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Excluding People from Your Life

Posted By: Randy GageSeptember 26, 2010

Hey, would somebody please tell me where August went?  It was the 3rd, and then I got back from a trip and it was like the 19th, and suddenly even September is almost over.  Life moves fast.  How about you?

I find that as the years seem to fly by faster, I try to move, develop and grow faster.  There is so much I yet want to experience in this short, very finite human experience I am having.  And that has led me to being quite selective about the people in my life, the stimulus in my life, the environments I expose myself to, and the learning I seek out.

It’s not even a conscious thing any longer.  It just seems to happen naturally.   This blog community is a virtual pipeline, funneling me ever more people who are on a pathway of personal growth and enlightenment.

And I find that those kinds of people find me in many other conduits, such as through my church, friends I already have and other avenues.  So I am not complaining, I have wonderful people in my life.  But I had to create a vacuum for that to happen.  Which is a nice spiritual way to say that I blew off my old deadbeat, lack-obsessed, victim friends...

Conversations about how many Long Island iced teas you consumed at the club last night, who is cheating on whom, or that include the phrase, “What I really I felt like telling him…” no longer interest me.

I’m not interested in hearing how your bitch ex-wife is hounding you for child support, how unsympathetic your parole officer is, or what assholes the electric company people are because they shut off your power for non-payment.

So let’s just say that I am still waiting for the divine light to shine in some of those people.  Now that doesn’t mean that they are not divine or possess consciousness.  But I find that the level of consciousness they are currently at is not attractive to me.  And I don’t want them in my life while they are at that consciousness.  And truth be told, I don’t think they want me in theirs any longer.

So let’s look at that deeper tomorrow.  Until then, please share how you deal with this situation in your life.

-RG

56 comments on “Excluding People from Your Life”

  1. Hi Randy,
    I enjoyed this blog. I find that this sort of "flushing out" is necessary for me not only in the interpersonal, but in business as well. I very recently went through and created a vacuum in my business contacts. I got rid of those old cards, and addresses that were no longer viable. This goes for my contacts on my computer data base as well.
    Oddly, or as a vacuum would have it, one of my old clients called me, out of the blue, and said that she's ready to get back into business, and wants to work together again. She has different contact information which I easily updated.
    I get a really great feeling when I think of the new viable connections in business that will fill in the old and expired.
    Thanks Randy!

  2. Again, you hit the nail on the head with pinpoint precision. With such a small limit on what we can have on our plate at any given time, both conscious and unconscious, it is inherent upon us to limit the outside, negative influences that seek to pull us into their misery with them.

    "Show me your friends and I'll show you your future."

  3. I've heard tell that our life journey consists of sometimes shedding our skin (like a snake). These times of growth wind up excluding previous activities, habits and sometimes even people. Some of those things and people worked for us in our smallness but are no longer serving us. I see that we sometimes meet up again on a new and better place! I just let it happen and stay open 🙂 J

  4. I definitely feel the biological clock hustling me along as I too have much I want to do and experience before being called away.

    Challenge, of course, is to strike a balance between hustling and enjoying some of the delightful moments life serves up. Some weeks I do better with that than others 🙂

    As to excluding certain kinds of people in my life, this is so key for me. I surround myself with a Dream Team whose wisdom, support and encouragement is truly a blessing. And, I am rigorous about excluding bitchers, moaners, gripers, etc. Not sure how it happens but I don't even see many of these type these days (I know they are out there.) Must be something about me that has them running in the opposite direction. 🙂

    Avoiding the victim types is not to be confused with avoiding those who can benefit from a helping hand. By avoiding victims, one finds themselves with more time for those who appreciate and put a helping hand to good use.

    Consider the street person in San Diego whom I gave to in the AM. When he saw me again later that day, he looked at me, smiled and proclaimed "second shift." Which brought an even bigger smile to my face. When I gave a second time, he then looked me straight in the eyes and asked "how may I help YOU?" I suggested that he go help some of his buddies...he shook my hand, smiles and said he would certainly do so. (I suspect he would have done so even without my suggesting it.)

    No victim mentality in that guy!

    MMMMMMmmmmm, so Randy, do you think maybe we attract what we are? 🙂

    Great to have you in my world and on my Dream Team. Love what you do for so many of us in stretching our thinking and spirit.

  5. This is just so amazing.... it's what has just happened in my life. After being in touch with some new people, attending a few seminiars and listening to the right tapes, I made the decision to weed out the negative people - those toxic people who pull me down - and only surround myself with positive people. What a difference in my energy level, my attitude and my aliveness. Letting go has been so freeing. Thank you for sharing this post.

  6. OK: you'll appreciate this...

    I work in an independent bookstore. About a month ago Byrne's "Power" was released, and I was finding prominent shelf space and admiring the wisdoms inside.

    From behind me my associate yelled, "No no no, that book is NOT going on the table!"

    I ask, "Why not? It's a new release?" (All new releases go on The New Release Table).

    Reply: "We shouldn't even carry books like that. They're horrible."

    "Oh?"

    "Yeah. All they tell you to do is give up all your friends!"

    I tried to gently correct and explain the error of his thinking... but got cut off with, "...just dump everyone you ever knew to the curb. Family, too."

    (There was more, but I tuned it out.)

    That was my extent of trying to reason. The crazy thing is this associate is an energetic 29-year old guy with a fresh Master's degree. Tech-savvy, extroverted, loved by all...very liberal and openminded. Usually.

    Hmmm. Some people you just can't have an intelligent dilaogue with. Oh, well. More space at the enlightened table for me, yes?

  7. Hey Randy,

    I'm the blind guy who attended the first Prosperity Series event in SYDNEY back in '02 or '03. I have excellerated my life in many ways since then. Climbing Kilimanjaro, building a business, embracing technology and in many other ways. I find your blogs and prosperity videos further my endeavors to be living a lifestyle in which I deserve as a human.

