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Your Support Team

Posted By: Randy GageJanuary 8, 2011

At a seminar I had a lady ask me for advice about starting her speaking career.  She had written a Study Guide seven years ago, but has never done anything with it.  She was looking for marketing advice.  I gave her some amateur psychology instead...

I told her what she really needed was a real friend.  One who would be totally honest with her, and call her on her stuff.   She needed someone to get in her face and say, "Seven years!  Seven years you've been sitting on this Study Guide and you haven't done anything?  When are you going to stop lying to yourself?"

She got kind of sheepish and replied that some people had told her that, but she just thought they were being negative.

When someone tells you something you don’t want to hear, you may think it’s negative.  But if they care about you and have your best interest at heart, those are the people you need to tell you what you don’t want to hear.

Some people have dreams.  And some people want to convince themselves they have dreams.  Which group are you in?  And do you have someone that would tell you if you were wrong?

-RG

52 comments on “Your Support Team”

  1. I understand your message. It is a good one. A very good one indeed.

    If this lady kept sitting on her guide book, maybe she didn't know where it was for seven years. And seven IS a lucky number.

    Also, I have to say in all honesty, this was not your most exciting post, and it seems redundant. I think you covered this topic a few weeks ago in a different way. I just wanted to be a good friend.

    On a another note, if you visit a Kindergarten classroom you will inevitably get very honest advice from 5 year olds. It is blunt and harsh but they very rarely miss the mark.

    1. "She got kind of sheepish and replied that some people had told her that, but she just thought they were being negative."
      ---------------------------------

      Within the personal development field there is a strange type of..."political correctness" that takes place, and that is, if someone says anything but "everything is perfect" it's interpreted as "being negative." As Peter Griffin would say, "that really grinds my gears." 🙂 While constructive feedback can be given tactfully, often the best thing we can do is call someone on their "stuff." Otherwise we are all living falsely. I'm so grateful for having people in my life that will tell me when I'm off-track. To think they are "just being negative" would be hugely counter-productive to my own growth and effectiveness. Only by knowing and acknowledging a current situation are we then in a position to take positive action. Thank you for a great article.

    2. Hey Annie, I'm kind of confused. At the top of your message you state that Randy's message. "Is a good one. A very good one indeed." And then a few lines later you state that "that is not your most exciting post. It seems redundant. And I think you covered the this toppic a few weeks ago in a different way. I just wanted to be a good friend." No oofense, but your post comes off a bit snotty, intentionally contentious...and also a bit kooky.

      Criticism, debate, passionalte disagreement, critical thinking...awesome. Intentionally being shitty in a place where people come for sharing, learning, supporting and growing isn't quite so awesome.

      I understand that when we're struggling with internal toxicity we often find comfort and relief in finding fault with external things, because looking onternally is too painful I get where you're at in your process. But that said, you're still responsible for your actions and the energy you create around yourself and others.

      I think the one thing that everyone on this blog shares is that we're all working towards embodiying and living life as our highest, most eveloved selves. I'd suggest that next time, before you hit the "submit comment" button, you HONESTLY check in with yourself and ask if what you've just written is in harmony with your highest, most evoved self.

      -Sean

      1. What I thought was a good message, was to follow your dreams. He did say it in kind of a strange way, but I am sure that is what he meant. I don't agree with what he said to the lady entirely, so I used humor to address that. It is kooky, but it is my way.

        I also truly think he did cover this not too long ago. I like the man when he is really controversial, just my preference. However, based on some of the other responses, I think it is getting controversial.

        So, I will retract my statement, and enjoy the debate.

      2. Randy, I hope you don't feel like sean does about my post. I am truly sorry if you do. Please forgive me, I wrote that a 2:30am, I think my higher evolved self was already asleep.

        On my behalf, I would like to point out that I did understand it as it was written. I had to read it a couple of times though, because it was so late.

        If your angry, here is a new acronym you could use for my posts. POL (pissed off lots).

  2. Seven years without continuing with her starter action... but I'm confused. What was she deceiving herself about?

    I figure she probably has a bunch of reasons why she can't get started and has been working on that list since probably before she even wrote the Study Guide.

    In other words, let's say I had a friend in that scenario. I'd know that something was wrong with her not getting anything done with the Study Guide for seven years, but I wouldn't know what. I'd encourage her to get started now and not wait. But is that not the right approach?

    1. I agree. Also, if she was asking Randy for advice perhaps she was already making the first move toward doing something about it.

