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Self-Restraint

Posted By: Randy GageJune 15, 2012

In the last post we discussed how successful people manage their time.  But there are also a lot of other things they manage well.  Because what we are really talking about is self-restraint. 

Like with time, it’s about making choices and setting priorities.  Deciding what is really important in terms of reaching your purpose in life.  And the thing that really comes into play here is your energy.

People often complain about their energy level, like it was bestowed upon them or withheld from them, by some mystical external source.   But of course you are in control of your energy.  Successful people don't “find” energy.  They know full well that it is created internally.

Your energy and vitality is a result of the choices you make.

By the food you eat (or don’t), the rest you give yourself (or don’t), the weight you carry around (or don’t), and the vices you abstain from (or don’t).

Like a lot of things, it’s really adding by subtracting…

And it’s both physical and mental.  You increase your energy by abstaining from self-indulgence.  And you improve your harmony and reasoning by shunning distractions and time wasters like worry, jealousy, and envy.

You may like ice cream, pizza and pasta (like I do), but if you give in to those urges too often, you’re going to physically be overweight, lethargic and weak.  If you’re throwing away your harmony with thoughts of revenge, hate and jealousy, you’re certainly not gong to be focused on your next million-dollar idea.  The person who controls his body and his thoughts will face any challenge calm, collected, and with the energy to tackle it.

And no discussion of self-restraint and how it leads you to success would be complete without exploring the issue of sex...

Sexual energy is one of the most powerful forces on earth.  In the chapter on transmuting sexual energy in Think and Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill suggests that the reason most men don’t reach higher levels of success until their 50’s, is because it takes them that long to harness their sexual energy.

Like Woody Allen said, even the worst orgasm I ever had was pretty good!  But if you have ever studied “chi” or life force, you know how depleting this can be.  For most people, abstinence is not required or even desirable.  However moderation and discernment can help channel that passion into pursuits of excellence in other areas.

Like our discussion on time management last time, it’s about giving up some things you want, to get what you really want.  Moderation and self-restraint means avoiding the unnecessary, practicing moderation in indulgences, and completely abstaining from the things that are actually harmful.  When it’s all said and done….

Success comes from discipline.

- RG

34 comments on “Self-Restraint”

  1. I used to eat a lot of fast and convenience foods, drink soda, lattes, energy drinks, play a lot of video games, watch TV and movies. It was escapism.My life was devoid of any real purpose or joy- going from one crappy job and relationship to the next-because that is what so many experts and "adults" told me I was worth.I was not one of the golden children- I was a failure.I've come to realize now what a waste of money, time, and energy all of these habits can be, very often the hard way.Unfortunately, it wasn't until about the age of 25 that I realized this, but I was so caught up in drama that I didn't do much with it, and it took until about the age of 27 for me to really wake up from it. (30 now)For awhile, I thought doing the opposite would work- but that just caused me to sabotage myself. Obviously, the opposite of something isn't right either.Now, I'll play video games with friends and make it a social activity. I am more careful about meeting new people, and limit my exposure to negative people and media.When I want junk, it's usually a smaller meal size or I'll share and have it less often. Sometimes I overdo it, but I've learned that it's OK to now and then. I'm only human.I can recapture some of the energy of my 20s which I wasted in "failure" mode. The way I see it, the "failures" of the world have many advantages: we know what it is like to be doubted, chastised, to lose, to find out who is real and who isn't, to endure judgment for falling from grace, not taking the "right" path or never even achieving "practical" or "acceptable"* goals.In fact, the world would be much worse off if some "failures" decided to give up. They wouldn't havet built Apple, Microsoft, wrote stories about wizards and magical lands, or made comebacks to top the Billboard charts in their 50s.Here's to the "failures"- the people who screw it all up, who do it wrong, who don't do what they're told, who don't know what they're doing, who take risks.We find our way eventually, and when we do, it is pure magic.*:"Practical" and "Acceptable" aka the American Dream of "Do well in school,  get into a good college or learn a trade, get a good job (engineering, medicine, law) for life, work 40+ hours a week in a cubicle, shop, or office, mortgage a house, get a car loan, get some credit cards, get some nice stuff, save some money, see a financial planner, retire, die, have your kids repeat the same thing."

