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How We Create Happiness

Posted By: Randy GageDecember 29, 2008

So I said in the last post that if your main purpose in life is serving others or even serving God, I doubt you’ve very happy.  You may want to consider selling all of your possessions and commit to life as an ascetic.  Frankly I think that’s nuts.

One of the ways I would define insanity (and I’m VERY qualified to speak on this topic!) is:  “Unsoundness of mind to render a person unfit to maintain a relationship, or look after his or her own needs for emotional well being and survival.”

People who spend their existence worrying solely about the needs of others and not themselves are not noble, benevolent, and spiritual.  They are just crazy.

And because they don’t look after their own needs first, they really can’t help others in a healthy way.  They can console them, participate in their drama, or enable their co-dependence, but they can’t offer them real, meaningful help.  Or to repeat an oft-quoted line from a character in Ayn Rand’s novel, The Fountainhead: “To say ‘I love you,’ one must first know how to say the word ‘I.’”

Hopefully by this stage in your life, you’ve discovered that to love anyone else, you must first love yourself.  But have you done any real critical thinking on what that means on a practical application level?  Rand taught that you must live your life by the fundamental values of:

Purpose.
Self-esteem.
Reason.

Now let’s put this all together with our earlier discussion on selfishness, starting with purpose.  We can then explore self-esteem and reason in some future posts.

I believe your highest moral purpose must be your own happiness.

Read that last sentence again, and let it breathe a little.  Because this is the only healthy, sane way to live.  And the only way that ensures the survival of the species, and the well being of the most people.  In fact, it is the only honorable way to conduct any relationship.

You must not sacrifice yourself to others because that is depravity.  Depravity because it is a certain state of moral corruption and degradation.  It is sick, one of the most obvious symptoms of mental illness.

And likewise for the opposite situation, BTW.  You shouldn’t ask others to sacrifice for you, for that is no less sick and depraved.  Corrupting the morals of others is no less evil than corrupting your own.

It doesn’t serve anyone to degrade yourself or to degrade others.  And that is exactly what sacrificing yourself for others is.  In the book “Atlas Shrugged,” one of Rand’s main characters is asked, “What is the most depraved kind of human being?”  His answer would likely surprise most people, since he doesn’t suggest a murderer, or rapist, or other sex offender.  His answer is, “The man without a purpose.”

When Rand was asked why she suggested this as opposed to the other possibilities, she replied, “Because that aspect of their character lies at the root of and causes all the evils which you mentioned in your question.  Sadism, dictatorship, or any form of evil, is the consequence of a man’s evasion of reality.  A consequence of his failure to think.  The man without a purpose is a man who drifts at the mercy of random feelings or unidentified urges and is capable of any evil, because he is totally out of control of his own life.  In order to have control of your life, you have to have a purpose – a productive purpose.”

When you have your own happiness as your highest moral purpose, you have a productive – and moral – reason to exist.  And here’s the important thing...

If everyone did this, the world would be a much better place!  Think, really think about that for a minute.

Instead of dysfunction, depravity, and codependence, we would have healthy, functional, value-for-value relationships.  No one would be asking others to sacrifice yourself for him or her, and you would behave the same way.  That is the way healthy relationships are done.

Check in with your thoughts on this, and next time we’ll look at some other related issues.

-RG

19 comments on “How We Create Happiness”

  1. Great thoughts, as always, Randy!

    Barry and I are always having people talk about sacrificing for others over on our blog, and they say it like it makes them better, more spiritual, or more "evolved" because of it.

    And yet, they're miserable, and complaining about their situation. Hmmm. (And these are the same people, often, who put us down for talking about "critical thinking".)

    We could eliminate a lot of the needless whining and complaining in this world if people would do as you say and focus on their own happiness first.

    I'm sure you'll have some people say that serving others DOES make them happy; and for myself, I know that loving someone for who and what they are does make me happy (as long as there's depth to that love).

    But asking themselves the question, "Does this make me truly happy?" and following it up with why or why not, thens doing a bit of self-exploration, will surely allow a lot of people to be happier, more productive, and more on purpose.