    When I spend time with someone who is steering the conversation to lack. I take over the conversation and slowly without them realising take them on a journey to a totally different direction using NLP. Or, if the chance meeting is the only time I will meet them. I am hopeful it doesn't happen again.

    I have realised that we are all in control of the way we choose to live. We may not be in charge of circumstances of what we have genetically. Losing my sight is not my fault nor isi it my parents. I have met many people who tell me that they feel sorry for me. I return with "Don't be, it isn't your fault!" And laugh.

    I look forward to meeting you again. Next time you are in BRISBANE. Brian

  8. Hi, Randy,

    Your teachings have really boosted my prosperity consciousness over the years.

    Thanks!

    As your post states, I did have to release quite a few friends along the way; it doesn't mean I blew them off--just spent less and less time and energy on them.

    Yesterday I did call one such old friend, just for a quick hello. He is a very loveable guy. He's a professional bookkeeper--has the appropriate credentials, etc.

    He was lamenting that he only had 3 clients, he was going broke, the economy in his town was going to hell, etc., etc.

    A few moments later, he said that a lot of "rich people" had come into his town, bought property, drove prices up, etc. Now he lamented that there were numerous people in his town who had lots of money.

    When I pointed out his contradiction--and that maybe, just maybe, some of those "rich people" could use his bookkeeping services, he just didn't seem to "get it" at all.

    The sad truth is, though, that any prosperous person who talked to him for just a couple of minutes would distance themselves asap.

    The conversation just brought home to me how I have changed in the past 15 years or so. I used to think pretty much like he did, and thank goodness, I have moved on--and become very prosperous.

    Thanks again!

    1. There's a VERY important lesson in this sentence:

      "The sad truth is, though, that any prosperous person who talked to him for just a couple of minutes would distance themselves asap."

      -RG

  9. Since I don't have a huge list of friends that call me up all the time, (they don't because I've stopped accepting their invitations), I don't really have a problem excluding the dead-beats out of my life. You could say I currently have a vacuum. I've been fishing around for new friends. I went out with one of them last week. She's got potential, but she's not someone that I would look up to - more likely the other way around. We'll stay in touch but I'll continue hunting around for even better people that I can spend greater amounts of time with.

  10. Show them the light and if they can't step out of the darkness - then weed 'em out Randy.

    I know that sounds harsh to some - but I learned the hard way. I spent 50 years putting my own needs behind every one else's, listening to Eyores and Woe Is Me's until my eyes glazed over.

    The weight became unbearable. I would be bright and shining and spend 15 minutes with negative folks and be so dark and heavy I'd want to go cry. Then I'd have to take more time to get myself back on the positive side.

    Finally - I had a Rebelation:) My purpose was to show others the light - not to hang around and pull them up out of their darkness.

    So today - if someone is seriously negative, I will share my beliefs about LOA, about the power of positive intention and creation - and if they just keep diving into the darkness, well, I move away. I'll give anyone a few chances - sharing more and more. But there comes a point when you know they aren't going to shift to the light. That's when I move on.

    Same goes for the gossip and chit chat. I'll associate for a bit - try to shift the conversation to a positive focus. If others don't shift - I simply move on.

    Surrounding ourselves with positive influence is so important. So is helping others find the power of the positive. But staying in the dark to our own detriment is not a positive, or necessary, part of our journey.

    Sooner or later - everyone has to step into the light of consciousness for themselves.

    Hugs,

    reb

  11. I have dropped friendships, and refuse to listen to whining anymore. I have ceased speaking with or listening to some family members, and friends whom continue to trod down the same path of why me? I have decided I don't have time for their foolishness.

  12. Hi Randy,
    Waiting for the divine light to shine in some people may be a lengthy process indeed. I, apparently like you, feel that like attracts like, and we tend to gravitate toward those with similar vibrations as our own.

    By studying personal development and focusing on making ourselves better people, those who stay as they are will tend to stay away, as we feel less attracted to them as well.

    Thanks for sharing, Randy. Always a pleasure. Talk soon.

    Gregory

  13. I love this post. I have started to back away from people who don't have anything positive to say and no interest in improving their lives. I have also backed away from lack-obsessed conversations.

    I was recently in a conversation with a group of people who were using the words 'awful' and 'terrible' to describe a situation where someone had failed to pay a bill and it was being sent to collections. The conversation went into a litany of complaints about what "thieving bastards" the companies are who do these things. I lost it! I said 'awful' and 'terrible' were words to describe watching someone die of cancer, or living in a world where you have to dodge bullets to go to the store for a loaf of bread, NOT having to pay your bills on time!

    I have since been told that I no longer have any compassion and I should be tested to see if I have started menopause early!!! PAH-LEEEZE! These were family members, so they're not out of my life entirely, but I certainly limit our conversations and steer clear of the "awful" ones!

    Thanks for sharing, Randy. Love to you as always!

  14. I used to have a friend that was a major drama queen. She's currently engaged to one man in California, regularly sleeping with another man up here in Canada, and still living with her ex... and complains about how her life is too complicated and full of jealous guys. sheesh.
    One day she decided to go to California to visit her boyfriend there, and told her boss she was leaving the country.. for 5 weeks.. when she came back she was ranting about how her boss was a b*tch for firing her "without any good reason"..... uhh, how about you ditched work for over a month?

    So how did I deal with this situation? Eventually it got to be so bad that I just cut her out of my life, cold turkey.. blocked on twitter and facebook, blocked her phone number, and avoid social situations where I know she'll be. Life is much simpler now.

