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Are You Hanging on to Victim-hood?

Posted By: Randy GageNovember 2, 2009

In yesterday’s post we asked why anyone would choose to remain a victim.  Now of course to even suggest such a thing to someone usually creates a visceral, negative reaction.  They explain why they are the innocent casualty of outside circumstances and chastise you for your lack of empathy.  But as they say in Course of Miracles, there are no victims, only volunteers…

We discussed my lady friend who has overcome so many challenges.  She is a very powerful woman, and all her friends are always telling her how amazed they are by her strength, perseverance and results, because of all she has overcome.

But that of course, is the catch…

On a subconscious level, she believes that she must remain a victim to keep that admiration from everyone.  What we’re really talking about here is a worthiness issue.

That is why she is still struggling financially.  Because on some level she is still fighting the abuse issues from her childhood, when she was told she wasn’t good enough.  So now she keeps creating obstacles for her to overcome – the hero’s journey – to prove to herself and those around her that she is noble.

And that crazy shit is keeping her broke.  I know, because I did that for 30 years.  Other clues…

When you still talk about how you were abused, your partner ripped you off or your bitch ex-wife, it means you’re still wallowing in victim-hood and using those stories for sympathy.  The only person you should be talking to about things like that are a qualified mental health professional.  Otherwise you’re just hanging on to be a victim, because it’s easier than doing the work to breakthrough.

So how about you?  Are you creating a hero’s journey by manifesting extra challenges in order to overcome feelings of insecurity and unworthiness?  Give that some serious thought and check in below.

-RG

39 comments on “Are You Hanging on to Victim-hood?”

  1. Wow Randy, I read yesterdays post and thought about it. But what you just said hit home harder than you could think. I need to sit back in my chair now and think about this one. You made a VERY GOOD point. Thank you for expanding my mind more.

  2. Well, you know as they say when the student is ready the teacher will appear. I have read your stuff for quite awhile and have even heard you in person and have always enjoyed it. The last post really came at a good time, as I was soooooooo ready to let go of victimhood, but I couldn't figure it out still, had time to think all weekend, and this post really clicked for me, my ah ha moment........I do believe I really get it and now can move forward in the direction that I really want to go and let go of all the crap tha I have been hanging on to like my stories I tell over and over again!!!! It's done, today is the day.
    And Im not just saying that!!!
    Thanks Randy!!!

  3. A question, rather than a comment: Are we talking about past, distant transgressions? What about raw, new pain, that must be dealt with and somehow overcome?

  4. Yes- I probably am.

    I constantly find myself in a fight for the "little guy", even when I don't think I have anything to do with it.

    I wonder sometimes if I keep myself from being one of the big guys in order to keep that fight going. It should be obvious that the best way to help the little guy is to be a big guy and change the rules, right?

    Then again, maybe I feel that the only way to be a big guy is to be unfair somehow.

    I know a guy who is rich beyond most people on this blog (Probably close to you Randy), and yet he's always bitching about "Rich people", as if he weren't one of them. I always find it really interesting to talk to him as he goes on about his being poor when he was little and everything. I don't really know what the lesson is there.

  5. Wow! You are so right on this one. I grew up in a small southern town. Every conversation was about how bad it was and how bad it was going to get! IT could be anything from the economy to the latest disease going around. Fortunately, I lost a couple of businesses during the last few years and was able to move my family to a larger city that has so much energy. However, I am still struggling with the old mentality. Thanks for your comments. They will help me move forward much quicker.

  6. Totally correct and Thank You for holding our feet to the fire!

    The last few days I have thinking about my ex-bf and the deal that went on there. I am at peace that we are no longer together but still had to address why I was still feeling sadness at some level. I discovered that I just had wished that he had been able to recognized all that I had done for him in love. I wanted to feel appreciated even if we are done as a couple. I worked on forgiving him and releasing him that day. Knowing that he is totally engrossed in victim- mentality, I "spoke" to his Angels. I also asked for forgiveness (Catherine Ponders book The Prospering Power of Love).

