In yesterday’s post we discussed the merits of trying to convince the young guy he would probably manifest his own Alzheimer’s disease. And many of you correctly took me to the woodshed for my response.
Now I’m not a heartless, cold-blooded jerk, who cares for no one. But I am a practical person, and grounded in reality. I have learned quite well, that you cannot drag someone across the finish line that doesn’t want to be there.
So when Art mentioned that his friend has no belief in the power of the subconscious mind, alarm bells immediately went off for me. I spent so many years trying to “fix” dysfunctional people, that now I sometimes overreact the other way.
So I introduced the discussion, so you can honestly evaluate where you are in the equation. Because there is another very interesting angle on all this...
Many people go around trying to help everyone around them; because then they don’t have to face the areas they need work themselves. They constantly attract and surround themselves with people who are worse off than they are. Which makes them feel better about their own dysfunctional behavior.
You’re not doing that are you?
Nice question Randy. Nope, I don't do that...but I can certainly appreciate the Siren Song of procrastination of self in the supposed self-less service of others. Avoidance would not be a wise motivation for contributing actively to the betterment of those around you.
My ideal is to be single for a year, meet a lot of new people as friends exploring life. It's just really hard to kick someone and their child out of your home when they can't support themselves.
I do not get a pay off from telling others my sad martyr story, in fact I spend so much energy covering it up so that others don't feel bad for me. I have a soft heart, kicking a bird out of a nest that you KNOW has no wings is hard to do. Perhaps this is a reflection of my mother trying to keep me from getting out of the nest giving me every reason in the world why I couldn't possibly make in on my own until I had a full career, down payment on a home and a rich man as if I couldn't take care of myself. I didn't listen to her though...it was hard to pull myself away with others pulling you down and making you think you can't succeed but I did. Now I have the opposite...but in a way it's the same...we both don't believe they can fly. I suppose that's the belief that needs looking at.
Working in the MBS field I come across so many who are doing just that. The Healers and Therapists then wonder why they are they are getting sick, depressed etc. They want to 'save' everyone and the planet and will do anything to avoid having to deal with their own stuff, I see it in family members also. They even try moving, but it's same sh*t different location.
An aunt was convinced her cancer would return, it did and it killed her. A client was convinced she wouldn't get the dream job she had just had an interview for, she didn't get the job, and I told her she wouldn't. She didn't like that because she has wanted her ego to be stroked and I don't do that.
Some people think I am hard and bolshy, I cut straight to the truth of what is going on and people can either take it or leave it.
Darn, I missed the 'Randy in the woodshed' episode! So this may or may not fit; I hope it will be helpful regardless.
In the 17th century the nobleman François de La Rochefoucauld said "We promise according to our hopes and perform according to our fears."
For the most part we do manifest our own realities and can even with something like Alzheimer’s. The one 'fear' my father had his whole life was that "he'd lose his mind." Guess what he died of. We do turn our fears into reality. Another example: I had a bank client whose motto was "Failure is not an option." In my view failure there was guaranteed because they feared it so.
Where I seriously depart from those who say we manifest everything that happens to us personally is when there are no conscious or subconscious forces at play. Like a baby being born with leukemia.
What must be worked into the equation is that our universe is 'all one thing' - that we are inescapably interdependent. Martin Luther King called it "a single garment of destiny." We often reap what other people sow. That's why we MUST care about the impact of our words and actions on others. Too often we advertently or inadvertently sow weeds in other people's gardens and then blame them for manifesting the weeds.
But in the grand scheme of things our global realities - good and bad - are indeed manifested by the collective universal "WE."
A great continuation. If someone told me that they didn't believe in the power of the subconscious and after a few moments conversation I discovered that they were unconscious I would leave the subject alone.
I also believe that we are all here for a reason and if I believe in the subconscious and attraction it should not be work for me to attract like minded people. Hell I proved that for years when I hung out in bars.
So if I met someone like that my thought would be to ask myself "Why am I meeting this person? What lesson is in this for me?"
You can sometimes plant a seed but that is as far as it goes.
I am working on the techniques of recruiting up.
That is find folks that will add to your team.
Ones that have great skills and will promote for themselves.
I want people that are better than me because they won't take excuses and will keep me stimulated!
Auch... I recognise a lot in this. I'm always so focused in helping everybody else that I tend to forget myself.
As Jim Rohn said: carry one person on your back can be done... but carry three... Nooooo
So I stopped a while ago trying to carry everybody to the finish and my back stopped hurting 😉
So thanks for pointing this out, I confirms something I knew in my heart but didn't get affirmed until know.