    Thanks for this post!
    Heather Vale Goss

  2. What a nice holiday for me! I really needed this topic to remind me that I is important. I am going to start the New Year thinking of me, of making me happy. We tend to leave the trail sometimes and having problem to get back on track.
    You ask a person what is there "why" and they answer: "To make more money". Then you ask them: ""Why do you want to have more money?", and they answer: "To buy a new house, and other things". Then you ask them: "Why do you want to buy a new house, and other things?", and they answer: "Because that would make me happy." Voilà!!! Being happy is the key thing.
    Randy, can you do something for me? You are the person that woke me up in 2006, with a trail dvd on the net. I can't remember how to go there and it is possible that it is not on the net anymore. It was a real eye opener for me and I would like to share it with others.
    It started like this. You were sitting at a desk (unfortunately most of your movies you are sitting at a desk), but it was what you were saying right at the beginning that was kind of a slap in the face to anyone that was sitting on their but. You said something like: "What the hell are you doing with your life". Can you lead me to this?
    Hope so....

  3. Sorry, I don't remember anything specific about this. It sounds like it could have been one of my Breakthrough U coaching program videos. But to all of you BU alumni, look for a special announcement soon!

    -RG

  4. I would venture to say that having a strong sense of purpose is also the greatest source of financial security for anyone -- even in a recession. If you have a purpose that is meaningful to YOU, and you are having fun with how you provide value to the world through that purpose, then you most likely will have customers (or employers) flocking to you.

    Unfortunately, it seems "finding one's purpose" is the biggest struggle for a lot of folks.

  5. Ooops..Hit the "post" button too quickly! I wanted to add an example:

    What do you think would be one of the worst industries to find a job in right now? I'll be a lot of you would guess the auto industry. I mean, think about it: U.S. auto manufacturers have been laying off workers in droves, (um...no pun intended there) and the industry is begging for a financial bailout.

    But Ford Motor Co. CREATED a job for Scott Monty. He is now head of social media for Ford.

    Monty got the job because he is the kind of guy who LOVES social networking. I mean this guy eats, breathes and sleeps this stuff. He started his own personal Twitter page, and was having a blast. His enthusiasm (and success in getting Twitter followers") got noticed. And, even in this "bad economy," Ford decided they couldn't live without someone like Monty.

    And from his success in creating Twitter pages for Ford so far, the company has earned a lot of free positive PR -- and not just on social networking sites.

    Monty was living what he felt was his purpose: to find ways to use new technology to engage people. He was "just having fun" doing it. And in doing so, he landed a job in an industry that many complain they can't find a job in.

  6. So this video could be in one of your courses? I know it was in one of your sites, but everything changed a lot since 2006. Thanks anyway!
    Following the topic we are in, I believe that to find your true purpose in life is to find what you could do that would make you happy. Or turn it around and: "What every you are doing that is making you happy, should be your true purpose in life. BUT, it is OK to be happy, but does it bring in what you need to survive? (and I should even say make you rich) That's another thing. I finally found what really makes me happy, but not necessarily brings in enough chow. I am working on it right now. The only thing is, will people accept to pay me to do this thing (that I am working on)? I think I need to move from my country house and do like the mouse and head on to larger cities....
    Anxious to see what you have for us Randy.... especially that January 1st thing....
    Thanks again.... for being there. I am very grateful that I have clicked the mouse one day, and POUF! you were there.

  7. Let's combine two ideas:

    Do what you love (creates your own happiness)

    AND share it with as many people as you can (serving others by improving their quality of life)

    Example: a talented painter who sells her/his product in local street fairs compared to Thomas Kinkade (who shares his Impressionist-style landscape renditions with thousands of people through merchandising his products).

    Which artist receives more money? The one who serves more people.

    Service does not automatically imply negation of self.

  8. Добрый день, Ренди (у нас в России - день). Есть в Гештальт-технологии (психология). Такое высказывание:
    "Я делаю свое, а ты свое.
    Я в этом мире не для того, чтобы соответствовать твоим ожиданиям, а ты не для того, чтобы соответствовать моим.
    Ты - это есть ты, а я - это есть я.
    И если нам случится найти друг друга, это прекрасно,
    если нет, этому нельзя помочь.
    (Перлз)
    Я это к тому, что я живу по этому высказыванию, по этим словам.
    Позаботся о себе сам, сделай себя счастливым, и ты поймешь, как ты сделал счастливыми очень много людей.
    Когда я говорю "Люблю", я знаю, о чем говорю. Любовь бывает разная. От любви к собаке до божественной любви. это нужно разделять. Иначе человек будет деградировать, не будет развиваться. Не будет стремиться быть подобием Бога.
    Согласна с тобой, Ренди, что цель должна быть поставлена высокодуховная. Хотя бы просто поставлена цель, многие люди живут на этой планете, и не знают цели, не знают пути. Мне их искренне жаль. Как сказал Ата Мамедов: "Если ты не знаешь куда идешь, то куда идешь?"
    И от себя добавлю (о помощи другим людям) Я буду рядом, пока ты идешь! Я буду помогать тебе, но пока ты идешь! Но я не буду ничего делать вместо тебя и за тебя. Спасибо Ренди, за твои книги. Я была на встрече с тобой в Москве. летом 2008года. Следующий раз, когда мы встретимся, я с тобой сфотографируюсь!!! ОК! Можно? Please! Еще раз с новым 2009 годом. Успеха.