  3. I think the reason most people don't take action on their dreams is not because they are not being honest with themselves, but that they don't have a big enough WHY compelling them forward. It's easy to settle and sometimes more comfortable for some. I don't know of many successful people who have not had to hit bottom before they took action towards their goals. The pain became greater than the pleasure and that propelled them to succeed. I know I was one of them. I think if a 6'4 guy wants to be a jockey he may need a come to Jesus talk from an honest friend, otherwise I would support them by helping them to create massive pain within themselves by self evaluating what their lives will be like by not taking action. I have found that by writing my dreams on a left column and my outcome if I don't take action towards my dream on the right column, a sense of pain,urgency and commitment develops. It's always great to have a true, honest friend to give you their opinion, however it is still their opinion and needs to be evaluated as such. They too could also be a dream chaser that is just looking for a comfort buddy. Even the best intentions from our friends must be evaluated. I don't take relationship advise from someone who does not have a successful healthy relationship, for example. Too many people follow advise that is wrong for them because they have not looked deep inside themselves for the answers or developed the self confidence to believe in themselves which is imperative to success. If you don't develop the never give up attitude, complacency will always return and your dreams will remain on your pillow waiting for you each day you awake.

    1. Mary-Ellen,
      Of all responses, I can take the most away in learning from yours. I now have a blank sheet of lined paper that is divided into two columns and I am taking the next step. Thank you.

      1. Go get em Sam. Hope it works well for you. One helpful hint, attach strong emotion to the pain column and take one immediate action towards a goal, even if it's small. I have found the universe loves speed.

  4. I agree, Randy, it sounds like she needs a real friend. But it seems she hasn't been lacking for people calling her on her stuff. ("people had told her that, but she just thought they were being negative") It's possible that she's been lacking someone -- a real friend -- to encourage her to achieve her dreams.

    In her particular case, maybe she once believed in her Study Guide, but for seven years she's been surrounded by negative people who tell her that it'll never sell, that she's a lousy writer, that she's lazy or stupid, etc. No true friends to simply remind her that she can do it.

    The "support" in your support team isn't limited to getting in your face. Sometimes it's also giving you a pat on the back when you need it.

    In her case, maybe she's lost faith in herself, and she's never had someone to believe in her and her dreams -- a real friend.
    jim

  5. Hi Randy,

    Your reader Mary Ellen made a good point that resonated in me and I have to agree that the self confidence to do something in your life comes from within I don't think it really matters how many friends tell you something until you are ready to accept it yourself.

    Some do need to hit rock bottom and take from those lessons before they are ready to move forward.

    You are appreciated
    Thank You
    Olga

    1. Hi Olga,
      I think Randy has a great point regarding support. It just has to be the right kind. The best of friends can have the best of intentions but this does not mean, to me, that they are always right. True friends love unconditionally, no matter what, they love you through it. When you have been up and down the financial social ladder a few times as I have, you become wise regarding true friends. The fake ones won't be there for you when the bentley's gone. Have a great weekend.

  6. Yes, I think I need a friend too. I started my MLM business 2 years ago and I havent done a lot. I am always thinking that I have to read this book or do other thing to be prepare to start but at the end I do nothing.

    1. I have been 'flirting' with MLM almost ten years now ... start ... stop ... start ... stop. Every time I joined a new company the 'search' for the perfect trainer who would teach me 'how' to do the business would start again. Can't remember the trainer's name but I saw a YouTube video and his answer to every question was 'Just Do It' ... It was really funny but true.

      Napoleon Hill said, "Most of us go through life as failures, because we are waiting for the "time to be right" to start doing something worthwhile. Do not wait. The time will never be "just right." Start where you stand, and work with whatever tools you may have at your command, and better tools will be found as you go along."

      Just started a new MLM (lol) and this time I'm 'Just Doing It' 😉

      1. Venetta, I can totally relate! Ha ha ha! I've been doing the same "flirting" for 18 years! With the SAME MLM - for goodness sakes! It'slike I know this company works, I just need more information to really "know what I'm doing" If I dont have it after 18 years, well, really! Sounds ridiculous I know, but it makes perfect sense in my mind! Ha ha ha! Just cracks me up.

        Well, I recently renewed and I'm "just doing it" too! All the best to you!

  7. Okay, I’ve got to say that I don’t entirely understand this post the way it was written. And maybe it is one of my own blind spots? 🙂

    Are you suggesting that ‘being honest ‘with this woman was telling her she obviously didn’t really have a true dream to do what she was seeking advice on since she had waited seven years to do anything about it, or telling her she needed to get off her butt and get busy because she had let her dream lay dormant for seven years?

    ***

    “Some people have dreams. And some people want to convince themselves they have dreams.”

    ***

    I think what is more true to say is that everybody has dreams, and everybody has a certain amount of fear and doubts about whether or not they are worthy enough to go after and live them. People get frozen in in-action for as long as the fear factor is bigger than the guts factor – and that seems to me to be the initial work, doesn’t it?

    Is that what you were suggesting she was lying to herself about? Her lack of her own self worth or was it the lack of actual value in her plan?

    K

    1. I might be presumptous, and I think I am in trouble again, but I think he meant she was lying to herself that she was actually persuing her dreams.

      Annie

    2. Yes Kimbra, I felt that her not having done anything is 7 years with this was the equivalent of all the people who say they're going to write a book someday. If she was serious about speaking, she should have done SOMETHING in 7 years!

