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Wisdom through Correction

Posted By: Randy GageMay 12, 2011

The ear that heareth the reproof of life abideth among the wise.  He that refuseth instruction despiseth his own soul; even as a father the son in whom be delighteth.

That quote from Proverbs does more than just show the limitations of my spellchecker.  It also points out an important lesson in gaining wisdom.

Accepting criticism.

People who are serious about gaining wisdom actually seek out feedback and never feel bad when they are corrected on something.  They’re grateful for the correction, because they know it serves to move them forward.  The key is having people you can trust to have your highest good in mind.

Insults or pointing your faults to bring you down doesn’t serve you.  But having people around you who will lovingly “call you on your stuff” is immensely beneficial.

Having the currency to tell and receive the truth is the ultimate form of respect in a relationship.  One of the best things you can do for success is to be a person like that, and attract others like that to you.

So how you doing on that?

It’s been a wonderful tour down here.  The audiences in Buenos Aires, Montevideo, and Santiago showered me with love.  It feels good to be back in Bogota.  That picture is the view of downtown from the top of Torre Colpatria, the tallest building here.

-RG

27 comments on “Wisdom through Correction”

  1. I love to have feedback,and try to make sure that I accept it graciously. (I am not sure that getting that feedback from my husband really counts!)
    PS. You reminded why I read the NIV!;)

    1. Why not from your husband? He likely knows you better than any other person (yourself excluded). Speaking from personal experience, it just hurts because it's coming from someone you love. Somehow it's easier to take from someone else, like a boss.

      1. I've long believed that as spouses, one of the most important roles we have is to help one another become The Best We Can Be. While I love and admire the many great qualities about my dear husband of 30 years, there are times when he needs to be "corrected" - ie, reminded that there is a different & happier way to behave. Like for example, "get off whining about other drivers, for gosh sakes! all it does is raise our stress level here in the car! Start looking for Drivers Doing It Right."
        (more tactfully stated of course; I've no desire to hurt the one I love, just to, well, correct him.)
        Yes, he corrects me too; and not always tactfully, but ... I'm slowly but surely correcting him on that, too!

  2. "..The key is having people you can trust to have your highest good in mind..." And as we all know, Trust is something earned, never assumed.

    I'm fortunate in that I have trusted relationships. The closest ones have lasted since I was 6 years old, and are very cherished. Often, those closest to you want to be gentle, which is a nice quality. However, sometimes you need someone to 'get in your face' and just be honest. Having evolved personally and spiritually over the years, I EMBRACE the opportunity to listen to my 'mirrors'.

    We all know that Life is about choices and those we choose to have in our Life in all cases share some of the same 'stuff' we have going on. And as George Carlin (bless his soul) said years ago, "Everyone's gotta have stuff". LOL.

    This is ongoing work. Before Enlightenment, carrying water and chopping wood. After Enlightenment, carrying water and chopping wood.

    Thanks Randy. Great stuff as always.. Enjoy your trip!

  3. Having people that call me on my stuff - I cherish those individuals. I respect them more for it. Those that don't but could - well, I view them as a little bit weak. I still love them, they just have a different place in my life.

  4. Wow. I just finished a coaching session with one of my mentors on this. We were discussing spiritual growth and he asked, are you really HEARING, or are you just listening. He said that repetition is necessary for growth. We all think we hear something and it sinks, but in reality, if we are in truth, which I think speaks to what Randy is talking about in this blog, are we really letting what we hear, and I am referenceing more to the bible personally with this, or are we just listening and moving forward as if we have that part of our life down now. This was so impactful for me. I have been blessed to surround myself with people who really get it and are able to see me beyond myself. I seek people out who are way beyond where I am in order to learn and grow. We can learn a lot of things in life, for sure, but do we really hear. There is a difference, once you understand this, between listening and hearing. Once you hear, the impact is profound. It's all about, at least for me at this time, internalizing what I hear and understanding it at a level I never did before. We can be very superficial with our lives, but the true understandings come from being truthful with ourselves and internalizing what we hear and manifesting that into our lives. I hope this resonates with someone out there. It was so profound to me.

