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'Twas the Night Before Christmas, 2020…

Posted By: Randy GageDecember 24, 2020

(With profuse apologies to the estate of Clement Clark Moore)

Back in the day, I used to write a satirical version of this childhood yuletide classic to my newsletter subscribers.  Somewhere around the millennium, I moved it to the blog here and created a contest : I start it – you guys finish it.  The results were brilliant.  The creative genius of my readers is truly astounding.  However, the last few years things were crazy, and I got away from the practice.  But 2020 being the kind of year it was, there can be no better time to restart this sacred tradition. 

The best submission will receive a signed limited first edition copy my upcoming book Radical Rebirth, personalized to them – not to mention, the fame and immortality bestowed by being declared the contest winner.  (This competition is closely monitored annually by all the major publishers, the Pulitzer committee and Lithuania's Got Talent.) The decisions of the judges (that would be moi) are final. Here's your set-up:

   'Twas the night before Christmas, and down here in Miami;

   Was reflecting on the year, sipping cocoa in my jammy.

   The newscasts were dark, and the mood was depressing;

   The pandemic was raging, and things were distressing.

   The children were huddled snug in their beds;

   While visions of ps5s danced in their heads;

   Sleep eluded me, for my head it was aching;

   Riddled with doubt, for the future we’re making.

   When out on the street there arose such a ruckus

_________________________________________

Alright dear reader, the rest is up to you.  Hit me with your best shot and post your submissions in the comments section below. Be epic, have some fun, and reflect the year. But please try to end on a note of positivity and hope, this is a prosperity blog after all. The winner will be announced on Monday.  

Peace,

-RG

P.S.   Here’s wishing you a joyous holiday season filled with peaceful socially distanced reunions, joyous Zoom meetings, and nonstop “Die Hard” movie viewings.  LEGAL NOTICE: In light of the FTC regulations on bloggers, these wishes are subject to the following terms and conditions…

This greeting from Randy Gage (“Wishor”), to you (“Recipient”), is extended without obligation, implied or implicit, for best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, politically woke, gender neutral celebration of the secular winter solstice only.  Any similarities to holidays celebrating the festival of lights, God, or birth of the baby Jesus are purely coincidental.

This greeting may be accepted in the context of the traditions of the religious or secular beliefs of your choice, regardless of sexual orientation or operating system preference, and is void where prohibited by law.  Acceptance by the recipient does not imply any endorsements or consent by the Wishor.  The good tidings expressed in this greeting are subject to further clarification or withdrawal, are revocable at the sole discretion of the Wishor, and are non transferable.

The Wishor implies no guarantee of actual results.  The extent of the holiday spirit experienced will be determined by the effort recipient puts into it. The claims described are for illustration purposes only. Your results may vary.  This salutation is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease, and has not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration.

“Christmas” “God” and “Jesus” are registered trademarks of the Make America Great Again committee; all rights reserved.

19 comments on “'Twas the Night Before Christmas, 2020…”

  1. Merry Christmas and Happiest of Holiday celebrations to you.

    Thank you for BEING a bright spot in the darkness that was 2020!

  2. 'Twas the night before Christmas, and down here in Miami;

    Was reflecting on the year, sipping cocoa in my jammy.

    The newscasts were dark, and the mood was depressing;

    The pandemic was raging, and things were distressing.

    The children were huddled snug in their beds;

    While visions of ps5s danced in their heads;

    Sleep eluded me, for my head it was aching;

    Riddled with doubt, for the future we’re making.

    When out on the street there arose such a ruckus

    I rushed to open the blinds and window to focus

    From the street socially distant loved ones and friends stood before me

    A well received reminder that I is not as strong as WE

    From afar and through masks I could see eyes filled with cheer

    Sending the spirit of Christmas peer to peer

    Away from the negativity and toward gratitude we would steer

    With the small exception of taking joy in kicking this year in the rear

    For Christmas was mere hours away and I could not wait

    Knowing it is not the presents, but love for each other that makes Christmas great

    A time of season's greetings and giving to charity

    And although just one day to celebrate Christmas makes it a special rarity

    As clear as I saw my friends through the window, I share with much clarity

    That every day is an opportunity to live in prosperity

    Merry Christmas friends!

  3. ‘‘Twas the night before Christmas

    ........................When out on the street there arose such a ruckus
    I thought at first it must be a circus.
    Outside I saw an old man in red
    Struggling to get his reindeers fed.
    Reindeers in Miami, that couldn’t be right,
    But I know that there’s nothing wrong with my sight.
    Let me help you I said Have this drink take a rest
    I’m too busy he replied and I’m doing my best.
    It didn’t take long and soon he was ready
    His sleigh was all packed and the reindeers were ready.
    Without thinking I jumped on as he waved his hand
    Before long we were moving, we were leaving the land.
    We whizzed round the globe through the silent night
    Round and round we travelled, not a soul in sight.
    We dropped our wishes of hope and cheer
    Encouraging positivity, love without fear.
    Lights came on here and there
    People were clapping to say thanks, they cared.
    It felt uplifting Merry and bright
    But we were approaching the end of the night.
    It had started with a noise but was ending with a song
    Ending with a wish that soon we’d be strong.
    I’ll never forget my night in the sleigh
    Allowing my fears to be blown away
    I learned that hope lasts beyond Christmas Day.
    One last wish at the end of this page
    Happy Christmas and New Year to you
    Randy Gage.

