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No Longer Needing to be a Victim

Posted By: Randy GageApril 19, 2010

We’ve been talking about manifesting challenges; fighting the forces of evil, and overcoming obstacles that could make us feel noble.  I asked if this was just another way for you to hold onto being a victim.  And why would anyone want to do that anyway?

I hope you’ve been reading the comments over the last few days.  Because they are filled with potential answers for you.  There are some very insightful comments about how we create challenges to bolster our self-esteem, feed our victim mentality, or play into our “I’m not worthy” beliefs.

We choose challenges because they really do allow us to be a victim.  And when we are victims, we get sympathy from others, we have an excuse for failure, and we don’t have to feel responsible for not succeeding.  It’s the ultimate cop-out.

It allows us to lie to ourselves.  We figure that no one can say we didn’t give it our best shot.  You can say, “I gave it my all, but:

•    I didn’t have the right connections;
•    I'm from the wrong side of the tracks
•    I’m the wrong color;
•    I was raised in an abusive environment;
•    You need money to make money;
•    I don’t have the education required;

Or any one of another hundred excuses.  And that’s all they are: Bullshit excuses which are built in validation for a life of mediocrity.

I know, because I did this for 30 years.  Manifested one challenge after another, because it made me feel noble and worthy.  And gave me a built in excuse for failure before I ever began.

But after 30 years of struggle, I finally decided I didn’t want to be a victim anymore.  I wanted to be a victor.

So what about you?

Are you ready to lay aside the victim-hood bullshit and become a victor?  I hope so.  Because that is where we’ll pick up on tomorrow’s post.

-RG



40 comments on “No Longer Needing to be a Victim”

  1. -RG,

    There you go again holding up that mirror again as I start my day. Thank you.

    As I've said in the past post. I use to live in Victimhood. I have since moved to Winnersville. Yet sometimes I"ll drive through the old hood but won't stop.

    Ciao,
    -DJM

  2. Looking forward to tomorrow's post!
    Having a victim mentality is a big barrier for some people, I feel that I don't have a victim mentality but i'm sure we all do in small amounts at times!

    David

  3. Randy,

    I never knew there were so many ways I could avoid success, except on the inside. There were so many instances were I was afraid and rather than step out I stayed in my uncomfortzone. "Uneasy in my easy chair".
    Thanks and looking forward to your post tomorrow.
    Jim Story

  4. I am ready to lay aside the victim BS...I am tired of it. In spite of being some what successful financially (from an earning perspective anyway), I am sick and tired of being sick and tired - as the saying goes. As Henry Ford said, "Never explain, never complain...if you don't like something, then change it, if you're not willing to change it, then don't complain about it."

    Time for a change.

  5. Good Morning Randy...

    Well, I know I have been living the victim lifestyle all of my life, with everyone around me feeding it. You're so right though, life is crappy like this. I have been working hard to get out of that mentality. Some days are better than others. I will say though, as I work on a new opera company and participate in helping a friend build a new business, anytime I start thinking it won't work, or it won't make money etc., I keeping thinking to myself, I can succeed. I just keep taking baby steps in the right direction so things don't get overwhelming for me.
    Thank you for keeping me going in the right direction.

    Lucinda

  6. This is where coaching really comes in handy. Having someone listen to what you're saying and how you're saying it, and then asking you if you really believe it. The hardest part is "hearing" yourself say something and define it as just a belief.

    I have a new client who is dealing with some health issues. He's young and normally vibrant but right now feels like he's 80+. I asked him point-blank.."why do you think you manifested this in your life right now? What are you running from or trying to create by being here?"

    It actually feels good to come from a place of Victor.

  7. Yes, yes, yes!!!Randy, after 30,when you decided to stop it-I guess it came back sometimes pulling your skirt-what is the best thing to do then?Ignore, or...???

  8. Yes like Douglas above, I still sometimes drove through the neighborhood! But as long as I keep programming myself with positive thoughts I don't live there anymore.

    -RG

  9. One of the reasons I enjoy this site so much is Randy's story is my story...or will be. I turned 30 this month and I'm done settling, excusing my circumstances, letting fear control my actions, staying inside the lines and being mediocre.

    I have faith, determination and a plan and I will succeed. Being a victim is for the birds. I'm done with it.

  10. I completely understand this. There's on old saying I remember seeing attached to Catholicism: "The struggle is the glory."

    I believed that. If I were overrun by the various excuses I had, particularly lack of connections, I was at least "giving it the old college try." The shift has been gradual for me, really hitting a tipping point as I approached my 30th birthday this past January.