Here are a few questions and thoughts.
Couldn't the relief he would feel from taking some kind of procative action be just what his subconcious mind might need to chill out and relax about it? I think just not having to listen any more to an ongoing fear based conversation is reason enough to least make a recommendation. If no proactive action is taken then I would stop future conversations on the subject.
A different question I often wonder about though is this...how do you know when something is a limiting/fear based belief or an intuition? (what if he is just having a "knowing" about what is already happening in his body?)
I have had many experiences where I "knew" something was going to happen (or was happening) and would ignore my inner voice, because it seemed silly, didn't make sense or I was not wanting to be dramatic or "negative". Then later I find myself saying "I knew this was happening/going to happen".
(one example: when you got your concussion and for three days in a row something was nagging at me to call you. I ignored it thinking I was just making something up and you would think I was crazy:))
So...did I manifest these "situations" from the intitial thought process, setting things into motion or was I tuned in and ignoring it? It can be tricky. Also, sometimes isn't fear just a internal wake up call to choose new interpretations or lead to better actions?
Now back to your initial question of who am I attracting.... I think I have gotten very good in the last few years of drawing the lines and no longer draining myself for the "good of others". It's amazing how much happier I am. As an empath the boundries between caring for others and caring for myself have been a big and ongoing life lesson, but I think I am definately getting a hold of it lately.
Definitely not. Thankfully I have no patience for it.
When we "help" someone through a challenging time or tragedy, there are some who truely want to change, are extremely grateful, "have their eyes opened" and even contribute back with new understandings, insights and prosperity knowledge. These are few and far between. Others are happy for the attention, then once you are "drained", they return to their previous sub/conscious position in life waiting for the next do-gooder. Then there are those we drag along kicking and screaming who are naught without their caustic situations. I try to focus on the first group, when they are in dire straights they may appear like the second or third group. Knowing when to "cut them loose" is a learnt behaviour I am endeavoring to master. I am much better now than 10, 5, 2 or even a year ago!
I thank you Randy Gage for your guidance (and constant irritation).
What is the opposite of trying to fix? Break? Indifference?what is the best thing to do? What would Jesus do?
They say you are the average of the 5 people you hang around the most, so it is important to be around healthy people, listen to & read healthy things. But Jesus also went out to the people & helped/healed people.
Was Jesus dysfunctional for doing this? Or was he the greatest leader?
Randy.... I visualize a target on your wall with Kathleen Caldwell in the bulls eye and an arrow with one of those suction cup tips in the middle of my forehead. LOL Keep shooting.
This hits awful close ... Way too much of my time in the past has gone into helping people overcome or solve an issue of theirs.
I had some health challenges that when I solved them many others wanted the 'cure' too. Unfortunately not one of them stuck with it and went right back to where they were. I am convinced far too many of us [I am in this same boat too often] are more committed to our pity party than to aliveness and a working solution. It is comfortable being ‘sick’ and the perfect excuse for everything. I can’t do that because….
Wow Randy, I grew up in a small southern town that practiced the "help everyone" method. I too was trapped into that scenario because as good Christians we are suppose to help those in need when in reality all that was happening was that we were just becoming great "posers" masking our own issues. It has taken me years to overcome that process and I still struggle with it. Thanks Randy, I have lived what you posted today. We have to see ourselves for who we trully are.
I think the bird has wings and that sometimes a great disservice is done to the bird, by depriving them of the shove it will take for them to find them.
I've found that over time, my ability to 'see' their wings gets tranferred over to their own sites. If It doesn't , would I be expected to deliver regurgitated sustenance to them endlessly?
I've been a single mum of 2..then 5. A desire to be self supportive is all it takes to get started...and a circumstance that generates that desire can get the ball rolling.
If you don't wanna be harsh, then at least consider an 'activity agreement' where SOMEthing is being done to develop the confidence, reveal and address faulty sabotaging beliefs and open other opportunities. You'll soon find out whether this person wants help or a hand out. And I'm not a heartless, cold blooded jerk either.
I just want to see people free...and that takes personal responsibility.
This relates to your recent posts on negative programming. What are your thoughts on medical insurance??
Surely that could be negative programming as its to cover us when ill but then again isnt it just good sense?
Its also based on fear, the what if something goes wrong theory?