    So I just met a really nice guy. We went to lunch and I asked him where he lives. You're gonna love this....lol. This beautiful man lives right next door (its a duplex) to my ex-bf!! I laughed and told him "The Universe is seriously messing with me." lol

    Then a friend pointed out....maybe the Universe was telling you- Right Building, Wrong Front Door! Who says God doesn't have a sense of humor......
    Sarah

  7. We all have struggles to deal with regarding our past, but there comes a time of accountability with respect to harboring these struggles like a security blanket. We as an individual have to decide to either crap or get off the dam pot. Prosperity is drawn into a persons life through wanting it and walking it out in everything you do. Have an attitude of gratitude, be mindful of what you sow as you will reap that harvest. Be a role model of prosperity instead of a poster child of yesterday's ill willed memories. Thank you Randy for keeping us honest and for being real.

  8. After reading, 'Accept Your Abundance' I had some amazing 'a-ha!' moments.

    I had been telling people, 'no matter how 'broke' I become at certain times, I am always able to create money out of thin air. I know I'll always be ok.'

    Then it hit me, I was creating situtations in my financial life to be able to 'prove' my statement. I was creating my own broke situations. To where I 'had' to create money.

    Then I could tell people, 'See? Money always comes through at the last minute.'

    UGH, talk about setting myself up! Needless to say, I've stopped saying that.

    I'm becoming aware of what I say to people (and myself) in regards to EVERYthing: money, men, my self, my environment.

    I refuse to affirm my victim story anymore. To anyone.

    In fact, when I start pulling that crap, I can 'feel' it in my gut, if that makes any sense.

    When the thought does come up, I am working on evaluating why it's coming up and how I can replace those thoughts.

    I appreciate you, friend. 🙂

    Namaste'
    Jhanna Dawson

  9. So how about you? Are you creating a hero’s journey by manifesting extra challenges in order to overcome feelings of insecurity and unworthiness?
    Yeap:Insecurity and unwothiness. I am not good enough.

    How did you change those belief? Therapy?

  10. 5 years ago I lost almost everything, I still had my job but everything else went down the hill
    the Universe didnt rescue me and i blamed God himself for my misery... now its much better but sometimes I get angry cause its wasnt fair !! Then I am a victim !
    and i dont tell the story to people - it makes me feel stupid ..
    when you understand that you are your own life-creator and take the full responisibillity you can walk the walk and get the breakthrough.. and it is just around the corner

    KN

  11. This is a subject that hits so close to home! I had some major challenges in my young adult life and have made great strides in all areas of my life over the last 10 years or so. My financial situation, lifestyle, and health have all increased significantly. Close friends and family comment on what I've acomplished coming from the challenges I've had. STILL though, I know I have not come close to where I actually should be in terms of finances and lifestyle. If I am totally honest with myself I know I am hanging on to those same challenges and the struggles it took to break out. I need to let that go completely and stop listening to those that give me that pat on the back for what I've accomplished as if nothing more should be expected of me (even though I know they mean well).

    I'm not sure if that all makes sense, but this topic sure makes sense and sheds some light for me. Thanks Randy!

    RJ

  12. I think this is really urgent problem for almost people. And I think, extremely point of being victim are homeless and beggars. Because they complain of their terrible life so hardly, that only way which, as they think, left for them is being absolutely with nothing, and they have that. So in our life we should notice when we becoming as like beggars, and thinking that only way for us is the hard way. But always exist easy, pretty way, when we enjoying our life and the things which we are doing. It leads as to become happy, to become successful and to become prosperous. Even that homeless or beggar, if he really try to change his mind, he can become prosperous.

    And I think, the main thing, which can, and usually stop you from being prosperous is believe of others that you should be as like them - victims.

    So, I also have been influenced by that thing all the time and I try to be another among this thousands of victim-people, believing I am happy, prosperous and successful. And I should admit, when I believe in this - it always works.

    So many people believe, that I should be a victim. But I am so happy that I have someone, who believe in me to be prosperous so strongly -- I'm really feel this now, and always before -- that you Randy. And I so much thankful for you about this, and want at least partly return this believe for you. This is really wonderful that you are doing this for us!

    Everyday, when I reading Your Blog, I am using this power to do something beautiful, to think another. And I am sure, that all that knowledge which I learnt from you are created in my life some great overturn! I sincerely wish to give some for you, and that is not money 🙂 So, I just hope that it will be some chance for me to do that.

    Sincerely, Krono. Kiev, Ukraine.

