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What You Really Want

By Randy Gage in Critical Thinking, Success, Prosperity.

The Real Reason Gary Vaynerchuk Doesn’t Have Six-Pack Abs, I Don’t Speak French, and You’re Carrying Around that Extra Weight…

I recently watched a video from Gary Vaynerchuk where he confessed that he “desperately” wanted six-pack abs. Yet he acknowledged that he or anyone else could search the Internet and learn exactly what exercises to do and what foods to eat to produce that result.

So why doesn’t he have them?

Because Gary doesn’t really want six-pack abs, he wants more clients, more visibility, and more money.   Now not to throw Gary under the bus: He’s a good guy, and provides great value to his tribe. His situation demonstrates a truth about him, you, me, and millions of other people in the world today. We say we want something, but our actions say the opposite. And if there’s one truth I’ve discovered about human behavior, it is this:

Your actions reveal the truth.

When people say one thing, but their actions are not congruent with what they say, the actions lead you to the real truth.

Gary doesn’t have his rocked torso for the same reason I don’t speak French, millions of others haven’t achieved their goals, and you’re carrying around that extra ten pounds. (Which if we’re being totally honest here, is a lot closer to 20 extra than it is to ten.)

I’ve said for years that I want to speak four or five languages. And I’ve “proven” it by spending at least $1,000 on Rosetta Stone courses. But while I can get my point across in Spanish, or order lunch in Paris, I’m not close to being fluent in either language. I tell myself that I really want to be fluent in other languages, but the truth is I haven’t loaded up one of those Rosetta DVDs in more than four months. So it’s really just a lie I tell myself.

If I really wanted to speak those languages – I would make time to do so. And if you really wanted what you say you do, you’d have taken the actions to get it.

So why haven’t you written that book, lost that weight, or achieved that bold goal that you’re always affirming?

You’ve probably got lots of excuses, but of course those are just that. There’s a real reason you haven’t accomplished what you say you want. And truth be told, there are only three probable scenarios:

                     Possibility one: You really do want to achieve this goal, are working toward it and on your way to achieving it.

Unfortunately for most people, this is rarely the case, and likely not the case for you. (This is the situation less than five percent of the time.) Such is the power of human delusion that we believe the outrageous lies we tell ourselves. When we have really bought into something, we take the daily actions that will bring us closer to it.

                    Possibility number two: You want the goal, but not as much as you want what’s preventing you from getting it.

I estimate this is the case about 35 percent of the time. Example: You want to lose weight, but not as much as you want to watch TV, surf the Internet, and eat junk food.

Another example might be you say you want to spend more time with your spouse, but actually are a workaholic. You find intimacy threatening, so use work as your excuse to avoid it. Remember, actions reveal the truth.

               Possibility three: You want something in your conscious mind, but you have a core belief in your subconscious mind that is sabotaging it.

When coaching people on success, this is what I see about 60 percent of the time. Millions of people self sabotage themselves daily. And most are not aware they are doing it.

They blame their less-than-desirable results on the government, their cheap boss, the economy, or their spouse or their ex. They’re convinced the cause is some outside circumstance, but don’t realize that the real evil that outside entity has done is program them with beliefs that cause them to self-sabotage their own success and unhappiness.

There are three insidious and pervasive agents spreading negative memes:

1)   Organized religion

2)   Government

3)   The Data-sphere

Organized religion doesn’t consciously try to program you with negative beliefs. Most of the people involved with it are good people who mean well. But they’re infected with the very memes they’re programming you with. That is one of the sneakiest things about memes: they parasitize the host and cause him or her to unknowingly perpetuate the meme.

Healthy, happy wealthy people don’t “need” religion. And religions need you to need them. So they play the unworthy supplicant card strong and tantalize you with promises of salvation – but only if you accept that you are undeserving.

Most religions create lifelong worthiness issues for their followers. They are benign cults, but unfortunately the results they produce are anything but benign.

Likewise for government. Most people who serve in government consciously want to do well. But like religious people, they are arrogant and they think they know how to take care of you better than you do yourself. Like religions, governments need you to need them.

Finally there is what I’ll classify as the data-sphere: TV, radio, movies, books, magazines and of course – social media and the Internet. And basically this is the way that people who have been programmed by organized religion and government have more opportunity to infest you with negative and limiting beliefs. These are powerful, pervasive mediums and the more you are exposed to them (basically 24/7 for most people), the more they can program your subconscious mind. And here are the most widespread memes being disseminated in the world today:

This has been a crash course in memes and how they cause you to subconsciously do things that clash with your conscious desires. If you want to know more, I wrote a whole book on this subject. But the bottom line is this: when your conscious and subconscious mind have a conflict – the subconscious mind always wins.

The only way you change your results is to change the core, foundational beliefs which are creating them.

