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The Effect of Sacrificing to Others

Posted By: Randy GageMarch 31, 2010

We talked in the last post about making happiness your purpose in life, and whether that was right or not.  When it is discussed rationally, most people agree to the sense of taking responsibility for your own happiness.

And then quite frequently, they start to feel guilty and begin attempting to validate the concept of sacrificing yourself for others.  Or the old standbys: “society,” “the world,” or “the greater good,”

And I think inside each of us – there is a part of us that would love to do this.  To give unselfishly, to serve society and to sacrifice for others just seems so God damned romantic.  But here are some questions to do some critical thinking about…

Can one really make “everybody’s happiness” his/her moral purpose?  If so, can it ever be accomplished?  And most importantly – what kind of effect would that purpose have upon your feelings of self-esteem and worth?

Give all this some thought, and check in below.  The Korea program went great today.  I head out early in the morning for Jakarta and will check in from there.

-RG

25 comments on “The Effect of Sacrificing to Others”

  1. Man, not 5 seconds ago I send an email to my mum because she wants me to do exactly this because of my father. The universe (or you) is definetly sending me a message.

    Tx Randy, I needed this to know I am on track.

  2. The challenge in these provocative posts has been to take this to its logical conclusion, I believe. So no, it's impossible to be responsible for everyone's happiness. But that doesn't in the slightest way negate the important responsibility for contributing to the well being of others. Having personal happiness as a goal is necessarily balanced by concern for others. It's not "lack" thinking to eschew excessive levels of selfishness. It's not healthy to be a hedonist. It's also not even practical. An extreme focus on self impacts all those you interact with. They, in turn, will spurn you...thus reducing your level of happiness! Happiness, satisfaction, well-being...all of these are ultimately achieved WITH and THROUGH interaction with others. Sacrifice for others can certainly go too far (self imposed/self important martyrdom)...but there's also a positive type of sacrificing/contributing for others that increases happiness for many. And a by product of that is personal satisfaction - which is not the same as happiness, but often even better!

  3. This stuff really isn't rocket science. It's all about perspective.

    When you help someone else, it makes YOU feel good.

    To love another as you love yourself, you must first love YOURSELF.

    To paraphrase Zig Ziglar, YOU can have everything you want if you just help enough other people get what they want.

    If you want to call these motivations "selfish" then that's tough to argue with. This is Ayn Rand 101. But it's really just a matter of a new perspective on why each of us behaves the way we do.

    Another way to look at it is that the world is DESIGNED in such a way that we all have a deep down intuition and desire to help others be happy. Ulitately, that is what makes US feel best.

  4. This is not that you are sacrificing for others - but are you willing to do for others for with an open heart. You cannot make anyone happy - or make them sad for that matter - that is their choice - emotions are yours - you must choose how to use them.

  5. -RG,

    It definitely can be done.

    Everyone you come into contact with leave them bigger than when you met them.

    Validate them recognize the Divinity in them.

    -DJM

  6. I think it's possible to make "everyone's happiness" one's moral purpose, however I don't think that purpose can ever be fulfilled. It's an impossible goal. And an unhealthy one when trying to satisfy people who get their enjoyment out of manipulating others.

    I think it's important to make oneself happy. A person who truly loves you will want YOU to be happy. Turning away from one's dreams makes one unhappy.

    The line between giving back and sacrificing oneself is the point to watch. These are different degrees of giving that create "significance", which is a fundamental human urge.

    Giving back to the world means lovingly letting things circulate (money, time, compliments, food, wisdom, etc)... and what circulates, grows in the giver's life- even if the giving is anonymous. A Giver can then use the increased resources to create even more effect in the world... hence higher significance.

    Sacrifice seems like extreme giving, likely with the intent of receiving a " public reputation" in return.

    I propose that people who feel they have nothing "extra" to give (or who feel they don't deserve good things) will opt for the "sacrifice" method of obtaining significance.