  9. dear sir Randy
    what do you think about Robert kiusaki and his book : poor dad and rich dad?now i'm reading this book and your book"prosperity series" , do you agree with his thinking ? some of his ideas is opposite with prosperity laws you are learning us....
    for exmple vacuum law , circulation...
    as i appreciate you very much,your idea is very important to me.
    thank you

  10. Hi Randy
    Thank you - as ever - for you and your stimulating insights.
    I've long shared your personal-fulfilment-prioritising approach, but am concerned that this conversation so often gets collapsed into the 'living the life' scenario, where people the 'wrong' side of money, feel all their problems will be solved as soon as they can get all their material dreams and wishes realised.
    As a wealthy man, I'm sure you know that whilst, it means you can literakky afford a better standard of unhappiness, money - by itself - will not make you happy.
    Also, a lot of your examples of prosperity seem to revolve around the consumption of finite resources. What do you say about this? Do you think that a more prosperous mindset will discover more oil to sustain the fossil fuel based lifestyle that you so exquisitely exemplify?
    Carl

  11. Love how you develop the guidance on the importance of self. Recently I read the following in the book Money and The Law of Attraction: " We encourage you to decide, as early in life as possible, that your dominant intent and reason for existence is to live happily ever after."

    Randy started this thread with the comment that he is the happiest person he know. My own happiness reading has grown tremendously as I after many years feel that I am on purpose. To be on purpose and to be happy starts with the goal of wanting to be both of those.

    Randy you are a marvelous teacher and example. I appreciate your wisdom, insight and appreciate you. Sending you energy of peace, happiness, prosperity.

    Steve Pohlit
    co-founder Manifest Mastermind
    http://groups.to/manifest

  12. Hi Randy,

    I was extremely exited to listen and get a tremendous impact at your recent seminar in November 2008 in Frankfurt/Germany,
    since than I am following your prosperity and success blog with great interest and high appreciation.

    Let me take the event of the year end to express to you my great respect and big compliments as one of and let me say also on behalf of your fan community in Germany.

    Regarding your above blog: "how we create happiness", you are well positioned and in line with what already Confucius said about two and a half thousand years ago and it has to be repeated again and again:

    'To put the world right in order, we must first put the nation in order;
    to put the nation in order, we must first put the family in order;
    to put the family in order, we must first cultivate our personal life;
    to put our personal life in order, we must first set our hearts right.'

    (Confucius, (551 BC – 479 BC) the Chinese thinker and social philosopher, whose teachings and philosophy have deeply influenced Chinese, Korean, Japanese, Taiwanese and Vietnamese thought and life.... see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confucius)

    Good luck and all the best to you for 2009 - you are great!!!

    Heinz

    "For time and the world do not stand still. Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or the present are certain to miss the future."
    -- John F. Kennedy, 35th President of the United States

  13. Amazing post. I have a little problem with my selfishness, but I definately understand it the way you put it. It is a total lie to pretend to make others happy if oneself is not happy. Thanks Happy 2009! God Bless you

  14. Well you guys in Germany must be doing good things for me. Germany is the third largest country in terms of visitors to my site, ahead of many places where English is the main language.

    Great example from Confucius. Thanks, RG

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  • 19 comments on “How We Create Happiness”

    1. Great thoughts, as always, Randy!

      Barry and I are always having people talk about sacrificing for others over on our blog, and they say it like it makes them better, more spiritual, or more "evolved" because of it.

      And yet, they're miserable, and complaining about their situation. Hmmm. (And these are the same people, often, who put us down for talking about "critical thinking".)

      We could eliminate a lot of the needless whining and complaining in this world if people would do as you say and focus on their own happiness first.

      I'm sure you'll have some people say that serving others DOES make them happy; and for myself, I know that loving someone for who and what they are does make me happy (as long as there's depth to that love).

