So I meant a guy in the softball league I’ll call “Jeremy.” He’s 36 years old, and in his 36 winters, he’s seen a lot. His father told his family that he didn’t love them, and walked out of their lives when Jeremy was about 12. He’s been single for five years, since his last relationship ended. Before that, his fiancé was killed in a car accident, a few weeks before their wedding. He’s had cancer. Twice.
When he talks about his friends, I sit in quite amazement. His best friend since school days is a girl who married an alcoholic who abused her and the kids. His other friend came home to find his spouse had blown his brains out. Another one has both alcohol and drug dependencies.
Now here is the interesting thing about Jeremy...
I asked him what he thought he was doing to attract these kinds of friends around him. He looked at me like I was speaking in Swahili. The more I tried to explain it, the more lost he got. He slowly went from perplexed, to confused, to defensive, to mad. Finally I came to my senses, and changed the subject.
I sometimes forget that not everyone is on the path of higher consciousness and personal growth. And to all these people, things that happen to them are just random occurrences that they have no control over.
Jeremy has a very good job. He’s two years away from Senior Partner status at his firm. So he works weekends, and often stays at the office till midnight. He’s on-call a lot, and gets dozens of calls, all hours of the day and night. He doesn’t drink or smoke. He works out four times a week in the gym, and doesn’t have an ounce of fat on him. He’s very friendly, and well liked.
He’s formed several softball teams, helped pay the fees, and contributed towards the uniforms. When someone doesn’t have money to go to a tournament, Jeremy is there to bail them out. He is constantly getting calls from his friends, talking them through their challenges in relationships, drugs, employment and other dramas. He is a true friend, always there for them. He must get one or two dozen calls from friends a day. He can’t get through a meal without getting three or four calls.
He is very proud of his accomplishments, both professionally, and the personal challenges he has overcome. He thinks he’s extremely well adjusted, and has dealt with his demons.
I think he’s in total denial...
Yes everyone likes him. That’s tip number one. Because if everyone likes you – you’re doing something wrong! Because to be generally accepted by the herd, you must pander to their lack and limitation programming. And enable their addictions and dysfunctional behavior. Bail them out of their jams. Commiserate with their victim-hood, and let them know that it is not their fault.
I tell you the other signs I see in Jeremy. He moved in his house a month ago, but hasn’t slept in the bedroom yet. He told me, “Well when you’re with someone for six years, and used to being with someone, you don’t like to sleep alone.” So he sleeps every night on the sofa. With the TV playing, because he doesn’t like quiet.
And he has the TV on all day as well, even when he’s not watching it. I think he needs the visual stimulation, because he’s so high-strung. Can you imagine the subconscious programming that he is getting?
He’s the ultimate anal, detail guy. I asked him how long it takes to drive from Atlanta to Birmingham. “Two hours and 23 minutes,” he answered. When he tells you about an event, he relates every minute detail about everything; stuff that has no bearing on the story. I could go on, but you get the picture.
Jeremy believes that he is a perfectly well adjusted guy. I think he so desperately wants to be loved that he works too hard at his job, going way above and beyond duty, to receive positive acknowledgment. I think he befriends all these people who are experiencing drama because it lets him act out his co-dependency behavior and get positive attention that way. I think he is afraid to be alone with himself for five minutes. I think he has a lot of unresolved anger, rejection and hurt.
So why am I telling you all this?
Because of what it demonstrates. Here is a good-hearted guy, who wouldn’t hurt a flea. He’s honest, hard working and caring. He’s interacting well with society by society’s standards. Yet the only people he is attracting in his life are people in the absolute throes of victim-hood, drama, and despair.
Talk about people in a negative pattern, Jeremy is the poster child. Yet the world is filled with walking wounded just like Jeremy. Alcoholics, co-dependents, narcissists, people unable to express love, unable to receive love, and a litany of other situations. And most all of them think they are well adjusted! And according to the people around them they are.
But you know better…
So here are my questions for you: First, how would you judge what you’re attracting in your life? Overall, is your life working well? By this I mean you’re in great health, have loving relationships, are experiencing monetary abundance, enjoy your work, and have a strong spiritual belief that works for you. What’s your “team record” overall?
Do some critical thinking on this in the meantime and check in with your thoughts. Next time we’ll look deeper at what it means when things aren’t working as well as you like.