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The Professional Victims

Posted By: Randy GageDecember 21, 2010

I did a new video for Prosperity TV that should be up soon.  It’s on the topic of limiting negative people in your life.  And while doing it I thought about the professional victims…  

You know people like that?  Here are the symptoms:

They’ve given up the battle to win, and just make excuses about why they didn’t have a chance.  They try and get you to believe that they would be successful, famous or rich, except for the deceit of those around them.   Every time you see them, they tell you how they have been lied to, ripped off or exploited by someone.  They suffer from the delusion that they are an innocent victim, and everyone else is evil and malicious.

They explain how they would have been just as rich or famous, except they weren’t willing to lie and cheat and steal.  Alas, they are poor, because they were born with way too much unselfishness.

How do I know the symptoms so well?  Because I was a professional victim for 30 years.  If there is one thing I have discovered it is this:  If you have lost faith in human nature, check the mirror and see where you have gone off track yourself.

So how do you become healthy, happy, and successful?  It starts the day you decide you don’t want to be a victim any more.  You realize the psychic payoff isn’t worth it.

So how you doing on that?

-RG

37 comments on “The Professional Victims”

  1. Great post,

    I'm thinking that sometimes there actually are legitimate reasons for one being, lets say, negatively affected by people. I used to be really quite sheepish and cave easily under pressure from other people who I saw as more dominant. That all came down to my self esteem and how I perceived those people. Looking back on that, it's easy to identify where I was lacking, however when you are there and without the benefit of hindsite, it can be difficult, nigh on impossible, to realise these things. Not getting into my childhood history here, but I'm a "real" survivor. It's taken a heck of a lot for me to build myself up to where I am today.
    Thank you Randy for your inspirational posts.

    All the BEST!
    Jase

  2. I definitely agree with you... run from those people... but on the other hand the deck is definitely stacked against you if you don't get some breaks or know someone... read How Starbucks Saved My Life... the guy got into Yale because of his father, got a big paying job in advertising because of his Yale background and connections... but when he lost his job because he got into his 50s and lost everything to bad decisions he wound with a job at Starbucks.. and he says that was his salvation.. but he sure learned a lesson in humility and how he had an easy way in that a lot of people don't get... that Horatio Alger stuff should be taken with a huge rock of salt...

    1. Barriers exist for everyone, obviously even for Yale guy.

      Perhaps it is foolish to pursue things if the odds are stacked against you, but I'd rather not sit around waiting for a lucky break to happen or meet the right people. I'll just have to find way to draw people to me instead.

  3. Randy,

    My office is surrounded and crowded with Professional victims . They sit across my cubicles and I have to spend 8-10 hours with them on a daily basis which is unavoidable being the same office space. I have started doing daily affirmation to release them from my life . I feel this should bring the change very soon .

    1. Just curious...you "have to" spend time with them and it's "unavoidable"? With all due respect, who is forcing you to be there? Take your power back by knowing you are choosing to be there. That's the first step in releasing them from your life.

  4. My mother has created a 'career' though her illnesses. In fact there were times worthy of an Oscar for her performances. She has manifested one thing after another, now 71 she is in so much physical pain because of the choices she made way, way back. My sister and I have had to work really hard with this and not allow it to affect us (there was also much more in our childhood with her that we managed to survive).
    I do not support victim consciousness at all and I tell my clients that. They look shocked when they first hear it until I explain that I prefer victor consciousness.
    Thanks for the great debates Randy!

    1. My mom is doing this. This saddens me because I care about her.

      Some of her health problems are real, but she doesn't take care of herself, and thinks she'll learn from watching Oprah and Dr. Phil. The irony is, she's a nurse!

      I know for certain a lot of them would be alleviated and even disappear if she did.

  5. RG
    What a great post. I have met so many people who seem to have the right to be a victim. I too have done that. I stop it now and say that I am made of the same stuff the universe is made up and I have a right to be happy healthy and successful. I must co create the good stuff.
    Jim

  6. Thanks Randy. As always very awesome. Something I have been thinking about for awhile. Thanks for putting great words to it.

  7. "They suffer from the delusion that they are an innocent victim, and everyone else is evil and malicious."

    That describes a lot of victims. Unfortunately, it's also possible to be a victim without making "enemies" of other people. For example, I have a friend who is a victim of her own "stupidity" (her description) and other self-perceived shortcomings. She says she can't succeed "because that's just how I am", and she says she can't change, and so she remains a victim... of herself.

    As the great philosopher Pogo once said, "We have met the enemy, and they is us."
    jim

  8. Okay, I have definitely said more than my fair share on this topic in my past posts, but I will share this one last happy thought about living in "victim-hood."

