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Protecting the Kids

Posted By: Randy GageSeptember 16, 2014

Hard to believe I’m writing another post about an abusive professional athlete, but if you believe in living by the principles of prosperity, there are more serious issues to be talked about here. Namely our responsibility as an enlightened society, to protect those who are not able to protect themselves.

 

Regarding the Adrian Peterson situation, I’m not here to pile on him. He’ll get enough condemnation from the datasphere I’m sure, and I’m content to let the justice system do its job. But like the column I wrote on the Ray Rice situation, I try to view the situation through the perspective of prosperity consciousness and look for what we can take away to live in accordance with the principles of prosperity.

 

I’m a libertarian and believe everyone has the right to discipline their children. And I get that I may not like or agree with the way everyone does that, and that it is not my business. I’ll also tell you that growing up, my mother sometimes spanked me with a hairbrush or belt. (As millions of other parents of that generation did.)

 

To this day I’m grateful for the love and discipline my mother showed me, as it greatly shaped me into the successful person I have become. But my mother also grew up in the days of segregation, legal discrimination against non-heterosexuals, and laws against interracial marriage. That doesn’t mean we have to stay there. We evolve as our consciousness develops.

 

My younger sister and her husband tried a more enlightened approach with their two children, never striking them for any reason. Both their kids turned out great. Two years ago I was in a relationship with someone with a four-year-old daughter, who stole my heart. She was adopted through social services and had come from an abusive environment with a drug-addicted mother. We never raised our hands to her and she is blossoming into a vibrant and beautiful young girl. That doesn’t mean todays generation of parents is better or smarter. It does mean we have access to more information and are able to evolve in the ways we raise and discipline children.

 

I understand that not everyone, including Adrian Peterson, has had the benefit of being exposed to this. And in some ways, I can understand how he got to where he’s at today. I also grew up ignorant of much. If I had been gifted with his talent, and then received all the money, adulation and pandering at a young age like he received, I can’t even imagine the harmful and stupid actions I would have taken.

 

Unless you become a critical thinker and question premises, you repeat the cycle your parents inflicted on you. (This holds true in many areas.) But even being ignorant of something doesn’t absolve you of responsibility for what you do.

 

So let’s set some parameters:

 

If you discipline your child with a stick or branch and you break their skin and cause bleeding – you have gone too far. You must immediately stop and get that child proper and immediate medical attention.

 

If you discipline your child with a stick or branch and you break their skin and cause bleeding, and you then continue flogging them, you’re abusing them.

 

If you discipline your child with a stick or branch and you break their skin and cause bleeding, and you continue flogging them 25 times (as the photos from the Houston police report demonstrate), you are committing torture, and that’s banned by the Geneva Convention. (Not to mention the fact that Peterson was reported to child protective services by another of his baby mamas last year, for causing a head injury to another child of his, while “disciplining” him.)

 

So let’s stop mincing words and be real here…

 

There is NOTHING a four-year-old can do that deserves getting beaten with a stick. That includes playing with matches and burning the house down and anything else you can think of.

 

No rational person can justify the abuse that child received as discipline. The person who would treat a defenseless child that way is:

  • Acting in a steroid or other drug-induced rage;
  • Having a psychotic episode;
  • A sadist; or,
  • Completely unable to discern the difference between disciplining a child and child abuse.

 

Regardless of what category above applies to Peterson, one thing is certain: He can no longer to be trusted to be alone with children – his own or any others.

 

After getting trounced playing without him last week, today the Minnesota Vikings reinstated him. This is really a ridiculous decision that serves no one. Adrian Peterson shouldn’t be playing football right now. He needs to get help.

 

The Vikings and the NFL have demonstrated how tone deaf and money grubbing they really are. Their response to the entire situation is deplorable and despicable. But that’s for another column, another time. For now let’s stay with the bigger issues here:

 

Some still hold that a parent has the right to discipline their child in any way they see fit. Like the Ray Rice piece I wrote, some will probably criticize me for judging another and suggest that only the particular God they worship can judge. (For his part, Peterson was tweeting out bible verses against habitual judging today.) I’m not buying either of those arguments, and wouldn’t want to live on a planet where people think that way.

 

If we truly want to live in a prosperous world, we must be willing to stand up for those who are afflicted, abused, and attacked. We have to have standards for how we allow other beings to be treated. We must speak for those unable to speak.

 

You can’t enjoy true prosperity if you’re turning a blind eye to someone else who is being harmed. Especially when it is a defenseless child or animal. As a society, we have a responsibility to protect them from danger.

