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Your One Moment

Posted By: Randy GageMay 8, 2011

One moment is all it takes.  One moment to change a mood, change a life, or even change the history of humankind.

That moment can be positive or negative, depending on what you choose.  You can choose anger, ridicule and vengeance, or you can choose peace, acceptance and love.

One moment where you share inspiration with someone…

One moment where you simply listen…

One moment where you believe in someone.  And that someone just might be yourself.

What’s your special moment for today going to be?

-RG

P.S. By the time most of you read this, I’ll have landed in Argentina on the first stop of my South American tour.  Another five countries in five days!  The pic on this post is the Congreso Nacional here in Buenos Aires.

55 comments on “Your One Moment”

  1. "One moment where you believe in someone. And that someone just might be yourself."

    Begin there ... and watch how many other moments follow in kind. 🙂

    K♥

  2. One moment...when you make a decision...one moment when you take the first step. In one moment I decided to attend my 20th high school reunion even though it was 250 miles away. Then I followed the decision with action and planned my trip and went to it. There I met my wife to be who I had known since the 6th grade. 11 years now we have been together, married. What are you deciding or not deciding in this moment?

      1. Yes. It's all about being guided. You go girl. You are on your way and my prayers are with you. You too Joe.

  3. afraid to speak out about a family problem, afraid NOT to.....I'm not good at starting the converstations....but I need to to prevent a problem from being bigger...trying to get courage here.....
    wish I could speak out better....hmmmmmmmmm

    1. I feel for you - I was a non-speaker for years. My recovery-hourney began about 6 months ago. I recognized the problem (A-Ha!) and began declaring, "I am in the process of learning to speak my truth easily & graciously" or words to that effect.
      I began attracting solutions... practicing.. taking the next step... I'm still in-process but oh my! So much better at allowing my voice to be heard. You will get there too. Not-speaking is in the past; authentic-speaking is your future. go you!

        1. I also had a process like that.I did never ever say a word if there were more than 2 people around.It is true.And then suddenly I changed dramatically.I moved to a neighbour country with another language,started to do performing arts,got a VERY selfish friend who could talk for hours non stop about herself, one day decided; I am going to have 50% of this conversation NOW and started to talk and talk and talk.In the beginning it really did not matter if everything I said was good enough.At that time I had no idea about affirmations or lack consiouness or things like that.Just knew that it was time for a change.And it worked!Since then,I own 50% of the conversation.always.And it changed my life dramatically even though it took years of anger and pain to "be one of them who talk
          much".One step at a time you reach what you want at last!

    2. If your anonymous you can speak about it here to get perspective as long as your not naming names, right?

      "What will you do with this one moment"

      I am choosing to listen so if you want to share it, go for it! I would recommend keeping it simple though or we might get edited off for going off topic. If it's too complicated another outlet may be a better place for you to talk about it (of course, just all my opinion, I'm not Randy!).

      1. But in general I can also relate to many times being out of the conversation. I am a good listener but if I'm not given the space to say something I don't enjoy revving my energy up just to be heard.

        So I affirm here, "I now enjoy meaningful conversations with equal contribution with all my friends and family".

        Yeah!

  4. And now is the moment to do so... Do something about it, or suddenly you are on your own, and can't share that moment! Choose to use the moment!

  5. Sometimes when we look inside, We see only what is wrong with us. If we could see, istead, the Goodness & Beauty that dwells
    within each one of us, then, then at last!We would see the Beauty & Goodness that dwells
    in the world.
    Contemplate your own Beauty & Goodness. These are the characteristics of your infinite spirit. See yourself. Recognize yourself for the perfection that you and everyone, everything, exemplify. Own and express your own unique and individual Beauty & Goodness.

    This was my moment today, the gift I received. What a perfect Mother's Day gift for this mama.

  6. Great Post Randy..

    Willie Jolley speaks of this also in one of his books..

    One moment can change everything. Thats why sometimes a crisis or an event can be a blessing in disguise..

    Cheers
    Jack

  7. Simply perfect!As i can see you had yours moment in Congreso Nacional in Buenos Aires.Cheers!

  8. My moment today will be focused on leading myself into prosperity with my family. Teaching My 2yr old Daughter Michelle how to be very thankful.
    P.s Keeping her from as many memes possible.

  9. Today I will accept the circumstances of my life, and I'm going to thank all the blessings that life gives me, in one moment.:)

    Randy, what a joy that you come to South America, will you also come to Chile?
    I hope yes.

    Ximena

      1. Great!!
        I have to be there then.
        It will be here in Santiago??
        Where I can get more information??

        Anyway I'll be there 🙂

        Ximena

  10. In this moment I choose to stop resisting and ALLOW Love, Abundance and Prosperity into my Life!

    Thanks Randy and have a safe and prosperous journey in South America!

  11. Randy, You're so right - one moment can make all the difference in the world.

    If I'm using your post as my guide, I can't choose between taking a moment to listen and taking a moment to believe in myself. Both are so important. Since I can't choose, I will say this - If I have believe in myself, I will take a moment to listen to another.

    Connie

  12. Everything happens in one moment but that moment is the result of long time influance we get. Everyday we get programmed on making some desicions.

    That is not very nice.

  13. I get lots of "the moment" moments but at times in the past failed to recognize them as such moments! I love to help people, listen to people. I wont take missing that moment for granted. Keeping an eye and ear out for it. Thanks RJ....

  14. On mothers day while driving down a long road, there was a beautiful sky above; half thunder clouds half blue sky. At that same moment I could feel some tension in my thoughts.

    Then another thought came up and said "instead of contemplating the origin of the tension, affirm the clarity"

    Ok, it spoke to me without words but that was the message. As the message came to me I felt lifted up out of the tension and into a new space with the memory that we have that same choice again and again whenever we remember to choose it.

    I choose THAT!

    BTW, the time was 3:45 that I felt that message, right when this blog was starting! (a friend was texting me at the time)

    Affirm affirm affirm.

    i also think of affirmations like this...we are all connected energetically...so if our thoughts begin to plummet we are pulling everyone else down. (over exaggeration but still makes my point) If our thoughts rise we help to pull everyone else up. The past is just a memory in our energetic thoughts...so when we affirm it's not a lie...it actually changes the present energy that would otherwise be left in a low place. We change the effects of the past by affirming the best in every moment we remember to do so.

    1. One more thought!

      When the message came it wasn't in words...if my mind said "choose clarity" it would have been harder for me to focus on it and make the change...my mind received a "feeling of mental clarity" along side the "feeling of mental tension" with a sort of narrator pointing to the two states of mind and invited me to focus on the one that I wanted to be real.

      So that came to me as a gift...but in cases where I am stuck and want to initiate a change, I have to put more effort in creating the quality of being I want to be real. I have to focus on visualizing and sensing what a better mental, emotional, spiritual, physical place feels like until it takes on it's own life and then I continue to focus on that. It's never just a word that makes a change..it's a state of being or mind that does.

      I'm in a talkative mood...I'm going to go have to write a book or something today! ok bb everyone!

  15. Victoria,

    Posting here so you see it - I read that blog a few days ago before any comments, so hadn't read your post about my responses to Annie... I just wanted to respond...

    Oh YOU BIG HEART. Your care love patience and giving spirit is glorious... I'm sure you could leave Annie your email address if you'd like to be her friend and support her. And I'm sure forever she'll remember that you have been a friend and caring soul. It would so help Annie to remind herself who is in her life where she DOES receive the love that feeds her.