  13. Yes! Yes! OMG Yes! I have not stopped thinking about this! I just caught myself listing all the things that I "have" to do and take care of, that keep me from accomplishing my goals/mission statement. I know that it is definitely a "worthiness" issue. I keep thinking of your story,Randy, about the teacher who "lent" you his vision of your worth until you could find your own. I will borrow your vision of what my life can be until I have built my own!
    Thank you! thank you!thank you........
    When the student is ready, the teacher will come.

  14. Randy,

    It is so insane how your recent blog posts have paralleled conversations I've recently had with a friend and my new coach. When I heard with that out-of-body type listening (like hearing yourself talk) a few months ago, I knew I was playing a victim. Now, it took me hearing someone else run the victim story nearly everytime I spoke to him that I knew anyone's victim story was leaving you stuck and sounded distasteful.

    Thank you, thank you, thank you for being real with us!

    Savor life's best,
    Aimee

  15. Ok Dude

    So crazy months ago you said that getting rid of 3 bags of clothes to charity was not nearly enough. That there must be something I'm hanging on to AND... I needed to let go a hold lot more.

    So - as I've told you I'm sure - I evaluated all areas of my life... and told all the friends that used me as a free coach that they couldn't call me for free coaching anymore... And any friend that complained endlessly and was negative I just said: "I'm not seeing you anymore, I dont like being around it."

    It has created a massive vaccuum.... that allowed in totally amazing beings that i've yearned for for a decade....

    And yesterday when I was thinnking about this - I thought of my best friend who is no longer in my life - it was hard giving her up... And we both were devasted. But no matter how I coached her she remained a victim. And in order for me to shift this, I had to let her go. It's hard - but actually my life is overall more peaceful.

    Then I noticed today that actually I put myself down A LOT. You know - I'm amazingly nearly finished this masters - I'll be the only one in the UK with it... and 7 eights of the folks either dropped out, or didn't compelte at a fast rate. And I give myself a hard time? Jeesh - I've done amazingly. Sure i could work faster... But in a way that reinforces that bullying mind.

    I truly got how much I put myself down to other people, (giving them permission to do the same)... which makes me feel crap... and then it excuses me from being a millionaire or billlionaire.

    But actually I want to be the reason. And I want to teach people to treat me like a Queen... and I won't get there with trashing who I am!

    Today Paulo Coelho tweeted: "We all have a secret pact with defeat,motivated by guilty, fear, etc. Find yours. Break it."

    So I wondered about that a lot. What's my pact? What's runing me and how can I change systems from a good survival ro a totally fuck off outstanding rock star that transforms the world with deliciousness and luscious loving?

    On Larry Winget wall he said to me today: "You THINK TOO MUCH!"

    How do I stop thinking? Oops! Just did it again.

    Luckily someone asked Paulo - how do we find and break this pact???

    His response: "there are no instructions to break this pact, but to say: I deserve to be happy."

    So ya know - I deserve to be happy, beautifully gorgeously rich, wealthy beyond my wildest dreams, and gleefully uplifting those who are ready for an audacious abundance lush life! A loved up Queen that shifts the consciousness of the planet to beaty, goodness, truth... and glorious mad love.

    Thanks for throwing lighteing bolts aimed at my over active mind.

    I'm going to bed crying again because of you, thanks a lot.

  16. Wow-- didn't take me long to think about how I allow myself to remain a victim! I have two good friends who I commiserate with on a constant basis, about men, money, and forward movement, as well as complaining about stuff that happened in the past (just this weekend, I was on the phone with one, griping). And afterwards, I just felt.......weird. Like, what did all of that solve? I certainly don't want to give up my friends, but I do have to make changes if I am to create and manifest all that I am seeking and all that I know I deserve. And Randy, you made a good point, I realized that alot of what I complain about to my friends, I hardly EVER talk about to my therapist! The light bulb is on...............

  17. For many years I used to deliberately stir up anger by telling the "victim story" to myself and anyone else who would listen. Anger felt invigorating and a heck lot better than the deep depression I was feeling.

    Now I understand how dwelling on the victim story keeps me stuck in old patterns. And last year I realized I was addicted to the struggle, both my own and others'. To help wean away from this attraction to negativity, in the past 12 months I have been deliberately avoiding many so-called "uplifting" or "motivating" books & movies that use the struggling underdog theme to produce that effect.