      But asking themselves the question, "Does this make me truly happy?" and following it up with why or why not, thens doing a bit of self-exploration, will surely allow a lot of people to be happier, more productive, and more on purpose.

      Thanks for this post!
      Heather Vale Goss

    2. What a nice holiday for me! I really needed this topic to remind me that I is important. I am going to start the New Year thinking of me, of making me happy. We tend to leave the trail sometimes and having problem to get back on track.
      You ask a person what is there "why" and they answer: "To make more money". Then you ask them: ""Why do you want to have more money?", and they answer: "To buy a new house, and other things". Then you ask them: "Why do you want to buy a new house, and other things?", and they answer: "Because that would make me happy." Voilà!!! Being happy is the key thing.
      Randy, can you do something for me? You are the person that woke me up in 2006, with a trail dvd on the net. I can't remember how to go there and it is possible that it is not on the net anymore. It was a real eye opener for me and I would like to share it with others.
      It started like this. You were sitting at a desk (unfortunately most of your movies you are sitting at a desk), but it was what you were saying right at the beginning that was kind of a slap in the face to anyone that was sitting on their but. You said something like: "What the hell are you doing with your life". Can you lead me to this?
      Hope so....

    3. Sorry, I don't remember anything specific about this. It sounds like it could have been one of my Breakthrough U coaching program videos. But to all of you BU alumni, look for a special announcement soon!

      -RG

    4. I would venture to say that having a strong sense of purpose is also the greatest source of financial security for anyone -- even in a recession. If you have a purpose that is meaningful to YOU, and you are having fun with how you provide value to the world through that purpose, then you most likely will have customers (or employers) flocking to you.

      Unfortunately, it seems "finding one's purpose" is the biggest struggle for a lot of folks.

    5. Ooops..Hit the "post" button too quickly! I wanted to add an example:

      What do you think would be one of the worst industries to find a job in right now? I'll be a lot of you would guess the auto industry. I mean, think about it: U.S. auto manufacturers have been laying off workers in droves, (um...no pun intended there) and the industry is begging for a financial bailout.

      But Ford Motor Co. CREATED a job for Scott Monty. He is now head of social media for Ford.

      Monty got the job because he is the kind of guy who LOVES social networking. I mean this guy eats, breathes and sleeps this stuff. He started his own personal Twitter page, and was having a blast. His enthusiasm (and success in getting Twitter followers") got noticed. And, even in this "bad economy," Ford decided they couldn't live without someone like Monty.

      And from his success in creating Twitter pages for Ford so far, the company has earned a lot of free positive PR -- and not just on social networking sites.

      Monty was living what he felt was his purpose: to find ways to use new technology to engage people. He was "just having fun" doing it. And in doing so, he landed a job in an industry that many complain they can't find a job in.

    6. So this video could be in one of your courses? I know it was in one of your sites, but everything changed a lot since 2006. Thanks anyway!
      Following the topic we are in, I believe that to find your true purpose in life is to find what you could do that would make you happy. Or turn it around and: "What every you are doing that is making you happy, should be your true purpose in life. BUT, it is OK to be happy, but does it bring in what you need to survive? (and I should even say make you rich) That's another thing. I finally found what really makes me happy, but not necessarily brings in enough chow. I am working on it right now. The only thing is, will people accept to pay me to do this thing (that I am working on)? I think I need to move from my country house and do like the mouse and head on to larger cities....
      Anxious to see what you have for us Randy.... especially that January 1st thing....
      Thanks again.... for being there. I am very grateful that I have clicked the mouse one day, and POUF! you were there.

    7. Let's combine two ideas:

      Do what you love (creates your own happiness)

      AND share it with as many people as you can (serving others by improving their quality of life)

      Example: a talented painter who sells her/his product in local street fairs compared to Thomas Kinkade (who shares his Impressionist-style landscape renditions with thousands of people through merchandising his products).

      Which artist receives more money? The one who serves more people.

      Service does not automatically imply negation of self.