    1. I also wanted to mention that I'm making new friends through school, people I share common interests with. One of them in particular is the son of a successful property developer, so it's nice hearing about interesting business stuff and things a little different than my other friends who only seem to complain about their low-paying jobs, the rude lady behind them in line at Starbucks yesterday, etc....

      Associating with people who are operating in a positive success mindset instead of negativity makes a world of difference.. not that I need to tell anyone here that though. 🙂

  15. I've been weeding out the negative people in my life too. I'm beginning to meet new friends at my new church and thru my volunteer work. It's exciting!
    Thanks Randy for another great post!

  16. Hi Randy,
    This is a good one. I went to a seminar today held at Unity with Richard and Maureen Levy. Oneness Blessings were the topic. I am in this space where I am looking at me. I am doing things that I have never done before and the work required. I am studying acting, I am seeing a therapist about the biggie one deep inside.
    I am even starting the inner child work. I always stayed clear of that one. You know at 54 I have started to say I am not here for the houses, cars etc, (not that there is anything wrong with that), but to find out it is OK to be me. I love your blog and I thank you for all the great topics you bring up that make me think.
    Jim

  17. Randy, I mostly lurk here, I'm new at studying prosperity and enjoy reading your blog. I happened to stumble upon your video recently about The Vacuum Law of Prosperity. A couple years ago I made the choice to eliminate the negative people from my life and change who I spend time with. After watching your video, I realized there were a few toxic relationships in my personal life I was still holding on to. That video was like a message loud and clear to me what needed to be done. I created a vacuum so the universe could fill it with good. Interestingly enough, very soon after I found myself at a Bob Burg event where I met some great new friends and contacts. Pretty exciting stuff. I'm committed to surrounding myself with people who are a positive influence and keep the weeds out of the garden. Thanks for a great post RG looking forward to the next one!

    ~Kara

    1. Welcome Kara,

      I am mostly a lurker as well. I post occasionally but mostly just read. I think you will get great value from this blog. You might want get Randy's prosperity book series. They are a great starter course.

  18. RG,
    At Agel World, people were all amazed by your beyond amazing accomplishments. Congratulations!
    Enjoyed reading today's post. Hugs:: -Saachi

  19. Dear Randy Gage!
    I do understand your dessition (sorry if spelling is incorrect), and I do agree with you. I feel that too much of that is pulling me down. and I also distance myself from that kind of people. But before that I try to turn the conversation into oneself being cause and allowing bad things to happen, because it would not happen unless you allow it to happen. I do personal coaching too, and through that I help people take charge of the areas of life they are "wictems", and it is SO fullfilling to see that person in front of you, getting cognitions and start seing a way out and hope growing. I love to help people that way. And I also make them read literature, take courses and of cause wach you videos, because you really nailed the most important concepts that most people are strugling with including myself. I am really greatfull to you. And another thing you are right about is that People will loose interest in you, if they cannot get through with their complaining. Hope you understand what I mean, language and the way you express yourself, can be a little tricky. Another way I deal with this is to ignore negative things in a conversation, and acknowledge the positive.
    Thank's again Randy, and you have a fantastic day.
    Lene

  20. I believe it was Albert Einstein who once said:

    “Consciousness is contagious”

    And one of the wisest pieces of advice my parents ever gave me was: “Be careful who you hang around, because you will end up being just like them!”

    Einstein (and my parents) were right. We become like the people we spend the most time with. We adopt many of their habits, attitudes, beliefs and behaviors.

    It's always best to choose to be around people with a mindset of love, abundance and prosperity. Exposure to that level of thinking will permeate your consciousness, thereby altering your thinking, beliefs and behaviors, and ultimately, results.

    After a while, that choice no longer takes conscious effort, it happens naturally and automatically (i.e. subconsciously).

  21. Hi Randy, I agree. Last week I didn't read any paper of watch any news on TV. Still it's difficult when it concerns family. I can not change the way they think, but I can only not listen to their "stories" One ear in, one ear out. But reading your blogs will give positive enforcements.

  22. I just ignore them and spend less time with them. Like you said I'm not interested in them anymore. Sometimes I look at them and think they're a bunch of clowns, it's a little entertaining.

  23. Ooo-Yes, Randy,
    Since summer of 2009, have excluded 1 character from my life whose true inner colours was revealed. It's rewarding in its own way though, meeting new people on the same or higher wavelength as you are.

  24. Great post Randy...
    As I grew in my business and spent more time with people who are better than me, I found that I can't stand to sped time with all the victim friend that I was once belonged to... I was a cross road...

    Simply put: Get rid of all your old victim friends, or submit to being one of them... So what will it be!

  25. Randy, since my teens feel that what you mentioned in your blog. I never liked to talk about things without value, ie not like to talk about who is with whom, what you ate over the weekend, and things like that. Since I started reading books on personal growth, have confirmed these ideas and feelings, thank God I'm not alone! jaja
    When you say about these people, it is good to separate them from your environment, I think it's great. However, sometimes I have a mixed feeling when these people come to see me, I didn`t call them, but they come to see me and talk, I feel like I'm a bad person if I do not listen. Did you past that? I think it is easy to separate from negative people, including friends, acquaintances, coworkers, etc. But how do you do when these negative people are your own parents or your brothers or relatives that you will always find at any time?
    I send you a big hug
    I am Gabriel Suarez, from Puerto Madryn, Patagonia Argentina.

  26. Hi Randy,

    This post sure got a lot of responses, looks like it really hit home for many. I found this to be true for me as well although I found myself swimming against the current for a long time.

    There were relationships I was not ready to let go of and wondered for a long time WHY it had to be this way. I soon found out that the universe had greater plans.

