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Getting Your Confidence Back

Posted By: Randy GageMay 5, 2009

We’ve been talking about how you develop your confidence – and how to get it back if you lose it.  One thing I know is that: The best way to keep confidence is preparation.

A team that practices well will go into a game prepared.  If you do enough study for a test, you’ll feel good about taking it.  If you do research before hand – you’ll feel confident going into your sales call or proposal.

So how are you about that?  Do you usually go into situations feeling prepared – or do you set yourself up for a crisis of confidence?  If you often send yourself in unprepared – why do you think you do that?  It’s worth thinking about.

What about when you lose your confidence?  How do you build it back up?

There were some great ideas and suggestions in yesterday’s post. The journals, dream boards, post it notes, affirmations and other suggestions help program your subconscious mind with positive belief.

It’s nice to have friends, colleagues, or teammates who will give you positive reinforcement.  But that can present another problem.

If you count on other people to build up your confidence – you leave yourself open to letting other people take it away from you.  Don’t get me wrong.  If you can have supportive people around you, that’s wonderful.  But real self-confidence is an inside job.

Only you can make yourself feel confident.  Especially after you have experienced a setback.  So how can you regain confidence?  Here are some things I can suggest:

* Make sure you have done the necessary preparation.
* Think about what you learned from your setback that will help you this time.
* Think about the worst-case scenario if you fail.  Ninety-nine percent of the time, it’s really not that bad.
* Visualize a successful outcome in your mind.
* Create a reward for yourself for successful completion of the thing.

Then just get into action and do it!  The more you analyze and rethink things, the more opportunity for fear or self-doubt.  Nothing erases fear like action!

-RG

16 comments on “Getting Your Confidence Back”

  1. I've found that my biggest sticking point in preparation is allowing enough time to prepare. I've been spent some time digging deep to find out why that keeps happening. For me it's not a fear issue. I don't just back off and say I'm not prepared I'll just do it later and end up procrastinating. (Thanks Randy for teaching me that thru one of your posts).

    In my case, I've already scheduled the time to do whatever it is that I need to prepare for and I'm held accountable by others who will be attending that event so I have to perform.

    When I run into that I fix it by remembering a variation on the big rock philosophy.

    Unlike the "life is like a jar - big rocks, small rocks" analogy that I've heard before, life is more like a marble counter top and the big rocks are like big marbles but when enough little marbles are forced on to the counter top it pushes the big marlbes right off the edge.
    When I allow the little marbles to get in and crowd out the big marbles I end up unprepared and end up delivering sub-optimal results.

    To make that practical, I put what matters most in my calendar days before and I stick to that plan. Maybe you call this preparing to prepare. Putting yourself in a position to win.

    After I put the items on my calendar, I get off site away from normal surroundings where people can't find me and I can't be disturbed and I get focused on what matters most.

    I've built in accountability by having a coach in my life that gently kicks my butt if I don't deliver results.

    Finally when I do all of those things I get those dreams and goals. Jim Rohn said one time that dreams are the most intoxicating thing a person can have. If you focus on the dream without the preparation you'll feel good but you'll never accomplish any of them.

  2. yes Randy just go an do it!!! My problem is that iI m prepared, I trust in my self and dont let my things to others.... but action.... just do it and feel it depends of what you want and dont of what others wants for themselves... comptitionis my problem is you or me. I feel guilty.. I said ok you are better ...if a feel a competition I dont use all my tools, because my fears and all that... y will follow your advice: do it now!! dont let space for your bad toughts or fears !!

  3. One more thing, I keep a list of PAST accomplishments I've done, to prove I've overcome obstacles before. It does help to look at the list every now and then to re-inforce that I can do anything once I put my mind to it!

    Tom Larsen

  4. Randy,

    Thanks, the timing of this was perfect for me. Particularly, the part counting on other people. While it is great to have support from other people, people can't always be there or do what you would have them do.

    I continue to learn connecting with my 'center' is truly my best support. The more connected I am the more I draw more support to myself. Funny how that works! Thanks again.

