For the last few days we’ve been talking about the dangers of denial. How we avoid facing the realities of issues we have. Now let’s explore the flip side of that…
Something just as deadly to your hopes of living a happy, well adjusted, and prosperous life. It is another kind of denial, but going in the exact opposite direction…
Denial of who you are, what you can do, the things you can have, and the person you can become. And what an absolute tragedy that is.
What we’re really talking about is denying your greatness. And boy am I ever qualified to teach this lesson. And I bet you are too.
I’ve done some amazing things and accomplished lots of stuff at very high levels. Most people in the herd would say I’m one of the most successful people in the world. And in many respects, I am. And you know what else I can tell you?
I’ve been thinking small. Miniscule.
Holding myself back by denying the extraordinary greatness I can really do, have and become. And I bet you have done the same.
The Miami Dolphins haven’t been able to find a true starting quarterback since Dan Marino retired. But there are 150 guys (and a couple gals) floating around who could do the job magnificently. The problem is they’ve never picked up a football.
There are probably 1,000 people alive today who could cure the AIDS virus. But most of them have talked themselves out of trying, because they think the problem is too complex.
There are people taking community college course who should be teaching Masters Level ones. There are women serving as president’s assistants, who should really have the title themselves.
What is holding these people back is their self-doubt. Their denial they that are really capable of doing great things. They deny themselves the confidence that could carry them to their greatness.
Now you’ve already figured out where I’m going with this. So tell me exactly what greatness you are denying yourself from achieving?
Great post, Randy!
I think it brings up a much more important question: What is creating this self-doubt?
Most likely, it is a fear of what other people will think. What if I try and fail, will the "I told you so" people be laughing at me behind my back?
What if I try and succeed, will all my friends then see me as someone who thinks I'm better than (or deserve more than) them?
If you think about it, all self-doubt is created by OTHER PEOPLE! It's created by what other people have already said or what they "might" say about us in the future.
It's really sad when you think about how much we all let OTHER people's opinions bother us and affect us so much.
I am denying myself the ability to shadow men like yourself. Run the Boston Marathon. Write Books.
Seriously...the 3 things I know that I know is that:
1. I am destined to fill stadiums nationally and internationally with single parents, biz leaders, etc., and instill a message of how to not just merely survive, but thrive today. This is know like I know my name. Just within the past year have I been positioning myself for this. I am not, nor have ever been afraid of public speaking...I just had to equip myself with something to say worth listening to!
2. Trapped inside me is a person screaming to run. Crazy as it may sound, but I feel like I HAVE to start walking, then at least jogging! Who knows what may be next......
3. Write a book which is sort of an auto-biography, inspirational, IN YOUR FACE YOU CAN DO IT TOO, kinda book.
Anyway....just like the daughters of Mannessah in the Bible that would not be denied their inheritance.....I will not be denied......my friends donned me as the persistant widow years ago &/or the bull-dog.....
Thank you for asking the question! I KNOW why everyone denies their own greatness. I have done it often and the reason is always the same, more or less, for everyone. There is a little voice, a thought that says, "No matter what I do, it is never enough." I know many people have the other variation, “I’m not good enough."
Once you prove to yourself that you are good enough you are always left with "It's never enough." Get straight A's one quarter and nothing else is good enough. Hit three home runs in your first three at bats in the game and nothing else will be good enough. Break your sales goal for the month by 300% and next month... your goal is higher and you are measured forever on the 300%. Be number the one recruiter 33 months in a row and you worked yourself out of a job. It starts the first time you notice you can make someone else’s life a little easier by picking up the store, making a pot of coffee before the boss arrives and then it's your job. You missed a spot, the coffees too weak or too strong this morning...
This is the issue. It may be the only issue humans have. Dogs certainly don’t have it. Birds don’t have it. Only humans have it.
Why anyone would want to be President … does not matter what he does, way too many people say it’s not good enough.
The mind chatter, the filter we process our world through is either controlled by others or by us. All there is, is the climbing. Life is empty and meaningless and it has no meaning that it has no meaning is the blank canvass you are blessed with to produce your life with and from. Most people either don’t know or forgot. Make up a meaning that inspires you and others.