    Many thanks for the work you do.:)
    Olga

    1. I so agree with Randy's post, and while I have long ago started to cut "non-essential" people out of my life, sometimes I have a challenege separating from them......this was an ongoing lesson for me, one that kept repeating......the latest episode involved a best friend who one one hand I dearly love, but when we were together, my inner being held a love/hate relationship with her......her down side was she talked badly about everyone, everything...I tried to help her, but in the end I just knew it was time to go---I just couldn't do it, but the Universe knew I wanted that/needed that, letting go.......So it sent a scenario where she let me go, for a stupidly foolish reason.......when we were going through the motions, something inside me KNEW it was MY doing and because I couldn't do it myself, the Universe took charge......I am very happy with the outcome, but working on being ab le to "distance" myself faster and on my own without Universal help...(smile)........

  27. I name it - To be EQUAL AMONG EQUAL.
    This process far not without serious consequences passes,
    But only to be at a stop - death similarly.

    Yours faithfully Elena

  28. How I deal with this situation is by changing myself, doing the necessary inner work. Then the outer changes with new people and circumstances. You don't get what you want in life, you get what you are. So I'll ask myself (as I do all day long) and all of you, who are you being right now? Are you being prosperous? Happy? Friendly? Kind? Peaceful? Healthy? Or are you anxious? Fearful? A victim? Unhappy? Sick? Broke? It's just a decision; the choice is ours. Inner first!

  29. We attract into our lives those people that are in tune with how we are being. Once we change how we're being we grow and our circle changes with it.

    What's so great is that we can CHOOSE to grow, think different thoughts, change our Life and prosper and in that process attract the kind of people that support Who we are while we do the same for them.

    I find my life is much more fun, Joyous and filled with possibility when I remove myself from being around people that are negative and struggle. It's one of many reasons I am founder of a new start up doing what I love, rather than being around the people in real estate I was surrounded with previously.

    Thanks Randy.

  30. You are so right, as we start to progress to higher levels of consciousness, we are not attracted to people that their daily life consists of complaints.

    I have had to take my belief in myself up several notches, and as I have done that, those who don't want to grow and want to stay where they are did just that.

    I love this community and appreciate the insights!

  31. With all the people on the planet, why not seek out those who are positive and want to go on and go further with life. To me, that seems to make sense...

    But, then again for some "misery loves company," so they stay with these people (for love or money) . . . And, keep their miserable existance! Who knows!

    Search for those who will help you fly! 🙂

    Have a Blessed day
    Joanna :o)

  32. Hi Randy,

    I let go of more than a few energy vampires in my time. In the beginning it was an uncomfortable experience. As I grew it became easier and enjoyable. I felt like I was extracting poison. Not because of the people but the feeling experienced from releasing bad energy and allowing the universe to replace with light energy.

    Thanks for sharing and have a good one.

    Ryan

  33. Hi Randy,

    First of all thank you for sharing your experiences and words of wisdom with all of us, I know I certainly appreciate it.

    When I read the title to your article I thought immediately that you were going to talk about some "not so nice" people you've had the misfortune of working with in the past and how you dealt with it?
    In my very short 6 years of being part of this great industry I've been exposed to some really bad seeds, some of which were closer to home that I would like. And although I try so ever hard to keep the good and throw away the bad, it sometimes proves to be a daunting task.

    How have you dealt with those in your life in the past?

    Thanks for being an Ambassador for all of us.

    Much Respect
    John

  34. Great topic Randy

    I think its very important to be able to spend time with yourself and be strong and happy within, so that the "downers" don't take you along to their pity party. Often its better to hang out with yourself and grow rather than feel obligated to listen to those from "woeville".
    Once you have quality time (away from negative people) to give and spend with positive people they just seem to appear in your life.

    Debbie

  35. thanks for reminding at the end of this day that those routine talks and daily intoxication by having a lack of sth is nothing except not stopped in time suction pipeline which sucks you also with a crowd when u lost direction or was lost taken abruptly by life events. and that suction pipe deals nothing in common with moments when u realize you have two in one, both small girl and strong woman and there's ability to differentiate thoughts and separate them focusing on positive

  36. What's just as important, if not more so, is ensuring that, having rid oneself of all the negative influences, one doesn't allow them to creep back in. Vigilance is paramount. Over 20 years ago I simply shed all the negative influences in my life, and confident in my ability to stay "above" them, I inadvertently allowed different negatives and people in. After a while it became OK to spend a night getting drunk, or listening to a bitching session. It never occurred to me that I was regressing. I was completely unaware until about a year ago I realised that I'd gone right back to actually being one of those people. A moaner and a blamer expecting somebody else to look out for me. This time round it seems tougher for me to simply expel the negative thoughts. While I have removed the people from the equation and I don't partake in the pity parties, the battle now is within.

    Be careful out there!

    1. I hear you Tony,
      just wanted to say that I did the same thing, I stopped hanging round with these negative people after years of knowing that i have the power to rise above, and I kicked all my health damaging pastimes to the curb, and stopped trying to save everyone lol ! :))
      but then the vaccuum I created was sabotaged by my own victim mentality and i started to slip back until I found my comfort zone of being one of them, and the self harming pastimes came back to try and destroy me - not eating right drinking smoking WTF !! I let that happen !

      it is now a year since I totally moved out of my geographical location to try and create another safety buffer away from these type of people, because I know my own thoughts can take me straight back to "doomsville"

      it`s been a long lonely year, and i have had too much time to think about things that have gone wrong, but sometimes we need to detox and that is why I have done it, I am now ready again to find new friends, who help me focus on the positive, and stay there, this community is great and I count all these people as blessings, although I don`t know anyone, because it is so refreshing to hear the positive voices of affirmation.

