Screening Your Relationships
By Randy Gage in Critical Thinking, Success.
“You’ve got to be kidding? The first thing that comes to my mind when I read this is, ‘If I were single I’d make sure I didn’t fall in love with someone like this!’
“It sounds like this description of ‘obsessed with relationships’ is about being obsessed with protecting oneself and never allowing anyone close enough to really give love or receive love.” That’s what Lisa Jimenez wrote me about what I said in the last post.
To refresh your memory, I said, “I’m obsessed about relationships. I’m fiercely protective of my consciousness and mindset, so I am hypercritical about who I let into my live. I only want people who are real. They will tell me the truth and I can tell them the truth. They don’t waste my time blathering about inane things like the weather, gossip and trivia. And most importantly, they don’t talk negative lack messages. I enjoy being with them, and I can’t wait to see them again. They bring value into my life, and I bring value into theirs. Otherwise, I move on.”
Well Lisa certainly raises an interesting question. Bonnie checked in and extended Lisa’s thoughts, adding, “So Lisa, I agree with you! No one is perfect – and if we seek for perfection in our close loving relationships, we are closing the gate, and will fail in ever really getting some!”
Chris agreed, stating, “I was alarmed at how cold, distant and controlling appeared Randy’s explanation about who he would ‘let in’; that phrase in itself implying that this is a one-way process, rather than the parallel journey which I believe to be the hallmark of an enduring and mutually beneficial relationship.”
And this was certainly not the first time I have been accused of being cold and distant. At least ten cab drivers, a few limo divers, and a couple of ex-lovers would agree. So let me get my confession out of the way right now…
I have no patience for drama, dysfunction, and worse of all, banality. And I make no bones about it. Case in point…
I was in Fiji and had a massage scheduled on the beach. But it was drizzling a little, so we moved it to my room. The massage therapist was driving me there on a gold cart, when the following actual conversation took place.
Her: So is this your first time in Fiji?
Her: So you like it?
Me: Yes it’s very nice here.
Her: You here on vacation or business?
Me: I am here with my Mastermind Group, so we are kind of doing both.
Her: Is this your first time here?
Her: Are you here on vacation or business?
Now would it surprise you to know that I shut down and went into auto-responder monosyllabic mode? I bet if you asked her after the massage what kind of client I was, she would say I was aloof or distant. She would be right.
Because I have no patient for people’s “stump speeches.” And by that, I mean people that repeat the same robotic banter, without even listening to what the other person responds. They think they’re being “polite.” I think they’re rude as hell.
Now you may think I’m exaggerating to make a point and that she didn’t repeat her questions within ten seconds of each other. But she really did.
That’s just part of her stump speech she gives to clients to fill time before a session. She is not listening to what she is saying herself, let alone what they are replying. Most people will overlook this in the people around them and play along with the “let’s pretend that I give a crap about you” game. I used to too. But I no longer have the desire, so I don’t.
Does that make me cold, controlling and distant? Prevent me from loving or being loved? Or protect me against “fake” relationships? What do you think?
Tags: self-esteem, relationships