Sign InMy Account

Stop Seeking Approval

Posted By: Randy GageNovember 2, 2011

I’ve been president of about four companies, my church board, and the chamber of commerce, and vice president of my condo board and the Viper club.  And chaired more committees and served on more boards than I can remember.  And this taught me a very important lesson…

You can’t accomplish anything great, without pissing some people off.

And the greater it is, the more people you will piss off.  Because for every person seeking to do something great, there are dozens dedicated to safeguarding mediocrity.  (And BTW, the inverse is true:  If you're not pissing some people off, you're not doing anything great.)

Surround yourself with people who want to be amazing.

Take their counsel, involve them in the process.  And when other people are forced on you, due to the structure of organizations and committees, reach out to them and give them an opportunity to be heard.  But if you determine that their real agenda is to demean, stay comfortable, or tear down, give their feedback the appropriate weight.  Don’t pander to mediocrity to seek approval.  When you know deep in your soul that you’re on the right path, let no person deter you from the way.

Some people have settled for mediocrity for so long, they can no longer answer the bell for excellence.  In fact, they see anyone who strives for excellence as a threat.  Because your success takes away their excuses.

No matter what you do or say, they can’t be won over because they don’t really want to win, want you to win, or the team to win.  They want everyone to agree to commiserate with them that great things can’t be accomplished.  They’re professional victims.  And you’re not the victim whisperer.

When you encounter these people – in work or your personal life – reach out to them.  Try to sell them on your vision.  But you can’t drag people across the finish line.  They’ll be trying to drag you back to the other side.

If they make it clear that this is their intention, raise the force field!  Set boundaries on how you will allow yourself to be treated.  If they don’t honor the boundaries, get away from them.  Fast.

Create a vacuum and you’ll attract the people that want to be amazing and do epic things.  Ain’t it great!

-RG

32 comments on “Stop Seeking Approval”

  1. Randy this is very interesting; on the one hand you are spot on. Attempting to get the approval of those who are just swimming in mediocrity and attempting to hold you back will just do your head in.
    But on the other hand, I feel that some people take advice like this and take it to the "I am right because my cause is noble, and you are wrong because you don't believe in it" degree.
    If I think I am on the right track, then I may be blinded to listening to others, taking advice that could really help and perhaps enlisting the aid of those who could help me progress if I was open minded enough to see their point of view too.
    Obvious negative people and those who simply put a spanner in the works can easily be spotted and stamped out.
    There's a fine line between seeking approval and seeking proper counsel, and the art is in being mature enough to determine which one you are truly focussed on.

  2. oh terrific. Really terrific. These people are basically negative people with lot of Self Fulfilling Prophecies developed inside them over a long period. Thanks Randy for the enlightenment. Thanks a lot.

  3. What a coincidence! I just posted this in Facebook:

    "Leave the losers be, focus on where *you* want to go and make sure you be the winner that you are! Losers do not need your compassion, you do!"

    kh

  4. A little timely for me... I tried to take on Anthony Bourdain at his lecture here in Vancouver on Oct 29.. just call him on his bullshit... I was dressed like the Grim Reaper.. someone said I was gutless so I too the hood off.. and these aholes couldn't stand to have their hero called on his stuff.. I got booed and hissed so much I couldn't make my points.. and the ironic thing was he wanted to hear what I had to say... check my post out at http://www.thenapasonomainsider.com

  5. Approval is part of a personal assistant's job not for leaders. It tells a lot about a person's self-worth.
    Is that's why I have issues with 'system' and 'processes' that work on a set pattern for years? I like to question and air my opinion.

  6. The coolest thing about holding a pure intent RG is that you find perfect matches. Sure, you might attract a victim or 2, but by patiently holding your intent, anybody not in harmony with your vision fades away.

    Thanks for sharing!

    RB

  7. Randy, have you ever successfully sold someone like that on your vision, who did not return to their way?
    I am certain I have done this hundreds of times with "squeaky wheel" employees, and success was 0 out of the hundreds. My time would have been better spent with the many who were and are energetic and willing to be coached.

    Bob Burg tweeted this yesterday-"You are ON
    the team, but are you FOR the team?"

    1. Yes Debbie I have, but it is the rarity. Like I said above, there are some people that aren't happy unless they are miserable. But when I really start feeling superior and judgmental I remember one thing: I used to be one of them!

      -RG

      1. Rare is still someone! Thank you for the reply, and regarding the superiority and judgement piece, it feels great for a second, until I realize most of my judgements are based in fear.
        Debbie

  8. My apologies-this quote from Donna Krech -"one can be ON the team, yet still not FOR the team", was retweeted by Bob Burg.
    Debbie

  9. Hi Randy,
    Great point here.
    If you want to achieve greatness surround yourself with great people who have the character traits, beliefs, skills and things you would like to have.
    The people who try to keep you in their safe cage have their role...
    First I was one of them, then only friend with them and in the end I decide to move on alone. It's a part of life that everyone experiences for one reason: to decide if we keep that old and weak "self" or to create a greater version of ourselves.