I am becoming the guy who is the guy, who enrolls/sponsors/mentors/coaches 100 more Randy Gages into our industry. I have ONE company in mind too. :=)
Get off my toes!!!! 🙂
Powerful post, and equally powerful comments, to be sure.
What Greatness am I denying myself? I'm denying myself the opportunity to be a multi-millionaire.
I'm denying myself the greatness of speaking to thousands about how I am rising from the ashes.
I'm denying myself the greatness of living my dream of extensive travel and showing my small children the real classrooms of the world.
I'm denying myself the greatness of being a world class athlete.
I'm denying myself the greatness of being a leader.
Boy, I'm denying myself a lot.
I understand that there are many who have not reached their potential, that they have talked themselves out of doing something because of what others have said or might say. The reality of a persons current situation is their purpose and passion. With a purpose that lights their enthusiasm and passion, they will find a way to their goal. They discover within themselves a far greater person than they ever dreamed themselves to be. The herd has no purpose, just wishes and dreams that do not inspire them into the necessary action and the drive to navigate and clear the inevitable obstacles. We all have excuses, those burning with pupose just will not stop until they succeed.
Great post and thought provoking question Randy!
It basically just comes down to the fact that the majority of us have been conditioned to sell themselves short. People see great achievements and think that's great, but they can't picture themselves achieving at the same level. They put the person who achieves at a higher level on some type of pedestal, without realizing the work and sacrifice that went into what was accomplished.
Why do we let other's comments and suggestions, filter into our brains and affect our thinking? I think, over time, we let others start to control out thoughts. You must stop - in your tracks - the next time negative or "poor me" thoguhts enter. Hold still, and bring back those high achieving, high rewarding thoughts back!
It can be done - I am trying to do this every day. I know I can, I know, I can, I know I can.......
Dream big is greatness
Wow, what timing! I just had an interview that went really well, but I find myself worrying "what if I get the job?" "Can I really do this?" Self-doubt certainly shows up all too often for me. Thanks Randy for the encouragement. Perhaps, there is more greatness in me than I am aware of.
I have now for 31 years denyed myself of my greatness as a Fashion Designer. When I was about 9 years old I saw my first fashion show on the t.v. and at that bissfull moment I knew in my heart what I wanted to do when I got older. My dreams became bigger in my mid teens. As I entered into the real world, 'reality' hit me and my dreams became smaller and then just inconceiveable. In my heart fashion was all I wanted to create. I convinced myself somehow, somewhere in my head, in my dream world, that I was so great and so different that one day someone would just recgonize my talant and thus would be the begining. I lived comfortably in this fantasy world for maaaannny years. When people would ask me what was holding me back I would end up playing the victim somehow.
I have come out of my dream world recently. It all hit me at once. Like a light switch went on in my head. I came out of the corners of my mind where I had hid for so long. I saw the light and woke up. I let go of my victimhood, I let go of the past, I started eating healty, going to the gym, reading (never been a reading type of person, but I absoutely loved J.B.'s book, A+) I have been instructed to read The Millionare Mindset next, so I am waiting for T to send it to me in the mail. I went from sleeping all day, eating fast food every day, having cookies and milk for breakfast and dinner, smoking pot every night, never working out.... I have my dreams back, and I now know what I have to do.
I must say thank you Randy, you are truly an inspiration.
I have to do that a lot. Working in Retail for an office supply company there are a lot of unhappy people coming in and who better to take out there anger on but the poor workers there. I often find myself stopping and telling myself 'This is not forever, this is not my destiny, I will have success, I know I can, I know I can' .... and so on.... =)
POINT BLANK - one of the best, Randy!
After all I've learned, achieved, finished, begun... after all the best things I've done, I still deny myself the praise for it, I deny the fact of being imperfect and I deny myself a good rest.
Either my mission is tremendous or I still have a lot of cleaning to do in my head. Both, I hope, that would provide me great success in the future and a lot of personal growth along with it, right? Looking from this positive point of wiew, a little denial may not be so bad after all.
Love you all,
I've been denying myself the opportunity to present workshops on sex and how it affects our relationships.