  7. Just came back from huge discussion in Turkish restaurant. Friends from different nationalities with different moral backgrounds....I was shocked to hear that words "morality" and "happiness" may have different meanings for different people.
    Thats why can answer: a person can try to make everybody's happiness his/her moral purpose - but thats impossible to accomplish. It will mean he/she shall be changing own personality, values, visions and selfness like chameleon.

    Regarding the sacrifice topic, everyone should make clear for himself what it is all about and whether it helps for his and others' wellbeing. Today I am caught in a thought.... if recent self-blasts of two female in Moscow metro killing about 40 innocent people is called "sacrifice" for "some others' happiness" - would it make any sense for humanity?

  8. Randy,

    Great questions...

    I find it funny but I find myself to be happy when I am productively helping others reach their goals to be happy for themselves.

    When I am not feeling that great about myself, I can link it back to not being productive enough helping others reach their goals.

    But I do not tie my happiness to their happiness because that will give them too much power over me.

    I am convinced that if you try or sacrifice yourself to make others happy, you end not making anyone happy, even yourself.

    Keep up the great work!

    And Here's to Your LifetoSuccess,

    John Clark
    http://www.lifetosuccess.com

  9. Randy,
    I spent the last 15 years trying to do just that, make everyone else happy when all it did was make my unhappy. I had it instilled in my to do for others and not to be selfish.
    I'm finally trying to learn to put myself before others or at least consider what I want before what everyone else wants.
    Thank you for sharing this as I needed the reminder today!
    Save travels!

  10. Some kind of missunderstanding, oh yes. I beleive we can feel if other people are NOT happy-and we can suffer in our hearts when they haven´t been able to reach the happiness they are worthy of. And because of that , we think that WE shall make them happy! But we can´t. We can only feel sorry for them in a constructive way - like pray for them and think good thoughts about them. But they can only resque themselfes. And the more I do to myself- the more I help my friend by showing her/him it is possible!

  11. There is a BIG difference between sacrificing yourself for others and helping others. There is also a huge difference between sacrificing yourself for God and sacrificing yourself for others.

  12. Randy,

    I really like MO's reply.

    I spent 11 patrols aboard submarines that lasted 3-4 months submerged with no contact with anyone outside of the 125 guys I 'lived' with.

    What works is 'rules' everyone agrees to live under and abide by. Trouble appears when the definitions of the words that make up the rules take on different meanings for different groups and no one notices no one is actually talking about the same thing.

    The most difficult patrol is the first one. Once you 'know' how long 117 days is locked up in a ‘tube closet’ the rest of them are tolerable. Some people discovered they didn't want to leave because ALL their issues are in one small place and only what’s there is what they can handle, manage and deal with. You actually don’t need to live aboard a submarine to get this and have it work for you. This does NOT make other people happy.

    I am not a proponent of the happiness ‘drug.’ While I enjoy its affect when it occurs I do not go looking for it, nor spend any time attempted to create it, fake it or search for it. I do notice those who attempt to ‘suck’ it out of everyone they spend time with. I spend as little time as possible in their company as they are like mini-black happiness holes.

    You will never make anyone happy.... not even yourself... it is a waste of time. IF you ever manage to do something attributed to making someone or yourself happy, it will not be enough to repeat it nor will it work a second time with the same affect. Happiness is NOT learning to ride some kind of bicycle.

    The most important word in the English language is 'Endure.'

    One of the things most interesting about where I live now is virtually all traffic signs are actually different versions of yield. Learning how to yield is a very valuable skill. Once you ‘get’ there is nowhere to ‘get to’ and you have eternity to ‘get to’ everywhere or anywhere, what you want to accomplish next is much easier to focus on. [When you experience eternity much of what people do becomes very humorous.]

    IF you are attempting to find or acquire happiness you have not discovered any sense of eternity. If you think happiness is providing for someone or something else’s endearment/happiness you rob them of their responsibility and pretty much guarantee no one associated with the ‘project’ will ever experience happiness even in the short term.