    Question to you, Randy: Since most motivational or self-development literature mixes the victim stories and useful techniques, how can I separate the attraction to struggling underdogs' stories from the inspiring messages of "you can do it!" and useful insights?

  18. I have been contemplating this question. I found that Fear of Success is holding me back from becoming financial succesful.
    It is as though there is fear of dissaproval from my Dad, "I told you so."
    Thanks for your insights. It is nice to hear from someone who had and grew up with limiting beliefs too.

  19. I know I have mentioned this before in past comments. But I would like to mention this again, directly to you Jodi. I too used to tell the same old stories over and over again. I tired myself out.

    A really good person in my life recommended a book to me. That book was Get Out of Neutral by J.B. Glossinger and it enlightened me to what was keeping me playing that victim role. I hope you take the time to read it. I truely believe it will help.

    Jamie =)

  20. Oh! after ur last post that rethink me in a week. U even pressed harder this time. The heroes hourney. I know what is this effect to me and to all people. It is truth that they become addicted saying their heroes movie in order to get somewhat,, Love, attention, care, sex and even money..Subconsciously, it hold me back again and cemented in me a long time. I know it lead to unhappiness..By releasing it, I gaind peace in my life and lead to a life of purpose..Love to hear ur next post.

  21. I have a real simple answer to your question...

    NO!!!!

    I refuse to get in my own way anymore. I have turned down a new path. Away from self destruction, and wow is it bright and shiny. No more doom and gloom, thanks!

    Jamie =)

  22. I think it is OK to read stories of overcoming challenges. Just don;t let yourself get lulled into creating and talking about extra challenges for yourself to create a better story. You have to decide, "I no longer want to be a victim, I want to be a victor!"

    -RG

  23. I don't tell my "story" very often, because on one level it garners alot of "aahhhsss" from the crowd and I "say" that I don't want the attention, but I really do. I have one friend who is always telling me to try to get on Oprah or some other stage to tell my story. The funny thing is when I think about my story, I start telling myself that if I could overcome some of the issues that I currently have, then I could get "out there" and start telling my story...you know to help others overcome some things in their lives...uh no. It is because I crave attention - in school I was the class clown - in business, I hunt out the most educated person on the sales staff and "teach them a lesson" about how to really sell (by whuppin their a** in any kind of contest, competition or whatever) BTW, I know I do this to prove to others that a guy with no formal education can win in the corporate arena - I'm talking Fortune 100 environment.

    So, as someone else pointed out about being stuck in neutral, I am probably stuck in neutral. As a kid, I got no attention, so I started being the F%^& Up, then I got alot of attention! When I hit #1 in the country in sales with a Fortune 100 company, I can distinctly remember thinking "Is this all there is?" - like where is my parade or whatever...yes, I got recognition from the company, but pissed off the other reps because of my in your face style - not the recognition I was looking for, because deep down, I just wanted people to like me. ** Boy, do I sound like I need mental help or what? LOL**

    So, one of the things I have overcome in my life is addiction to alcohol and drugs. I have gone to AA since I was 17 and I am 51 now. AA is a great place to get sober and I don't like to talk bad about it because it saved my life...BTW, there are other ways to get clean and sober, but IMHO, the AA program is the most successful. Anyway, they have a prescription for recovery called the twelve steps. If you do them thoroughly, you can get and stay sober - I am sober for 24 years now - I know, I know the math doesn't add up...I kept drinking and drugging for 10 years after being introduced to AA. Anyway, my point is I'm not sure I've really conquered anything, because over the years, I have just moved from one unhealthy thing to another...overeating, spending ridiculous amounts of money and on and on.

    Anyway, to answer your question Randy...YES!!!!! I am creating the hero's journey...right now I am working on some health issues, a dysfuntional marriage, a suffering business and obesity, just to name the obvious ones...the victim in me wants you to know that these things are Stress from others, a wife who spends all my money, a shitty economy and the chemicals that the food companies put in our food source...oh boy...excuse me what I check into the mental health clinic! I have alot of work to do.

  24. Okay being aware is a very important first step. I'm holding a vision for you (and several others of you who commented) of making a breakthrough on this. Next post I'll talk about how this manifests as financial challenges.