    Thanks for sharing,
    Radu

  10. Randy, I have been re-reading your older posts. I asked a friend of mine, The Rev. Dr. George Dole, Bath, Me. who is a minister, translator and Biblical scholar about your Aramaic definition of sin. Here is his answer:
    Dear Alice,

    In the first place, there is no ancient Aramaic text of the Gospels. There is good evidence that they go back to Aramaic originals, but the only actual texts we have are in Greek. To some extent, it is possible to translate the Greek back into Aramaic, but this means that "the Aramaic text" really depends on the Greek and not vice versa. The definition "miss the mark' is a definition of the classical Greek word. The primary meaning given in my dictionary of New Testament Greek is "transgress," with the sense of violating boundaries; and "miss the mark" is mentioned only as a classical usage.

    The Hebrew verb usually translated "to sin" does very clearly have the meaning of "miss the mark" in Judges 20:16, but most of the time it refers more broadly to violating the law. In my Aramaic dictionary, the equivalent Aramaic word is defined simply as "sin."

    All in all, I think the most that can be said is that "miss the mark" may be a kind of overtone, but that the primary meaning is "transgress, violate a boundary."

    George

      1. got an update from him: Dear Alice,

        Had second thoughts and did a little searching. There are several Syriac New Testament versions, and Syriac is little more than Aramaic in a different alphabet. These are all later than the earliest Greek texts, though, and are universally regarded as translations either from Greek or from early Latin versions.

        George

  11. Because your success takes away their excuses.

    --> this is a very good explanation of you about what is going on in their mind, once you have to fight their will which is mainly against you.

    I am right about pissing my banker off tomorrow and I can´t do it right now because it´s night time and I received bad news that a money transfer via credit-card didn´t work out to get my book-printing started on your continent.
    I feel like I live in middle age again. Or: that a Ping-Pong game started. I am sure I freak out tomorrow when I call my bank.
    My nerves are stretched!

    I am sure I will piss-of 1 person tomorrow and I can´t wait!!
    - you just sent the right BLOG post out to the universe today, THANKS!
    😉

    Had to get rid of this...sorry!
    Hope you don´t mind - uhm, no, you wont!
    🙂

  12. Great point!

    I believe that most people don't seek approval. They seek an excuse for not delivering their products/services.

    That's the same thing with second opinions... people don't care about second opinions... they only want someone to tell them what they want to hear.

    Thank you Randy for calling our attention to this.

    Best regards,
    Bruno Coelho

  13. I feel that when you live your vision then the roadblocks seem like little bumps and when you have doubt then the same roadblocks become mountains. You are the builder and the creator so treat yourself well and choose quality building materials and have a clear plan that allows you complete flexibility.

  14. I had the guts to to take on Anthony Bourdain at a Halloween thing here.. call him on his stuff while I was dressed as the grim reaper.. hehe.. to his credit he wanted to hear my points... but the crowd just kept booing and hissing and I couldn't speak over it... not fun to get booed like that.. but I hate bs.. and I wanted to call him on it.. like you say Randy ya gotta have some guts if you're going to follow your vision..

  15. This is my career biography! The hard part is finally recognizing that you are pissing people off and that the are not interested in a higher good or better standard. Disappointing at best, but also an impetus for finding better.
    Thanks for a validating post!

    Happy Holidays!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

  • Generic selectors
    Exact matches only
    Search in title
    Search in content
    Post Type Selectors
  • Stay Connected

    Subscribe to Randy’s Blog via Email

  • Recent Posts

  • 32 comments on “Stop Seeking Approval”

    1. Randy this is very interesting; on the one hand you are spot on. Attempting to get the approval of those who are just swimming in mediocrity and attempting to hold you back will just do your head in.
      But on the other hand, I feel that some people take advice like this and take it to the "I am right because my cause is noble, and you are wrong because you don't believe in it" degree.
      If I think I am on the right track, then I may be blinded to listening to others, taking advice that could really help and perhaps enlisting the aid of those who could help me progress if I was open minded enough to see their point of view too.
      Obvious negative people and those who simply put a spanner in the works can easily be spotted and stamped out.
      There's a fine line between seeking approval and seeking proper counsel, and the art is in being mature enough to determine which one you are truly focussed on.

    2. oh terrific. Really terrific. These people are basically negative people with lot of Self Fulfilling Prophecies developed inside them over a long period. Thanks Randy for the enlightenment. Thanks a lot.

    3. What a coincidence! I just posted this in Facebook:

      "Leave the losers be, focus on where *you* want to go and make sure you be the winner that you are! Losers do not need your compassion, you do!"

      kh

    4. A little timely for me... I tried to take on Anthony Bourdain at his lecture here in Vancouver on Oct 29.. just call him on his bullshit... I was dressed like the Grim Reaper.. someone said I was gutless so I too the hood off.. and these aholes couldn't stand to have their hero called on his stuff.. I got booed and hissed so much I couldn't make my points.. and the ironic thing was he wanted to hear what I had to say... check my post out at http://www.thenapasonomainsider.com

    5. Approval is part of a personal assistant's job not for leaders. It tells a lot about a person's self-worth.
      Is that's why I have issues with 'system' and 'processes' that work on a set pattern for years? I like to question and air my opinion.

