Doesn’t that title today sound callous? I mean here we are talking about upgrading people, much like we would a new car model. It sounds very cold, calculating and selfish.
Maybe it is. But it is sometimes necessary, if you want to move forward.
Last week I mentioned Jim Rohn’s quote about your income being the average of your five closest friends. And went on to say that I think the same thing holds true with your health, relationships, and all forms of prosperity.
I received an email that said, “I cannot believe you'd really pick friends in any way, shape, manner or form based on their income!!! HONESTLY!!! PLEASE tell me you're kidding!!!
“How about the content of their character, their values, their
kindness, their capacity to engage you in a conversation &
stimulate you mentally...none of that matters if they don't EARN ENOUGH!?!? Please!
“My husband and I are EXACTLY the same people we were at each and every stage of our financial rollercoaster.”
Very good questions. Here’s another one:
Do you believe the writer and her husband were EXACTLY the same people they were when they were poor as they are now that they are more prosperous?
I’m sure a lot of people would agree with her, that you shouldn’t pick friends based on how much money they earn. And actually I’d agree.
If I find someone mentally stimulating and interesting to talk to, I like to hang out with them. If they are different than me with other interests, culture, and language it’s wonderful to learn and share with them.
I don’t pick friends by how healthy they are either. Or by how happy they are. However...
When people are always sick, broke and unhappy, I don’t usually like hanging around them. And I tend to get bored with people who stay in the same space in life. I like people who are growing and challenge me.
I want to hang with people who are smarter than me, have a higher consciousness than me, and make more money than me! So I do consciously put myself in situations that put me in contact with those kinds of people. And I do consciously get away from situations that don’t put me in contact with those people. And I sometimes find that I need to move away from certain people in my life who are mired in lack patterns.
Now that doesn’t mean I desert someone because they get sick or injured, and I really don’t care how much money someone makes. But when they are in lack patterns, and the only conversations they can have are lack-centered, I move on. Who needs the negative influence?
What about you? How do you handle these situations? What kind of people do you have in your life? Please share your thoughts and we’ll pick up there on the next post.
It is a law of physics that water seeks its own level. It is not a judgement call but an observation that people seek to surround themselves with the sort of people who will make them comfortable.
If I am afraid of success, I will most comfortable around those who don't challenge me or those who will not make me "look bad" by comparison.
However, if I wish to grow and to prosper, I will feel comfortable around secure, abundant people who will challenge me to develop into the type of person I wish to become. Monetary wealth in this case is a side effect, not the primary motivation.l
Thanks for the post! Best, M.
Great post Randy! I think for me, the most challenging thing was leaving behind, so to speak, the people that were dragging me down the most. I had to carefully watch some relationships with close family because they were dream stealers and wanted to crap on everything I tried to do. Now that's not to say I don't love them or dont' want them in my life. However, I'm very careful to what and when I talk about certain topics around those people.
My relationships are still strong, I just refuse to let them have any influence in my life. And really, that's what it all boils down to in my opinion, letting people have either negative or positive influence in your life. Thoughts?
It's funny that you post this. I was reading a chapter in a Harvey Mackay book earlier and one of his quotes said "All my life i have only been as good as my associates, and in them I have found my good luck, my fortune." He was quoting Conrad Hilton.
I remember first hearing about this idea and thinking it wasn't very nice. But recently I've noticed that as my income grows, some of my old friends who I spent a lot of time with can't afford the same things. And it's in everyones best interest that I find a new peer group.
A great example, I was on a trip to England and flew Business Class while two of my friends flew economy. The Hotel that we stayed in was fun, but it was a location based on what the poorest (sorry I can't find a better word) of the three of us who were travelling together. Most of the experience for me was limited based on what my friends could afford and certain options that I would have liked to have done were cut out out of respect for my fellow travelers.
It was on that trip that something clicked and I finally got it. Either I am going to find people who can do life the same why that I can, or some of my closer friends are going to go broke trying to keep up with me because I have no interest in getting smaller just to please a group of people.
It's not that we are leaving people behind, it really is that they are either choosing to stay behind or not yet there. It's not for me to try and change that.
I remember reading a George Orwell essay long ago and he stated that it's not easy to have a relationship with someone when their income is vastly different than yours.
Yes. I have had similar experiences with old college friends. They cannot/do not/will not make the same travel or entertainment choices that I would and when you're in a group you just go with the flow I suppose. What's been very telling in those situations is that the group reaction, sometimes spoken and sometimes implied, is that my ideas are elitist and not really necessary in order to have a good time among "real" friends. So, the list of things to do with certain people becomes limited and therefore changes the nature of the relationship. And maybe that's ok. We don't have the same kind of interactions with our grandparents as we do with our teammates. Maybe it just means that now there's room to incorporate more and different friends along our life's journey.