    I've lost my patience with people who have excuses and find a reason everything is "impossible." In fact, I'm uprooting in a few months to get away from it and start anew. I could care less whether I even have a bed to sleep on when I begin again, I'm just ready to move away from the home that would allow me to fester amongst a mentality built on mediocrity.

  11. Must be something about turning 30, then! I began earnestly changing my mentality about halfway through 29, yet feel like my birthday in January was something of a turning point. It's almost like crossing over a border, you know?

  12. Randy, love how you make us think and really think outside the box. If we really want to live an amazing life, then we have to be prepared to make changes.....like giving up the stories and our attachment to being the 'victim'. And if you can do it, then we all can, if we so decide too!!

    Thanks for the posts, I have really been enjoying and learning from them.
    Now is the time to stop hanging out in the hood as often!!

    Scott, great Henry Ford quote, never heard that one before, but I do like it!

  13. Brother you are just a human like the rest of us with ideas. Even Victors have challenges and adversity. When one becomes a millionaire now one has the challenge of protecting, keeping and making more money. Challenges are not "noble" they are natural. When one faces and deals with challenges and adversity one becomes stronger and grows from it. You said because of ones 'race' well knowing the history of this country successful people of color have used racism has fuel for excellence, fertilizer for greatness. Any great person once they "made it" continues to seek challenges to become even greater. The overcoming of obstacles "opportunities" allows you to grow in character and skillfulness where you become unstoppable. Victory is the winning spirit.

  14. How did you go so far as from poor drugaddicted and shot to a very, rich, very popular man?Did you dream about richness in your childhood?Which book did you read that made you see the worth of richness?Which one you recommend as no 1 book for beginners?What magnetic power is it?Can I also get it?What is the very first step?Blessings!

  15. I noticed the excuses are all "because" "WHY" I quit.

    If you decide not to quit... it really is a decision, not a choice, the next step is how many experiments are you making. Most of us are not a Tesla but we all can be Edisons. I have a tendency to get stubborn about some things, like; this worked before or where'd the cheese go, it was in this tunnel two years ago... It just may be possible that some 'quit' looking for a better way while struggling doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result.

    Where's my Think and Grow Rich book? Time for a refresher.

  16. Randy, I have made up my mind to get out of the victim mentality however it is an uphill battle due to the way we as humans are raised. Keep up the great posts while we work to escape victimhood.

  17. Exactly, my main focus lies on awarness nowadays. I try to make my team aware of what they are doing as without awarness there is no progress. And I also ask them to point where I go wrong as looking in the mirror is hard, especially since your mirror image is exactly the opposite of what you are. Now there's a thought.

  18. I like your line of thinking here. And I certainly always want to be moving to the next challenge. The key is creating challenges that pull us up, not challenges that keep us mired in victim-hood. Big difference.

    -RG

  19. So glad I logged into Twitter today and saw this note. I am so ready to move past the BS excuses I've been creating for my lack of progress.

    Other people playing the victim is something that has always annoyed me. I just don't want to hear it! But, I am realizing that while I may not be verbalizing my excuses, my thoughts are filled with them.

    Looking forward to your next post!

    Ellen

  20. Great post Randy,

    I recognise I create issues and obsticals to overcome and the struggle is all feeding my victum hood mentality.

    Living in victum hood is so automatic for me and I realise what I am doing weeks down the track. Most times I realise I'm in victum mode and slip straight back into victum mode - its like thats where I live?

    The more I think about this the more I can see I am creating my world of victum hood almost as a way to experience being a victor - which I dont experience at all.

    I am ready to set aside the victum hood bullshit and view my life from the world of being a victor.

    Look forward to your next post

    Wayne.

  21. Randy, you're my hero and our hero! I just love love love ya because you're awesome in every way! Thank God for having created you and making you a perfect example for us and for this world filled with people who are seemingly/truly failing and yet who could well gain hope to walk a path to become good people and to a great success. You truly are a quality powerful person both in a quiety way and a dynamic way. love and hugs:: -saachi

  22. I looked at the excuses in Randy's Blog and I must say that is exactly what they are - excuses! One of my customers could easily have used each and every one of those excuses had he had the chance. He was an immigrant to Canada with a limited education and no "connections". He started a business in the basement of his house and 12 years later he operates a million dollar business with 30 employees. The reason he's successful is because he was focused. He knew what he wanted to do and went and did it. He knew what products he wanted to specialize in and sell. He is also thankful for the internet because that is where the majority of his business comes from. After I met him and saw his operation, I realized everybody has the chance to be prosperous.

