What does it take to admit you’re wrong or made a mistake? And how often do you do that?
Last post I made a confession and admitted to being arrogant and stupid. Kind of wondered what the reaction would be, but felt the message needed to be said. The result: it was the most popular post on the blog in at least three or four years.
As I look back on my life thus far, I notice an interesting scenario. I used to never be wrong. I could win every argument to justify why I was right. But this was really the result of a couple other dynamics. First, I’m a great debater and think well on my feet. More importantly, I was extremely insecure, with very low self-esteem. When you’re insecure like that, you’re afraid to admit to ever being wrong about anything. And that fear will cause you to find ways to justify and validate everything you do. You personalize everything and so if someone suggests you’re wrong about anything, you take it as an attack on your character. Someone once said of me, “Randy is unfulfilled if he’s right, he must also demand that you’re wrong.”
A funny thing happened…
As I grew my self-esteem, I noticed that sometimes I was wrong, and had no trouble admitting to it. I could recognize when I made a mistake and even apologize when appropriate. Once you develop healthy self-esteem, you can separate yourself from ideas or information and process them rationally and objectively. You can ever change your mind about things.
The person who doesn’t make mistakes doesn’t make anything. When you allow mistakes to happen, you learn and grow. The person waiting to do something until they can do it perfectly, ends up living a life of mediocrity.
Any lessons here for you?
in the past, the more projects I had on the go, the more inclined I was not totally Uncritical of myself. Now, am much much more self accepting with mistakes.. there were no owners manuals for the mind given out at birth.. it's way to challenging to be hard on ourselves now. I believe.
One thing that comes with getting older you can recognize patterns... really grateful for a 10 year relationship I had with a gal.. whenever one of us screwed up.. usually me.. ha ha.. admit we were wrong or screwed up, apologize and move on.. not carry on all these guilt trips and recriminations, and on and on the way my parents did.. or get all defensive, passive/aggressive and fight you tooth and nail, never admit anything.. or go into saint/martyr mode.. oh, everybody dumps on me.. great when you can find a happy medium, don't be a doormat, but don't be a tone deaf, stubborn idiot either...
Coming from a very strict military upbringing, righteousness and being reactionary has been something very present and prevalent in my life. It has taken a lot of work, awareness and being willing to admit my mistakes and being humble. A lot to be done, yet further a long than where I was.
Yes, lessons here. First, for years I felt intimidated by You and Your success. (My issue not yours) Your last couple of posts, it's evident that You are evolving and I don't feel intimidated by your teachings rather inspired by them on a different level.
Because of that I want to be better and do better not out of intimidation but out of concern that you genuinely want to see others succeed.
Next lesson, that my self-esteem is growing and I now have the courage and vunerability to admit that to you and myself.
Thanks Randy for the reminder "The person who doesn’t make mistakes doesn’t make anything."
I'm honored and humbled by your comment. Thanks for sharing. And love the path you're on!