Randy, You are one of the most inspiring people I know! You never cease to amaze me with the way you cause one (me) to really look at what really "is". The TRUTH that tries to evade my seeking comes to light when someone else asks the question! Now I have to think of my answer(s), as I know I have difficulty accepting and acknowledging my gifts and talents. You're wonderful! Sam
for 10 years now I am convincing myself of my greatness by learning and growing with the best coaches like Nap Hill, et al.
i do believe in my ability and how can I contribute...
thank you that you are enforcing that belief in me....
Also impotant to mark that our greatness belong us for reasong mimistry others people, according to your calling of God.
Our greatness is nothing without knowing our Creator.
Thanks for motivated post.
LOVE these comments. So glad to see everyone taking the challenge to heart and speaking up. This is a big step to manifesting prosperity.
This is so true Randy.
For the last 2 years, every retreat or workshop I participated in brought me to the same logical and heart fealt conclusion: I am a wonderful manifesting entity, I already am what I am looking for, so this time I'm just going to accept it and live it.
And then... bfffffffffffiiiiiiiuuuuuu... the baloon loses it's air, and the patterns of mediocrity slowly take place. Mainly not taking risks with the illusion that I might lose what I have (a reputation, an identity).
I have come to a dead end though. And it's funny that you wrote this blog today. Because I'm feeling tremendously peaceful looking at he circumstances I've created and this fear of exposing and going forward is not around. This is one of the reasons I'm actually writing here, because the though
"I'm I writng anything that matters? I'm I making a fool of myself? Will they like this comment or bash me out?"
is not here. The lilttle poor me thoughts aren't here today, and the ideia that I might lose something... can't find it.
So this seems like a good place to accept my greatness and express my feelings and thoughts, and move again.
Thanks you. From my heart to your heart, thanks.
You really provided a door for me to enter today.
Oh crap! Your timing is perfect. (of course) One of the comments that brought tears to my eyes, was the one on the sharing the classroom of the world with her children. By denying my greatness, how am I sharing that with my g.children?
I just recently started allowing the 'real' me to come out. Boy, when that happens, it really starts to shake things up. Not with just myself but it does effect others and not always positively. It's not what they're use too. OH WELL!! It feels great. I just started an on-line business. The instructions on building the site is relatively simple, but why am I making it so difficult? So I can stay in denial to keep others comfortable? Gees!
I'll keep moving forward.
Being surrounded by people like you is a good reason to be grateful.You impact the life of so many people everyday.Hope you feel the good energy I send your way everyday.
To better understand how to control and direct our Mind we must have a deep understanding of how it works.
We've been acting the way we do/we have the Habits and Beliefs we do since the day we were born.We can't just change that over night.
You constantly show people how to take small steps and you remind us to grow in awareness everyday.
Mad love to you man.
I sit on my writing and don't send it out for fear of rejection. It's safer to leave it in my drawer. I get one criticism on a screenplay and I'm embarrassed and distraught.
I talk to a producer at Sony who is interested, but wants a star attached and I don't have one.
I also have a publisher interested in my book, yet I'm afraid my format's off so I don't let them read it.
I sit on my greatness and wonder why I'm not achieving my dreams.
I'm denying myself the Happiness, Wealth and Love that I deserve, as every human being on this planet. 🙂
Excellent question, I think we all have some denial about ourselves going on. Unless we grew up in the perfect functional family setting I think most of us will carry some kind of baggage with us into adulthood with all of the tricks the mind plays on us.
It has really taken me a long time to understand certain concept in my life, and it was thanks to a great teacher who pointed out to me that what I was really searching for is the connection to a higher self, it is the connection to that greatness you mention that I think we all strive for, and often don't realize.
what greatness you are denying yourself from achieving?
I have been denying greatness by not pusuing my PHD in comparative political philosophy,studying and spending one year in each of the Scandinavian countries.
Creating a plan to bring a 800 MW solar plant to my town and creating a $12,000 after taxes residual income in NW with my company.
I realized that your questions are more powerful than the answer you give us.
I am also learning for every post in the blog from the readers.
What I realised I have denied myself is to be a great speaker and a writer, even, if I may say so, rivaling you!
I must confess that I am afraid to think beyond that at this moment.
I find it true that most of us have been programmed to put ourselves down, so much so that we don't even realise it.