    6. The coolest thing about holding a pure intent RG is that you find perfect matches. Sure, you might attract a victim or 2, but by patiently holding your intent, anybody not in harmony with your vision fades away.

      Thanks for sharing!

      RB

    7. Randy, have you ever successfully sold someone like that on your vision, who did not return to their way?
      I am certain I have done this hundreds of times with "squeaky wheel" employees, and success was 0 out of the hundreds. My time would have been better spent with the many who were and are energetic and willing to be coached.

      Bob Burg tweeted this yesterday-"You are ON
      the team, but are you FOR the team?"

      1. Yes Debbie I have, but it is the rarity. Like I said above, there are some people that aren't happy unless they are miserable. But when I really start feeling superior and judgmental I remember one thing: I used to be one of them!

        -RG

        1. Rare is still someone! Thank you for the reply, and regarding the superiority and judgement piece, it feels great for a second, until I realize most of my judgements are based in fear.
          Debbie

    8. My apologies-this quote from Donna Krech -"one can be ON the team, yet still not FOR the team", was retweeted by Bob Burg.
      Debbie

    9. Hi Randy,
      Great point here.
      If you want to achieve greatness surround yourself with great people who have the character traits, beliefs, skills and things you would like to have.
      The people who try to keep you in their safe cage have their role...
      First I was one of them, then only friend with them and in the end I decide to move on alone. It's a part of life that everyone experiences for one reason: to decide if we keep that old and weak "self" or to create a greater version of ourselves.

      Thanks for sharing,
      Radu

    10. Randy, I have been re-reading your older posts. I asked a friend of mine, The Rev. Dr. George Dole, Bath, Me. who is a minister, translator and Biblical scholar about your Aramaic definition of sin. Here is his answer:
      Dear Alice,

      In the first place, there is no ancient Aramaic text of the Gospels. There is good evidence that they go back to Aramaic originals, but the only actual texts we have are in Greek. To some extent, it is possible to translate the Greek back into Aramaic, but this means that "the Aramaic text" really depends on the Greek and not vice versa. The definition "miss the mark' is a definition of the classical Greek word. The primary meaning given in my dictionary of New Testament Greek is "transgress," with the sense of violating boundaries; and "miss the mark" is mentioned only as a classical usage.

      The Hebrew verb usually translated "to sin" does very clearly have the meaning of "miss the mark" in Judges 20:16, but most of the time it refers more broadly to violating the law. In my Aramaic dictionary, the equivalent Aramaic word is defined simply as "sin."

      All in all, I think the most that can be said is that "miss the mark" may be a kind of overtone, but that the primary meaning is "transgress, violate a boundary."

      George

        1. got an update from him: Dear Alice,

          Had second thoughts and did a little searching. There are several Syriac New Testament versions, and Syriac is little more than Aramaic in a different alphabet. These are all later than the earliest Greek texts, though, and are universally regarded as translations either from Greek or from early Latin versions.

          George

    11. Because your success takes away their excuses.

      --> this is a very good explanation of you about what is going on in their mind, once you have to fight their will which is mainly against you.

      I am right about pissing my banker off tomorrow and I can´t do it right now because it´s night time and I received bad news that a money transfer via credit-card didn´t work out to get my book-printing started on your continent.
      I feel like I live in middle age again. Or: that a Ping-Pong game started. I am sure I freak out tomorrow when I call my bank.
      My nerves are stretched!

      I am sure I will piss-of 1 person tomorrow and I can´t wait!!
      - you just sent the right BLOG post out to the universe today, THANKS!
      😉

      Had to get rid of this...sorry!
      Hope you don´t mind - uhm, no, you wont!
      🙂

    12. Great point!

      I believe that most people don't seek approval. They seek an excuse for not delivering their products/services.

      That's the same thing with second opinions... people don't care about second opinions... they only want someone to tell them what they want to hear.

      Thank you Randy for calling our attention to this.

      Best regards,
      Bruno Coelho

    13. I feel that when you live your vision then the roadblocks seem like little bumps and when you have doubt then the same roadblocks become mountains. You are the builder and the creator so treat yourself well and choose quality building materials and have a clear plan that allows you complete flexibility.

    14. I had the guts to to take on Anthony Bourdain at a Halloween thing here.. call him on his stuff while I was dressed as the grim reaper.. hehe.. to his credit he wanted to hear my points... but the crowd just kept booing and hissing and I couldn't speak over it... not fun to get booed like that.. but I hate bs.. and I wanted to call him on it.. like you say Randy ya gotta have some guts if you're going to follow your vision..

    15. This is my career biography! The hard part is finally recognizing that you are pissing people off and that the are not interested in a higher good or better standard. Disappointing at best, but also an impetus for finding better.
      Thanks for a validating post!

      Happy Holidays!

    Leave a Reply

    Your email address will not be published.

    This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

    © 2020 Prosperity Factory, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Legal Information, Sitemap, Site by PrimeConcepts