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What You’re Really Attracting

Posted By: Randy GageJanuary 16, 2009

So I meant a guy in the softball league I’ll call “Jeremy.”  He’s 36 years old, and in his 36 winters, he’s seen a lot.  His father told his family that he didn’t love them, and walked out of their lives when Jeremy was about 12.  He’s been single for five years, since his last relationship ended.  Before that, his fiancé was killed in a car accident, a few weeks before their wedding.  He’s had cancer.  Twice.

When he talks about his friends, I sit in quite amazement.  His best friend since school days is a girl who married an alcoholic who abused her and the kids.  His other friend came home to find his spouse had blown his brains out.  Another one has both alcohol and drug dependencies.

Now here is the interesting thing about Jeremy...

I asked him what he thought he was doing to attract these kinds of friends around him.  He looked at me like I was speaking in Swahili.  The more I tried to explain it, the more lost he got.  He slowly went from perplexed, to confused, to defensive, to mad.  Finally I came to my senses, and changed the subject.

I sometimes forget that not everyone is on the path of higher consciousness and personal growth. And to all these people, things that happen to them are just random occurrences that they have no control over.

Jeremy has a very good job.  He’s two years away from Senior Partner status at his firm.  So he works weekends, and often stays at the office till midnight.  He’s on-call a lot, and gets dozens of calls, all hours of the day and night. He doesn’t drink or smoke.  He works out four times a week in the gym, and doesn’t have an ounce of fat on him.  He’s very friendly, and well liked.

He’s formed several softball teams, helped pay the fees, and contributed towards the uniforms.  When someone doesn’t have money to go to a tournament, Jeremy is there to bail them out.  He is constantly getting calls from his friends, talking them through their challenges in relationships, drugs, employment and other dramas.  He is a true friend, always there for them.  He must get one or two dozen calls from friends a day.  He can’t get through a meal without getting three or four calls.

He is very proud of his accomplishments, both professionally, and the personal challenges he has overcome.  He thinks he’s extremely well adjusted, and has dealt with his demons.

I think he’s in total denial...

Yes everyone likes him.  That’s tip number one.  Because if everyone likes you – you’re doing something wrong!   Because to be generally accepted by the herd, you must pander to their lack and limitation programming.  And enable their addictions and dysfunctional behavior.  Bail them out of their jams.  Commiserate with their victim-hood, and let them know that it is not their fault.

I tell you the other signs I see in Jeremy.  He moved in his house a month ago, but hasn’t slept in the bedroom yet.  He told me, “Well when you’re with someone for six years, and used to being with someone, you don’t like to sleep alone.”  So he sleeps every night on the sofa.  With the TV playing, because he doesn’t like quiet.

And he has the TV on all day as well, even when he’s not watching it.  I think he needs the visual stimulation, because he’s so high-strung.  Can you imagine the subconscious programming that he is getting?

He’s the ultimate anal, detail guy.  I asked him how long it takes to drive from Atlanta to Birmingham.  “Two hours and 23 minutes,” he answered.  When he tells you about an event, he relates every minute detail about everything; stuff that has no bearing on the story.  I could go on, but you get the picture.

Jeremy believes that he is a perfectly well adjusted guy.  I think he so desperately wants to be loved that he works too hard at his job, going way above and beyond duty, to receive positive acknowledgment.  I think he befriends all these people who are experiencing drama because it lets him act out his co-dependency behavior and get positive attention that way.  I think he is afraid to be alone with himself for five minutes.  I think he has a lot of unresolved anger, rejection and hurt.

So why am I telling you all this?

Because of what it demonstrates.  Here is a good-hearted guy, who wouldn’t hurt a flea.  He’s honest, hard working and caring.  He’s interacting well with society by society’s standards.  Yet the only people he is attracting in his life are people in the absolute throes of victim-hood, drama, and despair.

Talk about people in a negative pattern, Jeremy is the poster child.  Yet the world is filled with walking wounded just like Jeremy.  Alcoholics, co-dependents, narcissists, people unable to express love, unable to receive love, and a litany of other situations.  And most all of them think they are well adjusted!   And according to the people around them they are.

But you know better…

So here are my questions for you: First, how would you judge what you’re attracting in your life?  Overall, is your life working well?  By this I mean you’re in great health, have loving relationships, are experiencing monetary abundance, enjoy your work, and have a strong spiritual belief that works for you.   What’s your “team record” overall?