  5. Randy,

    As always your comments are thought provoking, inspirational and I am grateful that you take the time to give so much of yourself to others. I have twitted them on so others can enjoy them as well. You are the best.

    Lisa

  6. Each person should do what makes them happiest, not because it makes them rich. If you love your work, you will have all you need.

    It's not only because of control maniacs and victimization mentalities that we have a dilemma on Earth. Why do you think they have to lash out in all bloody directions to try to hold you down? Why do you think there's chemtrails, economic and genetic manipulation, ELF transmissions, cell (!) phones, xyz flus, vaccines, pills, mind control, religion, programming, war etc. Why? Because you're THAT powerful! Don't you get it? Do you understand? See?

    It's almost a freaking miracle we're still standing if you look at what's really going on here!

    Everyone definitely have to get their inner and outer house together now. There is no time left for playing around.

  7. Hi Randy,

    Great article as usual. I'm a futures daytrader and within the last 2 months, I did a complete overall of my trading. I was experiencing success, but wanted simplification & greater consistency, as well as reproducibility.

    As you write, it's all in the preparation. Fears are all in our minds & hearts, and the best way, IMHO, is to face the fear head on and go for it. The fear will attempt to attach itself to you. You have to keep pushing past it, no matter how painful. That's in addition to the preparation.

    To rebuild my confidence in trading again, I had to reset very small, very achievable goals, rather than the grandiose goals I ended with. When I came back with my more simplified plan to trade, my goals were too big.

    Plus, there is a need to have good risk management, for if things do not turn out your way. And, I totally agree with you, that you have to learn from your setbacks, see them as opportunities for change and growth, rather than live in denial.

    Face & accept the truth, see this as a positive thing, and move forward.

  8. I like what you said, " if you count on others to build up your confidence – it also allows them to take it away from you." I have experienced this very phenomenon (without realizing it at the time it was taking place). It was about a week after the fact and it just hit me like a ton of bricks -- I gave all my power away for a pat on the back. I was very upset; I didn't know who to be more angry at myself or the "friend". I hear where you are coming from.

  9. Thanks Randy! I have to admit though, while I understand the need to be prepared, I don't do that too well, lol. I believe the reason why is because I attached myself to the reasoning that it will go perfectly as planned/practice/prepared. When it doesn't, I freeze on the spot. I'm not saying that I always fly by the seat of my pants, lol, but it's these times I speak and do things from the heart and it feels more natural than a practiced script.

    I learned about motivation from your CD's and from Richard Brooke. Motivation and confidence is definately an inside job and stays with you forever because you're always with yourself, not everybody else. 🙂

  10. Thanks for your nice articles Randy. For me they are always timely and direct my mind to bright new ideas.
    To develop confidence I ensure to have good knowledge of the subject to present. To have good knowledge, I must prepare (research, refer, consult) and rehearse in my mind and sometimes physically. With in-built confidence due to thorough knowledge fear (of rejection or critisizm) comes to almost nil.

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  • 16 comments on “Getting Your Confidence Back”

    1. I've found that my biggest sticking point in preparation is allowing enough time to prepare. I've been spent some time digging deep to find out why that keeps happening. For me it's not a fear issue. I don't just back off and say I'm not prepared I'll just do it later and end up procrastinating. (Thanks Randy for teaching me that thru one of your posts).

      In my case, I've already scheduled the time to do whatever it is that I need to prepare for and I'm held accountable by others who will be attending that event so I have to perform.

      When I run into that I fix it by remembering a variation on the big rock philosophy.

      Unlike the "life is like a jar - big rocks, small rocks" analogy that I've heard before, life is more like a marble counter top and the big rocks are like big marbles but when enough little marbles are forced on to the counter top it pushes the big marlbes right off the edge.
      When I allow the little marbles to get in and crowd out the big marbles I end up unprepared and end up delivering sub-optimal results.

      To make that practical, I put what matters most in my calendar days before and I stick to that plan. Maybe you call this preparing to prepare. Putting yourself in a position to win.

      After I put the items on my calendar, I get off site away from normal surroundings where people can't find me and I can't be disturbed and I get focused on what matters most.

      I've built in accountability by having a coach in my life that gently kicks my butt if I don't deliver results.