    While you are certainly never at a loss for company while you are living there, the quality of your neighbors is SO greatly improved once you move elsewhere. 🙂

    K

  9. It's true victims hide from themselves. I think we all do this from time to time in big and little ways. Playing the victim and hiding from ourselves. Maybe at Christmas time we should remember to have compassion for ourselves and these other victims we know.

    Who climbs up and decorates those palm trees. Do the palm trees have electrical outlets for the lights? Is it too hot for Santa to where his big red suit in Florida?

      1. I can imagine(about Santa). You know in all seriousness, I was thinking about your post, and it just occured to me that it relates in a way to a theory I learned in my psychology classes. So, I thought you might like to know about Eric Berne M.D.(psychiatrist)if you don't already know him. He wrote a book called "Games People Play" it is transactional analyis theory, and it is closely related to your topic of how people play the victim role.

  10. Oh how timely this article is. I have recently become aware of the fact that engaging in discussions with people who suffer from this "Victim mentality" is hugely counter productive and a great time waster. These people will never change until they believe they can and/or want to. In the meantime people who believe they create their own lives, breaks, happiness, and environment will not benefit themselves or the victims by engaging with them. Just say "no".

  11. Today its the best day to live.I am a perfect God creation to live happy,healthy and prosper.Amen.LIVE RICH like you RG.Gracias

  12. Hi Randy, great post! I would love to hear your opinion on how to handle "Pookie and Ray-Ray"'s comments like "why don't you get a job" and "network marketing is illegal" during family dinners and parties, especially since Christmas and New Year's celebrations are coming up fast!

      1. Thanks for the video. In spring 1996 I stopped taking financial advice from broke people. To clarify my recent question, I was looking for a quick response to snide comments, so my newbies will be ready.

        The scenario my newbies will possibly encounter: everyone sits down for dinner, and during the first course Pookie asks loudly, "I heard you joined one of those pyramid things. Why would you embarrass the family by doing something illegal?" And all eyes at the table turn to the newbie, waiting for the response.

        Leaving the table would be extreme. Arguing that MLM IS legal puts the newbie on the spot. So I searched the comments and found a fantastic CALM reply from Olav Aaserud: (Say it calmly) "So, what makes you qualified to teach me about MLM?"

  13. I pride myself in being a person who is always searching, growing, and a very upbeat positive prosperous person!! I have adored you, Randy, for many years because your message resonates so deeply within me.

    Yet, I have come to the realization again this week, that I still have a deep deep belief that it is "the right thing to do" to have 10 lbs to lose, live paycheck to paycheck, not finish that 1 credit to get my degree (1 dam credit!!!!) and live in a condo instead of a house. The crazy thing is that people who know me personally would be shocked to know that this is a belief of mine. My condo is beautiful-i'm tall and thin-by most peoples standards-i'm the only one in my family who went to college-i have a lovely social life-i'm stimulated mentally at work-and yet, I know that i'm still limiting myself.

    Why not have my own home? Why not have my Phd? Why not be mistaken for being a supermodel?? Why not???

    Ah, so much more growing to do!!

  14. Wow. Victimhood. Seems to be the new drug of choice. When I played into the victim role, I was one miserable ...... What I learned from it was that there is always a feed or benefit to what we are doing to ourselves, whether good or bad. I think misery loves company is a great way to emphasize this point. Being a victim gives many people an identity. It allows them to accept their own failures and frailties because there is always a herd to belong to. It allows them permission to stay where they are by totally disempowering any vision of future expectation. Being a victim makes you a victim. I hope the people on this blog have moved way past it. If not, what are you waiting for?

  15. TQ, Randy!!

    I've since realized some 18 months before that my parents are firmly, staunchly in THIS category. And I can CHOOSE what I am going to do about, HOW I am going to respond...

    Thanks a million. Seasons Greetings & Happy New Year!

    Daniel.

    1. Like Randy, I went through an epiphany where I realized how short life was, and that I can't be a victim any more.

      I know that most of you reading this right now are on a different path, but I too was raised by people like this.

      Innocent victims who "did the best they could" and blindly listened to "well-meaning" people instead of taking responsibility for themselves and their family.

      Like many, they believe that their jobs and the government exist to take care of them, provide security for life, and that they earned that right.

      It's like they live in some alternate reality where people are just handed things because they exist. The sad thing is, there are many people like this at all levels and in every walk of life.

      I have never heard any other people talk about money more often in such a negative way than them.

      They've also never taken any real risks, and live with their heads in the sand, and believe that everyone should grind it out until they're 65, never doing anything worthwhile like business/creating art because "it's too risky!" and that life is all about suffering because "that's the way it is."