    A part of me that's spiritual remembers the concept of "Precious Guru" - those people in our life that show us just how much work we still have to do to be loving, kind, patience and playful. But this IS NOT a spiritual community based on Oneness. While Randy is INFORMED by this - and his teachings are founded in a knowing, loving and celebrating of all faces of God, he ALSO knows the value of boundaries. Of knowing when to say NO. Warren Buffet said that Millionaires know when to say No! Maybe this is why many spiritual guru's die poor, and those who can say NO die rich! The guru's take the shit, and the prosperous one's gather diamonds! One of Randy's videos speak of letting go of the negative people in our lives. If Randy didn't LIVE his teachings he allow her on the blog. IF he did THAT he would have ZERO integrity. Because he wouldn't be practicing what he teaches!

    Sometimes "ruthless compassion" is the best path forward. Allowing someone to be repetitively abuse others is not goood for THEM or anyone around them. Allowing ANnie to be herre is NOT healthy for her or others. Here's why...

    For OTHERS: At the moment she doesn't have the stability, clarity and state of mind to be courteous, warm, and bring a positive element to the discussion. She's hurting, challenging, aggressive, insulting and unsafe. No one knows when she'll be nice or rude. That creates an unsafe place - where people are hypervigilent and not sharing fully in case they have her attack, or avoiding the comments so that they don't get activated. BEcause she doesn't regulate herself others have cut themselves OFF the blog. THAT is not right!

    For ANNIE: Allowing her to be here where people are not safe puts her in a place where she fails daily. Again and again people are telling her to stop, that she's upsetting others, that her behaviour is unacceptable. So daily she simply gets rejected, challenged and retraumatised. THIS is not fair on Annie. It's not giving her a chance to get strong. What she needs is a lot of empathy, listening, care, compassion and experiences where she can stablise, regulate, and be successful. Each time she gets challenged she got hurt - and retraumatised. This is NOT a healthy state to be in for anyone, eh?

    When she has gotten help - I would recommend Sue Johnson or Daniel Hughes who are attachment based therapists that train top notch therapists - her energy will stablise, she'll be able to regulate herself and not attack, insult, and make things personal.

    Randy doesn't run a "prosperity therapy," he runs a "prosperity and success blog."

    I think if Annie had shown
    1. the ability to share responsibility
    2. a maturity to add to a discussion with contribution rather making wrong
    3. a willingness to learn
    4. the desire to implement and change
    5. the joy of creating an inspiring, uplifting community that welcomes others
    THEN Randy would have WELCOMED her, not banished her.

    In terms of me sharing? I KNOW Randy would FAR rather me focus on my business. I am a coach and therapist for a giving. Giving this time won't make me into a millionaire, nor does it make me a saint. I do this DAILY - and have done in various forms for 2 decades. Maybe I AM the one that's pathological for giving to someone who doesn't give a shit? Maybe I have the problem caring for someone? Maybe I should care more about my bank balance that serving others? Maybe I'm the one at fault? Maybe I should be banned from the blog!!!! Ha!!!!

    He'd rather I just work on my business. Or at a push see me write a blog a day of my own rather than "serve" Annie - who NEVER appreciated, listened, or utilised my coaching/care at all. She only defended, cut off and rebelled against.

    Me spending literally hours empathising, caring, holding, etc is honestly wasted time. It may have looked good, and touched a couple of readers but it didn't change anyone's life.

    I missed Annie's "secret" the post was deleted before I saw it. What was it? BTW as a therapist I frequently have seen/read that when a person is kicked out of a relationship for not fully committing because they were "messing around" - they reveal their darkest secrets so that the caring partner won't reject them. It's to illicit kindness thru guilt. E.g. "Look how bad I have it - if you regect me you are a cold hearted bastard and it's NOT FAIR!" It's another tool/mechanism/dance they use to manipulate others to stay in a dysfunctional relationship so they can continue to abuse... It's like the trump card. I'm clear Annie revealed NOTHING because of ME. Annie shared that as a tool to manipulate. It doesn't mean that what she's saying isn't real or value, sore of awful. It's just that revealing something when you've been asked to leave is disrespecting the space. This blog is about prosperity. Not a therupitic envirnoment in which to be healed. Revealing dark secrets here will not yeild healing. It's an unsafe place... where there are not people who're trained to help with the healing. The BEST place for that is with a therapist.

    I don't know the issue. But I truly believe that right now Annie is toxic. And it's not helpful to her, or to the blog's culture for her to be here. What she needs is DEEP, real, constant, consistent and amazing Love - valuable and amazing affirmation. Getting the attachment bond and love she didn't receive in childhood.

    1. Hi Natalie,

      Annie was in love with Randy.
      It was a complicated situation and perhaps Annie dealt with it the best way she could...
      That certainly explained her love and hate posts...
      Matters of heart are just what they are, and cannot be analyzed and explained...
      Yes Annie did behave in unorthodox ways, but she was not a bad person and I do not think that she has mental problems that require psychological help... I am sure that anyone who was ever been in love can understand that time heals all, and in time Annie will come to terms with her feelings...

      I am surprised though..., most everyone on this blog proclaims universal love, acceptance, understanding and connection to each other.... Yet, only two people came forward in Annie's defense.... I just find that interesting...

      Victoria

      1. Victoria,

        To LOVE does not mean to be a doormat and take criticism. That is being HELPLESS.

        I teach in my parenting classes: ALL feelings are accepted, but BEHAVIOUR is limited.

        Insults, name calling, rudeness, attacks are NOT acceptable. Sharing feelings, owning experience, taking responsibility for what we feel is OKAY. Blaming, excusing, coming here for the point of arguing is NOT. It creates a toxic, negative environment.

        Unrequited love is painful. And Randy is easy and wonderful to fall in love with! Tho I hope he'd NEVER be with someone who treated him with as much disrespect, attack, and put downs as Annie did. Otherwise he'd be the victim of emotional and mental abuse.

        Having worked with families and couples - if I ever saw someone being treated like Annie was treating Randy I would suggest Randy put strong limits on the relationship, and not see her of have anything to do with her in a relationship. While the connection was not physically abusive, if anyone disagreed with Annie or challenged her she insulted Randy, insulted them, and made him guilty by association. It's HIGHLY toxic. She was frequently mean-spirited, refused to bring love and care to the table, and would not work to find a way to co-create a positive inspiring community.

        Even I am in therapy - I believe we ALL should go through therapy when we are sick is some way. We see a doctor if we have a physical ailment, and a psychologist is we're behaving, or feeling OFF. What Annie was saying and doing was not ON.

        Well I'm funcitional in my life and tend to treat folks great I noticed with my last guy I dated that I was critical and attacking - so I contacted a therapist to see why - and how to resolve stuff in my childhood so that I won't be that way when someone is like that to me. I've had therapy since I was a child - so it's not a stigma for me - it's a healthy responce to get help. Denial is not healthy! She's emotionally toxic - she needs treatment. Even Randy shares on his blog about the effect of going to therapy - that he went to for years.

        Victoria, what I'm left with is how you can think that she doesn't require psychological help? Basically what she was doing is a similar experience to stalking Randy. And in NOT getting what she wanted she attacked him. Being attracted to someone you don't know is one thing, letting them know is another (I've done this to people I know - totally acceptable), BUT what is pathological and NOT okay is to attack them when they are not interested in a relationship. That has no self control, and is not responsible or healthy.

        It's like someone having cancer - bleeding and vomiting everywhere and a friend syaing "they don't have a problem, they're just a bit stressed." They need HELP - they need to see a doctor.

        The pain of Love doesn't just HEAL. It churns, and keeps one up, and unable to focus. We can not see our own patterns - we are blind to them. What often we need is outside eyes to see in and give us awareness and the path to healing. Yesterday when I spoke with my therapist (considering I am a therapist) he illuminated me to things I had not seen about my life EVER. I've been doing awareness work for 20 years!!! And you can ask RG - he gets irritated with the amount of reflection into my life that I do! So it's surprising Clive could see things I had totally missed. When I shared it with my best friend she was totally blown away. And she's a relationship coach! Things we'd both missed in how I get treated in relationships...