  5. I have one other thing to share. Truth is truth. A yes should mean yes, and a no should mean no. The more evolved I become, the more I realize how few people are capable of connecting with or able to express trust. Trust is so pure. It can't hurt or harm if it is truly trust. No one with the capability to speak truth, I don't think, has the capacity to use it for harm or gain. It is a pure gift that can only be developed by one who own's it themselves.

  6. Comparatively, I am stronger at receiving feedback than giving it. It used to be because - like Randy mentions in his earlier blog post - I was into pleasing and placating everyone around me, but now it is more because I am still developing the skill further. So I do give feedback in cases where I consider my skill is adequate at this moment, and I choose not to engage (if possible) when I think I will not handle it good for the well being of the other.
    To illustrate: I admired how Natalie was interacting with Annie. For a few months I was not acting and not saying anything to Annie (or to some others who attacked Annie thereby exhibiting the same behavior of which they were criticizing her). I chose to learn (not the least about myself and why was I so triggered) from others here on this blog who were exhibiting more skillful approaches (my opinion, of course), even though in the beginning I did not agree with them 🙂
    I agree with Marry-Ellen on this:
    "No one with the capability to speak truth, I don’t think, has the capacity to use it for harm or gain. It is a pure gift that can only be developed by one who own’s it themselves."

    Btw, feedback is welcome. I am here to learn. Thank you! 🙂

  7. Couldn't agree more with Mary Ellen- repetition really is the mother of learning. And hearing is so different to listening. There is also reading, then knowing, then integrating something. I know someone who started reading Think and Grow Rich in 1960, has read it literally hundreds of times. He not only reads it every day but says he continually sees things in it he didn't see before. When he makes a program he says "listen to it everyday for a month." Randy's videos on prosperityTV are super and merit seeing over and over and over. Just one viewing doesnt have the same effect as listening to a message repeatedly. Change does not happen by chance.

  8. To hear is to forget. To see is to remember. To do is to show you understand. Confuceous. We hear from our real friends who wish for us to be a better person in their light. We see their expressions when we may or may not get it right. However, when we continually do, do we show our friends that we understand why they were improving our ways.
    Love the blogs Randy

  9. As your mind grows, you will accept feedback as it is and you will choose to use it to make positive changes on your behavior...

  10. If the criticism comes from someone who really loves us and wants the best for us, then fine.
    The problem is when you are sure that this really is?
    I have been the kind of person who says the truth even knowing that this may hurt, and has brought me many problems. I think most of people are not prepared to hear the true.

  11. It seems like the better part of wisdom to accept Corrections Graciously. I'd much rather be corrected than wear the consequences of my ignorance! I can weigh & measure the correction, consider whether it is applicable or not.

    A "correction" is a gift. Sometimes gifts are not a match for the needs/wants of the recipient. No blame.

    When I have the impulse to correct someone, however, I have to ask myself, is this in their best interest, or is it about MY best interest?

    My Biggest Issue around Corrections, however, is this blessed Interval Voice of Self-Correction, which has been running off at the mouth something awful for most of my life.

  12. Hi Randy,

    that is so true: We need to be reminded of the requirements of business by a person who has our best interest in mind. In his book "The Secret Code Of Success", Noah St. John calls these people "Safe Havens".

    Thanks for sharing your insights.

    Take care

    Oliver

  13. I haven't read this blog for a while. Missed a lot of interesting comments, I guess. But everything has meaning.

    Today I was corrected by a person whose consultation I needed. The correction was related to the way I say things without even understanding that some people might feel uncomfotable. I liked this correction so much! I was greatful as my consultant helped me to avoid this mistake in the future and to understand other people that had acted the way I did today. What a great relief!

    1. Rishkin, I wish I had your consultant here! I occassionally find myself in the same situation: something I've said, or the way I've said it, offends someone, and I haven't a CLUE why they found it/me offensive! It's obviously something I need to correct or have corrected, but how?
      In other words - help! Correction needed!

  14. Be careful with people who always flatter you and say that they admire you. Just only close friends point on our faults and mistakes 'cause they want to make us better than we are. Don't worry about mistakes. As each sentence has punctuation marks, our life has the same marks called faults.