      -RG

      1. "I felt that her not having done anything is 7 years with this was the equivalent of all the people who say they’re going to write a book someday."

        Ohhhh----*that's* what you meant. Ah, I understand now. Gotcha.
        -Marlene

  8. Uh oh. Did I do it again? I will say one thing I know for sure, my humor does not resonate here. Randy, I sort of like to tease you, it is also kind of how I feel about your post.

    I would also like to say that many people don't follow their dreams. It is probably a plethora of reasons. Usually though, people have to take their own time and their own path to get there.

    I do think she may have been taking steps by asking you for advice (the lady in the article). Sometimes people need support at any given time and sometimes people need a little kind criticism.

    We need our friends to do both. Love us and tell us when were wrong.

    Maybe that lady just needed some tender inspiration? I don't know? But we should always respect the path we and others are on.

    The other thing is you can say a thing to a person, for instance a word of advice or a criticism, but it may not really move them until they are ready to receive that message.

    Mostly, I would say I like it when my friends are supportive and encouraging when it comes to me and my dreams.

    This is getting to be long, and I apologize but I have a story. I had and old man friend once. I was in my twenties and he was in his eighties. He was an old retired grouchy, loud, blunt doctor. It was very scary when he came at you with a tongue depressor. But, he gave me great advice, which took me years to follow in some cases, but here it is. Compliments of the late Dr. Smith, who treated many families in the Overland Park area, started, with some other doctors, one of the largest hospitals in overland park, and partied until the day he died.

    Here is what he said about dreams, one word: PURSUIT. That was all he ever said about it and left it at that.

  9. Hi Randy,

    I feel the root of this issue is taking things personally.

    When somebody offers you their advice, it's their viewpoint of the situation. Some offer advice to help, others to hurt. In order to gauge the advice don't react to it, respond to it. Think before you sort and let the defensive filters dissolve.

    If someone offers advice that seems to create a negative feeling within you, and that someone is a true friend with your best interests at heart chances are there's some shred of truth in the statement that resonates with you. The Ouch is usually just what you need to hear at that time.

    You fight wisdom that might be a vehicle for your advancement for advancement means growth and lots of "scary" new circumstances down the road. I sabotaged myself for quite a while until I corrected this programming and only surrounded myself with others who offered heartfelt advice that I needed to hear.

    Thanks for sharing your insight Randy.

    RB

  10. Your support team might not be what you think, and it goes beyond people into knowledge about yourself and Universal Law.

    What people say about you might be more of their own stuff than yours. You might reflect an issue for them that they have, not you.

    Get these books, in order of release date. If not for any other reason, do it because you would normally not buy them. Do it to have a look outside your familiar zone.

    You might get a confirmation on who and what you really are, what is possible, and be able to start working with it.

    Life and Teaching of the Masters of the Far East
    by Baird T. Spalding

    Numerology and the Divine Triangle
    by Faith Javane; Dusty Bunker; Faith Javanie

    Linda Goodman's Star Signs
    by Linda Goodman

    The Healer's Handbook: A Journey into Hyperspace
    by Stewart Swerdlow

    Decoding Your Life: An Experiential Course in Self-Reintegration
    by Janet D. Swerdlow

    The Unrevealed Secrets Of Political Success: How Names And Dates Shape U.S. History
    by Tania Gabrielle

  11. This approach to her request is sobering as we so often give folk what they ask for rather than what they need. She needed a confidence boost but I believe if we surround ourselves with others who care deeply about us and want our success--we will indeed seek that needed boost there first and when we have occasion to glean from experts it will simply be confirmation and/or action points to be implemented.

  12. Hello !!! Мои друзья всегда говорят мне правду... и это напрягает.......потому что правда всегда нелицеприятна .......

  13. Randy,
    I sense a bit of meaness in your response to her. Without knowing her whys, why didn't you ask , WHY?
    You may have been surprised by her response. I feel you sat in judgment, instead of being supportive.

    Genesta

  14. Cruel to be kind, I have people who would tell me & yes I would listen, but the question is do I believe deep down!.... frozen in-action due to self doubt, being told you have the capabilities, the drive & determination & perhaps knowing also you do.... So what stops you, what stopped this lady for 7 years (although a long period that is!)....Is it really though that you have to hit rock bottom? I have mentor's who tell me I am good at what I do, worthy......I trust them, have great friendships with them & respect them? But why don't I believe them!

    1. However if they told me anything negative I would adore it!!!! Because I can act on that, I can act on critical or negative feedback, I just can't act on someone believing in me!!!
      Weird I know!