To see our own denial, as you have helped many of us come to a realisation, can be a shock, but that's a blessing because the way is now open, wide open, for each of us to shine!
Thank you for your lighting the way ahead!
I was just yesterday discussing with a peer of mine about doing a seminar together and upon returning to our boring jobs we both found this post of yours. What a timely reminder of how we limit our beliefs with self-doubt. So many times we listen to that little voice inside of our heads that tell us we are not worthy. I was brought up in the welfare system and so everyday I was told I was not worthy of even living. I have fought that limiting belief for more years than I care to count. Over the last 20 I have turned those beliefs around into believing that I am worthy. I still slip back from time to time, however, because I am aware today, I can fight that little voice. I have no education, but I believe in myself and that is all that I have and for me that is enough. I know my strengths and my weaknesses and I work on my strengths instead of the weaknesses. That is the path to success. Thank you for reminding me of that. As always your thoughts are timely.
I have been denying my greatness...I "froze" working my business for a while but I think it was a learning experience.
I have seen this happen to others but didn't think it would happen to me if I was in the same situation. I was wrong. I didn't want to deal with rejection that is just part of the business while I was dealing with another thing I was in denial about. I also thought it was better if I took a timeout because I didn't have the right mindset.
Previously I have achieved some great things and accomplished the goals I set out to accomplish. I realized I needed new goals and decided to make changes & raise the bar. This put me on a different career path and gave me a new support system. Making another change in the same direction cost me the support system and forced me to face what I was in denial about. Another learning experience.
Reprogramming your mind is important but also surrounding yourself with people who believe in you, support you and accept you is important because it affects your confidence & it can create self-doubt if they don't.
Recognizing my denials was the first step & taking action to make changes was my next step.
Only I can make the changes to stop denying of who I am, what I can do, the things I can have, and the person I can become. Dare to dream & believe in your ability to do what you dream 🙂
Right in the bulls eye.
I know I have so much more to contribut to others but then i will be acknowledge as succesful.
I crave for that but its also my scarry fear.
Behind the walls of fear lives my best life.
Scarred to be rejected - for what? I think people will reject me for I am succesful - Is it really true? How do I know?
Could it be that way that if I will have lesser holdback - the more real will I be and when two people being real with each other - Gods will be created.
Will I be brilliant in enrolling? No doubt about it.
Will I be succesful in making impact on others? Sure.
Can I fullfill my goals and life a compleat lifestyle....
I am just about to start my dream business, but I was having some doubts... and fears... etc
So I am denying myself the opportunity to start the best business that has ever been started, that is going to impact a lot of people in a good way, and I am denying myself that.
I am denying myself the gift of being a super great and fun father
I am denying myself the greatness of being a super successful entrepeneur, when I know for a fact that I can do it... I just have to go for it
Yes, that is very true. For me, it's beyond actually denying. The way I was raised, I learnt to give up dreaming and learnt to settle for just OKay. I learnt to have "reasonable" goals and that the very rich were our of my reach. I now know that I AM RICH (and I mean it in every way, not just wealth; I mean health, happiness, prosperity, family of my dreams...) and it is just up to me!
This is a course that should be taught in elementary school and refreshed every year after that. If that's the only thing the kids ever remember, they'll be set!
Running my own business. I've always managed someone else's and I know I'm capable to doing it myself and doing it well.
For many years I have known that I was born to be a great healer. I have a natural ability that is often astounding. My capacity to understand and simplify the complexities of human physiology is sometimes years ahead of the actual research.
For at least as many years as I have understood this, I have also feared and denied it. What if.... seems to jump to the foreground of my thought processes on a regular basis. I have played very small in the natural wellness arena, even though teaching and coaching in the arena is a true passion for me.
As always, you are so right. As a stay home mom, I have also denyed myself of being the great woman I am and was for my kids (now all of them growns) I forgot who I am and worst of all I forgot the simple things in life that made me happy. Twenty years ago I fell off the wagon, but since May 2008, I decided that It was worthy to be myself again, I decided not to be a "new" me, but only ME, knowing my strengths and weaknesses, ME. Now I love more than ever my life, my family and my MLM work, yes you are right, now I know of my greatness. I will keep moving forward. Thank you very much for such inspiring posts.