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Judging Other People

Posted By: Randy GageMarch 23, 2015

Did you roll your eyes at that 350-pound man in front of you in the all-you-can-eat buffet line? Would you judge him a little differently if you learned that he has an inoperable brain tumor and needs to take steroids that blow up his size?

 

Remember the way you screamed and glared at that lady who started to drift into your lane? Would you have reacted any different if you knew that she was driving home from the hospital after her daughter just passed away?

Did you judge that guy who stood helplessly by, while the lady in front of him struggled to lift her heavy carry-on bag from the overhead bin? Would you think differently if you knew he was flying home from two spine surgeries and wasn’t allowed to raise his arms or lift anything more than five pounds? (That guy was me, BTW)

Or maybe that guy you thought was rude, because he didn’t acknowledge your greeting in the elevator? Would you cut him a little more slack if you discovered that he just left his lawyer’s office making a bankruptcy filing for his business, and was thinking about how to tell his family?

You remember what you thought about that lady in front of you at the checkout, trying to sneak 11 items in then 10 or less line? Would it matter so much to you if she had a special needs child at home, or was a caretaker for an elderly parent, and she was desperate to get back to them quickly?

You know that new guy that seemed aloof to you? Would you have given him more of a chance if you found out he has social anxiety disorder and needs extra time to open up to people? (Yeah, this was me also.)

Did you think that guy on the subway was a jerk because he didn’t get up and offer his seat to that elderly lady?   What if he’s a wounded warrior and under those slacks are two prosthetic legs that he’s still learning to balance on?

Maybe the better question is simply this…

Are we too quick to judge?

-RG

31 comments on “Judging Other People”

  1. I struggle with this on a daily basis.  My daughter, who is 18, reminds me often not to judge.  She just got a tattoo (don't judge because I did) that says "Chi sei e sufficiente" which in Italian translates to "Who you are is enough."  Wise beyond her years I suspect.  Thanks Randy.

  2. This is perhaps one of THE most important topics for discussion. I have found in many cases its tied to cultures which often are linked to location or religious ideologies, though its clear we learn them as children also. I have a SEVERE problem when I listen to stories where others are referenced to by their religion, ethnicity, color or age rather than just a name. I was raised in a family environment where one particular grandparent used all the ethnic slurs imaginable, was always angry and criticized everyone. Bottom line: Clinging to OLD beliefs even if they are those held by ones we love or loved that are based in judgement of all types is detrimental to our thinking and life. It's like the old joke, "Doctor, Doctor it hurts when I do this! What should I do??".. We all know the answer. Thanks RG.

  3. Thanks again for the great post. Looking a few times before you judge is always better. But sometimes...... you just judge from the situation and --- a bit later --- you judge again and see that you was wrong the first time.

  4. Or the new client who has not been responding to our repeated emails, even though we cannot move forward with the project. We have just found out today from his colleagues that he has been on life support for the last 3 weeks!! Everybody is on a different journey.

  5. I mny times stop myself short when I start to judge someone without knowing their story.INdeed we do judge too fast. That saidMany a time the person being judged is plain ill mannered and thinks they can get away with all kinds so it isa two way!

  6. Yes, I am quick at judging others (it may come from my police background), but there are many times others need to be judged.  No one should be text messaging while driving causing other vehicles to be backed up (happens all the time).  No one should be talking on their cell phone while going through a grocery checkout line causing everyone behind them to wait until they are finished.  There are several more examples I can give you but you get the idea.  I go out of my way not to be self-centered so that it will not inconvenience others.  More people need to pull their heads out of their asses and realize that the world doesn't revolve around them.

  7. Excellent post. Been there. Have seen someone yell at someone who used a handicapped parking. LIttle did he know the guy had a heart issue.  It's too bad people just don't ask before they judge.  I will however agree with pandkenerprises that those that text while driving should be judged and be fined.

  8. This is a topic near and dear to my heart and one I teach about quite a bit.  Our judgment reflects more about our own psychological conditioning than another any way.  That doesn't make us bad or wrong but if you become aware just a little, you can question your need for judgment and take it as a unique opportunity to explore what with in us needs a little of our own personal and gentle attention.  Great post and I thank you so much for it!

  9. Actually, we are very light to judge others and slow to judge ourselves. How different would the world be if backwards ?????????

  10. I know that when I stopped judging people and events the world did not seem like the same place I had lived in before.  The hardest thing was though to stop judging myself. As Carl Jung said.our psychological judgements reflect something in us rather than the other person or event   Great post Randy...