Totally agree. There is no question that:"what you think about > expands". If you surround yourself with people that are committed, interesting and caring, chances are you are those things too. Plain and simple.
I also try to make time to be compassionate and caring with those negative people, listening and sharing my POV about the problems they face. It's hard, but it is also a necessary to do on occasion - especially if they're in my family....
Hmm, interesting. But you also have to be the interesting person somone who is at the higher conscious, prosperity etc. level would want to hang out with too. You can go to every opera perfomance, symphony benefit or wherever else truly properous people hang out and not make a single connection if you don't have the right mind set.
It's like you always say Randy, you may say you want something, but is there something in your mindset holding you back? Self esteem is such a huge issue. I struggle with that everyday. I'm better than I used to be but I have to make a concious effort everyday to overcome my feelings of mediocraty that was planted in me by family and teachers from a very early age because of race etc.
I think it's interesting that I have started reconnecting with prosperous people I knew years ago. I took myself out of their lives because I felt I had nothing to bring to the friendship. I was right at the time. I had a lot of work to do on myself. I am reconnecting and making some new amazing friends now. At the same time I am shedding some old baggage ( friends of convenience). We no longer have anyting in common.
Thank you Randy for always making me think.
I'm not particularly bothered how much they earn but it's their mindset. I don't have time for negative people. All my friends are positive (varying incomes) but they know where they are going and are well on the way to achieving it!
I absolutely agree. In the 12-step recovery programs they speak about avoiding people, places & things because they may have an adverse effect on the new way of life a person is seeking. They end this admonishment with Practice these principles in all your affairs.
It's pretty straightforward in principle, but harder in practice because it requires a measure or judgement. In this is life or death-so I can only imagine how subjective this topic can be when dealing with finances, mental well-being, physical health, peace of mind, etc. I have a healthy respect for people & I know a lot of people & meet more everyday-but I very careful about who I hang with on a consistent basis.
Some people I spend with. With others, like you Randy, I invest my time. I chose when, where & with whom I spend time & invest it.
Great Post Randy. Thanks again
Home Biz Tax Coach
This was one of the most challenging part of my personal developement, but boy was that the major factor in helping me advance!
once we start on the path of personal development, our beliefs change, our thoughts change, our actions change, our outcomes change. It seems only logical that our surrundings change as well...
Always loving reading your posts dude!
Some of the friends I have purged from my day are the TV, numerous websites and all but one periodical. What I associated with before was not serving me, my family or my vision of the future.
What has happened over the last year or so is many people disappeared who it turns out only shared those kinds of interests with me. When I couldn't stay in their conversations for no possibility they stopped calling.
“I want to hang with people who are smarter than me, have a higher consciousness than me, and make more money than me! “
I have aways been a believer in the company you keep. The old adage my mom always said "birds of a feather flock together". I feel 100% the same that I want to be challenged and grow. I would much rather talk with others about ideas and possibilities than small minded talk usually about gossip etc.
Les Brown told me "If you find that you are the smartest person in the room, find a new room".
I agree with him. I think that the word "smartest" can be interchanged with other adjectives.
You want to be with people that share your interests and that also make you feel good. Everyone has a vibe or an energy that they give off. Some people we just naturally have a connection with.
birds of a feather?
I dig your insights man.
And, I'll be your friend any old time. 🙂
I am working on change in this area with purpose. I feel it's incredibly important to be stimulated and challenged as you do Randy. And I have purged many of the friends I've had in favor of new directions.
It is my intention to have an entirely new circle of friends who are not only interesting and stimulating, but also incredibly successful, healthy and happy. And I also agree about what Rohn says on many fronts..
if u do right by people they may do right by u. there is some saying that the same people u walk over on ur way up the ladder maybe the same people u see on your way down.
I agree with you Randy, and sometimes it is hard to spend less time with family members, but it is needed!
I agree with you. I don't think that people who are rich are necessarily better people, they just know how to make money. I have met rich people who have a real high consciousness. These people are easy to share how they arrived at their good and believe in the law of attraction.
I have also learned that everyone who speaks abundance doesn't necessarily practice what they preach. I think as I have grown and have focused on my spirituality than some people have grown away from me. That doesn't mean that I dropped them or never spend anytime with them. It means that there are other things in my life.
Where did you go Randy to meet new people who were more aligned with your thinking?
I'd like to get into this more on future posts.
I read your posts like this and wonder where to find such people to be face-to-face friends with.
I have wonderful internet friends, some I have met in person, some I hope in the next few years. They encourage me in some things - often with a question or two.
The people I used to call friends locally were worse than I am, by definition in your posts, and when I tried to improve (by going back to school, etc.) they dropped me like a hot potato. I have never been able to replace them.
I have plenty of local acquaintances, but no one to challenge me, "who are smarter than me, have a higher consciousness than me, and make more money than me!"
It wouldn't take much to fit the bill, either.
