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Your Sacred Circle…

Posted By: Randy GageMarch 4, 2009

“You can’t handle the truth!”  Remember when Jack Nicholson shouted that at Tom Cruise in the movie?  How true that is for so many people.

And so sad.  Because you need the truth.  We all do.

Now that we’re on a new season of American Idol, you see the tragic results of this.  Some of the people auditioning sound like a cat being poked in the eye with a fork.  Yet they invariably relate how their mother and all their friends tell them they are the next Janet Joplin, Luther Vandross, or Mariah Carey.  Ahhh, no.

They have no business singing.  And I don’t say that to be judgmental, since  I can’t carry a tune in a bucket.  There’s no shame in that.  But listen kids, delusion is not a particularly attractive personality trait.

If you’re following a path you shouldn’t be on, it’s keeping you from the path you should be on.  So how do you know what’s your highest good?  How do you know when something is just adversity to overcome, and when you need to throw in the towel?

Your sacred circle.

The people who are closest to you.  You have to have a relationship of total honesty both ways.  You have to not only give the people closest to you permission to tell you the truth – you have to demand they tell you the truth.  It has to be a core value of the relationship.

So who are the people in your life?  Do they tell you the truth or foster your denial?

Don’t we want friends that support us and believe in us?  Of course we do.  But there is a BIG difference between believing in you and lying to you.  Because lying to you doesn’t help you, it hurts you.

Here’s the key…

You want people who tell you the truth.  But people who come from love, and want your highest good.  Not people who want to tear you down to cover up their own feelings of insecurity.

So which kind of people do you have around you?

Before we leave the subject, there’s one more issue to explore:  Your role in that.

Because if you have people around you who only tell you what you want to hear – you must recognize that YOU are responsible for that as well.

You have either:
* Only attracted superficial people who tell everyone what they want to hear;
* Had people tell you the truth in the past, but the way you reacted to them made them feel uncomfortable to do it any more; or,
* Both.

So who is around you, and what are they telling you?

-RG

14 comments on “Your Sacred Circle…”

  1. This subject of telling the truth has gotten a little bit complicated sometimes...

    I am very honest when I have good things and bad things to say, and in some cases being honest when saying a bad thing needs a healthy dose of the "HOW YOU SAY IT".

    In both cases I intend to do good, but when someone comes sharing something with passion and you suddenly give them your "not so good" feedback, you get a reaction that tends to hurt the relationship.

    So it is not really WHAT you say but HOW you say it...

    But always tell them the truth.

    Federico

  2. This is reminiscent of one of my favoriet sayings..

    "Many people will come in and out of your Life, but only True Friends leave footprints in your Heart"..

    All we need to do is look at those friends who we have shared unconditional love with for years and those are the sacred circle you speak about. The beauty of those in our circle is they reflect Who We Are and as you say, speak the Truth knowing that you understand it comes from a place of love.

    Of course, if we're running the victim belief and are deep in Fear, we may not hear what we're being told.

    Authentic people are what make me happy. Anyone not willing to be honest and 'walk the walk', are not the sort I want in my circle.

  3. Right on the mark, as usually Randy is. As a coach myself, it is vital to be surrounded by people that not only love you, but also could be very honest and communicate to you when you are being off the mark. Once I heard that if we want to know where we are and where we want to go take a look and see who are the 5 people that you spend the most time with and it will pretty much tell you how truly committed you are or not to get there.

  4. Your post reminds me of an article I came across yesterday and that I posted on Twitter called "The Perceived Truth of Lies." It's all about self-deception, and what the authors call "Shared Psychotic Disorder," where the delusional state (that someone has talent when they don't, or that there is a good reason for "bad" behavior) is shared between close individuals and other associates of the original person. The article goes on to tell how and why we often give ourselves a "free pass" for bad behavior or lack of talent. Interesting read: http://helpingpsychology.com/self-deception

  5. You're right in one aspect Randy , but at the same time you also have to remember that your "sacred circle" will be the first ones to tell you you're stupid for doing something that you believe in, simply because they don't believe in it. You yourself have said thankyou to the stupid people who told you not to get into "that" business. I think sometimes you're better off not listening to anyone( sure , LISTEN to advice) and doing what you yourself believe in. You can accomplish anything you put your mind to if you want it bad enough. You're friends will always want you to be the victim like they are ( you're words if I remember right ).

  6. To live authentically you have to have authentic people around you. I only have a a few friends (I can count on one hand) that I consider my Sacred Circle, we've known each other for years and are totally authentic with each other. It makes me feel rich in more ways than you can know.

  7. Few people really know themselves including everything. A lot of experiences have been blocked out etc. The sacred circle is definitely a result of current mind pattern as well as everyone and everything else around us.