  2. I used to eat a lot of fast and convenience foods, drink soda, lattes, energy drinks, play a lot of video games, watch TV and movies. It was escapism.My life was devoid of any real purpose or joy- going from one crappy job and relationship to the next-because that is what so many experts and "adults" told me I was worth.I was not one of the golden children- I was a failure.I've come to realize now what a waste of money, time, and energy all of these habits can be, very often the hard way.Unfortunately, it wasn't until about the age of 25 that I realized this, but I was so caught up in drama that I didn't do much with it, and it took until about the age of 27 for me to really wake up from it. (30 now)For awhile, I thought doing the opposite would work- but that just caused me to sabotage myself. Obviously, the opposite of something isn't right either.Now, I'll play video games with friends and make it a social activity. I am more careful about meeting new people, and limit my exposure to negative people and media.When I want junk, it's usually a smaller meal size or I'll share and have it less often. Sometimes I overdo it, but I've learned that it's OK to now and then. I'm only human.I can recapture some of the energy of my 20s which I wasted in "failure" mode. The way I see it, the "failures" of the world have many advantages: we know what it is like to be doubted, chastised, to lose, to find out who is real and who isn't, to endure judgment for falling from grace, not taking the "right" path or never even achieving "practical" or "acceptable"* goals.In fact, the world would be much worse off if some "failures" decided to give up. They wouldn't havet built Apple, Microsoft, wrote stories about wizards and magical lands, or made comebacks to top the Billboard charts in their 50s.Here's to the "failures"- the people who screw it all up, who do it wrong, who don't do what they're told, who don't know what they're doing, who take risks.We find our way eventually, and when we do, it is pure magic.*:"Practical" and "Acceptable" aka the American Dream of "Do well in school,  get into a good college or learn a trade, get a good job (engineering, medicine, law) for life, work 40+ hours a week in a cubicle, shop, or office, mortgage a house, get a car loan, get some credit cards, get some nice stuff, save some money, see a financial planner, retire, die, have your kids repeat the same thing."

  3. Great food for thr briain in this Friday, when some people think on party and endulgin and forgetting about they're mind & body connection being so key to live fully.. thanks Randy!!

  4. Great food for thr briain in this Friday, when some people think on party and endulgin and forgetting about they're mind & body connection being so key to live fully.. thanks Randy!!

  5. I just want to cry today.  I am not so very disciplined.  I love Woody  Allen though, he also said in "Annie Hall" I think it was.... "Don't knock masturbation it's sex with someone I love."

  6. I just want to cry today.  I am not so very disciplined.  I love Woody  Allen though, he also said in "Annie Hall" I think it was.... "Don't knock masturbation it's sex with someone I love."

    1.  @million dollar While I can't speak for Randy, this is how I see it:Life is too short to not enjoy sex, tasty yet bad for you food, and just have fun. However, it is incredibly easy for almost all of us to go overboard- especially when we are affected by adverse circumstances or exposed to extremely negative people. Which we all have been or will be.I myself, tend to be quite impulsive and tend to live in the moment a lot. We tend to have strong emotions, and pick up on what is going on around us before other people do. Other people tend to ignore reality, or force others to conform to their view of the way things should be. (Which is very evil IMO). Many other creative types have a tendency to be this way, and that is unfortunately why so many of us descend into hedonism or self-inflicted abusive behavior, which causes us either to die young or have subpar lives.It also doesn't help we live in a culture which views obeying authority without question, "knowing your place", and systems of procedure and logic,  as more valuable than independence, free thought, and the ability to start with little or nothing and create something wonderful.Obviously we need authority, and without logic many creative things just would not be possible, but as a culture we have and continue to destroy the power of people to be creative or even pursue what matters to them on a personal level.This is all very cruel and very evil behavior- other people believing they have a right to determine what makes someone else happy and what they do with their one and only life. 

  7. Great stuff Randy.. certainly professional athletes are in this category of self restraint for long term goals.. sure you get the odd aberration like Joe Namath who can party all night and deliver the next day.. but for the most part people don't see all the years of practice and self sacrifice that goes into getting those million dollar paydays..  I remember reading an article on Pete Sampras on the incredible work and concentration he put into his matches that had me in awe and understanding why he barely picks up a racquet nowadays, at least he knows he left it all out there on the court...

  8. Great stuff Randy.. certainly professional athletes are in this category of self restraint for long term goals.. sure you get the odd aberration like Joe Namath who can party all night and deliver the next day.. but for the most part people don't see all the years of practice and self sacrifice that goes into getting those million dollar paydays..  I remember reading an article on Pete Sampras on the incredible work and concentration he put into his matches that had me in awe and understanding why he barely picks up a racquet nowadays, at least he knows he left it all out there on the court...