    -RG

  25. I thank you for that vision...now it time for me to stop talking and take action...which in my opinion is where most, including me, disconnect...like oh shoot, I have to DO soemthing now?

    The past two blogs from you have DEFINITELY woken me up..thanks.

  26. May I say how grateful I am to have a community of "Developing- Thinkers" here. It brings such peace to me to know there is a place to uncover challenges and work them through with amazingly supportive minds.

    What a blessing!

  27. "Are you creating a hero’s journey by manifesting extra challenges in order to overcome feelings of insecurity and unworthiness? "
    I do create challenges for myself and accept that I always will, but the "extra challenges"- yes sometimes I make things harder than they need to be. And yes, I have/had feelings of insecurity and unworthiness. I also have self-assurance so maybe if I recognize the bad feelings and the areas they are in, I can change them to positive. Thank you for the reminder not to wallow in victim-hood.

  28. Thanks for the recommendation, found it on Amazon, looks good and have ordered it. Neutral I think is where I've been for too long. Looking forward to reading it.
    Thank you!!

  29. Ok fine, we know the problem. Whats the solution? I have tried writing down self limiting beliefs I discovered on a sheet of paper and burning them like a burning bowl ceremony...
    Sometimes I wonder if those are real self-limiting beliefs or maybe I made em up..
    But seriously, how does someone let go of these things?

  30. For me it's definitely that I don't think I'm worthy. I've been thinking over the recent events in my life and came up with a case in point. This weekend I spent my last night with my European boyfriend, (I'm going back home and leaving him behind), and he booked a 4-star hotel before I arrived but checked out because he said it was lousy. He then asked me if I wanted to go to another one or go and stay at my relative's spare apartment. I said I didn't mind and that he could choose. I said that knowing that the apartment didn't have a proper bed, just hard cushions on the floor. He chose the apartment and I had a lousy night's sleep. What I really wanted was to go to another hotel and obviously he was prepared to pay for it. Obviously I didn't think that I was worth it though. Wow!

  31. This Post is great. Overcoming obstacles is what I do. Creating them is what I now renounce. I now help others.
    My new mantra is "I am a role model of Prosperity."
    Steve

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  • 39 comments on “Are You Hanging on to Victim-hood?”

    1. Wow Randy, I read yesterdays post and thought about it. But what you just said hit home harder than you could think. I need to sit back in my chair now and think about this one. You made a VERY GOOD point. Thank you for expanding my mind more.

    2. Well, you know as they say when the student is ready the teacher will appear. I have read your stuff for quite awhile and have even heard you in person and have always enjoyed it. The last post really came at a good time, as I was soooooooo ready to let go of victimhood, but I couldn't figure it out still, had time to think all weekend, and this post really clicked for me, my ah ha moment........I do believe I really get it and now can move forward in the direction that I really want to go and let go of all the crap tha I have been hanging on to like my stories I tell over and over again!!!! It's done, today is the day.
      And Im not just saying that!!!
      Thanks Randy!!!

    3. A question, rather than a comment: Are we talking about past, distant transgressions? What about raw, new pain, that must be dealt with and somehow overcome?

    4. Yes- I probably am.

      I constantly find myself in a fight for the "little guy", even when I don't think I have anything to do with it.

      I wonder sometimes if I keep myself from being one of the big guys in order to keep that fight going. It should be obvious that the best way to help the little guy is to be a big guy and change the rules, right?

      Then again, maybe I feel that the only way to be a big guy is to be unfair somehow.

      I know a guy who is rich beyond most people on this blog (Probably close to you Randy), and yet he's always bitching about "Rich people", as if he weren't one of them. I always find it really interesting to talk to him as he goes on about his being poor when he was little and everything. I don't really know what the lesson is there.

    5. Wow! You are so right on this one. I grew up in a small southern town. Every conversation was about how bad it was and how bad it was going to get! IT could be anything from the economy to the latest disease going around. Fortunately, I lost a couple of businesses during the last few years and was able to move my family to a larger city that has so much energy. However, I am still struggling with the old mentality. Thanks for your comments. They will help me move forward much quicker.