    2. Hi Rita,
      Maybe I can shed some light on this for you. I had many opportunities come my way that I didn't act on years ago. What I found, after much soul searching, was that, no matter what anyone positively said to me about how great or capable they thought I was, I didn't believe it myself. I think this may be true for you. Try to listen to your thoughts during the day. What are you saying to yourself? I think this obstacle is a big part of what Randy focus's on with this blog. I was reading a book today and something sprung off the page. Maybe it was meant for you. It said, " we must embrace and feed faith and starve our fears. Faith stands for Find answers in the heart,or, forsaking all I trust him. Faith and fear are twins. What you are afraid of will be attracted to you. What you have faith in on the other hand, YOU will be attracted to. Fear is the belief that bad is going to happen while faith is the belief that good is going to happen. Anything good that can happen, will happen, and it will happen at the best possible time.
      Hope this helps.

      1. Faith stands for Find answers in the heart,or, forsaking all I trust him.

        Faith and fear are twins. What you are afraid of will be attracted to you. What you have faith in on the other hand, YOU will be attracted to.

        ... love. Thanks for sharing this, Mary-Ellen 😉

        1. Faith stands for

          'Find Answers In The Heart'

          ohhhh that sounds absolutely the
          phrase I need to have on my wall.
          Thank you so much Kimbralee for this.

          A few posts ago I was questioning the
          word 'Grace' and wanted to know the
          meaning of this without the religious
          connotation to it. Would you have an
          acronym comparison to this also?

  15. She reminds me of my university classmate.we both had dreams, I pursued them and each step was costing me more than the previous one.I realized that he higher the goal the greater the price is.I went back to check her out.Only to my astonishment she is still in state" this what I am going to do in the futur" mind set.when I confront her with her reality, she lashed out against the society, the church!,her 70 years old parents!,her professors, her 6th grade professor,.....etc and the political system the media and men.Till now I still shocked how can one be on "pause " for so many years.

  16. Interesting, such a diverse response. In my opinion there isn't a better discussion group to be a part of! My thoughts are this: the advice that I grew from the most seemed to be the harshest at the time. In hind site it was what my coaches saw in me that I didn't see in myself and their constructive criticism that allowed me to borrow their belief in me until I realized a higher potential. Like Randy states: its the spirit of the advice, and weather or not we want what the people who are giving us advise have.

  17. 9 out of 10 people are like the lady with the 7 year old study guide, their self doubt provides procastination in a wide variety of ways that actually stops them taking action to bring that dream into the manifestation and sharing it with the world.
    I get tough with my clients (and with myself) when I spot this behaviour. If long term clients aren't willing to shift even after being given all the tools to make things happen for themselves (and a whole heap of 1-2-1 counselling on their issues) then I no longer keep them as clients as they are not truly committed to their success and happiness. They are not Walking their Talk they are Talking the Walk.

  18. Oh my ... that woman could very well be me 🙁

    Napoleon Hill said, "Close friends and relatives, while not meaning to do so, often handicap one through 'opinions' and sometimes through ridicule, which is meant to be humorous. Thousands of men and women carry inferiority complexes with them all through life, because some well-meaning but ignorant person destroyed their confidence through 'opinions or ridicule."

    I began writing a book 7 years ago that I never finished. That (not so) 'well-meaning but ignorant person' in my life was my (now X) husband. Even though my friends who read parts of my writings threatened to 'call' Oprah ... I just could not muster up the courage to finish it. Until now, I have just skated through life on the edge of dysfunction while facing the side of spirit with humor.

    Since coming back to the US I have reconnected with 5 of my amazing girl friends who are bringing the book back to life. I have been given a 'date' when we will meet and they will read and critique my manuscript.

    I'm just sayin' ... sometimes it could just be about timing and YOU being ready to accept your success.

    Thank you for this post ... it was quite motivating reading all the comments. I am so grateful I found your blog. 🙂

  19. I could see how one could confuse friends with negative people when looked at in that context. I would really love to have friends that call me on my stuff. I have one relationship that used be like that, but since a new, significant other in their life showed up, it's not the same any more. I'm developing another friendship - one where I'm calling them on their stuff in the hope that they will reciprocate.

  20. I think this was a great post. I recently had a friend call me out on something the other day. I totally made him wrong. Told him not be negative; don’t talk to me like that, blah, blah blah. He apologized.

    When I read this post, I realized I did exactly what this lady did and brushed off my friend as beng negative. I completely deflected the fact that I hadn’t done what I said I was going to do and he was calling me on it. So I apologized....

    Thanks, Randy! And if this was a repaet post, thanks for that, we obviously need these messages repeated to become who we want to be in life!

  21. When your with the right people, in the right place, at the right time; the right things will happen.

    All of these pieces have to be in alignment for the outcome to be the right things.

    This lady doesn't have all the parts of the equation in place yet.

    We don't know exactly what the people in her life said to her, or where they were in their life when they gave their opinions. If she was asking friends/family who couldn't see past their own stuff to support hers, she was asking the wrong people. Maybe there were circumstances that she felt she needed to put first over her speaking career (caring for a sick parent, bad marriage, personal illness, etc.) She may not have been in the right time for the past seven years.

    I am curious to know if there was more to the conversation then what has been posted. How did you know that she need a psych lesson more then marketing advice? Was there something more she said, or you saw or felt when speaking to her that made you respond as you did?