I think the person who wrote you, Randy, missed the point.
First of all, it simply doesn't make since to believe anyone is the same person they were 10 years ago or even 10 minutes ago. Change is inevitable and hopefully we're constantly evolving (changing for the better).
.....And thank goodness: "Stagnant Water Breeds Disease."
Secondly, we choose our associates based on what we want to improve. So if we're broke financially, then it probably is a good idea to seek positive relationships with people who are more successful in the arena of finances.
If we want to be physically fit, it might be wonderful that the folks we surround ourselves with also have a wealth consciousness, but their expertise/experience is in physically fitness. You just wouldn't (necessarily.....especially if they were in lack-mentality as far as finances are concerned) seek out their advice in terms of creating wealth.
At the same time, you wouldn't drop-kick them to the curb simply because they didn't have/earn/create the money you might think they should.....unless of course they were dragging you down in that particular area of life.
I always love reading your thought-provoking posts, Randy, as well as the equally-interesting comments of your readers.
Great post Randy, very well written. I like that you constantly get me thinking outside the box and start questioning things, in my life and how they relate to me.
It's an interesting phase of not connecting with old friends yet new ones coming in and I am embracing that, as I know my consciousness is evolving.
Alot of great comments here as well!!
It's kinda like saying "you are what you eat." there's some truth to it, but not the whole truth.
the truth is, the people you hang out with do tend to influence you...:-)
so the question becomes, are the people you're hanging out with a "good" influence, or "not so good"?
I've solved the dilemma...I don't hang out with any people, just the wildlife that surrounds my mtn home! I love their influence 😉
MY husband is one of the negative nellies. He is always complaining or putting me down. He spends all day watching old reruns (like hours on end of Sanford and Son). His goal in retirement was to drink all the beer he wants and chew all the tobacco he wants and look at dirty pictures. Not my idea of what I want from life.
Randy, first time on your blog and I couldn't agree more with your post. Growing up in the Bronx, I was lucky to have found my way to a sales job where I started to meet successful people, many of them Hispanic professionals who overcame the same challenges I faced. Heck, if they did it, why couldn't I?
Since that time, I've always tried to surround myself with forward thinking people (most of the time, people much more successful than I) and that kept me focused on my own goals. After a successful career in sales, I started a video production company several years ago which has done very well despite the economy.
When I go back to the Bronx to visit my mother, I see a lot of the people I grew up with still hanging around the neighborhood. Some even still living with their parents despite having children themselves. They look at me as some sort of returning hero, "He made it out!" But any one of them could have also if they had just upgraded the people around them. Nuff said.
As I became more committed to improving the quality of my thoughts and my life I became increasingly more aware of how relentlessly negative some of the people in my life were. I tried to steer the relationships in a more positive direction but this failed. Eventually one relationship just ended because I could not deal with the endless negativity. It seemed a little sad but overall I feel relieved.
I think it is very important that I watch what qualities that I am bringing to my relationships to make sure that I am not the negative person that kind of darkens relationships
Randy, I agree with you. Peoples' attitudes are what are most important to me. They can be a nobody, but if they're going somewhere, I'm thrilled to be their friend. If they're already wealthy and very positive, I'm likewise thrilled to be their friend.
I recognise that the people I associate with influence me a great deal. I just had a conversation with my mother two days ago to let her know that I don't enjoy visiting as much any more because the topics of discussion are becoming increasingly negative. As for my friends, well, I've actually chosen not to have too many of those because I'd rather have less friends if they're going nowhere or just going to drag me down to a mindset I don't want to have. Most of the people that I associate with through my daily activities are like that and I really don't want to spend any additional time with them. As for meeting new people, that's definitely on my mind. I know that self-development seminars are a good place to meet those kinds of people, but I don't go to them any more as I had an overdose for 10 years. I pretty much stick to books these days. I'm fully aware that I've become a real home-body and quite anti-social as a result and that it doesn't actually serve me. Admittedly I've not really been going anywhere recently either. I've even resorted to re-reading books I've already got!
What kind of people do I have in my life? My closest friends are all university educated and all have a profession. They are at the top of their game as they hold high positions for the various companies they work for. They always go for the better job when it's time to move on up.
But that is only natural to get the maximum earnings that you can as you gain more experience. I knew these guys well before they started their careers and I am friends with them because I like them and trust them.
These are people I get along very well with. We can go on road trips and stay in close proximity to each other without disagreement of any kind. These are decent guys and am glad I know them.
I think I'd be friends with them regardless of their job. At the end of the day I think you end up with people who are alot like yourself.
I don't conciously go about choosing friends as to benefit my own prosperity or to rub shoulders with certain kinds of people. That would be social climbing. That would be like using them.
"Smarter than I . . ."
go to hell randy….
because of your evil characteristics….
go to hell randy….