  4. Kathy S

    Attachments7:04 AM (1 minute ago)

    to Randy
    Randy,

    Please let me know what you think.. The pdf file attached you will find.
    To the email I sent.

    ‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house the only one stirring was the last of-the blind mice.
    I was busy at laptop and the poor little thing had the nerve to climb to my desk behind my full screen.
    I called to my dog, as she hunted last mouse who now is dead.

    I spent the next hour moving desks, file cabinets to help her to the darn thing.
    After a while, I needed to go out, and left dog with dear daughter while out.

    Dog caught that mouse in front of said child, who told her to drop it. But she disobeyed.
    After a few chews, the mouse was gulped down the throat of the dog, to horror of the child.
    The second blind mice met the fate of the trap.
    The dog and the cat ganged up on the first. Poor thing did not have a chance, but got met by dog’s mouth.
    Good kitty did fine but name Princess sure fits.
    The dog had some practice from catching poor squirrel. Less than one week went by since squirrel met its fate.
    I heard a few shrieks from it, as she lashed poor squirrel in her mouth,
    side to side fast ‘till sure it was dead.
    Sure wish I had indoor camera security,
    just for the Lucile Ball type laugh it would make.
    I could probably sell the video gone viral,
    For a pretty penny, Randy Gage taught me prosperity wins,

    With that I log off, as dog needs a test -for- round worms from vet
    ‘Sure miss her since Covid: procedures got changed.
    Her parking lot’s fine, but need seeing her face!!!

    Foley protesters created such charge
    And to all humanity, we'll see positive change!!!

    1. Hi Kathy, That email is automated and goes to my assistant who won't see it until she returns from vacation. So please cut and paste your poem here in a new comment.

  5. Twas The night before Christmas

    --- When out on the street there arose such a ruckus,
    looking out the window, Santa was filling up water buckets.

    I looked to the left and then to the right,
    there were reindeer resting, it was such a great site.

    I yelled at my husband you better come quick,
    you’re not going to believe it, but it’s old St. Nick.

    We sat there amazed, both rubbing our eyes,
    we could not believe what came from the sky.

    The reindeer refreshed, the buckets were loaded,
    with a crack of a whip, the sleigh lifted and floated.

    We heard Santa say it’s been a rough year,
    we must get going and deliver more cheer.

    Dashing towards the door we were stopped in our tracks,
    under our tree were presents neatly stacked.

    On top was a note addressed "The Romanos"

    It read:
    “IF YOU BELIEVE, WHAT YOU DESIRE SHALL FOLLOW!

    You’ve made the best of this 2020 year,
    Your path for the next is now perfectly clear.

    I encourage YOU BOTH to follow your heart,
    I have found through the years, it’s the best place to start!”

    Love S.C.

    This was fun, thank you! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year Randy! Rena

  6. Thanks everyone who stopped by! I posted a little late and that depressed responses. But the creativity displayed was first rate. This was a tough decision, but the winner for 2020 is...

    Angela D'Alton. Congratulations. "Radical Rebirth" will be released January 12th. Please email Lornette (at) randygage.com your details and we'll send your personalized copy. -RG

    1. Hey Randy Thank you so much for selecting my offering. I loved doing it. Missed it the last few years.
      Will send my details on. So looking forward to reading your latest book.
      Very best wishes for the New Year
      Love and Peace
      Angela

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  • 19 comments on “'Twas the Night Before Christmas, 2020…”

    1. Merry Christmas and Happiest of Holiday celebrations to you.

      Thank you for BEING a bright spot in the darkness that was 2020!

    2. 'Twas the night before Christmas, and down here in Miami;

      Was reflecting on the year, sipping cocoa in my jammy.

      The newscasts were dark, and the mood was depressing;

      The pandemic was raging, and things were distressing.

      The children were huddled snug in their beds;

      While visions of ps5s danced in their heads;

      Sleep eluded me, for my head it was aching;

      Riddled with doubt, for the future we’re making.

      When out on the street there arose such a ruckus

      I rushed to open the blinds and window to focus

      From the street socially distant loved ones and friends stood before me

      A well received reminder that I is not as strong as WE

      From afar and through masks I could see eyes filled with cheer

      Sending the spirit of Christmas peer to peer

      Away from the negativity and toward gratitude we would steer

      With the small exception of taking joy in kicking this year in the rear

      For Christmas was mere hours away and I could not wait

      Knowing it is not the presents, but love for each other that makes Christmas great

      A time of season's greetings and giving to charity

      And although just one day to celebrate Christmas makes it a special rarity

      As clear as I saw my friends through the window, I share with much clarity

      That every day is an opportunity to live in prosperity

      Merry Christmas friends!