 

You have a voice. Please use it.

 

- RG

 

Randy is the author of nine international bestsellers on success, including, Risky Is the New Safe. He’s currently on sabbatical, writing his next book, but posts occasionally here. If you find these postcards helpful, please share them.

 

 

34 comments on “Protecting the Kids”

  1. I was in Long Beach recently and met a lady who told me a story about a young girl on the public transportation system, who was slapping her infant in the face for crying and saying, "Shut up, you little f*** er."
    Another passenger, saw that this was upsetting her and told her not to interfere, that this girl was from the ghetto and probably in a gang and saying something could get her killed.
    Wow! Is this what we've really come to?

  2. I really like what you way and how you say it--you cover all the bases.   You show compassion to Adrian and also the children equally.  And you also expose the weak, money driven grab for more  and more the Vikings are demonstrating--not unlike the Vikings of old who slaughtered, raped, stole, pillaged and murdered innocents throughout Britain and Europe.   Yes, let's meditate on goodness and clean up the planet.   Where we all learn and we all win!!

  3. You impressed me the first time I saw you at Never Work Again. You've impressed me at every MasterMind event where you have spoken. I still teach and draw inspiration from, Will you ring the bell or answer the bell?" This article is elegant, touching, elevating, and necessary.
    Thank you for shining your light so brightly in the world, Randy.

  4. Thanks for the thoughtfulness you put into this Randy. It is amazing how many different opinions are out there. I met a guy who is all upset because "now we can't discipline our own children" (and I am pretty sure that he was upset that the Vikings got their butts kicked too). Turning a blind eye will only fuel the ignorance. There is a difference between disciplining a child and being out of control. We can make a difference in the world and that only happens when we all stand up and work for it. I hope the best for his son and that Adrian actually is able to see the difference in who he can be (we do not have to be the past generations).

  5. My only issue here is that in some jurisdictions, including WDC, the use of an object of any kind to hit your kid is considered abusive---does not matter if you break the skin.

  6. Thanks again, Randy, for your voice. In spite of the fact that Americans like to think of ourselves as the most enlightened country in the world, the US is one of only two countries in the world that have NOT signed the U.N. Convention on the Rights of the Child. (The other is Somalia.)
    Almost 40 countries worldwide have banned spanking. Germany, for example, has written into its Civil Law, "Children have a right to be brought up without the use of force. Physical punishment, the causing of psychological harm and other degrading measures are forbidden".
    It's time we as a people take seriously the harm that violence to children causes and stop allowing it.
    http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/jurisprudence/2014/09/adrian_peterson_and_corporal_punishment_in_america_it_s_largely_legal.2.html

  7. Absolutely! Many of us received spankings growing up - belt, broom, wooden spoon, etc. 
    Was it right - no....
    Have I repeated this bad behavior on my 8 year old - no...
    Do the right thing...Don't do it "because thats how you were raised."
    Use your brain people

  8. I love that you raised that little girl without spanking her but I take exception to your statement that everyone has a right to discipline their children and that it's not your business how they do that. Children have a right to grow up without physical violence and it is our business. Physical violence has no place in family life and to hit a kid only teaches him that it's okay to hurt someone weaker than you. A child has a need and a right to feel safe in her own home.

  9. For me, this is yet another demonstration of how people resist change even when they know they MUST. Having been beaten repeatedly as a young child and years later having a frank conversation with my Mother about it, it's clear this way of living was adopted from her parents and likely as far back as it goes. This doesn't make it correct or justify using violence however. It's living in the past without making 'course corrections'. Violence is NEVER the answer which is why I feel so strongly that the proliferation of it in both news and entertainment media is counter productive. And then there's the violent acts built into video games both young and old are playing. While it may be good for hand eye coordination, at it's core, it's still violent. As you've said repeatedly Randy, the mind viruses that spread via the media, etc are not the sort that are expanding consciousness; in fact it's the total opposite. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings about an important topic.

  10. When I was growing up, we had timeouts but it was the time you were laying in the corner after one of your parents knocked you out..

  11. Threatening a child with any weapon is criminal: a frightened child forgets what went wrong and feels betrayed.

  12. Thank you, Randy.  When one  is taking a stand (alone or as a group) against atrocities, injustices, and inexcusable behaviors one is standing up for Humanity. The point is you are putting light on an issue that was once considered normal, but today it's looked upon as an antiquated behavior due to our evolved thinking.
    There are times when each one of us is called to be the eyes of injustices, and call the offense what it  really IS. This is how you and Humanity evolves into a higher consciousness. My calling outs have caused me at times isolation, but my soul is at peace and gee, it just might cause a ripple effect for others to do the same.