  15. RG - I'm not sure I agree with your statement "NEVER FEEL BAD" - because that feeling bad is part of the process. That burn or that sting reveals the reality of awareness. Feeling the truth in the error of your ways often feels yuck. Wouldn't say that's part of the PAIN that is the BRIDGE to change?

  16. I have a weekly practice with my kids where I ask them how I'm doing as a mother -

    Where am I going right?

    What am I slipping up on?

    How would they like me to improve?

    And then when they've shared things that they'd like me to change and told me how - I check in with those "Do you think I've improved? How could I make it even better?"

    This also becomes an opening for where thy need to step up - and we all share the issues we're having in changing vairous things and how we can break through the resistance.

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  • 27 comments on “Wisdom through Correction”

    1. I love to have feedback,and try to make sure that I accept it graciously. (I am not sure that getting that feedback from my husband really counts!)
      PS. You reminded why I read the NIV!;)

      1. Why not from your husband? He likely knows you better than any other person (yourself excluded). Speaking from personal experience, it just hurts because it's coming from someone you love. Somehow it's easier to take from someone else, like a boss.

        1. I've long believed that as spouses, one of the most important roles we have is to help one another become The Best We Can Be. While I love and admire the many great qualities about my dear husband of 30 years, there are times when he needs to be "corrected" - ie, reminded that there is a different & happier way to behave. Like for example, "get off whining about other drivers, for gosh sakes! all it does is raise our stress level here in the car! Start looking for Drivers Doing It Right."
          (more tactfully stated of course; I've no desire to hurt the one I love, just to, well, correct him.)
          Yes, he corrects me too; and not always tactfully, but ... I'm slowly but surely correcting him on that, too!

    2. "..The key is having people you can trust to have your highest good in mind..." And as we all know, Trust is something earned, never assumed.

      I'm fortunate in that I have trusted relationships. The closest ones have lasted since I was 6 years old, and are very cherished. Often, those closest to you want to be gentle, which is a nice quality. However, sometimes you need someone to 'get in your face' and just be honest. Having evolved personally and spiritually over the years, I EMBRACE the opportunity to listen to my 'mirrors'.

      We all know that Life is about choices and those we choose to have in our Life in all cases share some of the same 'stuff' we have going on. And as George Carlin (bless his soul) said years ago, "Everyone's gotta have stuff". LOL.

      This is ongoing work. Before Enlightenment, carrying water and chopping wood. After Enlightenment, carrying water and chopping wood.

      Thanks Randy. Great stuff as always.. Enjoy your trip!

    3. Having people that call me on my stuff - I cherish those individuals. I respect them more for it. Those that don't but could - well, I view them as a little bit weak. I still love them, they just have a different place in my life.

    4. Wow. I just finished a coaching session with one of my mentors on this. We were discussing spiritual growth and he asked, are you really HEARING, or are you just listening. He said that repetition is necessary for growth. We all think we hear something and it sinks, but in reality, if we are in truth, which I think speaks to what Randy is talking about in this blog, are we really letting what we hear, and I am referenceing more to the bible personally with this, or are we just listening and moving forward as if we have that part of our life down now. This was so impactful for me. I have been blessed to surround myself with people who really get it and are able to see me beyond myself. I seek people out who are way beyond where I am in order to learn and grow. We can learn a lot of things in life, for sure, but do we really hear. There is a difference, once you understand this, between listening and hearing. Once you hear, the impact is profound. It's all about, at least for me at this time, internalizing what I hear and understanding it at a level I never did before. We can be very superficial with our lives, but the true understandings come from being truthful with ourselves and internalizing what we hear and manifesting that into our lives. I hope this resonates with someone out there. It was so profound to me.

    5. I have one other thing to share. Truth is truth. A yes should mean yes, and a no should mean no. The more evolved I become, the more I realize how few people are capable of connecting with or able to express trust. Trust is so pure. It can't hurt or harm if it is truly trust. No one with the capability to speak truth, I don't think, has the capacity to use it for harm or gain. It is a pure gift that can only be developed by one who own's it themselves.