        I know absolutely that Annie is a good person with a good heart behind everything - but she's allowed herself to be taken over by the belief that Love= Abuse. It's a false belief, and I don't feel it serves her to say "you're okay." Her treatment of Randy, and others was/is SICK. I absolutely know that she needs treatment. If only so that SHE feels safe, loved, and learns how to regulate herself.

        I'm wondering what in you wants to stay believing in Annie as only good, while denying the abuse, and dismissing it as "being in love?" And judging that who said "enough!" Your judgment of others choosing to remove negativity out of their life you see as wrong - without: "love, acceptance, understanding and connection to each other."

        MAYBE me, RG, and others are being loving, accepting, understanding and have a connection to each other and Annie - while ALSO having the self respect to say "this is tosic, and unhealthy. To constantly be attacked it not good for someone's immune system - it literally weakens it. Get help, and become healthy and when you embrace and integrate issues THEN you can be healthy."

        I don't believe Annie needs DEFENSE. She's not a victim. Even tho she chooses to take things personally. She's a creator. that's what this blog is about. I don't want to rescue her.... cos that would disempower her ultimately... Going to therapy may help her understand why she chose to love Randy and behave like this...

        xox

        1. PS This book is fabulous for understanding how people behave in love. She's been named the best couples therapist in the world by international arthor John Gottman.

          Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love' by Sue Johnson http://amzn.to/mnutYV

          1. Annie, if your still reading I think you were showing up 100% to see how Randy (someone you admired) would react.

            It sounds like you are so ready to embrace your shadow in a positive way and you want to know that everyone else has a shadow too.

            I would highly recommend looking into shadow work, you appear to be really good at "seeing", (meaning your not hiding things from yourself) but they appear to not be ruled by a center of clarity. Each aspect is ruling as if it were the entire truth.

            So the next step is to learn how to integrate what you see, transform it to find the gem in the dark.

            Check out "the Dark side of Light Chasers" by Debbie Ford. I think you will love it!

            And this is just my opinion. I am not a counselor, just a fellow explorer.

        2. Hello Natalie,

          To answer your question as to why I believe that Annie is good:

          I see good in people until they prove me wrong.

          I also see that you strongly believe in therapy.... Actually my goal was to become a psychologist, but then I realized that I cannot help people... People must be willing to help themselves.
          Some people enjoy the state of misery and helplessness, as well as having an ear to pour their insecurities and self-petty into... I did not and do not have patience for it...
          I believe that human mind is capable of extraordinary things, one of which is the ability to resolve any problem immediately instead of dragging it on for a lifetime.
          I believe that Annie is one of those people capable of facing issues and resolving them immediately once she had enough...
          I believe in Annie as I believe in myself... Through our discussions Annie demonstrated certain character qualities that brought me to this conclusion.

          As for judging "who said enough"...., I judge people's thoughts by comparing them to their actions. That's about it.

          To respond to your previous statement about me giving my email to Annie... If Annie needs to contact me, she'll find me on facebook. I am sure that she knows that...

          Victoria

          1. Hi Victoria,

            I believe in GOOD therapy! 🙂 Not in ALL therapy! After many years of listening to people's problems, I trained as a coach to work with people to co-create their lives. And now I see how beautifully they work together!

            You say "I see good in people until they prove me wrong."

            So how many times does she have to insult and attack RG and others who she disagrees with before she proves you wrong. Is that RIGHT behaviour?

            You say: "Some people enjoy the state of misery and helplessness, as well as having an ear to pour their insecurities and self-petty into… I did not and do not have patience for it…"

            And yet- you have the patience for Annie? And feel judgment against those who've said "enough!" I'm curious as to what Annie has that you identify with, that offers you patience and tolerance? 🙂

            I personally didn't see Annie showing that she'd work with her issues. She seemed to deny, avoid and attack. When RG responded - ie - she got what she wanted - then she'd stop for a moment... Tho if he didn't respond again she'd attack until he did. This isn't healthy, becoming aware, or changing. It's being caught in a repetitive toxic cycle. It doesn't mean that I don't love her or care. My time, empathy, patience, feedback, reflection all show clearly that I care. AND this isn't the place for therapy - and it isn't the place for someone who comes with the Intent to argue. It's the envirnment for those who want to learn.

            You can feel sorry for Annie being caught up in Love, but that doesn't make her BEHAVIOUR acceptable, excusable or okay.

            🙂

    2. Hello Natalie,

      This is another reason why I do not like conventional Psychology...
      Most psychologists themselves have unsolved problems and they see those problems in everyone else even though they do not exist. They also workout their personal problems through others, and that can be damaging to the psyche of the unsuspecting individual.

      I was also trained and practiced in a certain psychological field, somewhat different from conventional...
      With that in mind Natalie, no matter what kind of questions you will ask me and how you'll dissect my answers, you will not find weaknesses that you are looking for, because they do not exist.

      So, let's move on to learning how to make millions.

      Victoria

      1. Victoria,

        I don't think I've ever met anyone on earth who doesn't have an unsolved something - we're all working on something at all times. To think we have NO problems is - for me - a denial... I'd rather be straight with myself, than blinkered. Because I find that when I'm ignoring something it plays out unconsciously to sabotage things.

        Just to be clear - at no point in my questions am I/was I looking for weaknesses at all. I was calling for integrity - or alignment with words and actions.

        It's interesting you see it as looking for weaknesses - and it makes sense that if you see it that why you wouldn't feel a desire to answer. Of course you'd feel protective, and adamant - to avoid being made weak. I hope you know that isn't and wasn't my purpose AT ALL. I am intent in seeing both goodness and behaviours that aren't healthy that mask the goodness. Behaviours can change! The first step is being AWARE of them. For some reason - when I share with Annie about her BEHAVIOUR, you see that as an attack, making her weak, and seeing that SHE is that. That's NOT what I'm doing - I'm seeing BEHAVIOUR, and knowing ANNIE is GOOD. But requesting the BEHAVIOUR change.

        Noticing a behaviour that is unhealthy - for me - is a strength - it reveals something we can change. It's EMPOWERING.

        Ignoring an elephant in the room, allowing abuse and negativity to continue - is disempwoering for the person and others around. It's saying we don't have the strength to change anything - so lets ignore it and allow abuse to perpetuate.

        It would seem - THIS is part of making millions.... As per RG's next post on how we take criticism.... Do we side step it? Do we look at it clearly? Do we dismiss it? DO we distance ourselves from it with judgement? Or do we honestly open ourselves to the blinkers we have, and look at what we are not seeing?

        Have you read RG's post "Wisdom Through Correction?" Do you think HE is looking for weaknesses? I think he's VERY happy to point out weaknesses in me and others if they aren't serving us. Is it mixed up in his own past and self image - I'm absolutely sure it is! The lens we see things through is so governed by our programming...

        I wish you well!
        Love to you Victoria! xox

        1. Hello Natalie,

          I understand what you mean by everyone has problems.
          I am not exempt from challenges of life. I simply look at things differently.
          Instead of saying or thinking that I have problems, I see challenges and immediately find solutions, fix them and never look back. I see everything as a lesson and always walk away with a bag of newfound knowledge. I do not dwell on the past and I do not live in the past. There is nothing I can do about childhood dilemmas or past relationships. What's done is done...

          I walk away from unhealthy relationships and friendships. No regrets but additional information to make sure that the same errors in judgement never happens again.
          I take full responsibility for my choices and evaluate what it was that attracted me to certain people, and make sure that I do not do it again.

          I am ruthless, sometimes hard, strong, selfish, ambitious and stubborn. I am all of that and more. I am very proud of myself and my accomplishments. I love myself and everything in my life is very good. I find that most people complicate life. I think that life is easy and beautiful.

        2. Hi Natalie,

          I am breaking up my reply to you in several sections, so it does not seem like a never ending story.

          To answer "It's interesting you see it as looking for weakness..."