Do some critical thinking on this in the meantime and check in with your thoughts.  Next time we’ll look deeper at what it means when things aren’t working as well as you like.

-RG

12 comments on “What You’re Really Attracting”

  1. Hey Randy, just wanted to say hi. Nice Blog. I'm following you on Twitter because I remember your name from a few years ago. Think I still have some of your training material.
    Have a great day!

  2. Hi Randy,

    I started reading your 5 books on prosperity and they make me realize like never before I'm manifesting my own destiny. The lack programming from my past, and what society does to hold it for the present. So even if you don't know, you've helped me in a great way ACCEPTING prosperity and recognizing lack programming so that I can ban them of my more from my thoughts and every day life.

    I'm expirience more prosperity every day!

    Thank you for being you, and until we meet (on an AGEL stage)!

    Peter van Andel

  3. Randy,

    This is an interesting post as in some ways it reminds me of my older brother. I've never really had a relationship with him and he's the sort that only contacts family if he needs something. Point in case, 10 years ago he discovered he had Leukemia and came out of the cave to request we all get blood tests, etc. When he learned I was not a good bone marrow candidate, even though I went through major investments in time and energy to find out, he disappeared. Now it's learned his wife has brain cancer which moved from her lungs (she's a lifetime smoker).

    And I am grateful for your insiights and 'hard' as they may seem. I've also finished reading "Atlas Shrugged" and loved it, and am midway through "The Fountainhead" now. I have "Science of Mind" as well as "Think and Grow Rich".. I'm also working with Covey's "7 Habits of Highly Effective People" and wonder what your thoughts are on his writing.

    Thanks!

  4. Randy, isn't it interesting how most of society think of guys like Jeremy as "normal"? Shows you just what the "normal" programming actually is!

    By "normal" standards, I must admit I have a fabulous life. I'm healthy; happily married for 27 years; my kids are capable, happy, articulate young adults; I have a nice house; two cars; and no debt besides the mortgage.

    It's not that I'm ungrateful for what I have - I really am - I just know that things could be soooo much more abundant, especially financially, and your post got me thinking about WHY I have settled for "upper middle" when where I really want to be is among the elite!

    Why do I feel guilty for wanting more when I have so much already?
    Is this a residual piece of the herd mentality that I'm working so hard to get rid of? And why is it so hard and Scary to step out of the rut when the prize for doing so is everything you dreamed of?

    You described Jeremy as getting mad at you when you tried to raise his awareness - and I think that's what I'm afraid will happen with my friends and family if I start doing really well. I hadn't realized that the fear of this possible scenario is probably what's causing resistance to all the abundance I'm trying to attract.

    Aaaah - an epiphone, once again courtesy of Randy Gage.
    Many thanks,
    Jacqui

  5. Just read this Larry article - and your blog - syncho-winky-dink:

    http://www.larrywinget.biz/images/UKstory.pdf

    "I don’t trust a guy that takes 12 hours to get the job done. I think if you can’t figure how to be rich in about four hours a day, you’re doing something wrong. The problem is when people go to work, they don’t really work. They go to work and they play while they are at work and then they go home and try to play and end up having to drag their work home. If you went to work on your job and really worked every minute you were there, you could get it all done so you could leave and go home"

  6. Hi Randy

    Thanks for the post. I’ve been enjoying your work for the last 5 years.

    As I was reading I was thinking, “Yeah, that poor bastard Jeremy, and all those like him.”

    I’m considered ‘lucky’ by my friends as I have a good life, work for myself, wake up when I’m finished sleeping, drive a cute car (it’s a Porsche and I drive it like a girl, drives my male friends nuts ), live by the beach, have a loving husband and a family which comprises of two dogs and a cat.

    I say to my husband, “We’re our own little family unit and we have to keep our pond clean. We don’t want any tepid water seeping in from outsiders who want to push us down and instead of pull us up.”

    Yep, I’ve got my crap together, then I read your questions…

    Overall, I’m grateful. But health? Nope, I’ve never achieved the weight I desire and I was recently told I had high blood pressure; my relationship is good, but not super duper fantastic; I’m surrounded by abundance but there’s still a lot more I crave; and I do enjoy my work but I’m definitely not making the dough I’d like.

    WTF????

    I’m now sitting in a puddle of water as my bubble has burst. I have to ask myself - am I so busy being thankful for what I’ve created that I’ve lulled myself into an illusion supported by friends who think I’m so amazing, but that’s only because they’re comparing my situation to their life which is filled with crap? AND, did I attract those people to help me support that illusion… what a mind f*ck!