  22. You know, 7 years can fly by and before we know it we look back and see it as a short time or a long time, it's a perception.

    I know I have had lots of time go by without doing anything, in the moments I beat myself up. Looking back I beat myself up... and hearing from a friend only reinforces what I already knew and unless I have taken responsibility for my tardiness I will lash out at the 'friends' brazen outspokenness or I will thank them for pointing out the obvious.

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  • 52 comments on “Your Support Team”

    1. I understand your message. It is a good one. A very good one indeed.

      If this lady kept sitting on her guide book, maybe she didn't know where it was for seven years. And seven IS a lucky number.

      Also, I have to say in all honesty, this was not your most exciting post, and it seems redundant. I think you covered this topic a few weeks ago in a different way. I just wanted to be a good friend.

      On a another note, if you visit a Kindergarten classroom you will inevitably get very honest advice from 5 year olds. It is blunt and harsh but they very rarely miss the mark.

      1. "She got kind of sheepish and replied that some people had told her that, but she just thought they were being negative."
        ---------------------------------

        Within the personal development field there is a strange type of..."political correctness" that takes place, and that is, if someone says anything but "everything is perfect" it's interpreted as "being negative." As Peter Griffin would say, "that really grinds my gears." 🙂 While constructive feedback can be given tactfully, often the best thing we can do is call someone on their "stuff." Otherwise we are all living falsely. I'm so grateful for having people in my life that will tell me when I'm off-track. To think they are "just being negative" would be hugely counter-productive to my own growth and effectiveness. Only by knowing and acknowledging a current situation are we then in a position to take positive action. Thank you for a great article.

      2. Hey Annie, I'm kind of confused. At the top of your message you state that Randy's message. "Is a good one. A very good one indeed." And then a few lines later you state that "that is not your most exciting post. It seems redundant. And I think you covered the this toppic a few weeks ago in a different way. I just wanted to be a good friend." No oofense, but your post comes off a bit snotty, intentionally contentious...and also a bit kooky.

        Criticism, debate, passionalte disagreement, critical thinking...awesome. Intentionally being shitty in a place where people come for sharing, learning, supporting and growing isn't quite so awesome.

        I understand that when we're struggling with internal toxicity we often find comfort and relief in finding fault with external things, because looking onternally is too painful I get where you're at in your process. But that said, you're still responsible for your actions and the energy you create around yourself and others.

        I think the one thing that everyone on this blog shares is that we're all working towards embodiying and living life as our highest, most eveloved selves. I'd suggest that next time, before you hit the "submit comment" button, you HONESTLY check in with yourself and ask if what you've just written is in harmony with your highest, most evoved self.

        -Sean

        1. What I thought was a good message, was to follow your dreams. He did say it in kind of a strange way, but I am sure that is what he meant. I don't agree with what he said to the lady entirely, so I used humor to address that. It is kooky, but it is my way.

          I also truly think he did cover this not too long ago. I like the man when he is really controversial, just my preference. However, based on some of the other responses, I think it is getting controversial.

          So, I will retract my statement, and enjoy the debate.

        2. Randy, I hope you don't feel like sean does about my post. I am truly sorry if you do. Please forgive me, I wrote that a 2:30am, I think my higher evolved self was already asleep.

          On my behalf, I would like to point out that I did understand it as it was written. I had to read it a couple of times though, because it was so late.

          If your angry, here is a new acronym you could use for my posts. POL (pissed off lots).

    2. Seven years without continuing with her starter action... but I'm confused. What was she deceiving herself about?

      I figure she probably has a bunch of reasons why she can't get started and has been working on that list since probably before she even wrote the Study Guide.

      In other words, let's say I had a friend in that scenario. I'd know that something was wrong with her not getting anything done with the Study Guide for seven years, but I wouldn't know what. I'd encourage her to get started now and not wait. But is that not the right approach?

      1. I agree. Also, if she was asking Randy for advice perhaps she was already making the first move toward doing something about it.

    3. I think the reason most people don't take action on their dreams is not because they are not being honest with themselves, but that they don't have a big enough WHY compelling them forward. It's easy to settle and sometimes more comfortable for some. I don't know of many successful people who have not had to hit bottom before they took action towards their goals. The pain became greater than the pleasure and that propelled them to succeed. I know I was one of them. I think if a 6'4 guy wants to be a jockey he may need a come to Jesus talk from an honest friend, otherwise I would support them by helping them to create massive pain within themselves by self evaluating what their lives will be like by not taking action. I have found that by writing my dreams on a left column and my outcome if I don't take action towards my dream on the right column, a sense of pain,urgency and commitment develops. It's always great to have a true, honest friend to give you their opinion, however it is still their opinion and needs to be evaluated as such. They too could also be a dream chaser that is just looking for a comfort buddy. Even the best intentions from our friends must be evaluated. I don't take relationship advise from someone who does not have a successful healthy relationship, for example. Too many people follow advise that is wrong for them because they have not looked deep inside themselves for the answers or developed the self confidence to believe in themselves which is imperative to success. If you don't develop the never give up attitude, complacency will always return and your dreams will remain on your pillow waiting for you each day you awake.