  9.  @million dollar While I can't speak for Randy, this is how I see it:Life is too short to not enjoy sex, tasty yet bad for you food, and just have fun. However, it is incredibly easy for almost all of us to go overboard- especially when we are affected by adverse circumstances or exposed to extremely negative people. Which we all have been or will be.I myself, tend to be quite impulsive and tend to live in the moment a lot. We tend to have strong emotions, and pick up on what is going on around us before other people do. Other people tend to ignore reality, or force others to conform to their view of the way things should be. (Which is very evil IMO). Many other creative types have a tendency to be this way, and that is unfortunately why so many of us descend into hedonism or self-inflicted abusive behavior, which causes us either to die young or have subpar lives.It also doesn't help we live in a culture which views obeying authority without question, "knowing your place", and systems of procedure and logic,  as more valuable than independence, free thought, and the ability to start with little or nothing and create something wonderful.Obviously we need authority, and without logic many creative things just would not be possible, but as a culture we have and continue to destroy the power of people to be creative or even pursue what matters to them on a personal level.This is all very cruel and very evil behavior- other people believing they have a right to determine what makes someone else happy and what they do with their one and only life. 

  10. Good thoughts to reflect on.  I just recently finished reading Out Whitting the Devil from N HIll. He takes similar thoughts and take it to the next level.  thanks RG!

  11. Good thoughts to reflect on.  I just recently finished reading Out Whitting the Devil from N HIll. He takes similar thoughts and take it to the next level.  thanks RG!

  12. Hey Randy,
    Great to follow the post. The subject of sex is appealing to me. You know, sex energy is life force. So thanks for reminding us to restrain from over spending it. If we do, I agree we may not go very far.
    Have a great day!

  13. Hey Randy,
    Great to follow the post. The subject of sex is appealing to me. You know, sex energy is life force. So thanks for reminding us to restrain from over spending it. If we do, I agree we may not go very far.
    Have a great day!

  14. Tantra or any form of Sacred Sexuality can help with that especially for males with "seed" control. Shame on you for indulging in junk food LOL With all the natural alternatives available! Great Post Though!!

  15. Tantra or any form of Sacred Sexuality can help with that especially for males with "seed" control. Shame on you for indulging in junk food LOL With all the natural alternatives available! Great Post Though!!

  16. I agree on junk food. I don't agree on abstaining from sex. God made a male and female. They are suppose to mate, right? Why would God make orgasm feels so good when he/she wants us to restrain from it?

  17. I agree on junk food. I don't agree on abstaining from sex. God made a male and female. They are suppose to mate, right? Why would God make orgasm feels so good when he/she wants us to restrain from it?

  18. This is absolutely true.  During the process of achieving your definite chief aim in life, there will absolutely come a point where you have no other option but to give up on these things.  The journey is like climbing a mountain and if you want to climb higher at a certain point, you need to either give up the extra stuff, or give up on your mission.  Anything that can fight you, will.  Your time will be used up, and you will need that energy that you spoke of, and need to be creative in finding it.  
    But what beautiful, is that some of that same creativity that the book speaks of, you learn through defeating these challenges.  But you learn your own instincts as well.  Its what helps you grow!

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  • 34 comments on “Self-Restraint”

    1. I used to eat a lot of fast and convenience foods, drink soda, lattes, energy drinks, play a lot of video games, watch TV and movies. It was escapism.My life was devoid of any real purpose or joy- going from one crappy job and relationship to the next-because that is what so many experts and "adults" told me I was worth.I was not one of the golden children- I was a failure.I've come to realize now what a waste of money, time, and energy all of these habits can be, very often the hard way.Unfortunately, it wasn't until about the age of 25 that I realized this, but I was so caught up in drama that I didn't do much with it, and it took until about the age of 27 for me to really wake up from it. (30 now)For awhile, I thought doing the opposite would work- but that just caused me to sabotage myself. Obviously, the opposite of something isn't right either.Now, I'll play video games with friends and make it a social activity. I am more careful about meeting new people, and limit my exposure to negative people and media.When I want junk, it's usually a smaller meal size or I'll share and have it less often. Sometimes I overdo it, but I've learned that it's OK to now and then. I'm only human.I can recapture some of the energy of my 20s which I wasted in "failure" mode. The way I see it, the "failures" of the world have many advantages: we know what it is like to be doubted, chastised, to lose, to find out who is real and who isn't, to endure judgment for falling from grace, not taking the "right" path or never even achieving "practical" or "acceptable"* goals.In fact, the world would be much worse off if some "failures" decided to give up. They wouldn't havet built Apple, Microsoft, wrote stories about wizards and magical lands, or made comebacks to top the Billboard charts in their 50s.Here's to the "failures"- the people who screw it all up, who do it wrong, who don't do what they're told, who don't know what they're doing, who take risks.We find our way eventually, and when we do, it is pure magic.*:"Practical" and "Acceptable" aka the American Dream of "Do well in school,  get into a good college or learn a trade, get a good job (engineering, medicine, law) for life, work 40+ hours a week in a cubicle, shop, or office, mortgage a house, get a car loan, get some credit cards, get some nice stuff, save some money, see a financial planner, retire, die, have your kids repeat the same thing."