    Another way to say this is Life is a game. In order to have a game something has to be more important than something else. If what already is, is more important than what isn’t the game is over. So, life is a game in which what isn’t is more important than what is.

    Happiness IS a function of accepting what is. If you are one of the select few, you understand you can be that for only yourself. You will never do that for anyone else nor would you claim to try.

    MO’s was much shorter…

  13. Your first question; No!
    Your second question; No!

    Why do I answer no to these questions. Because I spent a big part of my life trying to do just that, saving everyone else and make them happy. I was always there trying to rescue people from various types of addictions and problems.

    What kind of effect would that purpose have upon your feelings of self-esteem and worth?

    Your third question; I will give you something to chew on..

    When I lived my life by that sick purpose I couldn't see my own potential because I was dead internally and my self esteem was gone. I lived my life from the viewpoint of a victim, in guilt and unworthiness. I was co-dependent and it stopped me from growth, change, love and true prosperity in life. I was a dead man walking in nice suit.

    The real mission I have in my life is to create my own happiness.

    To find my true happiness, I need to develop my philosophy with clarity and purpose. It means, no longer protecting myself from the truth about me or someone else by living behind these sick standbys: “society,” “the world,” or “the greater good,”

    Randy, you are making a difference, thank you!
    You started my journey for approximately ten years ago.

  14. Oh Randy, everything is upside down on this planet.

    What is important and good is masked with the opposite meaning to weaken people.

    However, there are always snippets of great stuff coming out, sort of like a vent to balance all negativity. An example:

    "Scientists and researchers in Philadelphia have discovered a possible future way to regrow limbs and even organs in human beings.

    They discovered a gene, p21, that when turned off, allows the blastema, new cell growth, to create normal bones, flesh and nerve tissues.

    Currently, human genetics only creates scar tissue to protect the damaged area after an injury. When p21 is deactivated, the body totally repairs itself without a trace of any damage from the trauma.

    This can revolutionize medical science and proves that DNA contains the possibility for everything in humanity physically. It also shows that the body energy is always complete and really never damaged."

    A lot of our DNA has been tampered with, but can be adjusted, even mentally, for all possibilities to manifest!

    I wonder if they can regrow heads?

  15. THIS MILITIA THING IS GOING TOO FAR!!!... Now Vermont State Representative, Fred Maslack, wants non-gun owners to register and tax them $500. The rational? Those who refuse to participate in their duty to be able to exercise self-defense, impose a burden on those citizens who do. Maslack said, "Why should we pay for ... the extra police protection required by those who refuse to take reasonable, common sense, and safe measures to protect themselves, their families, and their castles?" Sacrificing to others, huh???

  16. I think the best way to make others, society and/or the world happy is to meet your needs and desires and teach others how to do it. The word sacrifice is not one that enhances people, it is a heavy word because it means doing something you don't necessarily want to do and you have to.

    When I was going to have my first daughter my mom said to me: Diana, never sacrifice for your children, always give them the best but without sacrificing, I was amazed because a mother always would tell you to sacrifice for your children, she explained, if you sacrifice today for them you are going to want them to pay you back at some point in some way tomorrow... Now I understand that the most sacrificed people are not happy and for sure angry internally.

    A very smart woman that I know says: "martyrs are angry people".

  17. Dear Randy,

    We're not really responsible for making others happy..actually, or doesn't have to make everybody's happiness one's moral purpose per se. And we're not obligated to fit the pattern of what certain herds in the society insist, presenting sets of many moral laws or things we ought to do, but when we are genuinely happy, loving ourselves, appreciating our Creator, reaching out and touch others in love is something that would automatically and naturally takes place and is our god given natural expression - the expression of love - in the form of giving, spending time for others, being honest & respectful, and maintaining a good degree of integrity in human interactions - and is not a formula to go by or a set of instructions ('must-do') but is something that comes natural and is a bi-product of a true happiness coming from within.