    8. Добрый день, Ренди (у нас в России - день). Есть в Гештальт-технологии (психология). Такое высказывание:
      "Я делаю свое, а ты свое.
      Я в этом мире не для того, чтобы соответствовать твоим ожиданиям, а ты не для того, чтобы соответствовать моим.
      Ты - это есть ты, а я - это есть я.
      И если нам случится найти друг друга, это прекрасно,
      если нет, этому нельзя помочь.
      (Перлз)
      Я это к тому, что я живу по этому высказыванию, по этим словам.
      Позаботся о себе сам, сделай себя счастливым, и ты поймешь, как ты сделал счастливыми очень много людей.
      Когда я говорю "Люблю", я знаю, о чем говорю. Любовь бывает разная. От любви к собаке до божественной любви. это нужно разделять. Иначе человек будет деградировать, не будет развиваться. Не будет стремиться быть подобием Бога.
      Согласна с тобой, Ренди, что цель должна быть поставлена высокодуховная. Хотя бы просто поставлена цель, многие люди живут на этой планете, и не знают цели, не знают пути. Мне их искренне жаль. Как сказал Ата Мамедов: "Если ты не знаешь куда идешь, то куда идешь?"
      И от себя добавлю (о помощи другим людям) Я буду рядом, пока ты идешь! Я буду помогать тебе, но пока ты идешь! Но я не буду ничего делать вместо тебя и за тебя. Спасибо Ренди, за твои книги. Я была на встрече с тобой в Москве. летом 2008года. Следующий раз, когда мы встретимся, я с тобой сфотографируюсь!!! ОК! Можно? Please! Еще раз с новым 2009 годом. Успеха.

    9. dear sir Randy
      what do you think about Robert kiusaki and his book : poor dad and rich dad?now i'm reading this book and your book"prosperity series" , do you agree with his thinking ? some of his ideas is opposite with prosperity laws you are learning us....
      for exmple vacuum law , circulation...
      as i appreciate you very much,your idea is very important to me.
      thank you

    10. Hi Randy
      Thank you - as ever - for you and your stimulating insights.
      I've long shared your personal-fulfilment-prioritising approach, but am concerned that this conversation so often gets collapsed into the 'living the life' scenario, where people the 'wrong' side of money, feel all their problems will be solved as soon as they can get all their material dreams and wishes realised.
      As a wealthy man, I'm sure you know that whilst, it means you can literakky afford a better standard of unhappiness, money - by itself - will not make you happy.
      Also, a lot of your examples of prosperity seem to revolve around the consumption of finite resources. What do you say about this? Do you think that a more prosperous mindset will discover more oil to sustain the fossil fuel based lifestyle that you so exquisitely exemplify?
      Carl

    11. Love how you develop the guidance on the importance of self. Recently I read the following in the book Money and The Law of Attraction: " We encourage you to decide, as early in life as possible, that your dominant intent and reason for existence is to live happily ever after."

      Randy started this thread with the comment that he is the happiest person he know. My own happiness reading has grown tremendously as I after many years feel that I am on purpose. To be on purpose and to be happy starts with the goal of wanting to be both of those.

      Randy you are a marvelous teacher and example. I appreciate your wisdom, insight and appreciate you. Sending you energy of peace, happiness, prosperity.

      Steve Pohlit
      co-founder Manifest Mastermind
      http://groups.to/manifest

    12. Hi Randy,

      I was extremely exited to listen and get a tremendous impact at your recent seminar in November 2008 in Frankfurt/Germany,
      since than I am following your prosperity and success blog with great interest and high appreciation.

      Let me take the event of the year end to express to you my great respect and big compliments as one of and let me say also on behalf of your fan community in Germany.

      Regarding your above blog: "how we create happiness", you are well positioned and in line with what already Confucius said about two and a half thousand years ago and it has to be repeated again and again:

      'To put the world right in order, we must first put the nation in order;
      to put the nation in order, we must first put the family in order;
      to put the family in order, we must first cultivate our personal life;
      to put our personal life in order, we must first set our hearts right.'

      (Confucius, (551 BC – 479 BC) the Chinese thinker and social philosopher, whose teachings and philosophy have deeply influenced Chinese, Korean, Japanese, Taiwanese and Vietnamese thought and life.... see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confucius)

      Good luck and all the best to you for 2009 - you are great!!!

      Heinz

      "For time and the world do not stand still. Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or the present are certain to miss the future."
      -- John F. Kennedy, 35th President of the United States

    13. Amazing post. I have a little problem with my selfishness, but I definately understand it the way you put it. It is a total lie to pretend to make others happy if oneself is not happy. Thanks Happy 2009! God Bless you

    14. Well you guys in Germany must be doing good things for me. Germany is the third largest country in terms of visitors to my site, ahead of many places where English is the main language.

      Great example from Confucius. Thanks, RG

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