me to expand my heart. But this would be my obsession because I'm excessively feminine. Standing on stage doesn't thrill me at all!!! I don't run on significance, I run on love and connection - so seeing someone transform their ability to be with others, having had me stand with them in their shit rather than split off from them to avoid it is a strong value to me. For Randy he's clear: make the money! Sure he's thrilled by the changes along the way, cos it's various milestones that have been achieved, but the drama is boring. That's why he has this no excuse concrete way... It's harsh, but it's extremely masculine.

So, is it true that RG protects himself from being loved or giving love? No, that's collapsing distinctions. The type of love he'd have would be different. It would have more authenticity, more focused, and more doing/adventure. I do think tho that you limit your growth by avoiding drama. And the more presence, humour, and play you have within in it, the more you could open it to its heart and have the person blossom thru it, rather than split off, repress, or suppress it. The divine inspiration the masculine gifts the feminine in her wild drama is insight, humour to melt it, and protection. All glorious aspects to develop more of...

Cutting off drama tho for me is like a cloud trying to hold back the rain, thunder and lightening??? It clears the air, nourishes the ground, and lights up the world! Who'd want to avoid that? A gift to the soul! As Paulo Coelho said this week: "Sun all the time ends up with desert!" We need variety, not bright, positive, shiny, and relentlessly bright all the time!

Love you! xx

Felix Lopera
Felix Lopera

As you once said in one of your posts: " you do what you can do"

Kerrie
Kerrie

I agree with Sarah, although I am not trained in energy work yet.

There is an energy exchange that happens between two people, and we pick up on whether the other person is actually 'plugged in.' If the are not, then I move on as well..............if they are on the other end of the scale, overpowering, I pull back as well, instinctually.

Margaret
Margaret

Randy, I read your original post, and while it did seem a little cold and distant, I got over it pretty fast, I understood it.......I am also very focused on what I want in all areas of my life, including relationships......
I have been accused many times in my life of being distant, "different", sometimes cold, but you know what---I'm happy, I have had people who loved me, and do find people who "understand me"---so there are some that don't and some that do.........I'm happy with who I am and strive to draw into my consciousness people of mutual understanding.......
If that turns some people off, well, you can't please them all---there are plenty of people who will give me an endorsement for enhancing their life.......And just when I get a little down because I've met that person who didn't understand me, along comes that person who does---life is good....

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