    Back to 'can one really make 'everybody's hapiness' his/her moral purpose? If so, can it ever be accomplished?' Again, it is not a formula or a set of wish list to perform tasks to help become a better person ... but something that comes naturally when one enjoys life and loves enjoying himself/herself and others company, not because he/she has to, but because he/she wants to. And he/she would wear himself/herself out by trying so hard to make everyone's happiness his/her moral purpose unless there is a true love ingredient that comes from within.

    In response to 'what kind of effect would that purpose have upon your feelings of self-esteem and worth,' if we love ourselves and being truly happy, then again..without even being aware of it, we naturally end up making another happy which in turn would often help elevate the degree of our self worth as well as self esteem to the next level. Thus, when our feeling of self-esteem and self worth is going up, there are many positive signs are revealed in us as to how we deal with things, including our true genuine confidence in our own self, being honest with a fair self value of ourselves, not the fake self-made illusion or wishful image about ourselves, perhaps often wearing us out by covering up so hard what and who we really are not. We begin to present ourselves genuinely more confident, thus gaining/winning people's genuine trust/respect in us, as a result. People are not stupid and all seem to be gifted to see how to sense others, whether people are truly genuine/confident or faking it. We begin to present ourselves positive and more professional with genuine smiles and words that we speak... and we begin to dress well, looking our best. Oops!

    Personally, I would love the feeling that I sense when I see smiles on people's faces when they allow me to reach out and help which often motivates me to go further, but it is not always that way. Sometimes as we communicate with people from different backgrounds, cultures, as well as upbringings, words spoken or intentionally or mistakenly selected or even gestures may cause some misunderstandings sometimes, depending on what they personally prefer to see or hear, or go by..perhaps within their set of values or cultures. Nevertheless, it is a positive and good thing to try to help and make others happy, perhaps without expecting anything in return. Dear, Randy, almost every post you add always gets me thinking and I often discover something in me. That's very good..and I enjoyed reading today's as always. Hope I didn't sidetracked, missing the point of the intended subject this time. Sorry about my lengthy sloppy English. My comment is longest one of all, longer than Michael's lol Nite nite! ahg-saachi

  18. yeah, agree with u Diana.
    Sacrifice is not that right word indeed. It doesnt always come with happy intention and dont make people feel happy.
    just remembered movie Armageddon, where Bruce Willis sacrifices his life for the sake of his daughter's happiness and mostly to save the world.....

  19. What if helping others achieve happiness makes you happy, healthy & wealthy?
    Or what if it helping others makes you happy and doesn't negatively affect your health or wealth?

  20. Well, if everyone took responsibility for thier own happiness and comfort, then you would not have to worry about the rest of the world and pursue your own. Collectively, everyone would be better off. There will always be those who cannot help themselves and need help from others, and they should be helped after you have looked after yourself first.

  21. Again, an adage comes to mind:If you cannot first be a gift to yourself, you cannot hope to be a gift to anyone else. It's about balancing and reframing the notion of "sacrificing" yourself and understanding what "happiness" is. If you have first taken care of yourself, you will not easily view doing for others as giving up a necessary part of yourself. Secondly, I do not believe you can "make" anyone feel happy; that is their choice to find happiness, feel happiness, share happiness. Anything else allows for others to have power over your emotions, which is far too rich a well to let anyone else dip into.

  22. Yes Gulee, with this way of doing things we all end up sacrificing for others, what's the point? I would agree in a situation of emergency sometimes you just have no other option, you react to the situation but that is very different from having the hero and martyr complex for every person that crosses your life. In the end how honest can you be if you take, for instance, your child's food in order to give to others?

    What's the point on giving someone else your food if you are going to be hungry instead? You are going to wait for some other idiot to give you his food and so on? Instead, if you can share a piece of what you have and you teach the person how to get more then it makes sense and creates a chain of growing prosperous people.

