In yesterday’s post I asked if having the purpose of trying to provide everybody’s happiness was realistic. And what believing that would do to your self-esteem and feelings of worth.
A lot of your thought it was a doable goal. I would disagree. I would suggest that people who spend their existence worrying solely about the needs of others and not themselves are not noble, benevolent, and spiritual. They are crazy.
And because they don’t look after their own needs first, they really can’t help others in a healthy way. They can console them, participate in their drama, or enable their co-dependence, but they can’t offer them real, meaningful help.
This is a very common situation you see in the children of alcoholics, or other abusive upbringings. They are forever walking on eggshells, always pandering to those around them.
They smile about everything, continuously compliment those around them, and spend their days telling everybody around them exactly what they want to hear. It’s like they have a computer screen in their mind that previews everything they say before they say it. They scan it first to make sure that it will be what the person they are talking to wants to hear. If not, they edit it, so the only things they say are things that make people happy. (This is a defense mechanism they developed in childhood to avoid getting ridiculed, punished, or even beaten.)
So they go through their whole life with this social anxiety, always worrying about how people will react to what they say. It makes them totally neurotic, and drives their self-esteem into the basement.
Sometimes it’s quite apparent; other times, it’s below the surface. Spending your life trying to please others always ends up in dysfunctional behavior. Always.
Now we have to explore another issue for you to really get your hands around this and be able to come to grips with the philosophy that is congruent and right for you. And that issue is whether I’m advocating hedonism. Which is where we’ll pick up next post…