So in the last post I practically accused you of wallowing in victim-hood. And said you were in denial about it. Here’s why:
The victim mindset is probably the single most pervasive mind virus infecting the world today. You get offered at least 100 opportunities to get re-infected with this meme every day! And if you lived most of your life as a victim (as I did for 30 plus years), you’ll actually create dozens more opportunities yourself!
A couple months ago, I fell asleep in an awkward position and woke up with a sore and stiff neck. I had a game that night, so I popped a couple muscle relaxant pills and played anyway.
So the problems in my neck persisted. A couple days later, I had another game. And did the same thing. This went on for a couple months, because I am on four different teams. It finally culminated when I went to a tournament in Tampa.
By that point, I was chewing prescription strength pain relievers like they were candy, putting on Ben Gay patches and slathering myself with Icy Hot cream. I played six or seven games in that condition, and came home with two pinched nerves in my neck. (Yes of course this was stupid, but that’s for another lesson. Let’s stay with this one for now.)
Well I finally was forced to take some time off and seek help. So I went to the chiropractor, massage therapist, reflexologist, neuromuscular specialist, etc. Finally after a couple weeks I was much better.
So I decided to test it out, and played one night, taking it easy. By the time I finished, my neck was stiffening up and I was sore. So I was driving home feeling sorry for myself. I figured I came back too soon, now I had messed up all of the therapy, and I wouldn’t be able to start the season for my tournament team the coming weekend. I was in total victim mode.
Then I got to thinking…
It wasn’t strange that my neck was stiff. And it was normal to be sore after not playing for a few weeks. Maybe the soreness was just the normal stuff I would experience without pinched nerves. Which it turns out it was.
So why am I telling you all this drama?
To demonstrate that me, the prosperity teacher, the Breakthrough U dean, the guy who programs himself with positive programming constantly – could immediately slip into victim mode. And I have caught myself doing that thousands of times! And I’ve been working on this for 15 years.
So am I just projecting my issues on you? Or are you still mired in victim consciousness? We’ll find out in the next post…
And working out with a personal trainer has confirmed that you can't leave things when your body starts to hurt. When I seized up with a sore neck and shoulders, I skipped the doctor and sought out my chiropractor and massage therapist immediately. Problem solved. The military press aggravated the shoulder joint which is a very common problem with those of us at our computers alot reaching forward to type when writing, blogging and tweeting - a quick visit to the physiotherapist reinforced the correct exercises. Bottom line - we need a great team to keep us in top shape and we need to stay present - aware of what's going on all the time! Ignoring things causes problems. These signs scream "Pay Attention!" Make it a great day, Randy!
Victimhood and Life.
My mother's parents are from Lithuania. For generations before them, they were a wealthy farming family on both sides. My Grandfather had 12 siblings, my Grandmother had 11. They all grew up working on the farm, and were never really spoilt. Then the war came, and they each watched 9 of their brothers and sisters killed. They were the youngest, and somehow survived.
My mother grew up in refugee camps until they got to Australia. Speaking six languages and no English, with no skills but farming, my Grandmother volunteered in the camp kitchen, and my Grandfather worked in the air force farm not far from the camp.
After watching your family be killed by the military in one country, imagine working for the military in another country....
But by the time my mother was 16, they had their own house, their own land, a new life, and were a family again, them and three girls. They worked hard, and earnt more than the Australians who hadn't been through the torment.
My mum was electrocuted at 2 years old, tramped by a horse at 7, in a car accident that killed the 3 others in the car at 17, and a few years later, was a passenger on a train that derailed. Yes, its sad, and although she survived it all, she is now the most cautious person you'll ever meet.
Fortunately for me, I grew up with my Grandparents until I was 7. I dont really know why, but I'm happy I did. My Grandmother and her sister taught me to work hard for what you want, and that everything in life is a reward waiting to happen. My mother always told me to be careful, dont take risks, dont trust people, dont let yourself have too much fun, the list goes on...
I dont know how many time I heard my Mum tell the story of her 9th Christmas, when her little sisters got dolls, and she got prunes and peanuts. Sad sad story. Until you hear my Grandmother tell the same story: she asked for prunes and nuts, her sisters asked for toys.
Nothing you have looks good enough, when someone else has something better.
How many times have we "heard" that message? And not realized it?
The Mercedes commercial: A well-dressed couple leaves the Opera in their S-Class, arrives home to a butler at the door of their mansion, to be greeted by well-behaved children. Does it happen? Sure. But watch the show "Dirty Sexy Money" on TV and see how the other half live...