  23. Yes, I believe that its possible, to make others happiness our goal in life, provided its done out of love,not if there's an ulterior motive. It may be just a simple word of encouragement, an act of kindness, giving a stranger a warm welcome. There are so many ways we can sow happiness in others life. The law of sowing and reaping says 'What we sow we shall reap'. thus if we make it a habit of making others happiness our priority, we ourself would actually benefit from it . But of course not everyone will appreciate it and there will be some who will react negatively to what your intentions.

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  • 25 comments on “The Effect of Sacrificing to Others”

    1. Man, not 5 seconds ago I send an email to my mum because she wants me to do exactly this because of my father. The universe (or you) is definetly sending me a message.

      Tx Randy, I needed this to know I am on track.

    2. The challenge in these provocative posts has been to take this to its logical conclusion, I believe. So no, it's impossible to be responsible for everyone's happiness. But that doesn't in the slightest way negate the important responsibility for contributing to the well being of others. Having personal happiness as a goal is necessarily balanced by concern for others. It's not "lack" thinking to eschew excessive levels of selfishness. It's not healthy to be a hedonist. It's also not even practical. An extreme focus on self impacts all those you interact with. They, in turn, will spurn you...thus reducing your level of happiness! Happiness, satisfaction, well-being...all of these are ultimately achieved WITH and THROUGH interaction with others. Sacrifice for others can certainly go too far (self imposed/self important martyrdom)...but there's also a positive type of sacrificing/contributing for others that increases happiness for many. And a by product of that is personal satisfaction - which is not the same as happiness, but often even better!

    3. This stuff really isn't rocket science. It's all about perspective.

      When you help someone else, it makes YOU feel good.

      To love another as you love yourself, you must first love YOURSELF.

      To paraphrase Zig Ziglar, YOU can have everything you want if you just help enough other people get what they want.

      If you want to call these motivations "selfish" then that's tough to argue with. This is Ayn Rand 101. But it's really just a matter of a new perspective on why each of us behaves the way we do.

      Another way to look at it is that the world is DESIGNED in such a way that we all have a deep down intuition and desire to help others be happy. Ulitately, that is what makes US feel best.

    4. This is not that you are sacrificing for others - but are you willing to do for others for with an open heart. You cannot make anyone happy - or make them sad for that matter - that is their choice - emotions are yours - you must choose how to use them.

    5. -RG,

      It definitely can be done.

      Everyone you come into contact with leave them bigger than when you met them.

      Validate them recognize the Divinity in them.

      -DJM

    6. I think it's possible to make "everyone's happiness" one's moral purpose, however I don't think that purpose can ever be fulfilled. It's an impossible goal. And an unhealthy one when trying to satisfy people who get their enjoyment out of manipulating others.

      I think it's important to make oneself happy. A person who truly loves you will want YOU to be happy. Turning away from one's dreams makes one unhappy.

      The line between giving back and sacrificing oneself is the point to watch. These are different degrees of giving that create "significance", which is a fundamental human urge.

      Giving back to the world means lovingly letting things circulate (money, time, compliments, food, wisdom, etc)... and what circulates, grows in the giver's life- even if the giving is anonymous. A Giver can then use the increased resources to create even more effect in the world... hence higher significance.

      Sacrifice seems like extreme giving, likely with the intent of receiving a " public reputation" in return.

      I propose that people who feel they have nothing "extra" to give (or who feel they don't deserve good things) will opt for the "sacrifice" method of obtaining significance.

    7. Just came back from huge discussion in Turkish restaurant. Friends from different nationalities with different moral backgrounds....I was shocked to hear that words "morality" and "happiness" may have different meanings for different people.
      Thats why can answer: a person can try to make everybody's happiness his/her moral purpose - but thats impossible to accomplish. It will mean he/she shall be changing own personality, values, visions and selfness like chameleon.