  11. RG, I worked with a couple guys that were slow to warm up to me. Almost blew them off, I had Jordan Adler's Beach Money book and loaned it to one. The guys were twin brothers by the way. Turns out one had been an associate years before with Jordan and the book created a bridge that they jumped across to join me. 🙂

  12. Really great post Randy. Thank you. It is so true, we are often too quick to judge. I am working on this and teaching my kids about "walking a mile in their shoes"'. I strive to be better and appreciate your words, as always 🙂

  13. You are really right, Randy, about these examples and I try to think about such situations every time I'm too quick on judging. But being honest most cases are not like these. I believe that there are certain situations when we are too quick on judging, but most of the times there is nothing dramatic about those people we judge too quick. I'm really having this issue on judging people too quick and I'm learning not to do that, but thinking that there is always something dramatic about their situation is not right, because in most cases actually there is not. I really trying to overcome this quick judging so your answer would really help 🙂

  14. I'm so guilty of this when I am at my most vulnerable. The times when I'm just exhausted from raising the bar and feeling like the world is one bar bell and my team is on the other. Then I remember, I can't change the world or my team so I push them off my bar and lighten my load. I have more power and energy to influence and less inclination to judge... just because I need a quick feel better about myself. Great post

  15. @Randy_Gage 
    RG, What a meaty blog post and what a great one to wake up to!
    I admit it I used to be a judgemental sob a while back but recently I have been changing my mindset and now I am happier than I ever was and my outlook on this brilliant live is much better than it used to be, because of this I never judge a book by it's cover, we never know what people are feeling unless we really get to know them!
    I am a great believer in treating people how I like to be treated. If we let go of our limiting beliefs, meditate every day, gain patience, smile more and be happy then judging people will not happen. It's like the old Ghandi saying "Be the change you want to see in the world.."
    Will be sharing this on all of my social networks dude so thanks for sharing your thoughts with us.
    Have an Epic Day.
    - PD

  16. Georgem2008  You may find you judge yourself through your "self concept" much more than you think George, albeit unconsciously..
    Have you openly - consciously - and honestly evaluated your self concept?
    Have you asked yourself WHY do you have the self concept you have? ..more importantly.. how you can elevate, strengthen it or grow it?
    Have you attempted to see yourself as others see you?
    It's a fascinating exercise in prosperity consciousness I find

  17. I stopped judging people and events the world did not seem like the
    same place I had lived in before.  The hardest thing was though to stop
    judging myself. As Carl Jung said.our psychological judgements reflect
    something in us rather than the other person or event Great post
    Randy...

  18. Almost blew them off, I had Jordan Adler's Beach Money book and loaned
    it to one. The guys were twin brothers by the way. Turns out one had
    been an associate years before with Jordan and the book created a bridge
    that they jumped across to join me. 🙂

  19. Unfortunately most of the time we think only of ourselves, thank you for reminding us that it's not just us

  20. or the devout congregation member, that doesn't win the hearts of people through conversation so much as through their demonstration and example can be made to "feel he doesn't fit the mold", and leaves the church.. that was me b.t.w.

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  • 31 comments on “Judging Other People”

    1. I struggle with this on a daily basis.  My daughter, who is 18, reminds me often not to judge.  She just got a tattoo (don't judge because I did) that says "Chi sei e sufficiente" which in Italian translates to "Who you are is enough."  Wise beyond her years I suspect.  Thanks Randy.

    2. This is perhaps one of THE most important topics for discussion. I have found in many cases its tied to cultures which often are linked to location or religious ideologies, though its clear we learn them as children also. I have a SEVERE problem when I listen to stories where others are referenced to by their religion, ethnicity, color or age rather than just a name. I was raised in a family environment where one particular grandparent used all the ethnic slurs imaginable, was always angry and criticized everyone. Bottom line: Clinging to OLD beliefs even if they are those held by ones we love or loved that are based in judgement of all types is detrimental to our thinking and life. It's like the old joke, "Doctor, Doctor it hurts when I do this! What should I do??".. We all know the answer. Thanks RG.

    3. Thanks again for the great post. Looking a few times before you judge is always better. But sometimes...... you just judge from the situation and --- a bit later --- you judge again and see that you was wrong the first time.

    4. Or the new client who has not been responding to our repeated emails, even though we cannot move forward with the project. We have just found out today from his colleagues that he has been on life support for the last 3 weeks!! Everybody is on a different journey.

    5. I mny times stop myself short when I start to judge someone without knowing their story.INdeed we do judge too fast. That saidMany a time the person being judged is plain ill mannered and thinks they can get away with all kinds so it isa two way!