    Randy, I’d be curious to hear your thoughts on whether the ‘attitude of gratitude’ may be getting in the way of our prosperity.

    I can feel a shift coming on.

    Cheers
    Belinda

  7. I don't think that gratitude can get in the way of prosperity. Are you really grateful? Do YOU really think that your life is amazing? Clearly not.
    Cheers
    Penelope

  8. Hi Randy, when I read this post it reminded me of my co-worker.
    She saw me reading the book Think and grow rich, and she told me that she tried to read it, but couldnt finish it because she couldnt sleep after reading some pages. It make her think a lot and she couldnt handle it. She told me she didnt want to be rich.

    So, I am thinking here, maybe there are some people who dont want to be on the path of higher consciousness and personal growth, because that will make them think about their reality, the reasons they dont like it and the awareness that they dont want to change it. They prefer acting and living in a blind way, make them feel ok, like everybody else.

    For me is the contrary, after reading books after books, I am taken steps to have a life full of personal growth, and prosperity. It is not easy, but as you said ones, the only ones who lose are hte one who quit, I will try to keep going until I get it.

    Randy, thanks for been there for us.

  9. Awesome post! As always...

    I think this is classic herd mentality. The word "normal" is where the trouble starts. My thoughts on "normal" are that if you feel normal, then you're probably in a comfort zone and more importantly, NOT GROWING as an individual.

    Does that mean you should be doing the exact opposite of all normal people? Not in a million years! But quetion yourself as to what is your life like for YOU.

    Are you growing as a person? If yes, why is so?

    Cheers,
    Adrian

  10. Holy hell, you just described me in your example. Apparently I was supposed to read this because there may have been a time when I would have reacted like “Jeremy.” I didn't though, I actually got it.

  11. Thought-provoking post. I enjoy such.
    I have a question, Randy. You stated that if everyone likes you - then clearly you're doing somehing wrong. I agree with that. But it got me thinking about you. Cuz you are a very likable guy yourself. & you're aware of that, right? People leave comments here, calling you by name, cuz they like you, they want to be identified with you. Do you think there are many people that don't like you? Not the jealous people who wish they could live your life. But serious opponents. What do you think if you do some critical thinking?
    With respect,
    Alexander

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  • 12 comments on “What You’re Really Attracting”

    1. Hey Randy, just wanted to say hi. Nice Blog. I'm following you on Twitter because I remember your name from a few years ago. Think I still have some of your training material.
      Have a great day!

    2. Hi Randy,

      I started reading your 5 books on prosperity and they make me realize like never before I'm manifesting my own destiny. The lack programming from my past, and what society does to hold it for the present. So even if you don't know, you've helped me in a great way ACCEPTING prosperity and recognizing lack programming so that I can ban them of my more from my thoughts and every day life.

      I'm expirience more prosperity every day!

      Thank you for being you, and until we meet (on an AGEL stage)!

      Peter van Andel

    3. Randy,

      This is an interesting post as in some ways it reminds me of my older brother. I've never really had a relationship with him and he's the sort that only contacts family if he needs something. Point in case, 10 years ago he discovered he had Leukemia and came out of the cave to request we all get blood tests, etc. When he learned I was not a good bone marrow candidate, even though I went through major investments in time and energy to find out, he disappeared. Now it's learned his wife has brain cancer which moved from her lungs (she's a lifetime smoker).

      And I am grateful for your insiights and 'hard' as they may seem. I've also finished reading "Atlas Shrugged" and loved it, and am midway through "The Fountainhead" now. I have "Science of Mind" as well as "Think and Grow Rich".. I'm also working with Covey's "7 Habits of Highly Effective People" and wonder what your thoughts are on his writing.

      Thanks!

    4. Randy, isn't it interesting how most of society think of guys like Jeremy as "normal"? Shows you just what the "normal" programming actually is!

      By "normal" standards, I must admit I have a fabulous life. I'm healthy; happily married for 27 years; my kids are capable, happy, articulate young adults; I have a nice house; two cars; and no debt besides the mortgage.

      It's not that I'm ungrateful for what I have - I really am - I just know that things could be soooo much more abundant, especially financially, and your post got me thinking about WHY I have settled for "upper middle" when where I really want to be is among the elite!

      Why do I feel guilty for wanting more when I have so much already?
      Is this a residual piece of the herd mentality that I'm working so hard to get rid of? And why is it so hard and Scary to step out of the rut when the prize for doing so is everything you dreamed of?