  13. Малыш, даже церковь поддержала этот "проект". Что лишь показало, насколько они далеки от Бога. Так о чём ты мечтаешь? Об обществе, которое будет само делать выбор в пользу уважения прав человека? Ходят слухи, что этот певец запрещён в некоторых странах:
    "Ты должен быть сильным.
    Ты должен уметь сказать:
    руки прочь, прочь от меня.
    Ты должен быть сильным.
    Иначе зачем тебе быть?
    Что будут стоить тысячи слов,
    когда важна будет крепость руки.
    И вот ты стоишь на берегу
    и думаешь плыть или не плыть?"
    Ты не сможешь изменить мир, но ты можешь позаботиться о себе и о тех, кто дорог тебе (как стараюсь делать это я в меру своих сил). Научиться быть счастливым в любых условиях. Найти точку покоя (safe space) внутри себя. Любить себя, любимых и всех людей. Быть готовым ответить за каждую свою мысль, слово или поступок перед любым человеком или всеми людьми сразу. Верить в себя. И "корона" не свалится, чтобы ни случилось:)
    Я курила. Я признавала, что от этого надо избавиться. И всегда в списке задач писала: "№1 - бросить курить". Я думала так: я брошу курить, а потом похудею. Я брошу курить, а потом займусь своей фигурой. Я брошу курить и буду носить красивую одежду. Я брошу курить и у меня появится свободные деньги. Я брошу курить и смогу обниматься, так как от меня не будет уже плохо пахнуть. Я брошу курить, а потом достигну всех остальных целей. Я бросала курить 15 лет!
    Ответ на твой вопрос:
    1. я хочу быть счастливой СЕЙЧАС - я счастлива сейчас.
    2. время придёт.

  14. The level of violence makes it abusive. Psychologists say the damage comes with repitition. If your child sees you struggling to connect better with them they will forgive you. if you are looking to discipline your own child you cannot let them know the law is on their side. That will just kill all chances for your authority. Gaining obedience as early as possible in your child's life is critical. We as parents all err on side of "What can I do to get this child to listen to me?" We can all be abusive in words and showing of anger.

  15. Sorry for the rant. It tears my heart when parents give up their authority to be on side of not hurting the child. When this happens the next generation is weak. Children must learn to live by rules. I'm glad you protect children Randy.

  16. Lets think this through . Effective playing requires control of action resulting in winning the game.  What gain is there in harming one of the players on your team?  If a family can be compared to a  sports team unit what gain is there in hurting a team member?

  17. Oh Randy Bless you! I do so LOVE that you have the courage to put yourself out there when others in such a visible position as you are dare not to!
    You are not afraid to risk saying things that might offend the general public. Instead you use your your visibility to speak your truth.
    I have been admiring you for years, not just for your prosperity wisdom, humor and teaching, but for your courage and BRAVE HEART!

  18. I agree Randy totally. I am setting up a charity called "Give a Child a Voice" To try and get support is like getting blood from Stone. It really makes me sad that people turn a blind eye to helping make a difference in an abused child's life and yet they can spend money on things that are objects which can be replaced and yet an abused child's life is altered for good and a child cannot be replaced. I am sick of the speakers who hate it but when it comes to the crunch they are not willing to support. http://www.crystalclearevents.net.nz

  19. Parents need to step away and have a time out for sanity, and safety for themselves and their children. The child needs to be redirected. We are not born with these skills. children's nervous systems continue to develop up until 18 or 19 years of age. So young kids nervous systems are disregulated. Thank you Randy for taking a stand and being a voice for social justice

  20. Having been beaten regularly as a child (in spite of the fact that my Mother can't seen to remember doing it), it's clearly a carry over of beliefs and behaviors that don't work. Tough love doesn't mean beating a child and then telling them you love them while doing it. It means shedding light where it's needed without abuse, physical or verbal. We make mistakes all the time, but that's how we learn; it's also part of the creative process. As you've said repeatedly Randy, if we're not failing we're not thinking big enough. The same holds true for children; if they make a mistake they're doing what's natural.