    3. ‘‘Twas the night before Christmas

      ........................When out on the street there arose such a ruckus
      I thought at first it must be a circus.
      Outside I saw an old man in red
      Struggling to get his reindeers fed.
      Reindeers in Miami, that couldn’t be right,
      But I know that there’s nothing wrong with my sight.
      Let me help you I said Have this drink take a rest
      I’m too busy he replied and I’m doing my best.
      It didn’t take long and soon he was ready
      His sleigh was all packed and the reindeers were ready.
      Without thinking I jumped on as he waved his hand
      Before long we were moving, we were leaving the land.
      We whizzed round the globe through the silent night
      Round and round we travelled, not a soul in sight.
      We dropped our wishes of hope and cheer
      Encouraging positivity, love without fear.
      Lights came on here and there
      People were clapping to say thanks, they cared.
      It felt uplifting Merry and bright
      But we were approaching the end of the night.
      It had started with a noise but was ending with a song
      Ending with a wish that soon we’d be strong.
      I’ll never forget my night in the sleigh
      Allowing my fears to be blown away
      I learned that hope lasts beyond Christmas Day.
      One last wish at the end of this page
      Happy Christmas and New Year to you
      Randy Gage.

    4. Kathy S

      Attachments7:04 AM (1 minute ago)

      to Randy
      Randy,

      Please let me know what you think.. The pdf file attached you will find.
      To the email I sent.

      ‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house the only one stirring was the last of-the blind mice.
      I was busy at laptop and the poor little thing had the nerve to climb to my desk behind my full screen.
      I called to my dog, as she hunted last mouse who now is dead.

      I spent the next hour moving desks, file cabinets to help her to the darn thing.
      After a while, I needed to go out, and left dog with dear daughter while out.

      Dog caught that mouse in front of said child, who told her to drop it. But she disobeyed.
      After a few chews, the mouse was gulped down the throat of the dog, to horror of the child.
      The second blind mice met the fate of the trap.
      The dog and the cat ganged up on the first. Poor thing did not have a chance, but got met by dog’s mouth.
      Good kitty did fine but name Princess sure fits.
      The dog had some practice from catching poor squirrel. Less than one week went by since squirrel met its fate.
      I heard a few shrieks from it, as she lashed poor squirrel in her mouth,
      side to side fast ‘till sure it was dead.
      Sure wish I had indoor camera security,
      just for the Lucile Ball type laugh it would make.
      I could probably sell the video gone viral,
      For a pretty penny, Randy Gage taught me prosperity wins,

      With that I log off, as dog needs a test -for- round worms from vet
      ‘Sure miss her since Covid: procedures got changed.
      Her parking lot’s fine, but need seeing her face!!!

      Foley protesters created such charge
      And to all humanity, we'll see positive change!!!

      1. Hi Kathy, That email is automated and goes to my assistant who won't see it until she returns from vacation. So please cut and paste your poem here in a new comment.

    5. Twas The night before Christmas

      --- When out on the street there arose such a ruckus,
      looking out the window, Santa was filling up water buckets.

      I looked to the left and then to the right,
      there were reindeer resting, it was such a great site.

      I yelled at my husband you better come quick,
      you’re not going to believe it, but it’s old St. Nick.

      We sat there amazed, both rubbing our eyes,
      we could not believe what came from the sky.

      The reindeer refreshed, the buckets were loaded,
      with a crack of a whip, the sleigh lifted and floated.

      We heard Santa say it’s been a rough year,
      we must get going and deliver more cheer.

      Dashing towards the door we were stopped in our tracks,
      under our tree were presents neatly stacked.

      On top was a note addressed "The Romanos"

      It read:
      “IF YOU BELIEVE, WHAT YOU DESIRE SHALL FOLLOW!

      You’ve made the best of this 2020 year,
      Your path for the next is now perfectly clear.

      I encourage YOU BOTH to follow your heart,
      I have found through the years, it’s the best place to start!”

      Love S.C.

      This was fun, thank you! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year Randy! Rena

    6. Thanks everyone who stopped by! I posted a little late and that depressed responses. But the creativity displayed was first rate. This was a tough decision, but the winner for 2020 is...

      Angela D'Alton. Congratulations. "Radical Rebirth" will be released January 12th. Please email Lornette (at) randygage.com your details and we'll send your personalized copy. -RG

      1. Hey Randy Thank you so much for selecting my offering. I loved doing it. Missed it the last few years.
        Will send my details on. So looking forward to reading your latest book.
        Very best wishes for the New Year
        Love and Peace
        Angela

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