      1. Mary-Ellen,
        Of all responses, I can take the most away in learning from yours. I now have a blank sheet of lined paper that is divided into two columns and I am taking the next step. Thank you.

        1. Go get em Sam. Hope it works well for you. One helpful hint, attach strong emotion to the pain column and take one immediate action towards a goal, even if it's small. I have found the universe loves speed.

    4. I agree, Randy, it sounds like she needs a real friend. But it seems she hasn't been lacking for people calling her on her stuff. ("people had told her that, but she just thought they were being negative") It's possible that she's been lacking someone -- a real friend -- to encourage her to achieve her dreams.

      In her particular case, maybe she once believed in her Study Guide, but for seven years she's been surrounded by negative people who tell her that it'll never sell, that she's a lousy writer, that she's lazy or stupid, etc. No true friends to simply remind her that she can do it.

      The "support" in your support team isn't limited to getting in your face. Sometimes it's also giving you a pat on the back when you need it.

      In her case, maybe she's lost faith in herself, and she's never had someone to believe in her and her dreams -- a real friend.
      jim

    5. Hi Randy,

      Your reader Mary Ellen made a good point that resonated in me and I have to agree that the self confidence to do something in your life comes from within I don't think it really matters how many friends tell you something until you are ready to accept it yourself.

      Some do need to hit rock bottom and take from those lessons before they are ready to move forward.

      You are appreciated
      Thank You
      Olga

      1. Hi Olga,
        I think Randy has a great point regarding support. It just has to be the right kind. The best of friends can have the best of intentions but this does not mean, to me, that they are always right. True friends love unconditionally, no matter what, they love you through it. When you have been up and down the financial social ladder a few times as I have, you become wise regarding true friends. The fake ones won't be there for you when the bentley's gone. Have a great weekend.

    6. Yes, I think I need a friend too. I started my MLM business 2 years ago and I havent done a lot. I am always thinking that I have to read this book or do other thing to be prepare to start but at the end I do nothing.

      1. I have been 'flirting' with MLM almost ten years now ... start ... stop ... start ... stop. Every time I joined a new company the 'search' for the perfect trainer who would teach me 'how' to do the business would start again. Can't remember the trainer's name but I saw a YouTube video and his answer to every question was 'Just Do It' ... It was really funny but true.

        Napoleon Hill said, "Most of us go through life as failures, because we are waiting for the "time to be right" to start doing something worthwhile. Do not wait. The time will never be "just right." Start where you stand, and work with whatever tools you may have at your command, and better tools will be found as you go along."

        Just started a new MLM (lol) and this time I'm 'Just Doing It' 😉

        1. Venetta, I can totally relate! Ha ha ha! I've been doing the same "flirting" for 18 years! With the SAME MLM - for goodness sakes! It'slike I know this company works, I just need more information to really "know what I'm doing" If I dont have it after 18 years, well, really! Sounds ridiculous I know, but it makes perfect sense in my mind! Ha ha ha! Just cracks me up.

          Well, I recently renewed and I'm "just doing it" too! All the best to you!

    7. Okay, I’ve got to say that I don’t entirely understand this post the way it was written. And maybe it is one of my own blind spots? 🙂

      Are you suggesting that ‘being honest ‘with this woman was telling her she obviously didn’t really have a true dream to do what she was seeking advice on since she had waited seven years to do anything about it, or telling her she needed to get off her butt and get busy because she had let her dream lay dormant for seven years?

      ***

      “Some people have dreams. And some people want to convince themselves they have dreams.”

      ***

      I think what is more true to say is that everybody has dreams, and everybody has a certain amount of fear and doubts about whether or not they are worthy enough to go after and live them. People get frozen in in-action for as long as the fear factor is bigger than the guts factor – and that seems to me to be the initial work, doesn’t it?

      Is that what you were suggesting she was lying to herself about? Her lack of her own self worth or was it the lack of actual value in her plan?

      K

      1. I might be presumptous, and I think I am in trouble again, but I think he meant she was lying to herself that she was actually persuing her dreams.

        Annie

      2. Yes Kimbra, I felt that her not having done anything is 7 years with this was the equivalent of all the people who say they're going to write a book someday. If she was serious about speaking, she should have done SOMETHING in 7 years!

        -RG

        1. "I felt that her not having done anything is 7 years with this was the equivalent of all the people who say they’re going to write a book someday."

          Ohhhh----*that's* what you meant. Ah, I understand now. Gotcha.
          -Marlene

    8. Uh oh. Did I do it again? I will say one thing I know for sure, my humor does not resonate here. Randy, I sort of like to tease you, it is also kind of how I feel about your post.