So let’s go back to the question I asked you earlier: Why haven’t you written that book, lost that weight, or achieved that bold goal that you’re always affirming?

If we strip away all the excuses, we get back to the only probable causes:

1)   You really do want to achieve this goal, are working toward it and on your way to achieving it.

2)   You want the goal, but not as much as you want what’s preventing you from getting it.

3)   You want something in your conscious mind, but you have a core belief in your subconscious mind that is sabotaging it.

Now be totally and completely honest with yourself, be rational and objective: Which one is it?


Randy Gage is the author of nine international bestsellers on success, including, Risky Is the New Safe.  He’s currently on sabbatical, writing his next book, but posts occasionally here.  If you find these postcards helpful, please share them.

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30 thoughts on “What You Really Want

  1. napadavid says:

    Just read a good post the other day about burning the candle at both ends and it  said it’s been proven men can go for 14 days with just short naps with no bad health if it’s just two weeks, guys got their limbs lopped off with no drugs in the Civil War and lived through it – in other words you got no excuse, if you really want it – you’ll do it.

  2. EternalFreedom says:

    This post has been wonderful randy, I will always be so grateful for the time you invest writing these messages and sharing them with us. 
    I also want a six pack (not the beer kind) and I have been working on my diet and exercise since this year started, and I have had to deal with a lot of circumstances, like falling down the stairs and having my leg dislocating from my hip bone and being unable to do exercise, but still, I got into rehab and jumped back to the excerise 2 months later with more burning desire than ever, and now I weight 97 kilos, my goal is 83 kilos before Christmas day, and I started weighting 107 kilos, so I am getting there slowly, but constantly 
    why I haven’t wrote that novel that I wanted to? I haven’t taken the habit of writing at least 1000 words every day, which of course, in a month I’d have a 30k word manuscript, which would be a good thing accumulated in a couple of months, so I need to make it a small daily habit just like I did it for my weight loss program on ditching soda and drinking mineral or natural water gradually 
    and tthat bold goal, I guess it’s where I can’t defend myself, I’m a case 3 here, I need to work more and faster on my beliefs 
    thanks again Randy!

  3. Jonathan1 says:

    Self sabotage.. that’s a WHOLE book in itself! I’m taking action towards my goal but there’s definitely subconscious issues at work. Regardless I’m committed to my dream and vision and finding others who also believe so I can surround myself with people willing to do what it takes.

  4. JamesHicksUK says:

    Great post Randy and I believe it 100%….For 4 years I’ve been trying to figure out why I’ve been getting the results I have…my results have been mediocre.  I’ve been ‘getting by’ yet I have the resources, skills and tools to make a killing. I used to blame everything but myself then it hit me a few weeks back after listening to Bob Proctor….PARADIGMS.  A collection of sub conscious beliefs that are controlling my every move…it’s interesting because you won’t even be aware of them, they can blind you to anything outside of your awareness.  Since taking aggressive daily action to alter my paradigms I’m starting to see a slight shift in attitude, work ethic, desire to get stuff done and determination for my goals.  Plus the inspiration that you give me, so thanks!!

  5. ThomasMrak says:

    #1. I’m in this for the long-term. I’ve failed at many things. I view them as learning experiences, and you never know when what you’ve experienced or learned may come in handy.
    Some of the time the lack of success is self-sabotage or limiting belief getting in the way, but sometimes things just don’t go the way you want them, even if you are good at something and doing the work.
    The important thing is to keep at it, in spite of what other people say or do or how you feel. It’s not always easy. If it were, more people would be happier in life, if not wealthy. 
    The sad reality is, people want what other people have but are unwilling to take on the risks to get there. It’s easier to complain about why they don’t have more money or aren’t doing something they enjoy (or ideally, both). 
    It’s also why someone else who is already successful tends to be “evil” or why if someone who isn’t a success tries something it is an automatic recipe for failure, so they can validate their beliefs about how “unfair” it all is.
    You don’t get to Carnegie Hall without practicing as they say. It’s better to focus on Mastery rather than on achieving the most status. Status can be lost and is entirely dependent on how other people perceive you, not on self-worth. Also, unless you go through the “proper” channels, were born privileged, know people, or attend expensive schools you are going to have to depend on yourself WAY more than others. 
    A friend of mine once said it isn’t about who you know, but who knows you. I’ve taken that to mean if you create something which resonates with people, some will be willing to overlook you not having the “proper” advantages.
    Overnight success is rare, and rarely lasts. 
    Sure, some people get “discovered” or are “lucky”. i.e. they were in the right place at the right time, or born to wealthy/upper middle class people they received an expensive education and knew the right people.
    This sends a message that “Unless you go through the proper channels and follow the rules, you are going to stay poor. If you can’t or won’t do things this way, you also deserve to be poor.”
    Challenging the rules and the proper way of doing things leads to new art and business ventures. The problem is not money, but a mindset in which social status = worth not what you bring to the table = worth. 
    It’s a very Elitist mindset, and that, more than anything keeps people poor, not money itself. People only have power over you if give it to them.
    “I can’t do __ because I lack ____” is really just an excuse. Unless you want to be a doctor or a lawyer, nearly anything else can be learned or created in alternate ways besides just doing what other people tell you.
    No one is going to give you permission to live your life but you. Someone will ALWAYS say not and attempt to stop you no matter how rich or powerful you are. 
    Having advantages mean nothing if you don’t use them and mean even less if you destroy yourself in the process. 
    We hear the stories of drug addicted and alcoholic celebrities or heirs or corrupt executives who snort cocaine and drink on the job.
    It sends a terrible message: “If you become successful you’re going to be hedonistic and cruel to get there and keep your success.” 
    #2 is really just fear at work, with some entitlement thrown in.
    #3. Everyone has their demons, but you can grow from it. I am VERY selective about what I consume, and limit my exposure to negative people and situations. If I can not or choose willingly to be around other people or media with anti-prosperity programming, I evaluate what is being said, along with the actions/character of the people involved.
    I counter-indoctrinate myself everyday, and will do so for the rest of my life. 
    Also, beliefs aren’t often based on logic or reason- but on experiences or the “wisdom” of other people.
    If people really knew what was best for you, they wouldn’t be miserable and expect you to be miserable as well. They’d have faith in your ability and be willing to lend a hand.
    It’s easy to help when the hard work has been done. Helping someone when they’re down and out is risky.
    Risk and Courage are where the real rewards in life flourish.

