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The Real Reasons You Act the Way You Do

Posted By: Randy GageNovember 23, 2009

Last post we talked about perspective and I asked you to evaluate yours.  Did you really do it?

Are you one of the people who constantly make big issues out of little things?  Are your relationships roller coaster rides of breathtaking highs and desperate lows?  Have you ever given thought to the real reason for this?

You don’t really fight because he leaves the toilet seat up, she squeezes the toothpaste in the middle, or they left the lid loose on the peanut butter.  People who are in relationships where they fight all the time are actually getting their needs met.

Needs like:
Feeling unworthy;
Getting their insecurity pandered to;
Creating drama;
Feeding their hero complex; and,
And many other things like these.

So if you found that you don’t have perspective in some areas – give some thought to the real reason.

-RG

14 comments on “The Real Reasons You Act the Way You Do”

  1. The biggest issue for me in the need to feel guilty, and consequently to make others feel guilty.

    Guilty of not taking the steps required to live the life I deserve, guilty of not making the phone call, guilty of not making the move and express my love and abundance...

    Which creates remorse. Which creates anger. And it feeds the cycle.
    Then I remember that I can love myself. I deserve it. And the heart oppens consequently and I start to love.

    This pattern doen't allow me to even live the great successes I've had, because I feel guilty for other people...

    This is what I'm releasing into love, compassion and joy.

  2. It is true that until you identify the real reasons, you cannot change your behavior. Also you can only change other people by changing and controlling the way you react to them!

  3. Randy, after I left my husband I spent months evaluating how I ended up in a relationship as bad as ours was to begin with.

    As shitty as a person as he was to me, he was just being 'him'.

    What was more important was taking responsibility for MY part and continuing to dance in the relationship with him.

    I now recognize that in all situations, if I choose to stay in it, there's something I'm getting FROM it. Healthy or not.

    I'm SO VERY grateful that these days, I am able to step back and say, 'what am I getting from this? What is it feeding?', and go from there.

    In Gratitude,

    Jhanna Dawson

  4. Randy,
    This sooooo used to be me! Just two days ago,I caught myself in church, of all places, picking on my brother for wearing sunglasses on his head! Or my friend because she's always cold. The good news is, that as soon as I did it, there was a prickly feeling in my heart and I knew what I was doing was wrong, uncalled for and mean. To them and ME.
    It is the vestige of a destructive, inherited habit. I am also in the process of stopping/deflecting the unnecessary criticism coming in my direction. Unfortunately, it is my husband doing the "picking". I politely ask him to stop being critical or stop the conversation all together. If that doesn't work, I leave the room.
    Wow, what a great feeling!

  5. "Are you one of the people who constantly make big issues out of little things? " No, I am pretty easy going. It wouldn't bother me if someone squeezed the toothpaste from the bottom of the tube 🙂

    "Are your relationships roller coaster rides of breathtaking highs and desperate lows? Have you ever given thought to the real reason for this?"
    no...I am not on a relationship roller coaster ride. A big thing that isn't small stuff can't be ignored though.
    I really like stability so putting myself in some temporary chaos is not easy. A place to live, a gym to workout in & eating healthy helps.

  6. and be Right.
    There are a couple of books who help me deal with my self-sabotage beliefs. They are both by Debbie Ford,"The Dark Side of the Light Chasers and Why Good People Do Bad Things."

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  • 14 comments on “The Real Reasons You Act the Way You Do”

    1. The biggest issue for me in the need to feel guilty, and consequently to make others feel guilty.

      Guilty of not taking the steps required to live the life I deserve, guilty of not making the phone call, guilty of not making the move and express my love and abundance...

      Which creates remorse. Which creates anger. And it feeds the cycle.
      Then I remember that I can love myself. I deserve it. And the heart oppens consequently and I start to love.

      This pattern doen't allow me to even live the great successes I've had, because I feel guilty for other people...

      This is what I'm releasing into love, compassion and joy.

    2. It is true that until you identify the real reasons, you cannot change your behavior. Also you can only change other people by changing and controlling the way you react to them!

    3. Randy, after I left my husband I spent months evaluating how I ended up in a relationship as bad as ours was to begin with.

      As shitty as a person as he was to me, he was just being 'him'.

      What was more important was taking responsibility for MY part and continuing to dance in the relationship with him.

      I now recognize that in all situations, if I choose to stay in it, there's something I'm getting FROM it. Healthy or not.

      I'm SO VERY grateful that these days, I am able to step back and say, 'what am I getting from this? What is it feeding?', and go from there.

      In Gratitude,

      Jhanna Dawson

    4. Randy,
      This sooooo used to be me! Just two days ago,I caught myself in church, of all places, picking on my brother for wearing sunglasses on his head! Or my friend because she's always cold. The good news is, that as soon as I did it, there was a prickly feeling in my heart and I knew what I was doing was wrong, uncalled for and mean. To them and ME.
      It is the vestige of a destructive, inherited habit. I am also in the process of stopping/deflecting the unnecessary criticism coming in my direction. Unfortunately, it is my husband doing the "picking". I politely ask him to stop being critical or stop the conversation all together. If that doesn't work, I leave the room.
      Wow, what a great feeling!

    5. "Are you one of the people who constantly make big issues out of little things? " No, I am pretty easy going. It wouldn't bother me if someone squeezed the toothpaste from the bottom of the tube 🙂

      "Are your relationships roller coaster rides of breathtaking highs and desperate lows? Have you ever given thought to the real reason for this?"
      no...I am not on a relationship roller coaster ride. A big thing that isn't small stuff can't be ignored though.
      I really like stability so putting myself in some temporary chaos is not easy. A place to live, a gym to workout in & eating healthy helps.

    6. and be Right.
      There are a couple of books who help me deal with my self-sabotage beliefs. They are both by Debbie Ford,"The Dark Side of the Light Chasers and Why Good People Do Bad Things."

    Leave a Reply

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