      You described Jeremy as getting mad at you when you tried to raise his awareness - and I think that's what I'm afraid will happen with my friends and family if I start doing really well. I hadn't realized that the fear of this possible scenario is probably what's causing resistance to all the abundance I'm trying to attract.

      Aaaah - an epiphone, once again courtesy of Randy Gage.
      Many thanks,
      Jacqui

    5. Just read this Larry article - and your blog - syncho-winky-dink:

      http://www.larrywinget.biz/images/UKstory.pdf

      "I don’t trust a guy that takes 12 hours to get the job done. I think if you can’t figure how to be rich in about four hours a day, you’re doing something wrong. The problem is when people go to work, they don’t really work. They go to work and they play while they are at work and then they go home and try to play and end up having to drag their work home. If you went to work on your job and really worked every minute you were there, you could get it all done so you could leave and go home"

    6. Hi Randy

      Thanks for the post. I’ve been enjoying your work for the last 5 years.

      As I was reading I was thinking, “Yeah, that poor bastard Jeremy, and all those like him.”

      I’m considered ‘lucky’ by my friends as I have a good life, work for myself, wake up when I’m finished sleeping, drive a cute car (it’s a Porsche and I drive it like a girl, drives my male friends nuts ), live by the beach, have a loving husband and a family which comprises of two dogs and a cat.

      I say to my husband, “We’re our own little family unit and we have to keep our pond clean. We don’t want any tepid water seeping in from outsiders who want to push us down and instead of pull us up.”

      Yep, I’ve got my crap together, then I read your questions…

      Overall, I’m grateful. But health? Nope, I’ve never achieved the weight I desire and I was recently told I had high blood pressure; my relationship is good, but not super duper fantastic; I’m surrounded by abundance but there’s still a lot more I crave; and I do enjoy my work but I’m definitely not making the dough I’d like.

      WTF????

      I’m now sitting in a puddle of water as my bubble has burst. I have to ask myself - am I so busy being thankful for what I’ve created that I’ve lulled myself into an illusion supported by friends who think I’m so amazing, but that’s only because they’re comparing my situation to their life which is filled with crap? AND, did I attract those people to help me support that illusion… what a mind f*ck!

      Randy, I’d be curious to hear your thoughts on whether the ‘attitude of gratitude’ may be getting in the way of our prosperity.

      I can feel a shift coming on.

      Cheers
      Belinda

    7. I don't think that gratitude can get in the way of prosperity. Are you really grateful? Do YOU really think that your life is amazing? Clearly not.
      Cheers
      Penelope

    8. Hi Randy, when I read this post it reminded me of my co-worker.
      She saw me reading the book Think and grow rich, and she told me that she tried to read it, but couldnt finish it because she couldnt sleep after reading some pages. It make her think a lot and she couldnt handle it. She told me she didnt want to be rich.

      So, I am thinking here, maybe there are some people who dont want to be on the path of higher consciousness and personal growth, because that will make them think about their reality, the reasons they dont like it and the awareness that they dont want to change it. They prefer acting and living in a blind way, make them feel ok, like everybody else.

      For me is the contrary, after reading books after books, I am taken steps to have a life full of personal growth, and prosperity. It is not easy, but as you said ones, the only ones who lose are hte one who quit, I will try to keep going until I get it.

      Randy, thanks for been there for us.

    9. Awesome post! As always...

      I think this is classic herd mentality. The word "normal" is where the trouble starts. My thoughts on "normal" are that if you feel normal, then you're probably in a comfort zone and more importantly, NOT GROWING as an individual.

      Does that mean you should be doing the exact opposite of all normal people? Not in a million years! But quetion yourself as to what is your life like for YOU.

      Are you growing as a person? If yes, why is so?

      Cheers,
      Adrian

    10. Holy hell, you just described me in your example. Apparently I was supposed to read this because there may have been a time when I would have reacted like “Jeremy.” I didn't though, I actually got it.

    11. Thought-provoking post. I enjoy such.
      I have a question, Randy. You stated that if everyone likes you - then clearly you're doing somehing wrong. I agree with that. But it got me thinking about you. Cuz you are a very likable guy yourself. & you're aware of that, right? People leave comments here, calling you by name, cuz they like you, they want to be identified with you. Do you think there are many people that don't like you? Not the jealous people who wish they could live your life. But serious opponents. What do you think if you do some critical thinking?
      With respect,
      Alexander

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