  21. Generally, it's not about prosperity. It's about not loosing your human being and rational mindset. We are responsible for any of those who have been tamed by us - your children, your lover, your friends...it doesn't matter...If you treat your relatives like a dust, you won't only deserve being called ''a pig", but taking a place in our society as well. We must isolate them from other people who are against violence and aggression

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  • 34 comments on “Protecting the Kids”

    1. I was in Long Beach recently and met a lady who told me a story about a young girl on the public transportation system, who was slapping her infant in the face for crying and saying, "Shut up, you little f*** er."
      Another passenger, saw that this was upsetting her and told her not to interfere, that this girl was from the ghetto and probably in a gang and saying something could get her killed.
      Wow! Is this what we've really come to?

    2. I really like what you way and how you say it--you cover all the bases.   You show compassion to Adrian and also the children equally.  And you also expose the weak, money driven grab for more  and more the Vikings are demonstrating--not unlike the Vikings of old who slaughtered, raped, stole, pillaged and murdered innocents throughout Britain and Europe.   Yes, let's meditate on goodness and clean up the planet.   Where we all learn and we all win!!

    3. You impressed me the first time I saw you at Never Work Again. You've impressed me at every MasterMind event where you have spoken. I still teach and draw inspiration from, Will you ring the bell or answer the bell?" This article is elegant, touching, elevating, and necessary.
      Thank you for shining your light so brightly in the world, Randy.

    4. Thanks for the thoughtfulness you put into this Randy. It is amazing how many different opinions are out there. I met a guy who is all upset because "now we can't discipline our own children" (and I am pretty sure that he was upset that the Vikings got their butts kicked too). Turning a blind eye will only fuel the ignorance. There is a difference between disciplining a child and being out of control. We can make a difference in the world and that only happens when we all stand up and work for it. I hope the best for his son and that Adrian actually is able to see the difference in who he can be (we do not have to be the past generations).

    5. My only issue here is that in some jurisdictions, including WDC, the use of an object of any kind to hit your kid is considered abusive---does not matter if you break the skin.

    6. Thanks again, Randy, for your voice. In spite of the fact that Americans like to think of ourselves as the most enlightened country in the world, the US is one of only two countries in the world that have NOT signed the U.N. Convention on the Rights of the Child. (The other is Somalia.)
      Almost 40 countries worldwide have banned spanking. Germany, for example, has written into its Civil Law, "Children have a right to be brought up without the use of force. Physical punishment, the causing of psychological harm and other degrading measures are forbidden".
      It's time we as a people take seriously the harm that violence to children causes and stop allowing it.
      http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/jurisprudence/2014/09/adrian_peterson_and_corporal_punishment_in_america_it_s_largely_legal.2.html

    7. Absolutely! Many of us received spankings growing up - belt, broom, wooden spoon, etc. 
      Was it right - no....
      Have I repeated this bad behavior on my 8 year old - no...
      Do the right thing...Don't do it "because thats how you were raised."
      Use your brain people

    8. I love that you raised that little girl without spanking her but I take exception to your statement that everyone has a right to discipline their children and that it's not your business how they do that. Children have a right to grow up without physical violence and it is our business. Physical violence has no place in family life and to hit a kid only teaches him that it's okay to hurt someone weaker than you. A child has a need and a right to feel safe in her own home.

    9. For me, this is yet another demonstration of how people resist change even when they know they MUST. Having been beaten repeatedly as a young child and years later having a frank conversation with my Mother about it, it's clear this way of living was adopted from her parents and likely as far back as it goes. This doesn't make it correct or justify using violence however. It's living in the past without making 'course corrections'. Violence is NEVER the answer which is why I feel so strongly that the proliferation of it in both news and entertainment media is counter productive. And then there's the violent acts built into video games both young and old are playing. While it may be good for hand eye coordination, at it's core, it's still violent. As you've said repeatedly Randy, the mind viruses that spread via the media, etc are not the sort that are expanding consciousness; in fact it's the total opposite. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings about an important topic.

    10. When I was growing up, we had timeouts but it was the time you were laying in the corner after one of your parents knocked you out..

    11. Threatening a child with any weapon is criminal: a frightened child forgets what went wrong and feels betrayed.

    12. Thank you, Randy.  When one  is taking a stand (alone or as a group) against atrocities, injustices, and inexcusable behaviors one is standing up for Humanity. The point is you are putting light on an issue that was once considered normal, but today it's looked upon as an antiquated behavior due to our evolved thinking.
      There are times when each one of us is called to be the eyes of injustices, and call the offense what it  really IS. This is how you and Humanity evolves into a higher consciousness. My calling outs have caused me at times isolation, but my soul is at peace and gee, it just might cause a ripple effect for others to do the same.