    What is underestimated in general after all is that as soon as we change our mind pattern, and I mean really change it, preferably to our true core, the world will be different, including the sacred circle.

    We also have to forgive ourselves as well as others as we move on.

    The future is not written in stone and changes as we change.

  8. To Mark LoPresti. Well said. It does takes an enormous amount of self appreciation and confidence to constantly fend off those who knock you. Rise above my friend and stay on target.

  9. I think the people closests to you need to tell you a truth in a right place and in a right time..Very uncomfortable when someone said what u dont want to hear in front of different people causes added quite depression and even trouble. I think it is how we can say to a friend in a polite manner, maybe in person to person, private mannerl or in a table..So how we can say the truth?

  10. It is truth in action that brought me to this blog. I made a decision months ago, that I would study truth, and then follow with what is noble, just, pure, and lovely. Being new to Social Media, I heard this was a good place to begin, not knowing that the first discussion I read would be about Truth. This has me very intrigued.

    I love basketball, but I am 5'2", and believe me, the truth is I will not be a basketball star. I know this. However, I do not yet know myself well enough, nor have I given myself credit for what I do well. Furthermore, I have a circle of people I love and from whom I cannot separate, that serve up comments that begin to sabotage my efforts in my pursuit of improving myself and my friendships.

    The answer, I believe is to know myself, affirm myself, and continue to step positively forward, improving my environment for good health which in turn, influences my circle, and increases my circle of friends.

    I am encouraged to know that there exists a reality of true friendships between people who are confident and honest in affirming real talents, not "fairy tale" yet still exciting and magical.

  11. I recently heard a great story by a guy who worked for Steven Covey for 10 years.

    He said that growing up he wanted nothing more than to be a professional football player. He watched all the professional games, read all the books, lifted weights, ate tons of protein, showed up for practice earlier than everyone else, practiced harder than everyone else and went home later than the rest of the team. He did everything his coaches asked him to do.

    He was in charge of the B squad of the defence and his day had finally arrived. The coach asked him to lead the defence against the A squad in practice. He had waited all his life for this moment. All his hard work would finally pay off and everyone would notice his talent.

    The first play went to the right and he wasn't able to get involved.

    He had a feeling the next play would come his way and sure enough it did. The biggest running back got the ball and headed straight for him. This was his time. Everything he had trained for came back to him in an an instant.

    He crouched down like he was taught and got ready to make the tackle. He got down low and placed his head right into the stomach of the running back...............................and suddenly his world turned black.

    When he came to, he realized that he was flat on his back but he still had hold of the running back's belt and was being dragged down the field.

    He was dragged for 40 yards before the rest of his teammates piled on and nearly crushed him to death.

    After the game he realized that his dreams of playing in the NFL were over. He finally realized that because he was only 140 lbs and wasn't very fast, his chances of ever making it were slim to none.

    He wished someone had pulled him aside and made him look at the evidence. What evidence was he creating in his life that would lead him to believe that he would ever make it to the NFL? What were the indicators that would give him hope?

    The moral of the story is that we should stop and take a look at the evidence we are leaving behind to determine whether we are on the right path? What evidence is there to suggest that we are heading in the right direction?

    How much money do we have in the bank? How is our relationship with our family? How's our health? How rewarding is our job? Have we accomplished our goals?

    The evidence we leave behind will give us clues about where we are headed.

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  • 14 comments on “Your Sacred Circle…”

    1. This subject of telling the truth has gotten a little bit complicated sometimes...

      I am very honest when I have good things and bad things to say, and in some cases being honest when saying a bad thing needs a healthy dose of the "HOW YOU SAY IT".

      In both cases I intend to do good, but when someone comes sharing something with passion and you suddenly give them your "not so good" feedback, you get a reaction that tends to hurt the relationship.

      So it is not really WHAT you say but HOW you say it...

      But always tell them the truth.

      Federico

    2. This is reminiscent of one of my favoriet sayings..

      "Many people will come in and out of your Life, but only True Friends leave footprints in your Heart"..

      All we need to do is look at those friends who we have shared unconditional love with for years and those are the sacred circle you speak about. The beauty of those in our circle is they reflect Who We Are and as you say, speak the Truth knowing that you understand it comes from a place of love.

      Of course, if we're running the victim belief and are deep in Fear, we may not hear what we're being told.

      Authentic people are what make me happy. Anyone not willing to be honest and 'walk the walk', are not the sort I want in my circle.

    3. Right on the mark, as usually Randy is. As a coach myself, it is vital to be surrounded by people that not only love you, but also could be very honest and communicate to you when you are being off the mark. Once I heard that if we want to know where we are and where we want to go take a look and see who are the 5 people that you spend the most time with and it will pretty much tell you how truly committed you are or not to get there.