Well Randy, that highlights a belief that I have. Isn't everyone a little bit dysfunctional? Other than you, I can't say that I can count too many other people who can honestly say that their life is a success, (they're happy, health & wealthy). I'd like to be able to say that I could count those people on two hands or more, but that wouldn't be the truth. I know a stack of people who engage in ongoing nd regular person development, but they're still dysfunctional and not truly happy. Many of them pretend to be so though.
Excellent response. The only assumption about others we should ever make is that they have ability to do anything they choose. I'm all about helping folks if I have the ability. I temper that with no imbalancing myself in the process.
If you live your life attached to an anchor, you're holding back your own progress. Disempowering yourself to help others doesn't help anybody.
Again, great post. Respect.
Hey Randy! Good question, I don't think I'm doing that. Hmm, no I don't think so. I do have a friend like Art's that is convinced she or one of her kids will eventually commit suicide because it runs in her family. (Her brother committed suicide years ago.) Anyway, the interesting thing is, she was adopted! Her family that she fears she has inherited tendencies from through genetics is not her biological family! Anyway, I have been putting more and more distance between us because I can't handle her craziness. It's kind of sad though because we have been friends since high school. You're right though, you get to a point in your life where you have to say "enough already"!
Am I coldblooded for cutting her off in "her time of need"? maybe. I just have to take care of myself, my own physch, my own spirituality. I can't be responsible for other people's crap especially when they manifest it and or don't want to own up to any of it.
Ok, I'm off my soapbox! L.O.L.
Have a great day!
Lucinda (The Opera Diva)
Posts that force a person to be objective; ignoring all social, cultural, religious, and political boundaries, are favorites of mine. There have been many times in my professional and personal life that I have given advice to people asking for it. Then I watch them not take the advice and continue to live in a way that they don't enjoy.
I don't claim to always know the answers. I don't (Randy does, he's the millionaire...just kidding). I know when people have a belief system that doesn't work for them, they need to change something.
For a long time, I let other people's failure to help themselves affect me. Then I realized that all I can do is educate. Once I have done my job of giving people the advice they asked for, my job is done. They can do with that information anything they choose and it is no reflection on me. That realization feels great.
The life journey is filled with all kinds of bumps, bends and turns. I enjoy performing random acts of kindness, expressing gratitude, and giving respect where it's due. I will give what I have an abundance of and nurture that which I desire to grow in myself. Giving 'til it hurts is for people who haven't learned the lesson in self worth.
Thanks to Randy for another great post. Thanks to everybody else for sharing their thoughts. Gratitude.
I believe the only responses worthwhile making here on the blog in general is the ones were I get to uncover something IN ME that previous was hidden from my view.
Every one of you into ontology will recognize when I refer to transformation as an alternative to the attempt to "fix" another.
What does it really take for another to commit to his/her transformation? Isn’t it possible for you to stay at an untouched high level of consciousness, without being drawn into others stories? Is it ever wasted to be straight with another? Even though the other might not get it now, it might very well make a difference later on. So it was with the thinking you Randy invited me to do! (and it’s ongoing).
I sure have had a tendency to wait for others to get it, so I could get on with them. But it’s not fun doing that I realised.
There is something in your phrasing: “attracting people who are worse off than they are” that suggest each individual is not in him/herself whole complete and perfect – which we all are I’ve learned to believe.
Definitely I’ve spent years in self-development/transformation and surrounded myself with people who did that too. They now kind of fits in with this: “being there for others” mentality. Maybe it’s just the glasses I’ve seen through that they were being like that. By changing my paradigm they occur different to me.
Love and Respect
Hi Millie, really appreciate your honesty and courage. If I was that brave I could admit this was very close to my situation...but I'm not.
The reason my friends don't know is not to stop them feeling sorry for me but my huge ego that wants others to think I am in complete control, on track and totally sorted in life.
(My dearest friends don't buy this at all though-thank god for them)
I grew up in a really dysfunctional family, and yeah. I have spent far too much time trying fix other people. It becomes a habit very easily because there is a payoff.
It's far easier to "Save" and "protect" other people than work on yourself.
It's really damn scary working on yourself, especially when you never had good role models, and when so many people are negative and critical.
Pushing on through anyway. I have to become someone who people can look up to, even if it pisses the vast majority of people off and sours my relationship with my family, and my friends that want me to continue to be stuck.
Randy, I know that we become wealthy by providing value to others, but what about balancing your own needs and wants with those of others?
I have known people who are successful, and/or in good healthy, but are totally burnt out and crazy mentality. I know you touch on this in some of your material, and I have a general idea of what you, and other people mean, but could write about this in the future?
guilty as charged. Am working on it.