Thanks for your intelligent contribution to the discussion!
Ha Ha. LOL. I re-read my response and see there is too much emotion in it.
I have kiv-ed many relationships (romantic, family, friendships) in my lifetime because it comes to a point where I just know - I can't *be/ stay* that way anymore.
Me being stuck in a negative loop/ staying exactly where I was just to fit in with my friends, or not offend anyone, or not *losing* someone, or a thousand of those disillusioned beliefs helps no one either - and of course I felt like I was dying too.
I've always told the people I'm moving away from, the truth why I have to go on.
I have stronger friendships now, because they know I don't see them as who they were currently being, but who they were being at that point in time was not serving either one of us, possibly driving me nuts, and so I gotta go.
If we respect the truth of who we are, and honor the innate desire to grow and be more - this upgrading of the people in our lives happen naturally; sometimes, it's with the same people and it was the relationship that got upgraded. That's my experience so far; am looking forward to more personal growth & the amazing people that always accompany it.
Thanks for illuminating! - xoxo.
There was a point in my life where i actually stopped communicating with almost everybody in my life. I understood that if i wanted to go where i wanted to go, these people were not able teach, help me or support me.
I also understood that if i will not let go of the people in my life i never will find new, better people in my life - you have to make room for new people your life before they can come.
Right after i decided to do that, i took off to a 6-week trip in Europe to discover REAL me and there, away from all of my friends influences, i was able to discover real me. I was able to actually decide what kind of life i want to have and what kind of people i want to be in my life.
When i got back to my country the results were amazing. 3 monthts later My life was NEW! I started meeting intelligent, positive, entrepreneuriall people - the kind of people i want to hang around with. The kind of people i had something to learn from.
Looking back, letting go of all of my friends and that 6-week self-discovery trip were the best things i've ever done for myself.
Well Randy, like I mentioned it before, ever since I started Network Marketing, and well started the whole Personal Development, it just happened, I started having less things in common with many of the people that surrounded me, not only that but I am more aware of what I like in people and what not, I have found myself actually pulling away from people that are not positive, or that are constantly worrying about spending time in gossip and just wasting time, people who don't believe in something, who are constantly sad or depressed, I mean we all get sad and depressed once in a while but the whole point is to figure out what is making you like that and CHANGING YOUR STORY, people that dwell there, there is only so much you can do and you end up pulling away, I do choose my friends, but you know it's not like I met somebody and I go through a whole screenning session the munte I meet them, as I get to know them, well I feel if that person attracts my desire to be a close friend because we share beliefs or not and then it goes from there. I feel better when I am with outgoing, successful people that know what they want in life, that can talk about anything and not complain about what they got, that the whole money thing is not an issue, that even if they don't have much money at the moment, they live like they had millions!! how is that?? it is in the attitude, which itself attracs it without even worrying about it!
One thing is to judge and choose, versus feel you want to be friends because you feel that person contributes alto to your growth and you do to theirs and you want them to be there.
Love your family, choose your friends.
Thanks for the post Randy.
This has been a challenge for me during my journey as well, however I have remembered to complete some relationships that no longer served me, nor I them. It was painful in most cases but very necessary in order for me to grow into my truth.
We sleep eight hours a day.
We "day dream" eight hours a day.
If you haven't noticed, that's kind of a clue as to who and what we really are, i.e. not exactly our own handmade and immortal biological body computers. We made those only to experience physical reality.
When you "wake up" every morning, see it for what it is, realize your multidimensional immortality and get out there and make it big, whatever that is for you!
There is really nothing to stop you. You have free will and no one can violate that, even if it might look that way.
Go for it! Be you! Forever!
returning to a recent article of yours, the task becomes even more difficult when 90% of the people you know are friends of the church ...
Is difficult to find the time and place to increase the list of friends when you have to go after them as far from your everyday environment. How can we do it at practice?
Thank you this article. Recently my friends changed, it was hard. But the friends were negative and could call when they needed help and gone when I needed help.
It was odd, as soon as they left, new friends stepped up and replaced them. And they are beautifully positive, looking forward to the future and happy.
Thank you Randy for this beautiful post!
Live ♥ Laugh ♥ Love
Randy, spot on. I've thought about this so often, and only talked about with my closest friends. As we evolve, we attract different people. There's nothing wrong with that. Jesus said "Love your neighbor"...and we get that. We love everyone, and want to contribute to all. But it doesn't mean we have to "like" everyone. I agree, stay open, always live in contribution to all, but choose your friends wisely, they rub off on you.
thanks Randy, don't make apologizes. I talk about this with my closest friends. As we evolve, it's natural that our friends change as well. We love everyone, but there's only certain people you want to allow in your 'inner circle'. I learned that the hard way. Thank you for always speaking the truth!
Positive people will help you grow.
Negative people will create a NO don't grow environment. Take your choice, it's your life !!