    6. Totally correct and Thank You for holding our feet to the fire!

      The last few days I have thinking about my ex-bf and the deal that went on there. I am at peace that we are no longer together but still had to address why I was still feeling sadness at some level. I discovered that I just had wished that he had been able to recognized all that I had done for him in love. I wanted to feel appreciated even if we are done as a couple. I worked on forgiving him and releasing him that day. Knowing that he is totally engrossed in victim- mentality, I "spoke" to his Angels. I also asked for forgiveness (Catherine Ponders book The Prospering Power of Love).

      So I just met a really nice guy. We went to lunch and I asked him where he lives. You're gonna love this....lol. This beautiful man lives right next door (its a duplex) to my ex-bf!! I laughed and told him "The Universe is seriously messing with me." lol

      Then a friend pointed out....maybe the Universe was telling you- Right Building, Wrong Front Door! Who says God doesn't have a sense of humor......
      Sarah

    7. We all have struggles to deal with regarding our past, but there comes a time of accountability with respect to harboring these struggles like a security blanket. We as an individual have to decide to either crap or get off the dam pot. Prosperity is drawn into a persons life through wanting it and walking it out in everything you do. Have an attitude of gratitude, be mindful of what you sow as you will reap that harvest. Be a role model of prosperity instead of a poster child of yesterday's ill willed memories. Thank you Randy for keeping us honest and for being real.

    8. After reading, 'Accept Your Abundance' I had some amazing 'a-ha!' moments.

      I had been telling people, 'no matter how 'broke' I become at certain times, I am always able to create money out of thin air. I know I'll always be ok.'

      Then it hit me, I was creating situtations in my financial life to be able to 'prove' my statement. I was creating my own broke situations. To where I 'had' to create money.

      Then I could tell people, 'See? Money always comes through at the last minute.'

      UGH, talk about setting myself up! Needless to say, I've stopped saying that.

      I'm becoming aware of what I say to people (and myself) in regards to EVERYthing: money, men, my self, my environment.

      I refuse to affirm my victim story anymore. To anyone.

      In fact, when I start pulling that crap, I can 'feel' it in my gut, if that makes any sense.

      When the thought does come up, I am working on evaluating why it's coming up and how I can replace those thoughts.

      I appreciate you, friend. 🙂

      Namaste'
      Jhanna Dawson

    9. So how about you? Are you creating a hero’s journey by manifesting extra challenges in order to overcome feelings of insecurity and unworthiness?
      Yeap:Insecurity and unwothiness. I am not good enough.

      How did you change those belief? Therapy?

    10. 5 years ago I lost almost everything, I still had my job but everything else went down the hill
      the Universe didnt rescue me and i blamed God himself for my misery... now its much better but sometimes I get angry cause its wasnt fair !! Then I am a victim !
      and i dont tell the story to people - it makes me feel stupid ..
      when you understand that you are your own life-creator and take the full responisibillity you can walk the walk and get the breakthrough.. and it is just around the corner

      KN

    11. This is a subject that hits so close to home! I had some major challenges in my young adult life and have made great strides in all areas of my life over the last 10 years or so. My financial situation, lifestyle, and health have all increased significantly. Close friends and family comment on what I've acomplished coming from the challenges I've had. STILL though, I know I have not come close to where I actually should be in terms of finances and lifestyle. If I am totally honest with myself I know I am hanging on to those same challenges and the struggles it took to break out. I need to let that go completely and stop listening to those that give me that pat on the back for what I've accomplished as if nothing more should be expected of me (even though I know they mean well).

      I'm not sure if that all makes sense, but this topic sure makes sense and sheds some light for me. Thanks Randy!

      RJ

    12. I think this is really urgent problem for almost people. And I think, extremely point of being victim are homeless and beggars. Because they complain of their terrible life so hardly, that only way which, as they think, left for them is being absolutely with nothing, and they have that. So in our life we should notice when we becoming as like beggars, and thinking that only way for us is the hard way. But always exist easy, pretty way, when we enjoying our life and the things which we are doing. It leads as to become happy, to become successful and to become prosperous. Even that homeless or beggar, if he really try to change his mind, he can become prosperous.

      And I think, the main thing, which can, and usually stop you from being prosperous is believe of others that you should be as like them - victims.

      So, I also have been influenced by that thing all the time and I try to be another among this thousands of victim-people, believing I am happy, prosperous and successful. And I should admit, when I believe in this - it always works.