      I would also like to say that many people don't follow their dreams. It is probably a plethora of reasons. Usually though, people have to take their own time and their own path to get there.

      I do think she may have been taking steps by asking you for advice (the lady in the article). Sometimes people need support at any given time and sometimes people need a little kind criticism.

      We need our friends to do both. Love us and tell us when were wrong.

      Maybe that lady just needed some tender inspiration? I don't know? But we should always respect the path we and others are on.

      The other thing is you can say a thing to a person, for instance a word of advice or a criticism, but it may not really move them until they are ready to receive that message.

      Mostly, I would say I like it when my friends are supportive and encouraging when it comes to me and my dreams.

      This is getting to be long, and I apologize but I have a story. I had and old man friend once. I was in my twenties and he was in his eighties. He was an old retired grouchy, loud, blunt doctor. It was very scary when he came at you with a tongue depressor. But, he gave me great advice, which took me years to follow in some cases, but here it is. Compliments of the late Dr. Smith, who treated many families in the Overland Park area, started, with some other doctors, one of the largest hospitals in overland park, and partied until the day he died.

      Here is what he said about dreams, one word: PURSUIT. That was all he ever said about it and left it at that.

    9. Hi Randy,

      I feel the root of this issue is taking things personally.

      When somebody offers you their advice, it's their viewpoint of the situation. Some offer advice to help, others to hurt. In order to gauge the advice don't react to it, respond to it. Think before you sort and let the defensive filters dissolve.

      If someone offers advice that seems to create a negative feeling within you, and that someone is a true friend with your best interests at heart chances are there's some shred of truth in the statement that resonates with you. The Ouch is usually just what you need to hear at that time.

      You fight wisdom that might be a vehicle for your advancement for advancement means growth and lots of "scary" new circumstances down the road. I sabotaged myself for quite a while until I corrected this programming and only surrounded myself with others who offered heartfelt advice that I needed to hear.

      Thanks for sharing your insight Randy.

      RB

    10. Your support team might not be what you think, and it goes beyond people into knowledge about yourself and Universal Law.

      What people say about you might be more of their own stuff than yours. You might reflect an issue for them that they have, not you.

      Get these books, in order of release date. If not for any other reason, do it because you would normally not buy them. Do it to have a look outside your familiar zone.

      You might get a confirmation on who and what you really are, what is possible, and be able to start working with it.

      Life and Teaching of the Masters of the Far East
      by Baird T. Spalding

      Numerology and the Divine Triangle
      by Faith Javane; Dusty Bunker; Faith Javanie

      Linda Goodman's Star Signs
      by Linda Goodman

      The Healer's Handbook: A Journey into Hyperspace
      by Stewart Swerdlow

      Decoding Your Life: An Experiential Course in Self-Reintegration
      by Janet D. Swerdlow

      The Unrevealed Secrets Of Political Success: How Names And Dates Shape U.S. History
      by Tania Gabrielle

    11. This approach to her request is sobering as we so often give folk what they ask for rather than what they need. She needed a confidence boost but I believe if we surround ourselves with others who care deeply about us and want our success--we will indeed seek that needed boost there first and when we have occasion to glean from experts it will simply be confirmation and/or action points to be implemented.

    12. Hello !!! Мои друзья всегда говорят мне правду... и это напрягает.......потому что правда всегда нелицеприятна .......

    13. Randy,
      I sense a bit of meaness in your response to her. Without knowing her whys, why didn't you ask , WHY?
      You may have been surprised by her response. I feel you sat in judgment, instead of being supportive.

      Genesta

    14. Cruel to be kind, I have people who would tell me & yes I would listen, but the question is do I believe deep down!.... frozen in-action due to self doubt, being told you have the capabilities, the drive & determination & perhaps knowing also you do.... So what stops you, what stopped this lady for 7 years (although a long period that is!)....Is it really though that you have to hit rock bottom? I have mentor's who tell me I am good at what I do, worthy......I trust them, have great friendships with them & respect them? But why don't I believe them!

      1. However if they told me anything negative I would adore it!!!! Because I can act on that, I can act on critical or negative feedback, I just can't act on someone believing in me!!!
        Weird I know!

      2. Hi Rita,
        Maybe I can shed some light on this for you. I had many opportunities come my way that I didn't act on years ago. What I found, after much soul searching, was that, no matter what anyone positively said to me about how great or capable they thought I was, I didn't believe it myself. I think this may be true for you. Try to listen to your thoughts during the day. What are you saying to yourself? I think this obstacle is a big part of what Randy focus's on with this blog. I was reading a book today and something sprung off the page. Maybe it was meant for you. It said, " we must embrace and feed faith and starve our fears. Faith stands for Find answers in the heart,or, forsaking all I trust him. Faith and fear are twins. What you are afraid of will be attracted to you. What you have faith in on the other hand, YOU will be attracted to. Fear is the belief that bad is going to happen while faith is the belief that good is going to happen. Anything good that can happen, will happen, and it will happen at the best possible time.
        Hope this helps.