          Okay, let me ask you a question, when someone asks "How are you today", what is the expected answer?

          Here is my experience every single time I am asked "How are you today?"...
          I respond that I am doing great! My answer and the way that I answer makes people respond in three different ways.

          1. "Wow, that is so great, because all I hear are complains about this and that..."

          2. "Really..., why what's going on..."

          3. No response, just a weird look...

          So, do you think that people are looking for weaknesses or strengths?

          With the above in mind, you were trained to ask certain questions to bring out certain feelings.... In that sense your field and mine are similar. I know that your aim was not meant to harm and I respect your expertise.

          1. It depends on the moment - if I hear someone saying "okay" and they seems fabulous - I'll say "jeesh, you could have fooled me, you look totally AMAZING!"

            Tho when someone says "wonderful" and it's sugar coated shit - I'll say "I hear you WANT to be wonderful - and there's also something else that's hard at the moment, eh?"

            When it's authentic, real and true - and the energy is aligned with GREAT - I will say "fabulous! So awesome to hear!"

            My training is to bring ALIGNMENT - so that people don't live in double binds. Where they are syaing one thing, living another, and behaving in a third. My focus is on being authentic and real - not false, or having pretenses. Because that misalignment is damaging to healthy honest relationships.

          2. Hello Natalie,

            You just described my aunt:
            "...they are saying one thing,
            living another,
            and behaving in a third."

            I never thought of it in this way, but today it makes sense.
            And such a "misalignment is damaging to a healthy honest relationship" is also very true. There was never an honest and healthy relationship between my aunt and I because she always lies about her feelings and knowing that I could not wait to finish conversation with her...

            And here is a sick twist...
            Last Saturday several hours after talking to me on the phone, my aunt attempted suicide by hanging... Later she was admitted into a psych ward... And I found out about it Thursday directly from her...

            Natalie, when she told me.... I was sooooo angry... that it felt as if though my head would explode... And I shared my feelings with her....
            After she started crying, her husband took the phone and told me...., no, he ordered me.... that I will say what my aunt wants to hear and agree with everything that she'll say.... Basically he told me to lie.

            As he was saying that to me, everything inside of me froze... It's as if though I turned to stone... I still don't feel anything. I don't hate, I don't love. Nothing.
            Actually I don't even want to talk to her because I don't want to hear lies and I don't want to be a part of a lie, as well as lie myself.

            You wrote in the last post that "by dismissing others...." I maybe "...missing nuggets...".
            You see, I am afraid that if I will not dismiss, then I'll be missing nuggets in my head, go against what I believe in and become just like them...

            Any thoughts?
            Victoria

          3. Victoria, my quick thoughts...

            You're concerned that if you engage with them, you'll become like them? You'll try to con yourself and others, and become false? That you're take on who they are - and lose yourself?

            It helps to remember that EVERYONE is either pushing to get LOVE, or withdrawing to avoid the pain of NOT being LOVED. Sometimes people feel they HAVE to lie because they won't feel loved.... Often because they struggle with the truth so they think that you may too...

            Right now - it seem like you feel you need boundaries to take care of you. You know what's right for you. Do what's best...
            What I also hear your uncle saying is that he's really scared, and that he wants peace, and he wants her to loved so that she'll want to stay alive. AND I would say "I hear you want me to be careful with what I say so I don't upset her, and that you feel scared that what I say - my truth - may cause upset. I also hear you saying you want me to Love her, listen deeply, empathise, and care for her where she's at so she feels safe. While I can promise to do what I can to love, I ALSO know I need to be true to me, and share how I feel, and I'll try to do that the best I can. I can not lie tho. So either I am in your life sharing honestly or I stay away. You decide, because the third option of lying isn't a fit for me - it's either being honest or staying away. "

            There are two places I'd slow down to hear your messages from yourself Victoria

            1. When you were so angry that your head wanted to explode... slow that down to see the different feelings and complexities there. I'm betting there were many emotions behind the anger...

            2. When you say you feel NOTHING. I hear that - the numbness, and shut down. It's so understandable - like everything in you to them is cut out, nothing there to express, nothing to say, and no point, eh? I would flesh that out... breath into that... Love that alot... Smile goodness into it, and host it with luscious loving...

            Deep joy and loving to you through it all...

          4. Natalie,

            Thank you very much.

            All true and makes sense. In #1 there was also pain.

            Love and peace to you,
            Victoria

          5. I really liked what Natalie said to you. It was brilliant. I have relatives like that too.

            The only thing I would add, is that it seemed to me if I would have that same thing happen to me Victoria, I would have felt guilty or responsible for my Aunt's attempt at suicide. I am not in any way suggesting you feel that way. But, if you do, please know that is POPPYCOCK! It is in no way true. Your Aunt is responsible for herself and her actions. Suicide is usually the most selfish act anyone can do.

            YOU are NOT RESPONSIBLE! I just wanted to say that. I don't know if it is part of the equation for you are not but, I just wanted to say that.

            If your Uncle was implying that, he is lying to himself and you.

            You are so great Victoria. YOU to NATALIE. 🙂

            Annie

          6. That was a very good response. I consider that very positive advice. As for me, some of what you say about me is right on. But, it is very important to remember a therapist must be able to be OBJECTIVE. You do not have objectivity where I or Randy are concerned because your only feelings are interwoven. You have strong feelings for Randy and cannot see both sides accurately. You only want to accuse me of harming Randy, where in fact Randy and I were mean to each other in almost equal measure.

            With Victoria and her aunt you give great advice because you have objectivity.

            Annie

          7. That was great advice you gave to Victoria.
            It is good therapy when you have objectivity.

            Annie

        3. Hi Natalie,

          Talking about "masking the goodness", I am soooo familiar with sheep in wolves clothing. Those have crossed my path more than I would want...

          You wrote that behavior can be changed. Yes, some behavior can be changed.
          In reference to Annie's behavior on this blog, I found that she definitely spoke her mind. And yes, some of the responses were harsh... I too attempted to reason with her about that, but I was not aware of the situation... And when it came to light, I was straight forward with her and Annie took it like a brave person that she is. Annie was a worthy discussion opponent even though we disagreed about almost everything. She is an extremely smart individual. And yes, she is also extremely emotional. And if Annie's emotional state can be seen as a weakness, then let it be. But in other areas, Annie is very strong and is a good person. Annie never attacked me, but she always stood her ground. We found a way to agree to disagree.
          Accept to Randy's posts, Annie responded to posts of others in defense, which may have looked like an attack, but it was not. She continuosly stated that she does not want to argue, but her requests were avoided regardless.

          It seems that the situation was resolved. Annie did offend Randy, and he did what was necessary. His house, his rules, his decision. End of this story.

          1. Emotions - for me - are not WEAKNESS. They are an outragouesly amazing strength... To say I love, I rage, I'm sad.... All perfect, beautiful and amazing.

            Only Annie didn't do this often. She did some. Mostly she attacked, got personal, insulted, and was negative.

            She was not responsble for how she behaved - she apologised, then took it back, then attacked again. She did not often OWN her feelings, and share them. She acted OUT of them without consciousness.

            If she'd said "I feel confused, I want to be negative and attacking to get RG's attention. When he speaks to me I feel loved, and when he doesn't I feel angry." THAT may have been fine... but just being personal, rude, and negative isn't!

        4. Hi Natalie,

          Okay, this is the last reply.

          Criticism.

          You know as well as I, that criticism can be very harmful unless it's done in a particular way, a positive way.

          Personally, I dismiss criticism. Most of the time it's a reflection of someone else's beliefs, which have absolutely nothing to do with me.
          But than of course there are close friends, the once I trust with my life. Now if one of them came forward and corrected me on a certain behavior, I would definitely consider it. And that's as far as it goes.