      I know I did the right thing and my advice is this
      you know in your heart who you are and what you are capable of, good and bad, but we must on a daily basis work to stop our own ego sabotaging our efforts, just as we learn to reject negative people, sometimes we must reject our own sub concious thoughts of inability fear anxiety etc,
      these things we create ourselves in our minds - hit the reject button every time you start thinking this way, stay focused and head for the light,

      our own minds can be our biggest enemy

      stay concious my friends and prosper
      be thankful you are already concious enough to know what you don`t want ;))

      peace and love

  37. Dearest Randy.I LOVE your posts and I had an experience recently, about people I didn´t want to deal with at all.Though, I am pretty alone in the life without all this noncense-talking.But, I like myself.And I know that this will lead me forward more than to listen to bullshit.BUT RANDY-do you believe in REINCARNATION???If not, think about it, as a possibility...

  38. I have had to take my belief in myself up several notches, and as I have
    done that, those who don't want to grow and want to stay where they are
    did just that.

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  • 56 comments on “Excluding People from Your Life”

    1. Hi Randy,
      I enjoyed this blog. I find that this sort of "flushing out" is necessary for me not only in the interpersonal, but in business as well. I very recently went through and created a vacuum in my business contacts. I got rid of those old cards, and addresses that were no longer viable. This goes for my contacts on my computer data base as well.
      Oddly, or as a vacuum would have it, one of my old clients called me, out of the blue, and said that she's ready to get back into business, and wants to work together again. She has different contact information which I easily updated.
      I get a really great feeling when I think of the new viable connections in business that will fill in the old and expired.
      Thanks Randy!

    2. Again, you hit the nail on the head with pinpoint precision. With such a small limit on what we can have on our plate at any given time, both conscious and unconscious, it is inherent upon us to limit the outside, negative influences that seek to pull us into their misery with them.

      "Show me your friends and I'll show you your future."

    3. I've heard tell that our life journey consists of sometimes shedding our skin (like a snake). These times of growth wind up excluding previous activities, habits and sometimes even people. Some of those things and people worked for us in our smallness but are no longer serving us. I see that we sometimes meet up again on a new and better place! I just let it happen and stay open 🙂 J

    4. I definitely feel the biological clock hustling me along as I too have much I want to do and experience before being called away.

      Challenge, of course, is to strike a balance between hustling and enjoying some of the delightful moments life serves up. Some weeks I do better with that than others 🙂

      As to excluding certain kinds of people in my life, this is so key for me. I surround myself with a Dream Team whose wisdom, support and encouragement is truly a blessing. And, I am rigorous about excluding bitchers, moaners, gripers, etc. Not sure how it happens but I don't even see many of these type these days (I know they are out there.) Must be something about me that has them running in the opposite direction. 🙂

      Avoiding the victim types is not to be confused with avoiding those who can benefit from a helping hand. By avoiding victims, one finds themselves with more time for those who appreciate and put a helping hand to good use.

      Consider the street person in San Diego whom I gave to in the AM. When he saw me again later that day, he looked at me, smiled and proclaimed "second shift." Which brought an even bigger smile to my face. When I gave a second time, he then looked me straight in the eyes and asked "how may I help YOU?" I suggested that he go help some of his buddies...he shook my hand, smiles and said he would certainly do so. (I suspect he would have done so even without my suggesting it.)

      No victim mentality in that guy!

      MMMMMMmmmmm, so Randy, do you think maybe we attract what we are? 🙂

      Great to have you in my world and on my Dream Team. Love what you do for so many of us in stretching our thinking and spirit.

    5. This is just so amazing.... it's what has just happened in my life. After being in touch with some new people, attending a few seminiars and listening to the right tapes, I made the decision to weed out the negative people - those toxic people who pull me down - and only surround myself with positive people. What a difference in my energy level, my attitude and my aliveness. Letting go has been so freeing. Thank you for sharing this post.

    6. OK: you'll appreciate this...

      I work in an independent bookstore. About a month ago Byrne's "Power" was released, and I was finding prominent shelf space and admiring the wisdoms inside.

      From behind me my associate yelled, "No no no, that book is NOT going on the table!"

      I ask, "Why not? It's a new release?" (All new releases go on The New Release Table).

      Reply: "We shouldn't even carry books like that. They're horrible."

      "Oh?"

      "Yeah. All they tell you to do is give up all your friends!"

      I tried to gently correct and explain the error of his thinking... but got cut off with, "...just dump everyone you ever knew to the curb. Family, too."

      (There was more, but I tuned it out.)

      That was my extent of trying to reason. The crazy thing is this associate is an energetic 29-year old guy with a fresh Master's degree. Tech-savvy, extroverted, loved by all...very liberal and openminded. Usually.

      Hmmm. Some people you just can't have an intelligent dilaogue with. Oh, well. More space at the enlightened table for me, yes?

    7. Hey Randy,

      I'm the blind guy who attended the first Prosperity Series event in SYDNEY back in '02 or '03. I have excellerated my life in many ways since then. Climbing Kilimanjaro, building a business, embracing technology and in many other ways. I find your blogs and prosperity videos further my endeavors to be living a lifestyle in which I deserve as a human.

      When I spend time with someone who is steering the conversation to lack. I take over the conversation and slowly without them realising take them on a journey to a totally different direction using NLP. Or, if the chance meeting is the only time I will meet them. I am hopeful it doesn't happen again.

      I have realised that we are all in control of the way we choose to live. We may not be in charge of circumstances of what we have genetically. Losing my sight is not my fault nor isi it my parents. I have met many people who tell me that they feel sorry for me. I return with "Don't be, it isn't your fault!" And laugh.

      I look forward to meeting you again. Next time you are in BRISBANE. Brian

    8. Hi, Randy,

      Your teachings have really boosted my prosperity consciousness over the years.

      Thanks!