        1. Faith stands for Find answers in the heart,or, forsaking all I trust him.

          Faith and fear are twins. What you are afraid of will be attracted to you. What you have faith in on the other hand, YOU will be attracted to.

          ... love. Thanks for sharing this, Mary-Ellen 😉

          1. Faith stands for

            'Find Answers In The Heart'

            ohhhh that sounds absolutely the
            phrase I need to have on my wall.
            Thank you so much Kimbralee for this.

            A few posts ago I was questioning the
            word 'Grace' and wanted to know the
            meaning of this without the religious
            connotation to it. Would you have an
            acronym comparison to this also?

    15. She reminds me of my university classmate.we both had dreams, I pursued them and each step was costing me more than the previous one.I realized that he higher the goal the greater the price is.I went back to check her out.Only to my astonishment she is still in state" this what I am going to do in the futur" mind set.when I confront her with her reality, she lashed out against the society, the church!,her 70 years old parents!,her professors, her 6th grade professor,.....etc and the political system the media and men.Till now I still shocked how can one be on "pause " for so many years.

    16. Interesting, such a diverse response. In my opinion there isn't a better discussion group to be a part of! My thoughts are this: the advice that I grew from the most seemed to be the harshest at the time. In hind site it was what my coaches saw in me that I didn't see in myself and their constructive criticism that allowed me to borrow their belief in me until I realized a higher potential. Like Randy states: its the spirit of the advice, and weather or not we want what the people who are giving us advise have.

    17. 9 out of 10 people are like the lady with the 7 year old study guide, their self doubt provides procastination in a wide variety of ways that actually stops them taking action to bring that dream into the manifestation and sharing it with the world.
      I get tough with my clients (and with myself) when I spot this behaviour. If long term clients aren't willing to shift even after being given all the tools to make things happen for themselves (and a whole heap of 1-2-1 counselling on their issues) then I no longer keep them as clients as they are not truly committed to their success and happiness. They are not Walking their Talk they are Talking the Walk.

    18. Oh my ... that woman could very well be me 🙁

      Napoleon Hill said, "Close friends and relatives, while not meaning to do so, often handicap one through 'opinions' and sometimes through ridicule, which is meant to be humorous. Thousands of men and women carry inferiority complexes with them all through life, because some well-meaning but ignorant person destroyed their confidence through 'opinions or ridicule."

      I began writing a book 7 years ago that I never finished. That (not so) 'well-meaning but ignorant person' in my life was my (now X) husband. Even though my friends who read parts of my writings threatened to 'call' Oprah ... I just could not muster up the courage to finish it. Until now, I have just skated through life on the edge of dysfunction while facing the side of spirit with humor.

      Since coming back to the US I have reconnected with 5 of my amazing girl friends who are bringing the book back to life. I have been given a 'date' when we will meet and they will read and critique my manuscript.

      I'm just sayin' ... sometimes it could just be about timing and YOU being ready to accept your success.

      Thank you for this post ... it was quite motivating reading all the comments. I am so grateful I found your blog. 🙂

    19. I could see how one could confuse friends with negative people when looked at in that context. I would really love to have friends that call me on my stuff. I have one relationship that used be like that, but since a new, significant other in their life showed up, it's not the same any more. I'm developing another friendship - one where I'm calling them on their stuff in the hope that they will reciprocate.

    20. I think this was a great post. I recently had a friend call me out on something the other day. I totally made him wrong. Told him not be negative; don’t talk to me like that, blah, blah blah. He apologized.

      When I read this post, I realized I did exactly what this lady did and brushed off my friend as beng negative. I completely deflected the fact that I hadn’t done what I said I was going to do and he was calling me on it. So I apologized....

      Thanks, Randy! And if this was a repaet post, thanks for that, we obviously need these messages repeated to become who we want to be in life!

    21. When your with the right people, in the right place, at the right time; the right things will happen.

      All of these pieces have to be in alignment for the outcome to be the right things.

      This lady doesn't have all the parts of the equation in place yet.

      We don't know exactly what the people in her life said to her, or where they were in their life when they gave their opinions. If she was asking friends/family who couldn't see past their own stuff to support hers, she was asking the wrong people. Maybe there were circumstances that she felt she needed to put first over her speaking career (caring for a sick parent, bad marriage, personal illness, etc.) She may not have been in the right time for the past seven years.

      I am curious to know if there was more to the conversation then what has been posted. How did you know that she need a psych lesson more then marketing advice? Was there something more she said, or you saw or felt when speaking to her that made you respond as you did?

    22. You know, 7 years can fly by and before we know it we look back and see it as a short time or a long time, it's a perception.

      I know I have had lots of time go by without doing anything, in the moments I beat myself up. Looking back I beat myself up... and hearing from a friend only reinforces what I already knew and unless I have taken responsibility for my tardiness I will lash out at the 'friends' brazen outspokenness or I will thank them for pointing out the obvious.

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