          Victoria

          1. I think criticism - in whatever way - can be positive. RG has criticised me - sometimes in ways I haven't liked. Others have too - but it's THOSE moments that stick in my mind as core moments - touch stones - as to how I'm growing. Because they sting so deeply - they are moments I'll remember for life... And I can come back to them and see how much I've changed.

            Some positive criticism can be harmful.

            It's great that you know what works for you - and maybe you're missing nuggets by dismissing others that could be serving you...

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  • 55 comments on “Your One Moment”

    1. "One moment where you believe in someone. And that someone just might be yourself."

      Begin there ... and watch how many other moments follow in kind. 🙂

      K♥

    2. One moment...when you make a decision...one moment when you take the first step. In one moment I decided to attend my 20th high school reunion even though it was 250 miles away. Then I followed the decision with action and planned my trip and went to it. There I met my wife to be who I had known since the 6th grade. 11 years now we have been together, married. What are you deciding or not deciding in this moment?

        1. Yes. It's all about being guided. You go girl. You are on your way and my prayers are with you. You too Joe.

    3. afraid to speak out about a family problem, afraid NOT to.....I'm not good at starting the converstations....but I need to to prevent a problem from being bigger...trying to get courage here.....
      wish I could speak out better....hmmmmmmmmm

      1. I feel for you - I was a non-speaker for years. My recovery-hourney began about 6 months ago. I recognized the problem (A-Ha!) and began declaring, "I am in the process of learning to speak my truth easily & graciously" or words to that effect.
        I began attracting solutions... practicing.. taking the next step... I'm still in-process but oh my! So much better at allowing my voice to be heard. You will get there too. Not-speaking is in the past; authentic-speaking is your future. go you!

          1. I also had a process like that.I did never ever say a word if there were more than 2 people around.It is true.And then suddenly I changed dramatically.I moved to a neighbour country with another language,started to do performing arts,got a VERY selfish friend who could talk for hours non stop about herself, one day decided; I am going to have 50% of this conversation NOW and started to talk and talk and talk.In the beginning it really did not matter if everything I said was good enough.At that time I had no idea about affirmations or lack consiouness or things like that.Just knew that it was time for a change.And it worked!Since then,I own 50% of the conversation.always.And it changed my life dramatically even though it took years of anger and pain to "be one of them who talk
            much".One step at a time you reach what you want at last!

      2. If your anonymous you can speak about it here to get perspective as long as your not naming names, right?

        "What will you do with this one moment"

        I am choosing to listen so if you want to share it, go for it! I would recommend keeping it simple though or we might get edited off for going off topic. If it's too complicated another outlet may be a better place for you to talk about it (of course, just all my opinion, I'm not Randy!).

        1. But in general I can also relate to many times being out of the conversation. I am a good listener but if I'm not given the space to say something I don't enjoy revving my energy up just to be heard.

          So I affirm here, "I now enjoy meaningful conversations with equal contribution with all my friends and family".

          Yeah!

    4. And now is the moment to do so... Do something about it, or suddenly you are on your own, and can't share that moment! Choose to use the moment!

    5. Sometimes when we look inside, We see only what is wrong with us. If we could see, istead, the Goodness & Beauty that dwells
      within each one of us, then, then at last!We would see the Beauty & Goodness that dwells
      in the world.
      Contemplate your own Beauty & Goodness. These are the characteristics of your infinite spirit. See yourself. Recognize yourself for the perfection that you and everyone, everything, exemplify. Own and express your own unique and individual Beauty & Goodness.

      This was my moment today, the gift I received. What a perfect Mother's Day gift for this mama.

    6. Great Post Randy..

      Willie Jolley speaks of this also in one of his books..

      One moment can change everything. Thats why sometimes a crisis or an event can be a blessing in disguise..

      Cheers
      Jack

    7. Simply perfect!As i can see you had yours moment in Congreso Nacional in Buenos Aires.Cheers!

    8. My moment today will be focused on leading myself into prosperity with my family. Teaching My 2yr old Daughter Michelle how to be very thankful.
      P.s Keeping her from as many memes possible.

    9. Today I will accept the circumstances of my life, and I'm going to thank all the blessings that life gives me, in one moment.:)

      Randy, what a joy that you come to South America, will you also come to Chile?
      I hope yes.

      Ximena

        1. Great!!
          I have to be there then.
          It will be here in Santiago??
          Where I can get more information??

          Anyway I'll be there 🙂

          Ximena

    10. In this moment I choose to stop resisting and ALLOW Love, Abundance and Prosperity into my Life!

      Thanks Randy and have a safe and prosperous journey in South America!

    11. Randy, You're so right - one moment can make all the difference in the world.

      If I'm using your post as my guide, I can't choose between taking a moment to listen and taking a moment to believe in myself. Both are so important. Since I can't choose, I will say this - If I have believe in myself, I will take a moment to listen to another.

      Connie

    12. Everything happens in one moment but that moment is the result of long time influance we get. Everyday we get programmed on making some desicions.

      That is not very nice.

    13. I get lots of "the moment" moments but at times in the past failed to recognize them as such moments! I love to help people, listen to people. I wont take missing that moment for granted. Keeping an eye and ear out for it. Thanks RJ....

    14. On mothers day while driving down a long road, there was a beautiful sky above; half thunder clouds half blue sky. At that same moment I could feel some tension in my thoughts.

      Then another thought came up and said "instead of contemplating the origin of the tension, affirm the clarity"

      Ok, it spoke to me without words but that was the message. As the message came to me I felt lifted up out of the tension and into a new space with the memory that we have that same choice again and again whenever we remember to choose it.

      I choose THAT!

      BTW, the time was 3:45 that I felt that message, right when this blog was starting! (a friend was texting me at the time)

      Affirm affirm affirm.

      i also think of affirmations like this...we are all connected energetically...so if our thoughts begin to plummet we are pulling everyone else down. (over exaggeration but still makes my point) If our thoughts rise we help to pull everyone else up. The past is just a memory in our energetic thoughts...so when we affirm it's not a lie...it actually changes the present energy that would otherwise be left in a low place. We change the effects of the past by affirming the best in every moment we remember to do so.

      1. One more thought!

        When the message came it wasn't in words...if my mind said "choose clarity" it would have been harder for me to focus on it and make the change...my mind received a "feeling of mental clarity" along side the "feeling of mental tension" with a sort of narrator pointing to the two states of mind and invited me to focus on the one that I wanted to be real.

        So that came to me as a gift...but in cases where I am stuck and want to initiate a change, I have to put more effort in creating the quality of being I want to be real. I have to focus on visualizing and sensing what a better mental, emotional, spiritual, physical place feels like until it takes on it's own life and then I continue to focus on that. It's never just a word that makes a change..it's a state of being or mind that does.

        I'm in a talkative mood...I'm going to go have to write a book or something today! ok bb everyone!

    15. Victoria,

      Posting here so you see it - I read that blog a few days ago before any comments, so hadn't read your post about my responses to Annie... I just wanted to respond...

      Oh YOU BIG HEART. Your care love patience and giving spirit is glorious... I'm sure you could leave Annie your email address if you'd like to be her friend and support her. And I'm sure forever she'll remember that you have been a friend and caring soul. It would so help Annie to remind herself who is in her life where she DOES receive the love that feeds her.

      A part of me that's spiritual remembers the concept of "Precious Guru" - those people in our life that show us just how much work we still have to do to be loving, kind, patience and playful. But this IS NOT a spiritual community based on Oneness. While Randy is INFORMED by this - and his teachings are founded in a knowing, loving and celebrating of all faces of God, he ALSO knows the value of boundaries. Of knowing when to say NO. Warren Buffet said that Millionaires know when to say No! Maybe this is why many spiritual guru's die poor, and those who can say NO die rich! The guru's take the shit, and the prosperous one's gather diamonds! One of Randy's videos speak of letting go of the negative people in our lives. If Randy didn't LIVE his teachings he allow her on the blog. IF he did THAT he would have ZERO integrity. Because he wouldn't be practicing what he teaches!