      Finally when I do all of those things I get those dreams and goals. Jim Rohn said one time that dreams are the most intoxicating thing a person can have. If you focus on the dream without the preparation you'll feel good but you'll never accomplish any of them.

    2. yes Randy just go an do it!!! My problem is that iI m prepared, I trust in my self and dont let my things to others.... but action.... just do it and feel it depends of what you want and dont of what others wants for themselves... comptitionis my problem is you or me. I feel guilty.. I said ok you are better ...if a feel a competition I dont use all my tools, because my fears and all that... y will follow your advice: do it now!! dont let space for your bad toughts or fears !!

    3. One more thing, I keep a list of PAST accomplishments I've done, to prove I've overcome obstacles before. It does help to look at the list every now and then to re-inforce that I can do anything once I put my mind to it!

      Tom Larsen

    4. Randy,

      Thanks, the timing of this was perfect for me. Particularly, the part counting on other people. While it is great to have support from other people, people can't always be there or do what you would have them do.

      I continue to learn connecting with my 'center' is truly my best support. The more connected I am the more I draw more support to myself. Funny how that works! Thanks again.

    5. Randy,

      As always your comments are thought provoking, inspirational and I am grateful that you take the time to give so much of yourself to others. I have twitted them on so others can enjoy them as well. You are the best.

      Lisa

    6. Each person should do what makes them happiest, not because it makes them rich. If you love your work, you will have all you need.

      It's not only because of control maniacs and victimization mentalities that we have a dilemma on Earth. Why do you think they have to lash out in all bloody directions to try to hold you down? Why do you think there's chemtrails, economic and genetic manipulation, ELF transmissions, cell (!) phones, xyz flus, vaccines, pills, mind control, religion, programming, war etc. Why? Because you're THAT powerful! Don't you get it? Do you understand? See?

      It's almost a freaking miracle we're still standing if you look at what's really going on here!

      Everyone definitely have to get their inner and outer house together now. There is no time left for playing around.

    7. Hi Randy,

      Great article as usual. I'm a futures daytrader and within the last 2 months, I did a complete overall of my trading. I was experiencing success, but wanted simplification & greater consistency, as well as reproducibility.

      As you write, it's all in the preparation. Fears are all in our minds & hearts, and the best way, IMHO, is to face the fear head on and go for it. The fear will attempt to attach itself to you. You have to keep pushing past it, no matter how painful. That's in addition to the preparation.

      To rebuild my confidence in trading again, I had to reset very small, very achievable goals, rather than the grandiose goals I ended with. When I came back with my more simplified plan to trade, my goals were too big.

      Plus, there is a need to have good risk management, for if things do not turn out your way. And, I totally agree with you, that you have to learn from your setbacks, see them as opportunities for change and growth, rather than live in denial.

      Face & accept the truth, see this as a positive thing, and move forward.

    8. I like what you said, " if you count on others to build up your confidence – it also allows them to take it away from you." I have experienced this very phenomenon (without realizing it at the time it was taking place). It was about a week after the fact and it just hit me like a ton of bricks -- I gave all my power away for a pat on the back. I was very upset; I didn't know who to be more angry at myself or the "friend". I hear where you are coming from.

    9. Thanks Randy! I have to admit though, while I understand the need to be prepared, I don't do that too well, lol. I believe the reason why is because I attached myself to the reasoning that it will go perfectly as planned/practice/prepared. When it doesn't, I freeze on the spot. I'm not saying that I always fly by the seat of my pants, lol, but it's these times I speak and do things from the heart and it feels more natural than a practiced script.

      I learned about motivation from your CD's and from Richard Brooke. Motivation and confidence is definately an inside job and stays with you forever because you're always with yourself, not everybody else. 🙂

    10. Thanks for your nice articles Randy. For me they are always timely and direct my mind to bright new ideas.
      To develop confidence I ensure to have good knowledge of the subject to present. To have good knowledge, I must prepare (research, refer, consult) and rehearse in my mind and sometimes physically. With in-built confidence due to thorough knowledge fear (of rejection or critisizm) comes to almost nil.

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