      Depending on a "good job" is far riskier, and I see how much pain they are both in physically and emotionally because they put their jobs before themselves and their family. They believe they didn't have a choice.

      Learning from this, I choose to make my life about music again. Probably "too old" at 29, but tell that to Susan Boyle, Moby, Jordan Rudess, and a few others.

      I'd rather die or go homeless than "be a hard worker" and hate myself for the rest of my life.
      Meaningful work makes me want to work harder, because it's too fulfilling, and because time is short.

      It isn't what you have that matters, it's how you use it.

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  • 37 comments on “The Professional Victims”

    1. Great post,

      I'm thinking that sometimes there actually are legitimate reasons for one being, lets say, negatively affected by people. I used to be really quite sheepish and cave easily under pressure from other people who I saw as more dominant. That all came down to my self esteem and how I perceived those people. Looking back on that, it's easy to identify where I was lacking, however when you are there and without the benefit of hindsite, it can be difficult, nigh on impossible, to realise these things. Not getting into my childhood history here, but I'm a "real" survivor. It's taken a heck of a lot for me to build myself up to where I am today.
      Thank you Randy for your inspirational posts.

      All the BEST!
      Jase

    2. I definitely agree with you... run from those people... but on the other hand the deck is definitely stacked against you if you don't get some breaks or know someone... read How Starbucks Saved My Life... the guy got into Yale because of his father, got a big paying job in advertising because of his Yale background and connections... but when he lost his job because he got into his 50s and lost everything to bad decisions he wound with a job at Starbucks.. and he says that was his salvation.. but he sure learned a lesson in humility and how he had an easy way in that a lot of people don't get... that Horatio Alger stuff should be taken with a huge rock of salt...

      1. Barriers exist for everyone, obviously even for Yale guy.

        Perhaps it is foolish to pursue things if the odds are stacked against you, but I'd rather not sit around waiting for a lucky break to happen or meet the right people. I'll just have to find way to draw people to me instead.

    3. Randy,

      My office is surrounded and crowded with Professional victims . They sit across my cubicles and I have to spend 8-10 hours with them on a daily basis which is unavoidable being the same office space. I have started doing daily affirmation to release them from my life . I feel this should bring the change very soon .

      1. Just curious...you "have to" spend time with them and it's "unavoidable"? With all due respect, who is forcing you to be there? Take your power back by knowing you are choosing to be there. That's the first step in releasing them from your life.

    4. My mother has created a 'career' though her illnesses. In fact there were times worthy of an Oscar for her performances. She has manifested one thing after another, now 71 she is in so much physical pain because of the choices she made way, way back. My sister and I have had to work really hard with this and not allow it to affect us (there was also much more in our childhood with her that we managed to survive).
      I do not support victim consciousness at all and I tell my clients that. They look shocked when they first hear it until I explain that I prefer victor consciousness.
      Thanks for the great debates Randy!

      1. My mom is doing this. This saddens me because I care about her.

        Some of her health problems are real, but she doesn't take care of herself, and thinks she'll learn from watching Oprah and Dr. Phil. The irony is, she's a nurse!

        I know for certain a lot of them would be alleviated and even disappear if she did.

    5. RG
      What a great post. I have met so many people who seem to have the right to be a victim. I too have done that. I stop it now and say that I am made of the same stuff the universe is made up and I have a right to be happy healthy and successful. I must co create the good stuff.
      Jim

    6. Thanks Randy. As always very awesome. Something I have been thinking about for awhile. Thanks for putting great words to it.

    7. "They suffer from the delusion that they are an innocent victim, and everyone else is evil and malicious."

      That describes a lot of victims. Unfortunately, it's also possible to be a victim without making "enemies" of other people. For example, I have a friend who is a victim of her own "stupidity" (her description) and other self-perceived shortcomings. She says she can't succeed "because that's just how I am", and she says she can't change, and so she remains a victim... of herself.

      As the great philosopher Pogo once said, "We have met the enemy, and they is us."
      jim

    8. Okay, I have definitely said more than my fair share on this topic in my past posts, but I will share this one last happy thought about living in "victim-hood."

      While you are certainly never at a loss for company while you are living there, the quality of your neighbors is SO greatly improved once you move elsewhere. 🙂

      K

    9. It's true victims hide from themselves. I think we all do this from time to time in big and little ways. Playing the victim and hiding from ourselves. Maybe at Christmas time we should remember to have compassion for ourselves and these other victims we know.

      Who climbs up and decorates those palm trees. Do the palm trees have electrical outlets for the lights? Is it too hot for Santa to where his big red suit in Florida?