      Sometimes "ruthless compassion" is the best path forward. Allowing someone to be repetitively abuse others is not goood for THEM or anyone around them. Allowing ANnie to be herre is NOT healthy for her or others. Here's why...

      For OTHERS: At the moment she doesn't have the stability, clarity and state of mind to be courteous, warm, and bring a positive element to the discussion. She's hurting, challenging, aggressive, insulting and unsafe. No one knows when she'll be nice or rude. That creates an unsafe place - where people are hypervigilent and not sharing fully in case they have her attack, or avoiding the comments so that they don't get activated. BEcause she doesn't regulate herself others have cut themselves OFF the blog. THAT is not right!

      For ANNIE: Allowing her to be here where people are not safe puts her in a place where she fails daily. Again and again people are telling her to stop, that she's upsetting others, that her behaviour is unacceptable. So daily she simply gets rejected, challenged and retraumatised. THIS is not fair on Annie. It's not giving her a chance to get strong. What she needs is a lot of empathy, listening, care, compassion and experiences where she can stablise, regulate, and be successful. Each time she gets challenged she got hurt - and retraumatised. This is NOT a healthy state to be in for anyone, eh?

      When she has gotten help - I would recommend Sue Johnson or Daniel Hughes who are attachment based therapists that train top notch therapists - her energy will stablise, she'll be able to regulate herself and not attack, insult, and make things personal.

      Randy doesn't run a "prosperity therapy," he runs a "prosperity and success blog."

      I think if Annie had shown
      1. the ability to share responsibility
      2. a maturity to add to a discussion with contribution rather making wrong
      3. a willingness to learn
      4. the desire to implement and change
      5. the joy of creating an inspiring, uplifting community that welcomes others
      THEN Randy would have WELCOMED her, not banished her.

      In terms of me sharing? I KNOW Randy would FAR rather me focus on my business. I am a coach and therapist for a giving. Giving this time won't make me into a millionaire, nor does it make me a saint. I do this DAILY - and have done in various forms for 2 decades. Maybe I AM the one that's pathological for giving to someone who doesn't give a shit? Maybe I have the problem caring for someone? Maybe I should care more about my bank balance that serving others? Maybe I'm the one at fault? Maybe I should be banned from the blog!!!! Ha!!!!

      He'd rather I just work on my business. Or at a push see me write a blog a day of my own rather than "serve" Annie - who NEVER appreciated, listened, or utilised my coaching/care at all. She only defended, cut off and rebelled against.

      Me spending literally hours empathising, caring, holding, etc is honestly wasted time. It may have looked good, and touched a couple of readers but it didn't change anyone's life.

      I missed Annie's "secret" the post was deleted before I saw it. What was it? BTW as a therapist I frequently have seen/read that when a person is kicked out of a relationship for not fully committing because they were "messing around" - they reveal their darkest secrets so that the caring partner won't reject them. It's to illicit kindness thru guilt. E.g. "Look how bad I have it - if you regect me you are a cold hearted bastard and it's NOT FAIR!" It's another tool/mechanism/dance they use to manipulate others to stay in a dysfunctional relationship so they can continue to abuse... It's like the trump card. I'm clear Annie revealed NOTHING because of ME. Annie shared that as a tool to manipulate. It doesn't mean that what she's saying isn't real or value, sore of awful. It's just that revealing something when you've been asked to leave is disrespecting the space. This blog is about prosperity. Not a therupitic envirnoment in which to be healed. Revealing dark secrets here will not yeild healing. It's an unsafe place... where there are not people who're trained to help with the healing. The BEST place for that is with a therapist.

      I don't know the issue. But I truly believe that right now Annie is toxic. And it's not helpful to her, or to the blog's culture for her to be here. What she needs is DEEP, real, constant, consistent and amazing Love - valuable and amazing affirmation. Getting the attachment bond and love she didn't receive in childhood.

      1. Hi Natalie,

        Annie was in love with Randy.
        It was a complicated situation and perhaps Annie dealt with it the best way she could...
        That certainly explained her love and hate posts...
        Matters of heart are just what they are, and cannot be analyzed and explained...
        Yes Annie did behave in unorthodox ways, but she was not a bad person and I do not think that she has mental problems that require psychological help... I am sure that anyone who was ever been in love can understand that time heals all, and in time Annie will come to terms with her feelings...

        I am surprised though..., most everyone on this blog proclaims universal love, acceptance, understanding and connection to each other.... Yet, only two people came forward in Annie's defense.... I just find that interesting...

        Victoria

        1. Victoria,

          To LOVE does not mean to be a doormat and take criticism. That is being HELPLESS.

          I teach in my parenting classes: ALL feelings are accepted, but BEHAVIOUR is limited.

          Insults, name calling, rudeness, attacks are NOT acceptable. Sharing feelings, owning experience, taking responsibility for what we feel is OKAY. Blaming, excusing, coming here for the point of arguing is NOT. It creates a toxic, negative environment.

          Unrequited love is painful. And Randy is easy and wonderful to fall in love with! Tho I hope he'd NEVER be with someone who treated him with as much disrespect, attack, and put downs as Annie did. Otherwise he'd be the victim of emotional and mental abuse.

          Having worked with families and couples - if I ever saw someone being treated like Annie was treating Randy I would suggest Randy put strong limits on the relationship, and not see her of have anything to do with her in a relationship. While the connection was not physically abusive, if anyone disagreed with Annie or challenged her she insulted Randy, insulted them, and made him guilty by association. It's HIGHLY toxic. She was frequently mean-spirited, refused to bring love and care to the table, and would not work to find a way to co-create a positive inspiring community.

          Even I am in therapy - I believe we ALL should go through therapy when we are sick is some way. We see a doctor if we have a physical ailment, and a psychologist is we're behaving, or feeling OFF. What Annie was saying and doing was not ON.

          Well I'm funcitional in my life and tend to treat folks great I noticed with my last guy I dated that I was critical and attacking - so I contacted a therapist to see why - and how to resolve stuff in my childhood so that I won't be that way when someone is like that to me. I've had therapy since I was a child - so it's not a stigma for me - it's a healthy responce to get help. Denial is not healthy! She's emotionally toxic - she needs treatment. Even Randy shares on his blog about the effect of going to therapy - that he went to for years.

          Victoria, what I'm left with is how you can think that she doesn't require psychological help? Basically what she was doing is a similar experience to stalking Randy. And in NOT getting what she wanted she attacked him. Being attracted to someone you don't know is one thing, letting them know is another (I've done this to people I know - totally acceptable), BUT what is pathological and NOT okay is to attack them when they are not interested in a relationship. That has no self control, and is not responsible or healthy.

          It's like someone having cancer - bleeding and vomiting everywhere and a friend syaing "they don't have a problem, they're just a bit stressed." They need HELP - they need to see a doctor.

          The pain of Love doesn't just HEAL. It churns, and keeps one up, and unable to focus. We can not see our own patterns - we are blind to them. What often we need is outside eyes to see in and give us awareness and the path to healing. Yesterday when I spoke with my therapist (considering I am a therapist) he illuminated me to things I had not seen about my life EVER. I've been doing awareness work for 20 years!!! And you can ask RG - he gets irritated with the amount of reflection into my life that I do! So it's surprising Clive could see things I had totally missed. When I shared it with my best friend she was totally blown away. And she's a relationship coach! Things we'd both missed in how I get treated in relationships...

          I know absolutely that Annie is a good person with a good heart behind everything - but she's allowed herself to be taken over by the belief that Love= Abuse. It's a false belief, and I don't feel it serves her to say "you're okay." Her treatment of Randy, and others was/is SICK. I absolutely know that she needs treatment. If only so that SHE feels safe, loved, and learns how to regulate herself.