    4. Your post reminds me of an article I came across yesterday and that I posted on Twitter called "The Perceived Truth of Lies." It's all about self-deception, and what the authors call "Shared Psychotic Disorder," where the delusional state (that someone has talent when they don't, or that there is a good reason for "bad" behavior) is shared between close individuals and other associates of the original person. The article goes on to tell how and why we often give ourselves a "free pass" for bad behavior or lack of talent. Interesting read: http://helpingpsychology.com/self-deception

    5. You're right in one aspect Randy , but at the same time you also have to remember that your "sacred circle" will be the first ones to tell you you're stupid for doing something that you believe in, simply because they don't believe in it. You yourself have said thankyou to the stupid people who told you not to get into "that" business. I think sometimes you're better off not listening to anyone( sure , LISTEN to advice) and doing what you yourself believe in. You can accomplish anything you put your mind to if you want it bad enough. You're friends will always want you to be the victim like they are ( you're words if I remember right ).

    6. To live authentically you have to have authentic people around you. I only have a a few friends (I can count on one hand) that I consider my Sacred Circle, we've known each other for years and are totally authentic with each other. It makes me feel rich in more ways than you can know.

    7. Few people really know themselves including everything. A lot of experiences have been blocked out etc. The sacred circle is definitely a result of current mind pattern as well as everyone and everything else around us.

      What is underestimated in general after all is that as soon as we change our mind pattern, and I mean really change it, preferably to our true core, the world will be different, including the sacred circle.

      We also have to forgive ourselves as well as others as we move on.

      The future is not written in stone and changes as we change.

    8. To Mark LoPresti. Well said. It does takes an enormous amount of self appreciation and confidence to constantly fend off those who knock you. Rise above my friend and stay on target.

    9. I think the people closests to you need to tell you a truth in a right place and in a right time..Very uncomfortable when someone said what u dont want to hear in front of different people causes added quite depression and even trouble. I think it is how we can say to a friend in a polite manner, maybe in person to person, private mannerl or in a table..So how we can say the truth?

    10. It is truth in action that brought me to this blog. I made a decision months ago, that I would study truth, and then follow with what is noble, just, pure, and lovely. Being new to Social Media, I heard this was a good place to begin, not knowing that the first discussion I read would be about Truth. This has me very intrigued.

      I love basketball, but I am 5'2", and believe me, the truth is I will not be a basketball star. I know this. However, I do not yet know myself well enough, nor have I given myself credit for what I do well. Furthermore, I have a circle of people I love and from whom I cannot separate, that serve up comments that begin to sabotage my efforts in my pursuit of improving myself and my friendships.

      The answer, I believe is to know myself, affirm myself, and continue to step positively forward, improving my environment for good health which in turn, influences my circle, and increases my circle of friends.

      I am encouraged to know that there exists a reality of true friendships between people who are confident and honest in affirming real talents, not "fairy tale" yet still exciting and magical.

    11. I recently heard a great story by a guy who worked for Steven Covey for 10 years.

      He said that growing up he wanted nothing more than to be a professional football player. He watched all the professional games, read all the books, lifted weights, ate tons of protein, showed up for practice earlier than everyone else, practiced harder than everyone else and went home later than the rest of the team. He did everything his coaches asked him to do.

      He was in charge of the B squad of the defence and his day had finally arrived. The coach asked him to lead the defence against the A squad in practice. He had waited all his life for this moment. All his hard work would finally pay off and everyone would notice his talent.

      The first play went to the right and he wasn't able to get involved.

      He had a feeling the next play would come his way and sure enough it did. The biggest running back got the ball and headed straight for him. This was his time. Everything he had trained for came back to him in an an instant.

      He crouched down like he was taught and got ready to make the tackle. He got down low and placed his head right into the stomach of the running back...............................and suddenly his world turned black.

      When he came to, he realized that he was flat on his back but he still had hold of the running back's belt and was being dragged down the field.

      He was dragged for 40 yards before the rest of his teammates piled on and nearly crushed him to death.

      After the game he realized that his dreams of playing in the NFL were over. He finally realized that because he was only 140 lbs and wasn't very fast, his chances of ever making it were slim to none.

      He wished someone had pulled him aside and made him look at the evidence. What evidence was he creating in his life that would lead him to believe that he would ever make it to the NFL? What were the indicators that would give him hope?

      The moral of the story is that we should stop and take a look at the evidence we are leaving behind to determine whether we are on the right path? What evidence is there to suggest that we are heading in the right direction?

      How much money do we have in the bank? How is our relationship with our family? How's our health? How rewarding is our job? Have we accomplished our goals?

      The evidence we leave behind will give us clues about where we are headed.

    Leave a Reply to Jonathan Cancel reply

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