      As your post states, I did have to release quite a few friends along the way; it doesn't mean I blew them off--just spent less and less time and energy on them.

      Yesterday I did call one such old friend, just for a quick hello. He is a very loveable guy. He's a professional bookkeeper--has the appropriate credentials, etc.

      He was lamenting that he only had 3 clients, he was going broke, the economy in his town was going to hell, etc., etc.

      A few moments later, he said that a lot of "rich people" had come into his town, bought property, drove prices up, etc. Now he lamented that there were numerous people in his town who had lots of money.

      When I pointed out his contradiction--and that maybe, just maybe, some of those "rich people" could use his bookkeeping services, he just didn't seem to "get it" at all.

      The sad truth is, though, that any prosperous person who talked to him for just a couple of minutes would distance themselves asap.

      The conversation just brought home to me how I have changed in the past 15 years or so. I used to think pretty much like he did, and thank goodness, I have moved on--and become very prosperous.

      Thanks again!

      1. There's a VERY important lesson in this sentence:

        "The sad truth is, though, that any prosperous person who talked to him for just a couple of minutes would distance themselves asap."

        -RG

    9. Since I don't have a huge list of friends that call me up all the time, (they don't because I've stopped accepting their invitations), I don't really have a problem excluding the dead-beats out of my life. You could say I currently have a vacuum. I've been fishing around for new friends. I went out with one of them last week. She's got potential, but she's not someone that I would look up to - more likely the other way around. We'll stay in touch but I'll continue hunting around for even better people that I can spend greater amounts of time with.

    10. Show them the light and if they can't step out of the darkness - then weed 'em out Randy.

      I know that sounds harsh to some - but I learned the hard way. I spent 50 years putting my own needs behind every one else's, listening to Eyores and Woe Is Me's until my eyes glazed over.

      The weight became unbearable. I would be bright and shining and spend 15 minutes with negative folks and be so dark and heavy I'd want to go cry. Then I'd have to take more time to get myself back on the positive side.

      Finally - I had a Rebelation:) My purpose was to show others the light - not to hang around and pull them up out of their darkness.

      So today - if someone is seriously negative, I will share my beliefs about LOA, about the power of positive intention and creation - and if they just keep diving into the darkness, well, I move away. I'll give anyone a few chances - sharing more and more. But there comes a point when you know they aren't going to shift to the light. That's when I move on.

      Same goes for the gossip and chit chat. I'll associate for a bit - try to shift the conversation to a positive focus. If others don't shift - I simply move on.

      Surrounding ourselves with positive influence is so important. So is helping others find the power of the positive. But staying in the dark to our own detriment is not a positive, or necessary, part of our journey.

      Sooner or later - everyone has to step into the light of consciousness for themselves.

      Hugs,

      reb

    11. I have dropped friendships, and refuse to listen to whining anymore. I have ceased speaking with or listening to some family members, and friends whom continue to trod down the same path of why me? I have decided I don't have time for their foolishness.

    12. Hi Randy,
      Waiting for the divine light to shine in some people may be a lengthy process indeed. I, apparently like you, feel that like attracts like, and we tend to gravitate toward those with similar vibrations as our own.

      By studying personal development and focusing on making ourselves better people, those who stay as they are will tend to stay away, as we feel less attracted to them as well.

      Thanks for sharing, Randy. Always a pleasure. Talk soon.

      Gregory

    13. I love this post. I have started to back away from people who don't have anything positive to say and no interest in improving their lives. I have also backed away from lack-obsessed conversations.

      I was recently in a conversation with a group of people who were using the words 'awful' and 'terrible' to describe a situation where someone had failed to pay a bill and it was being sent to collections. The conversation went into a litany of complaints about what "thieving bastards" the companies are who do these things. I lost it! I said 'awful' and 'terrible' were words to describe watching someone die of cancer, or living in a world where you have to dodge bullets to go to the store for a loaf of bread, NOT having to pay your bills on time!

      I have since been told that I no longer have any compassion and I should be tested to see if I have started menopause early!!! PAH-LEEEZE! These were family members, so they're not out of my life entirely, but I certainly limit our conversations and steer clear of the "awful" ones!

      Thanks for sharing, Randy. Love to you as always!

    14. I used to have a friend that was a major drama queen. She's currently engaged to one man in California, regularly sleeping with another man up here in Canada, and still living with her ex... and complains about how her life is too complicated and full of jealous guys. sheesh.
      One day she decided to go to California to visit her boyfriend there, and told her boss she was leaving the country.. for 5 weeks.. when she came back she was ranting about how her boss was a b*tch for firing her "without any good reason"..... uhh, how about you ditched work for over a month?

      So how did I deal with this situation? Eventually it got to be so bad that I just cut her out of my life, cold turkey.. blocked on twitter and facebook, blocked her phone number, and avoid social situations where I know she'll be. Life is much simpler now.

      1. I also wanted to mention that I'm making new friends through school, people I share common interests with. One of them in particular is the son of a successful property developer, so it's nice hearing about interesting business stuff and things a little different than my other friends who only seem to complain about their low-paying jobs, the rude lady behind them in line at Starbucks yesterday, etc....

        Associating with people who are operating in a positive success mindset instead of negativity makes a world of difference.. not that I need to tell anyone here that though. 🙂

    15. I've been weeding out the negative people in my life too. I'm beginning to meet new friends at my new church and thru my volunteer work. It's exciting!
      Thanks Randy for another great post!