          I'm wondering what in you wants to stay believing in Annie as only good, while denying the abuse, and dismissing it as "being in love?" And judging that who said "enough!" Your judgment of others choosing to remove negativity out of their life you see as wrong - without: "love, acceptance, understanding and connection to each other."

          MAYBE me, RG, and others are being loving, accepting, understanding and have a connection to each other and Annie - while ALSO having the self respect to say "this is tosic, and unhealthy. To constantly be attacked it not good for someone's immune system - it literally weakens it. Get help, and become healthy and when you embrace and integrate issues THEN you can be healthy."

          I don't believe Annie needs DEFENSE. She's not a victim. Even tho she chooses to take things personally. She's a creator. that's what this blog is about. I don't want to rescue her.... cos that would disempower her ultimately... Going to therapy may help her understand why she chose to love Randy and behave like this...

          xox

          1. PS This book is fabulous for understanding how people behave in love. She's been named the best couples therapist in the world by international arthor John Gottman.

            Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love' by Sue Johnson http://amzn.to/mnutYV

            1. Annie, if your still reading I think you were showing up 100% to see how Randy (someone you admired) would react.

              It sounds like you are so ready to embrace your shadow in a positive way and you want to know that everyone else has a shadow too.

              I would highly recommend looking into shadow work, you appear to be really good at "seeing", (meaning your not hiding things from yourself) but they appear to not be ruled by a center of clarity. Each aspect is ruling as if it were the entire truth.

              So the next step is to learn how to integrate what you see, transform it to find the gem in the dark.

              Check out "the Dark side of Light Chasers" by Debbie Ford. I think you will love it!

              And this is just my opinion. I am not a counselor, just a fellow explorer.

          2. Hello Natalie,

            To answer your question as to why I believe that Annie is good:

            I see good in people until they prove me wrong.

            I also see that you strongly believe in therapy.... Actually my goal was to become a psychologist, but then I realized that I cannot help people... People must be willing to help themselves.
            Some people enjoy the state of misery and helplessness, as well as having an ear to pour their insecurities and self-petty into... I did not and do not have patience for it...
            I believe that human mind is capable of extraordinary things, one of which is the ability to resolve any problem immediately instead of dragging it on for a lifetime.
            I believe that Annie is one of those people capable of facing issues and resolving them immediately once she had enough...
            I believe in Annie as I believe in myself... Through our discussions Annie demonstrated certain character qualities that brought me to this conclusion.

            As for judging "who said enough"...., I judge people's thoughts by comparing them to their actions. That's about it.

            To respond to your previous statement about me giving my email to Annie... If Annie needs to contact me, she'll find me on facebook. I am sure that she knows that...

            Victoria

            1. Hi Victoria,

              I believe in GOOD therapy! 🙂 Not in ALL therapy! After many years of listening to people's problems, I trained as a coach to work with people to co-create their lives. And now I see how beautifully they work together!

              You say "I see good in people until they prove me wrong."

              So how many times does she have to insult and attack RG and others who she disagrees with before she proves you wrong. Is that RIGHT behaviour?

              You say: "Some people enjoy the state of misery and helplessness, as well as having an ear to pour their insecurities and self-petty into… I did not and do not have patience for it…"

              And yet- you have the patience for Annie? And feel judgment against those who've said "enough!" I'm curious as to what Annie has that you identify with, that offers you patience and tolerance? 🙂

              I personally didn't see Annie showing that she'd work with her issues. She seemed to deny, avoid and attack. When RG responded - ie - she got what she wanted - then she'd stop for a moment... Tho if he didn't respond again she'd attack until he did. This isn't healthy, becoming aware, or changing. It's being caught in a repetitive toxic cycle. It doesn't mean that I don't love her or care. My time, empathy, patience, feedback, reflection all show clearly that I care. AND this isn't the place for therapy - and it isn't the place for someone who comes with the Intent to argue. It's the envirnment for those who want to learn.

              You can feel sorry for Annie being caught up in Love, but that doesn't make her BEHAVIOUR acceptable, excusable or okay.

              🙂

      2. Hello Natalie,

        This is another reason why I do not like conventional Psychology...
        Most psychologists themselves have unsolved problems and they see those problems in everyone else even though they do not exist. They also workout their personal problems through others, and that can be damaging to the psyche of the unsuspecting individual.

        I was also trained and practiced in a certain psychological field, somewhat different from conventional...
        With that in mind Natalie, no matter what kind of questions you will ask me and how you'll dissect my answers, you will not find weaknesses that you are looking for, because they do not exist.

        So, let's move on to learning how to make millions.

        Victoria

        1. Victoria,

          I don't think I've ever met anyone on earth who doesn't have an unsolved something - we're all working on something at all times. To think we have NO problems is - for me - a denial... I'd rather be straight with myself, than blinkered. Because I find that when I'm ignoring something it plays out unconsciously to sabotage things.

          Just to be clear - at no point in my questions am I/was I looking for weaknesses at all. I was calling for integrity - or alignment with words and actions.

          It's interesting you see it as looking for weaknesses - and it makes sense that if you see it that why you wouldn't feel a desire to answer. Of course you'd feel protective, and adamant - to avoid being made weak. I hope you know that isn't and wasn't my purpose AT ALL. I am intent in seeing both goodness and behaviours that aren't healthy that mask the goodness. Behaviours can change! The first step is being AWARE of them. For some reason - when I share with Annie about her BEHAVIOUR, you see that as an attack, making her weak, and seeing that SHE is that. That's NOT what I'm doing - I'm seeing BEHAVIOUR, and knowing ANNIE is GOOD. But requesting the BEHAVIOUR change.

          Noticing a behaviour that is unhealthy - for me - is a strength - it reveals something we can change. It's EMPOWERING.

          Ignoring an elephant in the room, allowing abuse and negativity to continue - is disempwoering for the person and others around. It's saying we don't have the strength to change anything - so lets ignore it and allow abuse to perpetuate.

          It would seem - THIS is part of making millions.... As per RG's next post on how we take criticism.... Do we side step it? Do we look at it clearly? Do we dismiss it? DO we distance ourselves from it with judgement? Or do we honestly open ourselves to the blinkers we have, and look at what we are not seeing?

          Have you read RG's post "Wisdom Through Correction?" Do you think HE is looking for weaknesses? I think he's VERY happy to point out weaknesses in me and others if they aren't serving us. Is it mixed up in his own past and self image - I'm absolutely sure it is! The lens we see things through is so governed by our programming...

          I wish you well!
          Love to you Victoria! xox

          1. Hello Natalie,

            I understand what you mean by everyone has problems.
            I am not exempt from challenges of life. I simply look at things differently.
            Instead of saying or thinking that I have problems, I see challenges and immediately find solutions, fix them and never look back. I see everything as a lesson and always walk away with a bag of newfound knowledge. I do not dwell on the past and I do not live in the past. There is nothing I can do about childhood dilemmas or past relationships. What's done is done...

            I walk away from unhealthy relationships and friendships. No regrets but additional information to make sure that the same errors in judgement never happens again.
            I take full responsibility for my choices and evaluate what it was that attracted me to certain people, and make sure that I do not do it again.

            I am ruthless, sometimes hard, strong, selfish, ambitious and stubborn. I am all of that and more. I am very proud of myself and my accomplishments. I love myself and everything in my life is very good. I find that most people complicate life. I think that life is easy and beautiful.

          2. Hi Natalie,

            I am breaking up my reply to you in several sections, so it does not seem like a never ending story.

            To answer "It's interesting you see it as looking for weakness..."

            Okay, let me ask you a question, when someone asks "How are you today", what is the expected answer?

            Here is my experience every single time I am asked "How are you today?"...
            I respond that I am doing great! My answer and the way that I answer makes people respond in three different ways.

            1. "Wow, that is so great, because all I hear are complains about this and that..."

            2. "Really..., why what's going on..."