        1. I can imagine(about Santa). You know in all seriousness, I was thinking about your post, and it just occured to me that it relates in a way to a theory I learned in my psychology classes. So, I thought you might like to know about Eric Berne M.D.(psychiatrist)if you don't already know him. He wrote a book called "Games People Play" it is transactional analyis theory, and it is closely related to your topic of how people play the victim role.

    10. Oh how timely this article is. I have recently become aware of the fact that engaging in discussions with people who suffer from this "Victim mentality" is hugely counter productive and a great time waster. These people will never change until they believe they can and/or want to. In the meantime people who believe they create their own lives, breaks, happiness, and environment will not benefit themselves or the victims by engaging with them. Just say "no".

    11. Today its the best day to live.I am a perfect God creation to live happy,healthy and prosper.Amen.LIVE RICH like you RG.Gracias

    12. Hi Randy, great post! I would love to hear your opinion on how to handle "Pookie and Ray-Ray"'s comments like "why don't you get a job" and "network marketing is illegal" during family dinners and parties, especially since Christmas and New Year's celebrations are coming up fast!

        1. Thanks for the video. In spring 1996 I stopped taking financial advice from broke people. To clarify my recent question, I was looking for a quick response to snide comments, so my newbies will be ready.

          The scenario my newbies will possibly encounter: everyone sits down for dinner, and during the first course Pookie asks loudly, "I heard you joined one of those pyramid things. Why would you embarrass the family by doing something illegal?" And all eyes at the table turn to the newbie, waiting for the response.

          Leaving the table would be extreme. Arguing that MLM IS legal puts the newbie on the spot. So I searched the comments and found a fantastic CALM reply from Olav Aaserud: (Say it calmly) "So, what makes you qualified to teach me about MLM?"

    13. I pride myself in being a person who is always searching, growing, and a very upbeat positive prosperous person!! I have adored you, Randy, for many years because your message resonates so deeply within me.

      Yet, I have come to the realization again this week, that I still have a deep deep belief that it is "the right thing to do" to have 10 lbs to lose, live paycheck to paycheck, not finish that 1 credit to get my degree (1 dam credit!!!!) and live in a condo instead of a house. The crazy thing is that people who know me personally would be shocked to know that this is a belief of mine. My condo is beautiful-i'm tall and thin-by most peoples standards-i'm the only one in my family who went to college-i have a lovely social life-i'm stimulated mentally at work-and yet, I know that i'm still limiting myself.

      Why not have my own home? Why not have my Phd? Why not be mistaken for being a supermodel?? Why not???

      Ah, so much more growing to do!!

    14. Wow. Victimhood. Seems to be the new drug of choice. When I played into the victim role, I was one miserable ...... What I learned from it was that there is always a feed or benefit to what we are doing to ourselves, whether good or bad. I think misery loves company is a great way to emphasize this point. Being a victim gives many people an identity. It allows them to accept their own failures and frailties because there is always a herd to belong to. It allows them permission to stay where they are by totally disempowering any vision of future expectation. Being a victim makes you a victim. I hope the people on this blog have moved way past it. If not, what are you waiting for?

    15. TQ, Randy!!

      I've since realized some 18 months before that my parents are firmly, staunchly in THIS category. And I can CHOOSE what I am going to do about, HOW I am going to respond...

      Thanks a million. Seasons Greetings & Happy New Year!

      Daniel.

      1. Like Randy, I went through an epiphany where I realized how short life was, and that I can't be a victim any more.

        I know that most of you reading this right now are on a different path, but I too was raised by people like this.

        Innocent victims who "did the best they could" and blindly listened to "well-meaning" people instead of taking responsibility for themselves and their family.

        Like many, they believe that their jobs and the government exist to take care of them, provide security for life, and that they earned that right.

        It's like they live in some alternate reality where people are just handed things because they exist. The sad thing is, there are many people like this at all levels and in every walk of life.

        I have never heard any other people talk about money more often in such a negative way than them.

        They've also never taken any real risks, and live with their heads in the sand, and believe that everyone should grind it out until they're 65, never doing anything worthwhile like business/creating art because "it's too risky!" and that life is all about suffering because "that's the way it is."

        Depending on a "good job" is far riskier, and I see how much pain they are both in physically and emotionally because they put their jobs before themselves and their family. They believe they didn't have a choice.

        Learning from this, I choose to make my life about music again. Probably "too old" at 29, but tell that to Susan Boyle, Moby, Jordan Rudess, and a few others.

        I'd rather die or go homeless than "be a hard worker" and hate myself for the rest of my life.
        Meaningful work makes me want to work harder, because it's too fulfilling, and because time is short.

        It isn't what you have that matters, it's how you use it.

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