  6. ThomasMrak says:

    Jonathan1 Everyone I’ve ever read about or talked to has that self-sabotaging Dark Side to them. The difference seems to be how people learn from it, and deal with it as well as if they are interested in long-term success versus instant gratification.
    Don’t get me wrong, “living in the moment” can be fun, but building the future is important too, and it starts with building yourself.

  7. ThomasMrak says:

    #2, Part Two. It’s as you say Randy, plenty of people WANT more, and some are even willing to do #1.
    But, #2 is even tougher than #1 or #3, especially because it really boils down to you alone. #3 was decided for you by your parents and other adults in your life. You have little direct control over that. With #1, plenty of people possess the knowledge/willingness to learn in order to accomplish things. 
    #2 is the part people get “wrong”. I am guilty of this myself, but I the more I push my fears, the more I realize that they’re either plain wrong or just ONE way of many at looking at things.

  8. Joe Lee says:

    Totally agree that if you really want it, you will find ways and means to get it. But we are being influence by our surrounding, to want something that we do not want. To take up that job because my family needs me to. To learn the new language because it seems like the right thing to do. 
    Because of the influence around us, many may not even know what they really want. Ask the people out there, 80% will say,  “don’t know.”

  9. ThomasMrak says:

    Joe Lee Yes but not knowing can lead to great things if you know how to answer that question or find it what it means.

  10. Jim Niswonger says:

    Right on the money!

  11. Sandy Moss says:


  12. maryellen514 says:

    I agree with many of the observations within this blog Randy. I do believe that our actions are a direct reflection of what is in our heart and most obviously seen in times of crisis, when we have no time to plan or conjure up our immediate responses. I, for one, spent most of my life trying to make real lasting changes in my life. It was through this process that I discovered that no lasting change can occur at the core through our own well intended efforts. True, lasting change does not occur because we have a light bulb moment or our back is against a wall. Transformation, as I like to refer to it as these days, comes from within. It doesn’t happen in human time by setting goals, beating ourselves up, hiring the best in the biz, or retreating into our own space devoid of worldly interruptions. It comes from the source that everything comes from. God. And no I am not going to rant about religion. Religion is a man made set of rules. Spirituality is a gift from God. It can not be bought, sought out or obtained through human effort. It is a gift. I  read a book that I would consider to be one of the best explanations of this and I would like to share it for all of those out there who know at the depth of their soul that something is missing that they alone cannot find or change. Hope you take the time to read it. The book is titled  “Heaven is Now”, awakening your five spiritual senses to the wonders of grace. The author is Andrew Farley who also authored some other great books, such as “God without Religion”.

  13. Julia Gaponyuk says:

    Thank You very much, Randy. You are true and very smart

  14. Cisco Balbontin says:

    Si Senor

  15. Bob Ishida says:

    Thank you, Randy! I am pretty sure that I am categorized in #1.  It just needs incubation time, which is a fact not excuse. How come can I tell? Because something is taking over me. He is using me. I know who he is though.

  16. RenaudGagne says:

    Like always, it is a pleasure to read your copy and take in the message. One thing that helped me a lot with the goals I am actually pursuing(5%) is the Slight Edge by JeffOlson_ . The idea of repeating simple actions that compound over time.