    2. I used to eat a lot of fast and convenience foods, drink soda, lattes, energy drinks, play a lot of video games, watch TV and movies. It was escapism.My life was devoid of any real purpose or joy- going from one crappy job and relationship to the next-because that is what so many experts and "adults" told me I was worth.I was not one of the golden children- I was a failure.I've come to realize now what a waste of money, time, and energy all of these habits can be, very often the hard way.Unfortunately, it wasn't until about the age of 25 that I realized this, but I was so caught up in drama that I didn't do much with it, and it took until about the age of 27 for me to really wake up from it. (30 now)For awhile, I thought doing the opposite would work- but that just caused me to sabotage myself. Obviously, the opposite of something isn't right either.Now, I'll play video games with friends and make it a social activity. I am more careful about meeting new people, and limit my exposure to negative people and media.When I want junk, it's usually a smaller meal size or I'll share and have it less often. Sometimes I overdo it, but I've learned that it's OK to now and then. I'm only human.I can recapture some of the energy of my 20s which I wasted in "failure" mode. The way I see it, the "failures" of the world have many advantages: we know what it is like to be doubted, chastised, to lose, to find out who is real and who isn't, to endure judgment for falling from grace, not taking the "right" path or never even achieving "practical" or "acceptable"* goals.In fact, the world would be much worse off if some "failures" decided to give up. They wouldn't havet built Apple, Microsoft, wrote stories about wizards and magical lands, or made comebacks to top the Billboard charts in their 50s.Here's to the "failures"- the people who screw it all up, who do it wrong, who don't do what they're told, who don't know what they're doing, who take risks.We find our way eventually, and when we do, it is pure magic.*:"Practical" and "Acceptable" aka the American Dream of "Do well in school,  get into a good college or learn a trade, get a good job (engineering, medicine, law) for life, work 40+ hours a week in a cubicle, shop, or office, mortgage a house, get a car loan, get some credit cards, get some nice stuff, save some money, see a financial planner, retire, die, have your kids repeat the same thing."

    3. Great food for thr briain in this Friday, when some people think on party and endulgin and forgetting about they're mind & body connection being so key to live fully.. thanks Randy!!

    4. Great food for thr briain in this Friday, when some people think on party and endulgin and forgetting about they're mind & body connection being so key to live fully.. thanks Randy!!

    5. I just want to cry today.  I am not so very disciplined.  I love Woody  Allen though, he also said in "Annie Hall" I think it was.... "Don't knock masturbation it's sex with someone I love."

    6. I just want to cry today.  I am not so very disciplined.  I love Woody  Allen though, he also said in "Annie Hall" I think it was.... "Don't knock masturbation it's sex with someone I love."

      1.  @million dollar While I can't speak for Randy, this is how I see it:Life is too short to not enjoy sex, tasty yet bad for you food, and just have fun. However, it is incredibly easy for almost all of us to go overboard- especially when we are affected by adverse circumstances or exposed to extremely negative people. Which we all have been or will be.I myself, tend to be quite impulsive and tend to live in the moment a lot. We tend to have strong emotions, and pick up on what is going on around us before other people do. Other people tend to ignore reality, or force others to conform to their view of the way things should be. (Which is very evil IMO). Many other creative types have a tendency to be this way, and that is unfortunately why so many of us descend into hedonism or self-inflicted abusive behavior, which causes us either to die young or have subpar lives.It also doesn't help we live in a culture which views obeying authority without question, "knowing your place", and systems of procedure and logic,  as more valuable than independence, free thought, and the ability to start with little or nothing and create something wonderful.Obviously we need authority, and without logic many creative things just would not be possible, but as a culture we have and continue to destroy the power of people to be creative or even pursue what matters to them on a personal level.This is all very cruel and very evil behavior- other people believing they have a right to determine what makes someone else happy and what they do with their one and only life. 