            3. No response, just a weird look...

            So, do you think that people are looking for weaknesses or strengths?

            With the above in mind, you were trained to ask certain questions to bring out certain feelings.... In that sense your field and mine are similar. I know that your aim was not meant to harm and I respect your expertise.

            1. It depends on the moment - if I hear someone saying "okay" and they seems fabulous - I'll say "jeesh, you could have fooled me, you look totally AMAZING!"

              Tho when someone says "wonderful" and it's sugar coated shit - I'll say "I hear you WANT to be wonderful - and there's also something else that's hard at the moment, eh?"

              When it's authentic, real and true - and the energy is aligned with GREAT - I will say "fabulous! So awesome to hear!"

              My training is to bring ALIGNMENT - so that people don't live in double binds. Where they are syaing one thing, living another, and behaving in a third. My focus is on being authentic and real - not false, or having pretenses. Because that misalignment is damaging to healthy honest relationships.

            2. Hello Natalie,

              You just described my aunt:
              "...they are saying one thing,
              living another,
              and behaving in a third."

              I never thought of it in this way, but today it makes sense.
              And such a "misalignment is damaging to a healthy honest relationship" is also very true. There was never an honest and healthy relationship between my aunt and I because she always lies about her feelings and knowing that I could not wait to finish conversation with her...

              And here is a sick twist...
              Last Saturday several hours after talking to me on the phone, my aunt attempted suicide by hanging... Later she was admitted into a psych ward... And I found out about it Thursday directly from her...

              Natalie, when she told me.... I was sooooo angry... that it felt as if though my head would explode... And I shared my feelings with her....
              After she started crying, her husband took the phone and told me...., no, he ordered me.... that I will say what my aunt wants to hear and agree with everything that she'll say.... Basically he told me to lie.

              As he was saying that to me, everything inside of me froze... It's as if though I turned to stone... I still don't feel anything. I don't hate, I don't love. Nothing.
              Actually I don't even want to talk to her because I don't want to hear lies and I don't want to be a part of a lie, as well as lie myself.

              You wrote in the last post that "by dismissing others...." I maybe "...missing nuggets...".
              You see, I am afraid that if I will not dismiss, then I'll be missing nuggets in my head, go against what I believe in and become just like them...

              Any thoughts?
              Victoria

            3. Victoria, my quick thoughts...

              You're concerned that if you engage with them, you'll become like them? You'll try to con yourself and others, and become false? That you're take on who they are - and lose yourself?

              It helps to remember that EVERYONE is either pushing to get LOVE, or withdrawing to avoid the pain of NOT being LOVED. Sometimes people feel they HAVE to lie because they won't feel loved.... Often because they struggle with the truth so they think that you may too...

              Right now - it seem like you feel you need boundaries to take care of you. You know what's right for you. Do what's best...
              What I also hear your uncle saying is that he's really scared, and that he wants peace, and he wants her to loved so that she'll want to stay alive. AND I would say "I hear you want me to be careful with what I say so I don't upset her, and that you feel scared that what I say - my truth - may cause upset. I also hear you saying you want me to Love her, listen deeply, empathise, and care for her where she's at so she feels safe. While I can promise to do what I can to love, I ALSO know I need to be true to me, and share how I feel, and I'll try to do that the best I can. I can not lie tho. So either I am in your life sharing honestly or I stay away. You decide, because the third option of lying isn't a fit for me - it's either being honest or staying away. "

              There are two places I'd slow down to hear your messages from yourself Victoria

              1. When you were so angry that your head wanted to explode... slow that down to see the different feelings and complexities there. I'm betting there were many emotions behind the anger...

              2. When you say you feel NOTHING. I hear that - the numbness, and shut down. It's so understandable - like everything in you to them is cut out, nothing there to express, nothing to say, and no point, eh? I would flesh that out... breath into that... Love that alot... Smile goodness into it, and host it with luscious loving...

              Deep joy and loving to you through it all...

            4. Natalie,

              Thank you very much.

              All true and makes sense. In #1 there was also pain.

              Love and peace to you,
              Victoria

            5. I really liked what Natalie said to you. It was brilliant. I have relatives like that too.

              The only thing I would add, is that it seemed to me if I would have that same thing happen to me Victoria, I would have felt guilty or responsible for my Aunt's attempt at suicide. I am not in any way suggesting you feel that way. But, if you do, please know that is POPPYCOCK! It is in no way true. Your Aunt is responsible for herself and her actions. Suicide is usually the most selfish act anyone can do.

              YOU are NOT RESPONSIBLE! I just wanted to say that. I don't know if it is part of the equation for you are not but, I just wanted to say that.

              If your Uncle was implying that, he is lying to himself and you.

              You are so great Victoria. YOU to NATALIE. 🙂

              Annie

            6. That was a very good response. I consider that very positive advice. As for me, some of what you say about me is right on. But, it is very important to remember a therapist must be able to be OBJECTIVE. You do not have objectivity where I or Randy are concerned because your only feelings are interwoven. You have strong feelings for Randy and cannot see both sides accurately. You only want to accuse me of harming Randy, where in fact Randy and I were mean to each other in almost equal measure.

              With Victoria and her aunt you give great advice because you have objectivity.

              Annie

            7. That was great advice you gave to Victoria.
              It is good therapy when you have objectivity.

              Annie

          3. Hi Natalie,

            Talking about "masking the goodness", I am soooo familiar with sheep in wolves clothing. Those have crossed my path more than I would want...

            You wrote that behavior can be changed. Yes, some behavior can be changed.
            In reference to Annie's behavior on this blog, I found that she definitely spoke her mind. And yes, some of the responses were harsh... I too attempted to reason with her about that, but I was not aware of the situation... And when it came to light, I was straight forward with her and Annie took it like a brave person that she is. Annie was a worthy discussion opponent even though we disagreed about almost everything. She is an extremely smart individual. And yes, she is also extremely emotional. And if Annie's emotional state can be seen as a weakness, then let it be. But in other areas, Annie is very strong and is a good person. Annie never attacked me, but she always stood her ground. We found a way to agree to disagree.
            Accept to Randy's posts, Annie responded to posts of others in defense, which may have looked like an attack, but it was not. She continuosly stated that she does not want to argue, but her requests were avoided regardless.

            It seems that the situation was resolved. Annie did offend Randy, and he did what was necessary. His house, his rules, his decision. End of this story.

            1. Emotions - for me - are not WEAKNESS. They are an outragouesly amazing strength... To say I love, I rage, I'm sad.... All perfect, beautiful and amazing.

              Only Annie didn't do this often. She did some. Mostly she attacked, got personal, insulted, and was negative.

              She was not responsble for how she behaved - she apologised, then took it back, then attacked again. She did not often OWN her feelings, and share them. She acted OUT of them without consciousness.

              If she'd said "I feel confused, I want to be negative and attacking to get RG's attention. When he speaks to me I feel loved, and when he doesn't I feel angry." THAT may have been fine... but just being personal, rude, and negative isn't!

          4. Hi Natalie,

            Okay, this is the last reply.

            Criticism.

            You know as well as I, that criticism can be very harmful unless it's done in a particular way, a positive way.

            Personally, I dismiss criticism. Most of the time it's a reflection of someone else's beliefs, which have absolutely nothing to do with me.
            But than of course there are close friends, the once I trust with my life. Now if one of them came forward and corrected me on a certain behavior, I would definitely consider it. And that's as far as it goes.

            Victoria

            1. I think criticism - in whatever way - can be positive. RG has criticised me - sometimes in ways I haven't liked. Others have too - but it's THOSE moments that stick in my mind as core moments - touch stones - as to how I'm growing. Because they sting so deeply - they are moments I'll remember for life... And I can come back to them and see how much I've changed.

              Some positive criticism can be harmful.

              It's great that you know what works for you - and maybe you're missing nuggets by dismissing others that could be serving you...

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