      Regarding the sacrifice topic, everyone should make clear for himself what it is all about and whether it helps for his and others' wellbeing. Today I am caught in a thought.... if recent self-blasts of two female in Moscow metro killing about 40 innocent people is called "sacrifice" for "some others' happiness" - would it make any sense for humanity?

    8. Randy,

      Great questions...

      I find it funny but I find myself to be happy when I am productively helping others reach their goals to be happy for themselves.

      When I am not feeling that great about myself, I can link it back to not being productive enough helping others reach their goals.

      But I do not tie my happiness to their happiness because that will give them too much power over me.

      I am convinced that if you try or sacrifice yourself to make others happy, you end not making anyone happy, even yourself.

      Keep up the great work!

      And Here's to Your LifetoSuccess,

      John Clark
      http://www.lifetosuccess.com

    9. Randy,
      I spent the last 15 years trying to do just that, make everyone else happy when all it did was make my unhappy. I had it instilled in my to do for others and not to be selfish.
      I'm finally trying to learn to put myself before others or at least consider what I want before what everyone else wants.
      Thank you for sharing this as I needed the reminder today!
      Save travels!

    10. Some kind of missunderstanding, oh yes. I beleive we can feel if other people are NOT happy-and we can suffer in our hearts when they haven´t been able to reach the happiness they are worthy of. And because of that , we think that WE shall make them happy! But we can´t. We can only feel sorry for them in a constructive way - like pray for them and think good thoughts about them. But they can only resque themselfes. And the more I do to myself- the more I help my friend by showing her/him it is possible!

    11. There is a BIG difference between sacrificing yourself for others and helping others. There is also a huge difference between sacrificing yourself for God and sacrificing yourself for others.

    12. Randy,

      I really like MO's reply.

      I spent 11 patrols aboard submarines that lasted 3-4 months submerged with no contact with anyone outside of the 125 guys I 'lived' with.

      What works is 'rules' everyone agrees to live under and abide by. Trouble appears when the definitions of the words that make up the rules take on different meanings for different groups and no one notices no one is actually talking about the same thing.

      The most difficult patrol is the first one. Once you 'know' how long 117 days is locked up in a ‘tube closet’ the rest of them are tolerable. Some people discovered they didn't want to leave because ALL their issues are in one small place and only what’s there is what they can handle, manage and deal with. You actually don’t need to live aboard a submarine to get this and have it work for you. This does NOT make other people happy.

      I am not a proponent of the happiness ‘drug.’ While I enjoy its affect when it occurs I do not go looking for it, nor spend any time attempted to create it, fake it or search for it. I do notice those who attempt to ‘suck’ it out of everyone they spend time with. I spend as little time as possible in their company as they are like mini-black happiness holes.

      You will never make anyone happy.... not even yourself... it is a waste of time. IF you ever manage to do something attributed to making someone or yourself happy, it will not be enough to repeat it nor will it work a second time with the same affect. Happiness is NOT learning to ride some kind of bicycle.

      The most important word in the English language is 'Endure.'

      One of the things most interesting about where I live now is virtually all traffic signs are actually different versions of yield. Learning how to yield is a very valuable skill. Once you ‘get’ there is nowhere to ‘get to’ and you have eternity to ‘get to’ everywhere or anywhere, what you want to accomplish next is much easier to focus on. [When you experience eternity much of what people do becomes very humorous.]

      IF you are attempting to find or acquire happiness you have not discovered any sense of eternity. If you think happiness is providing for someone or something else’s endearment/happiness you rob them of their responsibility and pretty much guarantee no one associated with the ‘project’ will ever experience happiness even in the short term.

      Another way to say this is Life is a game. In order to have a game something has to be more important than something else. If what already is, is more important than what isn’t the game is over. So, life is a game in which what isn’t is more important than what is.

      Happiness IS a function of accepting what is. If you are one of the select few, you understand you can be that for only yourself. You will never do that for anyone else nor would you claim to try.