    7. Great stuff Randy.. certainly professional athletes are in this category of self restraint for long term goals.. sure you get the odd aberration like Joe Namath who can party all night and deliver the next day.. but for the most part people don't see all the years of practice and self sacrifice that goes into getting those million dollar paydays..  I remember reading an article on Pete Sampras on the incredible work and concentration he put into his matches that had me in awe and understanding why he barely picks up a racquet nowadays, at least he knows he left it all out there on the court...

    8. Great stuff Randy.. certainly professional athletes are in this category of self restraint for long term goals.. sure you get the odd aberration like Joe Namath who can party all night and deliver the next day.. but for the most part people don't see all the years of practice and self sacrifice that goes into getting those million dollar paydays..  I remember reading an article on Pete Sampras on the incredible work and concentration he put into his matches that had me in awe and understanding why he barely picks up a racquet nowadays, at least he knows he left it all out there on the court...

    9.  @million dollar While I can't speak for Randy, this is how I see it:Life is too short to not enjoy sex, tasty yet bad for you food, and just have fun. However, it is incredibly easy for almost all of us to go overboard- especially when we are affected by adverse circumstances or exposed to extremely negative people. Which we all have been or will be.I myself, tend to be quite impulsive and tend to live in the moment a lot. We tend to have strong emotions, and pick up on what is going on around us before other people do. Other people tend to ignore reality, or force others to conform to their view of the way things should be. (Which is very evil IMO). Many other creative types have a tendency to be this way, and that is unfortunately why so many of us descend into hedonism or self-inflicted abusive behavior, which causes us either to die young or have subpar lives.It also doesn't help we live in a culture which views obeying authority without question, "knowing your place", and systems of procedure and logic,  as more valuable than independence, free thought, and the ability to start with little or nothing and create something wonderful.Obviously we need authority, and without logic many creative things just would not be possible, but as a culture we have and continue to destroy the power of people to be creative or even pursue what matters to them on a personal level.This is all very cruel and very evil behavior- other people believing they have a right to determine what makes someone else happy and what they do with their one and only life. 

    10. Good thoughts to reflect on.  I just recently finished reading Out Whitting the Devil from N HIll. He takes similar thoughts and take it to the next level.  thanks RG!

    11. Good thoughts to reflect on.  I just recently finished reading Out Whitting the Devil from N HIll. He takes similar thoughts and take it to the next level.  thanks RG!

    12. Hey Randy,
      Great to follow the post. The subject of sex is appealing to me. You know, sex energy is life force. So thanks for reminding us to restrain from over spending it. If we do, I agree we may not go very far.
      Have a great day!

    13. Hey Randy,
      Great to follow the post. The subject of sex is appealing to me. You know, sex energy is life force. So thanks for reminding us to restrain from over spending it. If we do, I agree we may not go very far.
      Have a great day!

    14. Tantra or any form of Sacred Sexuality can help with that especially for males with "seed" control. Shame on you for indulging in junk food LOL With all the natural alternatives available! Great Post Though!!

    15. Tantra or any form of Sacred Sexuality can help with that especially for males with "seed" control. Shame on you for indulging in junk food LOL With all the natural alternatives available! Great Post Though!!

    16. I agree on junk food. I don't agree on abstaining from sex. God made a male and female. They are suppose to mate, right? Why would God make orgasm feels so good when he/she wants us to restrain from it?

    17. I agree on junk food. I don't agree on abstaining from sex. God made a male and female. They are suppose to mate, right? Why would God make orgasm feels so good when he/she wants us to restrain from it?

    18. This is absolutely true.  During the process of achieving your definite chief aim in life, there will absolutely come a point where you have no other option but to give up on these things.  The journey is like climbing a mountain and if you want to climb higher at a certain point, you need to either give up the extra stuff, or give up on your mission.  Anything that can fight you, will.  Your time will be used up, and you will need that energy that you spoke of, and need to be creative in finding it.  
      But what beautiful, is that some of that same creativity that the book speaks of, you learn through defeating these challenges.  But you learn your own instincts as well.  Its what helps you grow!

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