    16. Hi Randy,
      This is a good one. I went to a seminar today held at Unity with Richard and Maureen Levy. Oneness Blessings were the topic. I am in this space where I am looking at me. I am doing things that I have never done before and the work required. I am studying acting, I am seeing a therapist about the biggie one deep inside.
      I am even starting the inner child work. I always stayed clear of that one. You know at 54 I have started to say I am not here for the houses, cars etc, (not that there is anything wrong with that), but to find out it is OK to be me. I love your blog and I thank you for all the great topics you bring up that make me think.
      Jim

    17. Randy, I mostly lurk here, I'm new at studying prosperity and enjoy reading your blog. I happened to stumble upon your video recently about The Vacuum Law of Prosperity. A couple years ago I made the choice to eliminate the negative people from my life and change who I spend time with. After watching your video, I realized there were a few toxic relationships in my personal life I was still holding on to. That video was like a message loud and clear to me what needed to be done. I created a vacuum so the universe could fill it with good. Interestingly enough, very soon after I found myself at a Bob Burg event where I met some great new friends and contacts. Pretty exciting stuff. I'm committed to surrounding myself with people who are a positive influence and keep the weeds out of the garden. Thanks for a great post RG looking forward to the next one!

      ~Kara

      1. Welcome Kara,

        I am mostly a lurker as well. I post occasionally but mostly just read. I think you will get great value from this blog. You might want get Randy's prosperity book series. They are a great starter course.

    18. RG,
      At Agel World, people were all amazed by your beyond amazing accomplishments. Congratulations!
      Enjoyed reading today's post. Hugs:: -Saachi

    19. Dear Randy Gage!
      I do understand your dessition (sorry if spelling is incorrect), and I do agree with you. I feel that too much of that is pulling me down. and I also distance myself from that kind of people. But before that I try to turn the conversation into oneself being cause and allowing bad things to happen, because it would not happen unless you allow it to happen. I do personal coaching too, and through that I help people take charge of the areas of life they are "wictems", and it is SO fullfilling to see that person in front of you, getting cognitions and start seing a way out and hope growing. I love to help people that way. And I also make them read literature, take courses and of cause wach you videos, because you really nailed the most important concepts that most people are strugling with including myself. I am really greatfull to you. And another thing you are right about is that People will loose interest in you, if they cannot get through with their complaining. Hope you understand what I mean, language and the way you express yourself, can be a little tricky. Another way I deal with this is to ignore negative things in a conversation, and acknowledge the positive.
      Thank's again Randy, and you have a fantastic day.
      Lene

    20. I believe it was Albert Einstein who once said:

      “Consciousness is contagious”

      And one of the wisest pieces of advice my parents ever gave me was: “Be careful who you hang around, because you will end up being just like them!”

      Einstein (and my parents) were right. We become like the people we spend the most time with. We adopt many of their habits, attitudes, beliefs and behaviors.

      It's always best to choose to be around people with a mindset of love, abundance and prosperity. Exposure to that level of thinking will permeate your consciousness, thereby altering your thinking, beliefs and behaviors, and ultimately, results.

      After a while, that choice no longer takes conscious effort, it happens naturally and automatically (i.e. subconsciously).

    21. Hi Randy, I agree. Last week I didn't read any paper of watch any news on TV. Still it's difficult when it concerns family. I can not change the way they think, but I can only not listen to their "stories" One ear in, one ear out. But reading your blogs will give positive enforcements.

    22. I just ignore them and spend less time with them. Like you said I'm not interested in them anymore. Sometimes I look at them and think they're a bunch of clowns, it's a little entertaining.

    23. Ooo-Yes, Randy,
      Since summer of 2009, have excluded 1 character from my life whose true inner colours was revealed. It's rewarding in its own way though, meeting new people on the same or higher wavelength as you are.

    24. Great post Randy...
      As I grew in my business and spent more time with people who are better than me, I found that I can't stand to sped time with all the victim friend that I was once belonged to... I was a cross road...

      Simply put: Get rid of all your old victim friends, or submit to being one of them... So what will it be!

    25. Randy, since my teens feel that what you mentioned in your blog. I never liked to talk about things without value, ie not like to talk about who is with whom, what you ate over the weekend, and things like that. Since I started reading books on personal growth, have confirmed these ideas and feelings, thank God I'm not alone! jaja
      When you say about these people, it is good to separate them from your environment, I think it's great. However, sometimes I have a mixed feeling when these people come to see me, I didn`t call them, but they come to see me and talk, I feel like I'm a bad person if I do not listen. Did you past that? I think it is easy to separate from negative people, including friends, acquaintances, coworkers, etc. But how do you do when these negative people are your own parents or your brothers or relatives that you will always find at any time?
      I send you a big hug
      I am Gabriel Suarez, from Puerto Madryn, Patagonia Argentina.

    26. Hi Randy,

      This post sure got a lot of responses, looks like it really hit home for many. I found this to be true for me as well although I found myself swimming against the current for a long time.

      There were relationships I was not ready to let go of and wondered for a long time WHY it had to be this way. I soon found out that the universe had greater plans.

      Many thanks for the work you do.:)
      Olga

      1. I so agree with Randy's post, and while I have long ago started to cut "non-essential" people out of my life, sometimes I have a challenege separating from them......this was an ongoing lesson for me, one that kept repeating......the latest episode involved a best friend who one one hand I dearly love, but when we were together, my inner being held a love/hate relationship with her......her down side was she talked badly about everyone, everything...I tried to help her, but in the end I just knew it was time to go---I just couldn't do it, but the Universe knew I wanted that/needed that, letting go.......So it sent a scenario where she let me go, for a stupidly foolish reason.......when we were going through the motions, something inside me KNEW it was MY doing and because I couldn't do it myself, the Universe took charge......I am very happy with the outcome, but working on being ab le to "distance" myself faster and on my own without Universal help...(smile)........

    27. I name it - To be EQUAL AMONG EQUAL.
      This process far not without serious consequences passes,
      But only to be at a stop - death similarly.