  23. Oh my God, this post is everything I needed to read today... I was manifesting sickness due to weather changes through the weekend... And today I was getting worse and had to take a pill to lift me up... Now I'm feeling much better and I will not play the victim again ever... Losers are victims and winners are successful forever... Now I will sleep with so much joy... Next week I'm heading to Florida and I'm very excited about it... Meeting you personally would be a marvelous experience... Maybe one day... Take care!

  24. I wholeheartedly agree. I spent the first 34 years of my life angry all the time, blaming everyone as a reason to not try. It was liberating when I found out that I don't have to become the events in my life, I'm not responsible for everything that happens, but I'm responsible for what i do about it. It was also liberating to realize I didn't want to continue being the architect of my own self-destruction.

  25. I must say, Randy, I love the content of your work.
    There's something about your vibe that is clean and clear...and very sharp.

    I love the way you don't shy away from 'taboo' topics, but rather shine a light on the cobwebs in peoples' minds over some long avoided (let alone intelligently addressed) 'issues'- blowing a little of the dust around...and even out, hopefully. 🙂

    The dovetailing notions of absolute freedom and complete love are such a bizarre combination to be grasped. The idea that worry proves we care, for example, is an almost unanimously accepted condition. I see it more like a contradiction...because anything spawned of fear, cannot of love.

    I would be very curious to hear your thought provoking exploration on this idea, and the kinds of responses it draws forth. Many a parent, or 'well meaning' friend has intervened disastrously (even breaching personal rights boundaries) in another's life in the name of this brand of 'love'.

    What say you, good sir?
    I look very much forward to your next entry. 🙂

    Lisa In Oz

  26. - When one faces and deals with challenges and adversity one becomes stronger and grows from it -

    How true that is. Personal development is a wonderful thing. Yes challenges are natural and necessary, but as Daryl says, when you grow as a person they become easier to deal with. On a 1-10 scale, if you're a level one person then a level 5 challenge will seem insurmountable. So work on yourself. If you do that consistently and you eventually become a level 10 person, that same level 5 challenge will be a breeze.

    Unfortunately most people don't know this! 5 years ago if someone had told be I needed personal development I'd have told them to **** off!

    I thought I was fully grown already! lol

    Mark

  27. Lucinda - I SO know where you are coming from. I've had a ton of enablers, and never even realized that's what was happening until a therapist got tough with me!! I allowed myself to be held back, and it is hard to get out of that mind-set. I want to go to school so I can move forward in my job. What holds me back - lack of money. I have just enough to pay for tuition, not enough for the books. So while I figure out a way to cover the costs I REFUSE to believe I cannot move forward. One way or another I will find what I need to cover my expenses. So keep that positive mindset, it can only propel you forward. As my mom says, "Don't go back to the desert"!!! You CAN do it!!

  28. My first guide book in my life is the as a man thinketh..Since then my life turned around..blessings come through my actions and thinking..I was poor, naive, broke, my relationship was gone bad,.but thanks to the help of this book..

  29. I always thought that I am a Victor of everything
    but now understood I have to not only think ...but do ,move, make as a Victor!

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  • 40 comments on “No Longer Needing to be a Victim”

    1. -RG,

      There you go again holding up that mirror again as I start my day. Thank you.

      As I've said in the past post. I use to live in Victimhood. I have since moved to Winnersville. Yet sometimes I"ll drive through the old hood but won't stop.

      Ciao,
      -DJM

    2. Looking forward to tomorrow's post!
      Having a victim mentality is a big barrier for some people, I feel that I don't have a victim mentality but i'm sure we all do in small amounts at times!

      David

    3. Randy,

      I never knew there were so many ways I could avoid success, except on the inside. There were so many instances were I was afraid and rather than step out I stayed in my uncomfortzone. "Uneasy in my easy chair".
      Thanks and looking forward to your post tomorrow.
      Jim Story

    4. I am ready to lay aside the victim BS...I am tired of it. In spite of being some what successful financially (from an earning perspective anyway), I am sick and tired of being sick and tired - as the saying goes. As Henry Ford said, "Never explain, never complain...if you don't like something, then change it, if you're not willing to change it, then don't complain about it."

      Time for a change.

    5. Good Morning Randy...

      Well, I know I have been living the victim lifestyle all of my life, with everyone around me feeding it. You're so right though, life is crappy like this. I have been working hard to get out of that mentality. Some days are better than others. I will say though, as I work on a new opera company and participate in helping a friend build a new business, anytime I start thinking it won't work, or it won't make money etc., I keeping thinking to myself, I can succeed. I just keep taking baby steps in the right direction so things don't get overwhelming for me.
      Thank you for keeping me going in the right direction.