      MO’s was much shorter…

    13. Your first question; No!
      Your second question; No!

      Why do I answer no to these questions. Because I spent a big part of my life trying to do just that, saving everyone else and make them happy. I was always there trying to rescue people from various types of addictions and problems.

      What kind of effect would that purpose have upon your feelings of self-esteem and worth?

      Your third question; I will give you something to chew on..

      When I lived my life by that sick purpose I couldn't see my own potential because I was dead internally and my self esteem was gone. I lived my life from the viewpoint of a victim, in guilt and unworthiness. I was co-dependent and it stopped me from growth, change, love and true prosperity in life. I was a dead man walking in nice suit.

      The real mission I have in my life is to create my own happiness.

      To find my true happiness, I need to develop my philosophy with clarity and purpose. It means, no longer protecting myself from the truth about me or someone else by living behind these sick standbys: “society,” “the world,” or “the greater good,”

      Randy, you are making a difference, thank you!
      You started my journey for approximately ten years ago.

    14. Oh Randy, everything is upside down on this planet.

      What is important and good is masked with the opposite meaning to weaken people.

      However, there are always snippets of great stuff coming out, sort of like a vent to balance all negativity. An example:

      "Scientists and researchers in Philadelphia have discovered a possible future way to regrow limbs and even organs in human beings.

      They discovered a gene, p21, that when turned off, allows the blastema, new cell growth, to create normal bones, flesh and nerve tissues.

      Currently, human genetics only creates scar tissue to protect the damaged area after an injury. When p21 is deactivated, the body totally repairs itself without a trace of any damage from the trauma.

      This can revolutionize medical science and proves that DNA contains the possibility for everything in humanity physically. It also shows that the body energy is always complete and really never damaged."

      A lot of our DNA has been tampered with, but can be adjusted, even mentally, for all possibilities to manifest!

      I wonder if they can regrow heads?

    15. THIS MILITIA THING IS GOING TOO FAR!!!... Now Vermont State Representative, Fred Maslack, wants non-gun owners to register and tax them $500. The rational? Those who refuse to participate in their duty to be able to exercise self-defense, impose a burden on those citizens who do. Maslack said, "Why should we pay for ... the extra police protection required by those who refuse to take reasonable, common sense, and safe measures to protect themselves, their families, and their castles?" Sacrificing to others, huh???

    16. I think the best way to make others, society and/or the world happy is to meet your needs and desires and teach others how to do it. The word sacrifice is not one that enhances people, it is a heavy word because it means doing something you don't necessarily want to do and you have to.

      When I was going to have my first daughter my mom said to me: Diana, never sacrifice for your children, always give them the best but without sacrificing, I was amazed because a mother always would tell you to sacrifice for your children, she explained, if you sacrifice today for them you are going to want them to pay you back at some point in some way tomorrow... Now I understand that the most sacrificed people are not happy and for sure angry internally.

      A very smart woman that I know says: "martyrs are angry people".

    17. Dear Randy,

      We're not really responsible for making others happy..actually, or doesn't have to make everybody's happiness one's moral purpose per se. And we're not obligated to fit the pattern of what certain herds in the society insist, presenting sets of many moral laws or things we ought to do, but when we are genuinely happy, loving ourselves, appreciating our Creator, reaching out and touch others in love is something that would automatically and naturally takes place and is our god given natural expression - the expression of love - in the form of giving, spending time for others, being honest & respectful, and maintaining a good degree of integrity in human interactions - and is not a formula to go by or a set of instructions ('must-do') but is something that comes natural and is a bi-product of a true happiness coming from within.

      Back to 'can one really make 'everybody's hapiness' his/her moral purpose? If so, can it ever be accomplished?' Again, it is not a formula or a set of wish list to perform tasks to help become a better person ... but something that comes naturally when one enjoys life and loves enjoying himself/herself and others company, not because he/she has to, but because he/she wants to. And he/she would wear himself/herself out by trying so hard to make everyone's happiness his/her moral purpose unless there is a true love ingredient that comes from within.