    My favorite part of your post is: “Like religions, governments need you to need them.”

  17. PeterGHorrill says:

    Use your “I AM”. It’s God’s (spiritual) “unconditioned awareness to transform a “conditioned” MIND.. ie: clean and clear all the limiting “memes”.

    God wants us to be RICH AND the MIND is an instrument for poverty OR prosperity (not both)  -> “Desire is the gateway”

  18. DEBKUMAR_INDIA says:

    Randy, I am Debkumar from India.with me problem is the 3rd one to be very honest.Now plz guide me that how to overcome it.bcos many a time while working in a leading direct selling org I had set my goals but I I am nowhere.i need to restart again…I am a big fan of urs for last 5 yrs…

  19. ashome says:

    For a particular goal I think it can be all three points.  I am currently working towards a goal.  I know that along they way some subconscious beliefs are sabotaging my progress and I allow various other things such as watching Tv to distract me from doing what I know I should be doing.

  20. lifetosuccess says:

    One of the best ways to uncover these “memes” is to consciously listen to what you are thinking because we are ALWAYS thinking. It’s the thoughts that occur between our conscious thoughts that create our reality. I was fortunate to have caught one of these thoughts while driving one day, it was such a find, I actually had to pull over.
    This thought was the one thought that caused the end of my first marriage and if I would not have “caught” that thought, the relationship that I am in now would have ended by now as well.
    The subconscious thoughts are the thoughts that create our reality and when we have those thoughts in line with what we truly want, we can become unstoppable. It is one of the hardest things in the world as evidenced by the results that we see by the vast majority. But we can never give up…
    Makle it a habit to quietly listen to your thoughts, you will be surprised with what you find rattling around up there and when you find that thought that is holding you back it is one of the most exciting and liberating feelings you will ever have.
    As Always, Here’s to Your LifetoSuccess,
    God Bless You,
    John Clark

  21. Annieb says:

    mmmmmmmmmm…………………………  and mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm……………………………….

  22. Annieb says:

    Randy, I kept thinking about the post.  I am afraid I will always be afraid that I’m too incompetent to take care of myself.  That’s bad it’s really bad…..  Are their surgeries to help with that?    Also, why do you think religion has been a part of humankind for so long?  I am not saying I know…..  That was a different subject, but I just don’t want think about my problems anymore.

  23. Randy_Gage says:

    DEBKUMAR_INDIA  If you’re in a direct selling company, consider becoming a member of my leadership academy.  that will help you greatly.  details are here: -RG

  24. tonyscarcia says:

    Completely off topic but…this is one sexy looking website/blog Randy. Amazing!

  25. I have had to come to this realization a few years ago. I am in the category of working on my goals and desires everyday. Progress leads to more action which leads to more progress. As been said by a wise man “we become what we think about, most of the time”

  26. Domina Solis says:

    Randy, you are go really great at writing! Each new article is a gem, and words are gold. 

    It was a little painful [just a little bit] to read it, as it always hurts to open the abscess in one’s own soul. But in the end, it is for the better. 

    I really wanted to speak those languages – I would make time to do so.’
    – that is the KEY phrase. Everything rotates around it. When one really
    wants something, [s]he finds ways to do it. When one doesn’t want it,
    [s]he finds excuses.
    I am facing a rather difficult time in my
    work. Time, when you grow out of what you do, but don’t go further. I
    don’t go further because I think that for this I will need to dive into
    professional couching, personal consultations, live trainings – all
    things that I think will take a lot of my time. And that may come from
    belief that ‘ You have to sell your soul for money’ or, rather, ‘You
    will have to sell your freedom for money’. 
    although I have experience of public speaking for a few thousands
    people and absolutely not afraid of it, I realised that I don’t like it
    that much. I am just not the public person:-)
    For the time being
    freedom is a more valuable thing for me. So I secretly sabotage all
    opportunities of changing the model of my work so that it became more
    lucrative. In my subconscious mind sits that limiting belief. While in
    fact it is not necessarily so. There can be other opportunities, but one
    must look for them:)

  27. Randy_Gage says:

    Domina Solis That’s the great think about being a speaker or coach.  You can structure the business in whatever way works best for you. -RG

  28. RichardBony says:

    Thanks for the reminder. 

    I also liked the new design of the Website. Wish you well.

  29. Such a very useful article. Very
    interesting to read this article.I would like to thank you for the efforts you
    had made for writing this awesome article.

  30. Jonathan1 says:

    In Eastern thought the ‘voice from the past’ is called Monkey Mind which is the biggest element in the equation. It’s our knee jerk thinking that keeps us comfortable and challenges change of any type. It’s never going to go away but it CAN be managed and even overcome. Once we tell the Truth it opens up the door to what’s possible.


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