      Lucinda

    6. This is where coaching really comes in handy. Having someone listen to what you're saying and how you're saying it, and then asking you if you really believe it. The hardest part is "hearing" yourself say something and define it as just a belief.

      I have a new client who is dealing with some health issues. He's young and normally vibrant but right now feels like he's 80+. I asked him point-blank.."why do you think you manifested this in your life right now? What are you running from or trying to create by being here?"

      It actually feels good to come from a place of Victor.

    7. Yes, yes, yes!!!Randy, after 30,when you decided to stop it-I guess it came back sometimes pulling your skirt-what is the best thing to do then?Ignore, or...???

    8. Yes like Douglas above, I still sometimes drove through the neighborhood! But as long as I keep programming myself with positive thoughts I don't live there anymore.

      -RG

    9. One of the reasons I enjoy this site so much is Randy's story is my story...or will be. I turned 30 this month and I'm done settling, excusing my circumstances, letting fear control my actions, staying inside the lines and being mediocre.

      I have faith, determination and a plan and I will succeed. Being a victim is for the birds. I'm done with it.

    10. I completely understand this. There's on old saying I remember seeing attached to Catholicism: "The struggle is the glory."

      I believed that. If I were overrun by the various excuses I had, particularly lack of connections, I was at least "giving it the old college try." The shift has been gradual for me, really hitting a tipping point as I approached my 30th birthday this past January.

      I've lost my patience with people who have excuses and find a reason everything is "impossible." In fact, I'm uprooting in a few months to get away from it and start anew. I could care less whether I even have a bed to sleep on when I begin again, I'm just ready to move away from the home that would allow me to fester amongst a mentality built on mediocrity.

    11. Must be something about turning 30, then! I began earnestly changing my mentality about halfway through 29, yet feel like my birthday in January was something of a turning point. It's almost like crossing over a border, you know?

    12. Randy, love how you make us think and really think outside the box. If we really want to live an amazing life, then we have to be prepared to make changes.....like giving up the stories and our attachment to being the 'victim'. And if you can do it, then we all can, if we so decide too!!

      Thanks for the posts, I have really been enjoying and learning from them.
      Now is the time to stop hanging out in the hood as often!!

      Scott, great Henry Ford quote, never heard that one before, but I do like it!

    13. Brother you are just a human like the rest of us with ideas. Even Victors have challenges and adversity. When one becomes a millionaire now one has the challenge of protecting, keeping and making more money. Challenges are not "noble" they are natural. When one faces and deals with challenges and adversity one becomes stronger and grows from it. You said because of ones 'race' well knowing the history of this country successful people of color have used racism has fuel for excellence, fertilizer for greatness. Any great person once they "made it" continues to seek challenges to become even greater. The overcoming of obstacles "opportunities" allows you to grow in character and skillfulness where you become unstoppable. Victory is the winning spirit.

    14. How did you go so far as from poor drugaddicted and shot to a very, rich, very popular man?Did you dream about richness in your childhood?Which book did you read that made you see the worth of richness?Which one you recommend as no 1 book for beginners?What magnetic power is it?Can I also get it?What is the very first step?Blessings!

    15. I noticed the excuses are all "because" "WHY" I quit.

      If you decide not to quit... it really is a decision, not a choice, the next step is how many experiments are you making. Most of us are not a Tesla but we all can be Edisons. I have a tendency to get stubborn about some things, like; this worked before or where'd the cheese go, it was in this tunnel two years ago... It just may be possible that some 'quit' looking for a better way while struggling doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result.

      Where's my Think and Grow Rich book? Time for a refresher.

    16. Randy, I have made up my mind to get out of the victim mentality however it is an uphill battle due to the way we as humans are raised. Keep up the great posts while we work to escape victimhood.

    17. Exactly, my main focus lies on awarness nowadays. I try to make my team aware of what they are doing as without awarness there is no progress. And I also ask them to point where I go wrong as looking in the mirror is hard, especially since your mirror image is exactly the opposite of what you are. Now there's a thought.

    18. I like your line of thinking here. And I certainly always want to be moving to the next challenge. The key is creating challenges that pull us up, not challenges that keep us mired in victim-hood. Big difference.

      -RG

    19. So glad I logged into Twitter today and saw this note. I am so ready to move past the BS excuses I've been creating for my lack of progress.

      Other people playing the victim is something that has always annoyed me. I just don't want to hear it! But, I am realizing that while I may not be verbalizing my excuses, my thoughts are filled with them.