    6. Comparatively, I am stronger at receiving feedback than giving it. It used to be because - like Randy mentions in his earlier blog post - I was into pleasing and placating everyone around me, but now it is more because I am still developing the skill further. So I do give feedback in cases where I consider my skill is adequate at this moment, and I choose not to engage (if possible) when I think I will not handle it good for the well being of the other.
      To illustrate: I admired how Natalie was interacting with Annie. For a few months I was not acting and not saying anything to Annie (or to some others who attacked Annie thereby exhibiting the same behavior of which they were criticizing her). I chose to learn (not the least about myself and why was I so triggered) from others here on this blog who were exhibiting more skillful approaches (my opinion, of course), even though in the beginning I did not agree with them 🙂
      I agree with Marry-Ellen on this:
      "No one with the capability to speak truth, I don’t think, has the capacity to use it for harm or gain. It is a pure gift that can only be developed by one who own’s it themselves."

      Btw, feedback is welcome. I am here to learn. Thank you! 🙂

    7. Couldn't agree more with Mary Ellen- repetition really is the mother of learning. And hearing is so different to listening. There is also reading, then knowing, then integrating something. I know someone who started reading Think and Grow Rich in 1960, has read it literally hundreds of times. He not only reads it every day but says he continually sees things in it he didn't see before. When he makes a program he says "listen to it everyday for a month." Randy's videos on prosperityTV are super and merit seeing over and over and over. Just one viewing doesnt have the same effect as listening to a message repeatedly. Change does not happen by chance.

    8. To hear is to forget. To see is to remember. To do is to show you understand. Confuceous. We hear from our real friends who wish for us to be a better person in their light. We see their expressions when we may or may not get it right. However, when we continually do, do we show our friends that we understand why they were improving our ways.
      Love the blogs Randy

    9. As your mind grows, you will accept feedback as it is and you will choose to use it to make positive changes on your behavior...

    10. If the criticism comes from someone who really loves us and wants the best for us, then fine.
      The problem is when you are sure that this really is?
      I have been the kind of person who says the truth even knowing that this may hurt, and has brought me many problems. I think most of people are not prepared to hear the true.

    11. It seems like the better part of wisdom to accept Corrections Graciously. I'd much rather be corrected than wear the consequences of my ignorance! I can weigh & measure the correction, consider whether it is applicable or not.

      A "correction" is a gift. Sometimes gifts are not a match for the needs/wants of the recipient. No blame.

      When I have the impulse to correct someone, however, I have to ask myself, is this in their best interest, or is it about MY best interest?

      My Biggest Issue around Corrections, however, is this blessed Interval Voice of Self-Correction, which has been running off at the mouth something awful for most of my life.

    12. Hi Randy,

      that is so true: We need to be reminded of the requirements of business by a person who has our best interest in mind. In his book "The Secret Code Of Success", Noah St. John calls these people "Safe Havens".

      Thanks for sharing your insights.

      Take care

      Oliver

    13. I haven't read this blog for a while. Missed a lot of interesting comments, I guess. But everything has meaning.

      Today I was corrected by a person whose consultation I needed. The correction was related to the way I say things without even understanding that some people might feel uncomfotable. I liked this correction so much! I was greatful as my consultant helped me to avoid this mistake in the future and to understand other people that had acted the way I did today. What a great relief!

      1. Rishkin, I wish I had your consultant here! I occassionally find myself in the same situation: something I've said, or the way I've said it, offends someone, and I haven't a CLUE why they found it/me offensive! It's obviously something I need to correct or have corrected, but how?
        In other words - help! Correction needed!

    14. Be careful with people who always flatter you and say that they admire you. Just only close friends point on our faults and mistakes 'cause they want to make us better than we are. Don't worry about mistakes. As each sentence has punctuation marks, our life has the same marks called faults.

    15. RG - I'm not sure I agree with your statement "NEVER FEEL BAD" - because that feeling bad is part of the process. That burn or that sting reveals the reality of awareness. Feeling the truth in the error of your ways often feels yuck. Wouldn't say that's part of the PAIN that is the BRIDGE to change?

    16. I have a weekly practice with my kids where I ask them how I'm doing as a mother -

      Where am I going right?

      What am I slipping up on?

      How would they like me to improve?

      And then when they've shared things that they'd like me to change and told me how - I check in with those "Do you think I've improved? How could I make it even better?"

      This also becomes an opening for where thy need to step up - and we all share the issues we're having in changing vairous things and how we can break through the resistance.

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