      So many people believe, that I should be a victim. But I am so happy that I have someone, who believe in me to be prosperous so strongly -- I'm really feel this now, and always before -- that you Randy. And I so much thankful for you about this, and want at least partly return this believe for you. This is really wonderful that you are doing this for us!

      Everyday, when I reading Your Blog, I am using this power to do something beautiful, to think another. And I am sure, that all that knowledge which I learnt from you are created in my life some great overturn! I sincerely wish to give some for you, and that is not money 🙂 So, I just hope that it will be some chance for me to do that.

      Sincerely, Krono. Kiev, Ukraine.

    13. Yes! Yes! OMG Yes! I have not stopped thinking about this! I just caught myself listing all the things that I "have" to do and take care of, that keep me from accomplishing my goals/mission statement. I know that it is definitely a "worthiness" issue. I keep thinking of your story,Randy, about the teacher who "lent" you his vision of your worth until you could find your own. I will borrow your vision of what my life can be until I have built my own!
      Thank you! thank you!thank you........
      When the student is ready, the teacher will come.

    14. Randy,

      It is so insane how your recent blog posts have paralleled conversations I've recently had with a friend and my new coach. When I heard with that out-of-body type listening (like hearing yourself talk) a few months ago, I knew I was playing a victim. Now, it took me hearing someone else run the victim story nearly everytime I spoke to him that I knew anyone's victim story was leaving you stuck and sounded distasteful.

      Thank you, thank you, thank you for being real with us!

      Savor life's best,
      Aimee

    15. Ok Dude

      So crazy months ago you said that getting rid of 3 bags of clothes to charity was not nearly enough. That there must be something I'm hanging on to AND... I needed to let go a hold lot more.

      So - as I've told you I'm sure - I evaluated all areas of my life... and told all the friends that used me as a free coach that they couldn't call me for free coaching anymore... And any friend that complained endlessly and was negative I just said: "I'm not seeing you anymore, I dont like being around it."

      It has created a massive vaccuum.... that allowed in totally amazing beings that i've yearned for for a decade....

      And yesterday when I was thinnking about this - I thought of my best friend who is no longer in my life - it was hard giving her up... And we both were devasted. But no matter how I coached her she remained a victim. And in order for me to shift this, I had to let her go. It's hard - but actually my life is overall more peaceful.

      Then I noticed today that actually I put myself down A LOT. You know - I'm amazingly nearly finished this masters - I'll be the only one in the UK with it... and 7 eights of the folks either dropped out, or didn't compelte at a fast rate. And I give myself a hard time? Jeesh - I've done amazingly. Sure i could work faster... But in a way that reinforces that bullying mind.

      I truly got how much I put myself down to other people, (giving them permission to do the same)... which makes me feel crap... and then it excuses me from being a millionaire or billlionaire.

      But actually I want to be the reason. And I want to teach people to treat me like a Queen... and I won't get there with trashing who I am!

      Today Paulo Coelho tweeted: "We all have a secret pact with defeat,motivated by guilty, fear, etc. Find yours. Break it."

      So I wondered about that a lot. What's my pact? What's runing me and how can I change systems from a good survival ro a totally fuck off outstanding rock star that transforms the world with deliciousness and luscious loving?

      On Larry Winget wall he said to me today: "You THINK TOO MUCH!"

      How do I stop thinking? Oops! Just did it again.

      Luckily someone asked Paulo - how do we find and break this pact???

      His response: "there are no instructions to break this pact, but to say: I deserve to be happy."

      So ya know - I deserve to be happy, beautifully gorgeously rich, wealthy beyond my wildest dreams, and gleefully uplifting those who are ready for an audacious abundance lush life! A loved up Queen that shifts the consciousness of the planet to beaty, goodness, truth... and glorious mad love.

      Thanks for throwing lighteing bolts aimed at my over active mind.

      I'm going to bed crying again because of you, thanks a lot.