      Yours faithfully Elena

    28. How I deal with this situation is by changing myself, doing the necessary inner work. Then the outer changes with new people and circumstances. You don't get what you want in life, you get what you are. So I'll ask myself (as I do all day long) and all of you, who are you being right now? Are you being prosperous? Happy? Friendly? Kind? Peaceful? Healthy? Or are you anxious? Fearful? A victim? Unhappy? Sick? Broke? It's just a decision; the choice is ours. Inner first!

    29. We attract into our lives those people that are in tune with how we are being. Once we change how we're being we grow and our circle changes with it.

      What's so great is that we can CHOOSE to grow, think different thoughts, change our Life and prosper and in that process attract the kind of people that support Who we are while we do the same for them.

      I find my life is much more fun, Joyous and filled with possibility when I remove myself from being around people that are negative and struggle. It's one of many reasons I am founder of a new start up doing what I love, rather than being around the people in real estate I was surrounded with previously.

      Thanks Randy.

    30. You are so right, as we start to progress to higher levels of consciousness, we are not attracted to people that their daily life consists of complaints.

      I have had to take my belief in myself up several notches, and as I have done that, those who don't want to grow and want to stay where they are did just that.

      I love this community and appreciate the insights!

    31. With all the people on the planet, why not seek out those who are positive and want to go on and go further with life. To me, that seems to make sense...

      But, then again for some "misery loves company," so they stay with these people (for love or money) . . . And, keep their miserable existance! Who knows!

      Search for those who will help you fly! 🙂

      Have a Blessed day
      Joanna :o)

    32. Hi Randy,

      I let go of more than a few energy vampires in my time. In the beginning it was an uncomfortable experience. As I grew it became easier and enjoyable. I felt like I was extracting poison. Not because of the people but the feeling experienced from releasing bad energy and allowing the universe to replace with light energy.

      Thanks for sharing and have a good one.

      Ryan

    33. Hi Randy,

      First of all thank you for sharing your experiences and words of wisdom with all of us, I know I certainly appreciate it.

      When I read the title to your article I thought immediately that you were going to talk about some "not so nice" people you've had the misfortune of working with in the past and how you dealt with it?
      In my very short 6 years of being part of this great industry I've been exposed to some really bad seeds, some of which were closer to home that I would like. And although I try so ever hard to keep the good and throw away the bad, it sometimes proves to be a daunting task.

      How have you dealt with those in your life in the past?

      Thanks for being an Ambassador for all of us.

      Much Respect
      John

    34. Great topic Randy

      I think its very important to be able to spend time with yourself and be strong and happy within, so that the "downers" don't take you along to their pity party. Often its better to hang out with yourself and grow rather than feel obligated to listen to those from "woeville".
      Once you have quality time (away from negative people) to give and spend with positive people they just seem to appear in your life.

      Debbie

    35. thanks for reminding at the end of this day that those routine talks and daily intoxication by having a lack of sth is nothing except not stopped in time suction pipeline which sucks you also with a crowd when u lost direction or was lost taken abruptly by life events. and that suction pipe deals nothing in common with moments when u realize you have two in one, both small girl and strong woman and there's ability to differentiate thoughts and separate them focusing on positive

    36. What's just as important, if not more so, is ensuring that, having rid oneself of all the negative influences, one doesn't allow them to creep back in. Vigilance is paramount. Over 20 years ago I simply shed all the negative influences in my life, and confident in my ability to stay "above" them, I inadvertently allowed different negatives and people in. After a while it became OK to spend a night getting drunk, or listening to a bitching session. It never occurred to me that I was regressing. I was completely unaware until about a year ago I realised that I'd gone right back to actually being one of those people. A moaner and a blamer expecting somebody else to look out for me. This time round it seems tougher for me to simply expel the negative thoughts. While I have removed the people from the equation and I don't partake in the pity parties, the battle now is within.

      Be careful out there!

      1. I hear you Tony,
        just wanted to say that I did the same thing, I stopped hanging round with these negative people after years of knowing that i have the power to rise above, and I kicked all my health damaging pastimes to the curb, and stopped trying to save everyone lol ! :))
        but then the vaccuum I created was sabotaged by my own victim mentality and i started to slip back until I found my comfort zone of being one of them, and the self harming pastimes came back to try and destroy me - not eating right drinking smoking WTF !! I let that happen !

        it is now a year since I totally moved out of my geographical location to try and create another safety buffer away from these type of people, because I know my own thoughts can take me straight back to "doomsville"

        it`s been a long lonely year, and i have had too much time to think about things that have gone wrong, but sometimes we need to detox and that is why I have done it, I am now ready again to find new friends, who help me focus on the positive, and stay there, this community is great and I count all these people as blessings, although I don`t know anyone, because it is so refreshing to hear the positive voices of affirmation.

        I know I did the right thing and my advice is this
        you know in your heart who you are and what you are capable of, good and bad, but we must on a daily basis work to stop our own ego sabotaging our efforts, just as we learn to reject negative people, sometimes we must reject our own sub concious thoughts of inability fear anxiety etc,
        these things we create ourselves in our minds - hit the reject button every time you start thinking this way, stay focused and head for the light,

        our own minds can be our biggest enemy

        stay concious my friends and prosper
        be thankful you are already concious enough to know what you don`t want ;))

        peace and love

    37. Dearest Randy.I LOVE your posts and I had an experience recently, about people I didn´t want to deal with at all.Though, I am pretty alone in the life without all this noncense-talking.But, I like myself.And I know that this will lead me forward more than to listen to bullshit.BUT RANDY-do you believe in REINCARNATION???If not, think about it, as a possibility...

    38. I have had to take my belief in myself up several notches, and as I have
      done that, those who don't want to grow and want to stay where they are
      did just that.

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