      Looking forward to your next post!

      Ellen

    20. Great post Randy,

      I recognise I create issues and obsticals to overcome and the struggle is all feeding my victum hood mentality.

      Living in victum hood is so automatic for me and I realise what I am doing weeks down the track. Most times I realise I'm in victum mode and slip straight back into victum mode - its like thats where I live?

      The more I think about this the more I can see I am creating my world of victum hood almost as a way to experience being a victor - which I dont experience at all.

      I am ready to set aside the victum hood bullshit and view my life from the world of being a victor.

      Look forward to your next post

      Wayne.

    21. Randy, you're my hero and our hero! I just love love love ya because you're awesome in every way! Thank God for having created you and making you a perfect example for us and for this world filled with people who are seemingly/truly failing and yet who could well gain hope to walk a path to become good people and to a great success. You truly are a quality powerful person both in a quiety way and a dynamic way. love and hugs:: -saachi

    22. I looked at the excuses in Randy's Blog and I must say that is exactly what they are - excuses! One of my customers could easily have used each and every one of those excuses had he had the chance. He was an immigrant to Canada with a limited education and no "connections". He started a business in the basement of his house and 12 years later he operates a million dollar business with 30 employees. The reason he's successful is because he was focused. He knew what he wanted to do and went and did it. He knew what products he wanted to specialize in and sell. He is also thankful for the internet because that is where the majority of his business comes from. After I met him and saw his operation, I realized everybody has the chance to be prosperous.

    23. Oh my God, this post is everything I needed to read today... I was manifesting sickness due to weather changes through the weekend... And today I was getting worse and had to take a pill to lift me up... Now I'm feeling much better and I will not play the victim again ever... Losers are victims and winners are successful forever... Now I will sleep with so much joy... Next week I'm heading to Florida and I'm very excited about it... Meeting you personally would be a marvelous experience... Maybe one day... Take care!

    24. I wholeheartedly agree. I spent the first 34 years of my life angry all the time, blaming everyone as a reason to not try. It was liberating when I found out that I don't have to become the events in my life, I'm not responsible for everything that happens, but I'm responsible for what i do about it. It was also liberating to realize I didn't want to continue being the architect of my own self-destruction.

    25. I must say, Randy, I love the content of your work.
      There's something about your vibe that is clean and clear...and very sharp.

      I love the way you don't shy away from 'taboo' topics, but rather shine a light on the cobwebs in peoples' minds over some long avoided (let alone intelligently addressed) 'issues'- blowing a little of the dust around...and even out, hopefully. 🙂

      The dovetailing notions of absolute freedom and complete love are such a bizarre combination to be grasped. The idea that worry proves we care, for example, is an almost unanimously accepted condition. I see it more like a contradiction...because anything spawned of fear, cannot of love.

      I would be very curious to hear your thought provoking exploration on this idea, and the kinds of responses it draws forth. Many a parent, or 'well meaning' friend has intervened disastrously (even breaching personal rights boundaries) in another's life in the name of this brand of 'love'.

      What say you, good sir?
      I look very much forward to your next entry. 🙂

      Lisa In Oz

    26. - When one faces and deals with challenges and adversity one becomes stronger and grows from it -

      How true that is. Personal development is a wonderful thing. Yes challenges are natural and necessary, but as Daryl says, when you grow as a person they become easier to deal with. On a 1-10 scale, if you're a level one person then a level 5 challenge will seem insurmountable. So work on yourself. If you do that consistently and you eventually become a level 10 person, that same level 5 challenge will be a breeze.

      Unfortunately most people don't know this! 5 years ago if someone had told be I needed personal development I'd have told them to **** off!

      I thought I was fully grown already! lol

      Mark

    27. Lucinda - I SO know where you are coming from. I've had a ton of enablers, and never even realized that's what was happening until a therapist got tough with me!! I allowed myself to be held back, and it is hard to get out of that mind-set. I want to go to school so I can move forward in my job. What holds me back - lack of money. I have just enough to pay for tuition, not enough for the books. So while I figure out a way to cover the costs I REFUSE to believe I cannot move forward. One way or another I will find what I need to cover my expenses. So keep that positive mindset, it can only propel you forward. As my mom says, "Don't go back to the desert"!!! You CAN do it!!

    28. My first guide book in my life is the as a man thinketh..Since then my life turned around..blessings come through my actions and thinking..I was poor, naive, broke, my relationship was gone bad,.but thanks to the help of this book..

    29. I always thought that I am a Victor of everything
      but now understood I have to not only think ...but do ,move, make as a Victor!

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