    6. Yes, I am quick at judging others (it may come from my police background), but there are many times others need to be judged.  No one should be text messaging while driving causing other vehicles to be backed up (happens all the time).  No one should be talking on their cell phone while going through a grocery checkout line causing everyone behind them to wait until they are finished.  There are several more examples I can give you but you get the idea.  I go out of my way not to be self-centered so that it will not inconvenience others.  More people need to pull their heads out of their asses and realize that the world doesn't revolve around them.

    7. Excellent post. Been there. Have seen someone yell at someone who used a handicapped parking. LIttle did he know the guy had a heart issue.  It's too bad people just don't ask before they judge.  I will however agree with pandkenerprises that those that text while driving should be judged and be fined.

    8. This is a topic near and dear to my heart and one I teach about quite a bit.  Our judgment reflects more about our own psychological conditioning than another any way.  That doesn't make us bad or wrong but if you become aware just a little, you can question your need for judgment and take it as a unique opportunity to explore what with in us needs a little of our own personal and gentle attention.  Great post and I thank you so much for it!

    9. Actually, we are very light to judge others and slow to judge ourselves. How different would the world be if backwards ?????????

    10. I know that when I stopped judging people and events the world did not seem like the same place I had lived in before.  The hardest thing was though to stop judging myself. As Carl Jung said.our psychological judgements reflect something in us rather than the other person or event   Great post Randy...

    11. RG, I worked with a couple guys that were slow to warm up to me. Almost blew them off, I had Jordan Adler's Beach Money book and loaned it to one. The guys were twin brothers by the way. Turns out one had been an associate years before with Jordan and the book created a bridge that they jumped across to join me. 🙂

    12. Really great post Randy. Thank you. It is so true, we are often too quick to judge. I am working on this and teaching my kids about "walking a mile in their shoes"'. I strive to be better and appreciate your words, as always 🙂

    13. You are really right, Randy, about these examples and I try to think about such situations every time I'm too quick on judging. But being honest most cases are not like these. I believe that there are certain situations when we are too quick on judging, but most of the times there is nothing dramatic about those people we judge too quick. I'm really having this issue on judging people too quick and I'm learning not to do that, but thinking that there is always something dramatic about their situation is not right, because in most cases actually there is not. I really trying to overcome this quick judging so your answer would really help 🙂

    14. I'm so guilty of this when I am at my most vulnerable. The times when I'm just exhausted from raising the bar and feeling like the world is one bar bell and my team is on the other. Then I remember, I can't change the world or my team so I push them off my bar and lighten my load. I have more power and energy to influence and less inclination to judge... just because I need a quick feel better about myself. Great post

    15. @Randy_Gage 
      RG, What a meaty blog post and what a great one to wake up to!
      I admit it I used to be a judgemental sob a while back but recently I have been changing my mindset and now I am happier than I ever was and my outlook on this brilliant live is much better than it used to be, because of this I never judge a book by it's cover, we never know what people are feeling unless we really get to know them!
      I am a great believer in treating people how I like to be treated. If we let go of our limiting beliefs, meditate every day, gain patience, smile more and be happy then judging people will not happen. It's like the old Ghandi saying "Be the change you want to see in the world.."
      Will be sharing this on all of my social networks dude so thanks for sharing your thoughts with us.
      Have an Epic Day.
      - PD

    16. Georgem2008  You may find you judge yourself through your "self concept" much more than you think George, albeit unconsciously..
      Have you openly - consciously - and honestly evaluated your self concept?
      Have you asked yourself WHY do you have the self concept you have? ..more importantly.. how you can elevate, strengthen it or grow it?
      Have you attempted to see yourself as others see you?
      It's a fascinating exercise in prosperity consciousness I find

    17. I stopped judging people and events the world did not seem like the
      same place I had lived in before.  The hardest thing was though to stop
      judging myself. As Carl Jung said.our psychological judgements reflect
      something in us rather than the other person or event Great post
      Randy...

    18. Almost blew them off, I had Jordan Adler's Beach Money book and loaned
      it to one. The guys were twin brothers by the way. Turns out one had
      been an associate years before with Jordan and the book created a bridge
      that they jumped across to join me. 🙂

    19. Unfortunately most of the time we think only of ourselves, thank you for reminding us that it's not just us

    20. or the devout congregation member, that doesn't win the hearts of people through conversation so much as through their demonstration and example can be made to "feel he doesn't fit the mold", and leaves the church.. that was me b.t.w.

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