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Tell Yourself the Truth!

Posted By: Randy GageDecember 22, 2022

(Friday Filosophy 12/23/22)

Happy Freakin’ Friday!

Welcome to the Eve of Christmas Eve edition of Friday Filosophy – the weekly newsletter where I challenge you with a question, idea, or topic you may want to think about. Today the subject is how you may be lying to yourself.

You probably don’t want to hear that.  But it’s true.  We all lie to ourselves.

Now in our defense, we don’t mean to.  And not only do we not mean to – we don’t even know we are doing it.  Because we are in a state of denial and sometimes see things as we would like them to be – not as they really are.

  • We say we are eating healthy because we ordered a salad – and don’t see that the Caesar dressing has enough carbs and cholesterol to kill an ox.
  • We tell ourselves our marriage or relationship is good because we haven’t had a fight in a week. Total disassociation from reality.
  • We tell ourselves we’re quitting smoking because we went from two packs a day to a pack and a half. What a joke.  Or quit drinking because we’re down to two drinks an evening.
  • We like to think because we buy self-development books and audios that means we’re actually using them. Fantasy sometimes.
  • We believe because we keep firing the idiots that work for us that we’re solving the problem. But the real problem is the idiot who keeps hiring idiots.
  • We like to think that because we throw money at problems – buying more technology, hiring more experts, or installing more systems – we have solved the problem. This is total bullshit because it doesn’t address the core beliefs that create the behavior that creates the problem to begin with.
  • We like to say we’re stocky, or big-boned when we’re actually clinically (or morbidly) obese.

Let’s get a few things straight... 

The reason your budget is tight isn't because the Saudis raised the price of oil, your boss is cheap, or big corporations are greedy.  Your money is tight because you spend more than you take in.  The reason your current girlfriend or boyfriend has some of the same neurosis as your last four has nothing to do with them.  It is all about you.  And that is the nature of the human animal.  We find evidence that supports our foundational beliefs and if we can’t find any, we manufacture it to conform with our desired view of the world.

So what do we do about all this?

If you have issues with addiction, obsessive disorders, blinding jealousy, neurosis, etc., you may need to seek professional help from a trained therapist.  (Preferably from a therapist less crazy than you are.)

You can’t change things like this yourself, because mental illness always reinvents itself.  It convinces you that it has been fixed, but it has really gone underground or permutated into something different.  You simply cannot clear yourself of mental illness.  No one can.  And make no mistake – denial and lying to yourself is certainly a form of mental illness.

If your issue isn’t too deep, you may be able to get yourself back to truthfulness without a mental therapist.  But to do that, you’ll need a good support group of friends in your life.  You need people of consciousness, who are aware and intelligent.  And most importantly, not afraid to tell you things you don’t want to hear.  Here are the kinds of things a good friend can tell you:

  • That you are being emotionally abused by your partner.
  • That you are repeating a pattern of dysfunctional relationships.
  • That you have unhealthy spending patterns.
  • That you are hoarding money and have a lack mentality.
  • That you are not assertive enough to get your needs met.

Having good friends and seeking professional help when you need it keeps you on the right track.  It’s vitally important that you only allow people who have your highest good in mind to speak into your life. If someone is petty or jealous of your success, they’re not the ones to be seeking guidance from.  Keep this group small and tight: People who love you enough to tell you the truth, but do so with love, empathy, and wanting the best for you.

Of course, the most important person of all to tell you the truth is yourself… 

If you’re wondering how much you are in denial about the things that happen in your life, here’s a hint: If something bad happens to you and you think it’s someone else’s fault, you’re probably in denial. While all of us are sometimes a victim of random happenstance, 90 percent of the things that happen in your life are the direct result of previous decisions you’ve made and actions you’ve taken.  It’s worth some end-of-year reflection.

Interesting topic on the new podcast: The Risks Required for Success

Apple: http://ow.ly/xKrX50M9OFz

Spotify: http://ow.ly/sbrh50M9OFw

Anchor: http://ow.ly/YEJv50M9OFA

YouTube: http://ow.ly/4WrU50M9OFy

Hope your holidays are joyous.  And if they’re normally a hard time for you, may they land softly. Please know I’m thinking about you.

Peace,

- RG

P.S. If your career involves becoming a better influencer or building a tribe in 2023, you need to be at TRIBAL.  Get all the details here: https://tribalevent.com/

Previous Post: ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas 2022

One comment on “Tell Yourself the Truth!”

  1. I love to read so I get a couple of literary info type things in my email, read a synopsis of this novel called The Plot, intrigued me, really enjoyed it so went back and read her previous called You Should Have Known, basic plot: a therapist who doesn't let her clients get away with, oh I didn't know he or she was a jerk, unfaithful, hateful, etc.. then irony of ironies, she turns out to be married to a psychopath.. it's a pretty good HBO mini-series with Nicole Kidman and Hugh Grant playing the psycho.. called the Undoing.. I guess my point is what you're saying Randy, don't accept bullshit and don't bullshit yourself.. there's a great Bob Dylan song called Trust Yourself that says the same thing... happy holidays everyone, cheers David

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  • One comment on “Tell Yourself the Truth!”

    1. I love to read so I get a couple of literary info type things in my email, read a synopsis of this novel called The Plot, intrigued me, really enjoyed it so went back and read her previous called You Should Have Known, basic plot: a therapist who doesn't let her clients get away with, oh I didn't know he or she was a jerk, unfaithful, hateful, etc.. then irony of ironies, she turns out to be married to a psychopath.. it's a pretty good HBO mini-series with Nicole Kidman and Hugh Grant playing the psycho.. called the Undoing.. I guess my point is what you're saying Randy, don't accept bullshit and don't bullshit yourself.. there's a great Bob Dylan song called Trust Yourself that says the same thing... happy holidays everyone, cheers David

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