      In response to 'what kind of effect would that purpose have upon your feelings of self-esteem and worth,' if we love ourselves and being truly happy, then again..without even being aware of it, we naturally end up making another happy which in turn would often help elevate the degree of our self worth as well as self esteem to the next level. Thus, when our feeling of self-esteem and self worth is going up, there are many positive signs are revealed in us as to how we deal with things, including our true genuine confidence in our own self, being honest with a fair self value of ourselves, not the fake self-made illusion or wishful image about ourselves, perhaps often wearing us out by covering up so hard what and who we really are not. We begin to present ourselves genuinely more confident, thus gaining/winning people's genuine trust/respect in us, as a result. People are not stupid and all seem to be gifted to see how to sense others, whether people are truly genuine/confident or faking it. We begin to present ourselves positive and more professional with genuine smiles and words that we speak... and we begin to dress well, looking our best. Oops!

      Personally, I would love the feeling that I sense when I see smiles on people's faces when they allow me to reach out and help which often motivates me to go further, but it is not always that way. Sometimes as we communicate with people from different backgrounds, cultures, as well as upbringings, words spoken or intentionally or mistakenly selected or even gestures may cause some misunderstandings sometimes, depending on what they personally prefer to see or hear, or go by..perhaps within their set of values or cultures. Nevertheless, it is a positive and good thing to try to help and make others happy, perhaps without expecting anything in return. Dear, Randy, almost every post you add always gets me thinking and I often discover something in me. That's very good..and I enjoyed reading today's as always. Hope I didn't sidetracked, missing the point of the intended subject this time. Sorry about my lengthy sloppy English. My comment is longest one of all, longer than Michael's lol Nite nite! ahg-saachi

    18. yeah, agree with u Diana.
      Sacrifice is not that right word indeed. It doesnt always come with happy intention and dont make people feel happy.
      just remembered movie Armageddon, where Bruce Willis sacrifices his life for the sake of his daughter's happiness and mostly to save the world.....

    19. What if helping others achieve happiness makes you happy, healthy & wealthy?
      Or what if it helping others makes you happy and doesn't negatively affect your health or wealth?

    20. Well, if everyone took responsibility for thier own happiness and comfort, then you would not have to worry about the rest of the world and pursue your own. Collectively, everyone would be better off. There will always be those who cannot help themselves and need help from others, and they should be helped after you have looked after yourself first.

    21. Again, an adage comes to mind:If you cannot first be a gift to yourself, you cannot hope to be a gift to anyone else. It's about balancing and reframing the notion of "sacrificing" yourself and understanding what "happiness" is. If you have first taken care of yourself, you will not easily view doing for others as giving up a necessary part of yourself. Secondly, I do not believe you can "make" anyone feel happy; that is their choice to find happiness, feel happiness, share happiness. Anything else allows for others to have power over your emotions, which is far too rich a well to let anyone else dip into.

    22. Yes Gulee, with this way of doing things we all end up sacrificing for others, what's the point? I would agree in a situation of emergency sometimes you just have no other option, you react to the situation but that is very different from having the hero and martyr complex for every person that crosses your life. In the end how honest can you be if you take, for instance, your child's food in order to give to others?

      What's the point on giving someone else your food if you are going to be hungry instead? You are going to wait for some other idiot to give you his food and so on? Instead, if you can share a piece of what you have and you teach the person how to get more then it makes sense and creates a chain of growing prosperous people.

    23. Yes, I believe that its possible, to make others happiness our goal in life, provided its done out of love,not if there's an ulterior motive. It may be just a simple word of encouragement, an act of kindness, giving a stranger a warm welcome. There are so many ways we can sow happiness in others life. The law of sowing and reaping says 'What we sow we shall reap'. thus if we make it a habit of making others happiness our priority, we ourself would actually benefit from it . But of course not everyone will appreciate it and there will be some who will react negatively to what your intentions.

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