    13. Малыш, даже церковь поддержала этот "проект". Что лишь показало, насколько они далеки от Бога. Так о чём ты мечтаешь? Об обществе, которое будет само делать выбор в пользу уважения прав человека? Ходят слухи, что этот певец запрещён в некоторых странах:
      "Ты должен быть сильным.
      Ты должен уметь сказать:
      руки прочь, прочь от меня.
      Ты должен быть сильным.
      Иначе зачем тебе быть?
      Что будут стоить тысячи слов,
      когда важна будет крепость руки.
      И вот ты стоишь на берегу
      и думаешь плыть или не плыть?"
      Ты не сможешь изменить мир, но ты можешь позаботиться о себе и о тех, кто дорог тебе (как стараюсь делать это я в меру своих сил). Научиться быть счастливым в любых условиях. Найти точку покоя (safe space) внутри себя. Любить себя, любимых и всех людей. Быть готовым ответить за каждую свою мысль, слово или поступок перед любым человеком или всеми людьми сразу. Верить в себя. И "корона" не свалится, чтобы ни случилось:)
      Я курила. Я признавала, что от этого надо избавиться. И всегда в списке задач писала: "№1 - бросить курить". Я думала так: я брошу курить, а потом похудею. Я брошу курить, а потом займусь своей фигурой. Я брошу курить и буду носить красивую одежду. Я брошу курить и у меня появится свободные деньги. Я брошу курить и смогу обниматься, так как от меня не будет уже плохо пахнуть. Я брошу курить, а потом достигну всех остальных целей. Я бросала курить 15 лет!
      Ответ на твой вопрос:
      1. я хочу быть счастливой СЕЙЧАС - я счастлива сейчас.
      2. время придёт.

    14. The level of violence makes it abusive. Psychologists say the damage comes with repitition. If your child sees you struggling to connect better with them they will forgive you. if you are looking to discipline your own child you cannot let them know the law is on their side. That will just kill all chances for your authority. Gaining obedience as early as possible in your child's life is critical. We as parents all err on side of "What can I do to get this child to listen to me?" We can all be abusive in words and showing of anger.

    15. Sorry for the rant. It tears my heart when parents give up their authority to be on side of not hurting the child. When this happens the next generation is weak. Children must learn to live by rules. I'm glad you protect children Randy.

    16. Lets think this through . Effective playing requires control of action resulting in winning the game.  What gain is there in harming one of the players on your team?  If a family can be compared to a  sports team unit what gain is there in hurting a team member?

    17. Oh Randy Bless you! I do so LOVE that you have the courage to put yourself out there when others in such a visible position as you are dare not to!
      You are not afraid to risk saying things that might offend the general public. Instead you use your your visibility to speak your truth.
      I have been admiring you for years, not just for your prosperity wisdom, humor and teaching, but for your courage and BRAVE HEART!

    18. I agree Randy totally. I am setting up a charity called "Give a Child a Voice" To try and get support is like getting blood from Stone. It really makes me sad that people turn a blind eye to helping make a difference in an abused child's life and yet they can spend money on things that are objects which can be replaced and yet an abused child's life is altered for good and a child cannot be replaced. I am sick of the speakers who hate it but when it comes to the crunch they are not willing to support. http://www.crystalclearevents.net.nz

    19. Parents need to step away and have a time out for sanity, and safety for themselves and their children. The child needs to be redirected. We are not born with these skills. children's nervous systems continue to develop up until 18 or 19 years of age. So young kids nervous systems are disregulated. Thank you Randy for taking a stand and being a voice for social justice

    20. Having been beaten regularly as a child (in spite of the fact that my Mother can't seen to remember doing it), it's clearly a carry over of beliefs and behaviors that don't work. Tough love doesn't mean beating a child and then telling them you love them while doing it. It means shedding light where it's needed without abuse, physical or verbal. We make mistakes all the time, but that's how we learn; it's also part of the creative process. As you've said repeatedly Randy, if we're not failing we're not thinking big enough. The same holds true for children; if they make a mistake they're doing what's natural.

    21. Generally, it's not about prosperity. It's about not loosing your human being and rational mindset. We are responsible for any of those who have been tamed by us - your children, your lover, your friends...it doesn't matter...If you treat your relatives like a dust, you won't only deserve being called ''a pig", but taking a place in our society as well. We must isolate them from other people who are against violence and aggression

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