As for me, I went to good schools, got good grades, did the Accelerated Academics program to finish 12 years of schooling at 15, finished 4 years of university with two degrees at 20 years old. Got a great job, being underpaid and overworked as a nerdy computer programmer, and at 24 was earning more than both my parents combined. Life was so close to perfect.
But my almost perfect life stopped in 2004 when my partner died from a brain tumor, and I got depressed, fat, sick, and miserable. I didnt work for 2 years. I finally took a new job in 2006, and was there 2 months when my boss introduced me to network marketing.
I used the products, went to the meetings, did what I was told, lost weight, and made zero money. Why? When you're 363 lbs, no one will buy nutrition from you. Really.
Right now, spend 85% of my time at hospitals, either for me, my Mum (65) or Dad (76), and figuring out how to escape.
Randy's in my upline. We have the answer. But it hasn't clicked yet. I dont get it yet.
Maybe its all the "you're not good enough to do that" and the "no one wants you to be better than they are" and the "you dont need THAT much money" and the other hundred negativities hammered into me over the years.
I want it to work. I have an amazing testimonial. I can tell you dot points about every product, and explain the pay plan in 10 minutes flat. I can help other people sign up with other distributors like magic. But I cant do it when they're on my list, when I'm getting the commission from the sale. Mental block.
Hey, I have no idea why anyone neeeeeeeeeeeds $75,000 a month. I can understand why they WANT it, not why they neeeeeed it.
Just empower me to sponsor my way to $5,000 a month. I'll do the work. I just need a "push" in the form of someone showing me I'm worth it.
Thanks for the post.
Indeed, everyone slips in there every once in a while,
but was that the only aspect of playing victim? Only you know.
...and why we ask?
Stiff neck is "normal stuff"?
Doesn't matter how long you haven't played - your neck should
not be stiff. This is most probably the reaction of an emotional
state you've been dragging along...
Let us ask this: While playing with a stiff neck, how did you do
on the field? Have you watched your own expressions related
with the quality of your playing or the performance of your team?
Were there any (even hidden) excuses related with the sourness
and stiff neck.
Asking it otherwise: What purpose might this stiff neck serve?
This might really be where the victim-hood kicked in.
Sounds odd? Yes, but really sometimes (or many), our misery
serves us in illogical ways, subconsciously.
We all need to go deep sometimes and ask ourselves some
Hope you feel better now.
Ben & Efrat
Have you noticed that the slip ups or victim lesson usually hits us when our guard is down, or we're feeling under the weather?
BTW - for neck and/or back problems I highly recommend reading "Healing Back Pain" by John E Sarno MD, (this book saved me from hip surgery).
As a therapist myself I know that when you have pain in your neck it can also mean that something or someone in your life is becoming a pain in the neck, but as you have not yet recognised it, the message has to be brought about on the physical level. Stiff neck = stiff attitude about something.
The body never lies.
I just read this after I made a comment on Randy's "victim " blog. I am working through , and understand where you are coming from. If it interests you, go back and see if what I am doing to recreate my stories will help.
Yet more interesting...
Very powerful comment and thanks for sharing as you do. I believe awareness is 80 or 90 percent of breaking through in this area, so you are definitely on a good path. Stay focused and believe in yourself. We'll be exploring this more and other related issues in the future posts.
We are victims because we get "juice" out of it. We learn that the first time we fall down and someone kisses it to make it all better, and it is supported on so many levels from then on. Sadly, it is the only way some people know to get any attention, even from themselves.
I found all these comments so interesting, but I would like to add one of my own, learned from living life's lessons.
Randy, it sounds to me like you push yourself too hard. I think you need to take time to smell the roses, so to speak. You are here, there, and everywhere! I wonder how you find time to do so much.
As we age, the body is saying, slow down, boy!!! 🙂 Try to stay away from the drug Drs. They love to get their hooks into people. :-(. There are safer ways to alleviate pain.
Luisa Hay books explain the neck sores as not having inough flexibility in life. If I have some sores in the neck I start analyzing my life and sometimes it helps. 🙂
Interesting indeed! I have not seen such books, yet When I was 'fed up' with chronic back pain, I went into my own meditative state of self analysis. I wanted to get to the bottom of it. It came to me that what I was lacking was a feeling of 'strength and backbone'. Ever since, my personal mission has been to gain more backbone in my approach to life. I also decided to increase my skills by allowing myself to discover and plan what I want in life, and set about doing things, instead of letting others plan it for me. My backbone was the bridge to discovering and moving toward what I really want to do.
I read your book "Why You're Dumb, Sick & Broke...And How to Get Smart, Healthy & Rich" the translation in my language romanian.
I was verry enthuziastic about everything that i saw in your book but i didn't had the power to start by changing me.
Then i subscribed to your site newsletter and i saw a movie that you mentioned in one post (the secret) and started to apply what i found there. Is whas a shock for me when i saw that everything is working.
Now i think that those 10 dolars were certain a verry and long term investment in me 🙂
My family and I have made huge strides in ridding ourselves of most of our victimhood and have seen enormous improvements in the quality of our lives.
Randy, my question arises about Family.
What do you do when your immediate family - brother, sister-in-law - are still mired in victimhood and lack thinking, but who run a whole guilt trip on you and try to make you "share your good fortune"?
I have nothing against helping them, we have done so already - its just that I feel we are enabling their poverty-consciousness with charity, but still cannot insist that they change their mindset, stop watching tv, stop smoking, etc.
What to do? What to do?
Great post. I'm reading "Ownership Spirit" by Dennis Deaton which is about the same principle. It takes intentional thought and practice to overcome that easy tendency to fall into the victim mentality.
This is an excellent post. It just goes to show that EVERYBODY can slip into the victim mode, and that it is a constant work in progress to stay positive and victorious.
I guess it depends how fast you can bounce back once you notice you've slipped into that victim mode.
I love your content Randy.
I think it's absolutely necessary to "slip up" from time to time to enjoy our better condition, which is prosperity and possibilities.
I remember Dr. Joe Vitale writing a similar experience on this book The Attractor Factor. He gives thousands of hours of seminars on how to attract stuff and from time to time, he goes into "dumb mode" (my expression, not his) and comes back to old habits of lack.
Ying Yang baby... You choose the light, but always step on the dark from time to time! 🙂
Keep on living!
This is a great post...one very important thing my 19 years of aikido training has taught me is how to fall. Roll falls are a blast and energizing if I have the momentum to move through it. To me, being the victim is like getting stuck on the ground - a very dangerous place to be. Momentum comes from clarity of intention, centering practice, training and support. Your blog is great support.
We are always on the 'mat.' Life is the 'mat.'
How do we all get better....practice, practice, and more practice.
Thank you very much for being on the 'mat!' Karen
I am an absolute newbie to the network marketing business. Watching your DVD and listening to you speak, I've been very encouraged to move forward in this new venture. As I read what you are sharing in this page today, I was actually relieved to (sorry wshen you had a pain) see that it is possible for a person like you who is the giant and best leader ever in the industry to slip into the victim mode, also. It is our constant conscious effort to stay positive and stay on top, being victorious over things. I think, in a way, it is sometimes necessary to slip into that mode and then take advantage of how great it is to be victorious later.
Thank you for your nice content. This page's blog gave me a sense of comfort that we're all humans with some weakness, and yet nothing is impossible to us who stay in the positive and victorious mode.
Are you sure it is OK to be an absolute positive mind fanatic RG?
I am not sure about it though.
I think that sometimes it is OK or even good to express your negative emotions and feelings outward rather than keeping it inside. It is better for psychology.
But for sure that any feelings or emotions should not be your main guide in life.
I can relate. I am dealing with blocks right now. I am scouring my life trying to rid myself of those pesky memes I have been inundated with all my life. I guess all we can do is keep at it. Don't give up and stay aware for when they hit again and again.
Hang in there, as I am.
I heard about giving yourself a certain number of minutes to EXPRESS it, and then time is up, move on.
Scripting a negative into a positive can be a powerful tool and inspiration. I'm trying it out for the first time.My task will be to recreate one story, and see if it takes the negative power out of it. I hope it works.
Has anyone else done this?
Jacqui, I cannot recommend highly enough the book "The Law Of Attraction" by Esther and Jerry Hicks to answer this comment of yours. It will directly speak to that issue - mainly about 2/3 of the way thru the book (but don't skip ahead, or you'll miss the background and the sense of what they are saying! No cheating!)
I would just urge you to go buy the book and discover a very liberating way of seeing the world. Enjoy the journey!
People like to learn but not to be taught.
Find yourself a good coach to help YOU SHOW YOURSELF YOU ARE WORTH IT. Have been a coach since the age of 14-15 when I would sit down with my alcoholic father and stop his drinking for 3-4 weeks at the time doing just what I suggest you do. Became a fitness coach and helped one of my clients stop her 30 years of falling off her horse(for 30 years she would fall off her horse 2-3 times/day) same thing just by helping her SHOW HERSELF SHE IS WORT IT.Now she falls off her horse 1/year.
More powerful if YOU show yourself you are worth it than if "SOMEONE" is showing you- You are worth it.
If you have a few questions you would like to ask on this topic it would be my pleasure to answer them.
Great posts,learning a lot from everybody.Thank you for sharing.