    16. Wow-- didn't take me long to think about how I allow myself to remain a victim! I have two good friends who I commiserate with on a constant basis, about men, money, and forward movement, as well as complaining about stuff that happened in the past (just this weekend, I was on the phone with one, griping). And afterwards, I just felt.......weird. Like, what did all of that solve? I certainly don't want to give up my friends, but I do have to make changes if I am to create and manifest all that I am seeking and all that I know I deserve. And Randy, you made a good point, I realized that alot of what I complain about to my friends, I hardly EVER talk about to my therapist! The light bulb is on...............

    17. For many years I used to deliberately stir up anger by telling the "victim story" to myself and anyone else who would listen. Anger felt invigorating and a heck lot better than the deep depression I was feeling.

      Now I understand how dwelling on the victim story keeps me stuck in old patterns. And last year I realized I was addicted to the struggle, both my own and others'. To help wean away from this attraction to negativity, in the past 12 months I have been deliberately avoiding many so-called "uplifting" or "motivating" books & movies that use the struggling underdog theme to produce that effect.

      Question to you, Randy: Since most motivational or self-development literature mixes the victim stories and useful techniques, how can I separate the attraction to struggling underdogs' stories from the inspiring messages of "you can do it!" and useful insights?

    18. I have been contemplating this question. I found that Fear of Success is holding me back from becoming financial succesful.
      It is as though there is fear of dissaproval from my Dad, "I told you so."
      Thanks for your insights. It is nice to hear from someone who had and grew up with limiting beliefs too.

    19. I know I have mentioned this before in past comments. But I would like to mention this again, directly to you Jodi. I too used to tell the same old stories over and over again. I tired myself out.

      A really good person in my life recommended a book to me. That book was Get Out of Neutral by J.B. Glossinger and it enlightened me to what was keeping me playing that victim role. I hope you take the time to read it. I truely believe it will help.

      Jamie =)

    20. Oh! after ur last post that rethink me in a week. U even pressed harder this time. The heroes hourney. I know what is this effect to me and to all people. It is truth that they become addicted saying their heroes movie in order to get somewhat,, Love, attention, care, sex and even money..Subconsciously, it hold me back again and cemented in me a long time. I know it lead to unhappiness..By releasing it, I gaind peace in my life and lead to a life of purpose..Love to hear ur next post.

    21. I have a real simple answer to your question...

      NO!!!!

      I refuse to get in my own way anymore. I have turned down a new path. Away from self destruction, and wow is it bright and shiny. No more doom and gloom, thanks!

      Jamie =)

    22. I think it is OK to read stories of overcoming challenges. Just don;t let yourself get lulled into creating and talking about extra challenges for yourself to create a better story. You have to decide, "I no longer want to be a victim, I want to be a victor!"

      -RG

    23. I don't tell my "story" very often, because on one level it garners alot of "aahhhsss" from the crowd and I "say" that I don't want the attention, but I really do. I have one friend who is always telling me to try to get on Oprah or some other stage to tell my story. The funny thing is when I think about my story, I start telling myself that if I could overcome some of the issues that I currently have, then I could get "out there" and start telling my story...you know to help others overcome some things in their lives...uh no. It is because I crave attention - in school I was the class clown - in business, I hunt out the most educated person on the sales staff and "teach them a lesson" about how to really sell (by whuppin their a** in any kind of contest, competition or whatever) BTW, I know I do this to prove to others that a guy with no formal education can win in the corporate arena - I'm talking Fortune 100 environment.

      So, as someone else pointed out about being stuck in neutral, I am probably stuck in neutral. As a kid, I got no attention, so I started being the F%^& Up, then I got alot of attention! When I hit #1 in the country in sales with a Fortune 100 company, I can distinctly remember thinking "Is this all there is?" - like where is my parade or whatever...yes, I got recognition from the company, but pissed off the other reps because of my in your face style - not the recognition I was looking for, because deep down, I just wanted people to like me. ** Boy, do I sound like I need mental help or what? LOL**

      So, one of the things I have overcome in my life is addiction to alcohol and drugs. I have gone to AA since I was 17 and I am 51 now. AA is a great place to get sober and I don't like to talk bad about it because it saved my life...BTW, there are other ways to get clean and sober, but IMHO, the AA program is the most successful. Anyway, they have a prescription for recovery called the twelve steps. If you do them thoroughly, you can get and stay sober - I am sober for 24 years now - I know, I know the math doesn't add up...I kept drinking and drugging for 10 years after being introduced to AA. Anyway, my point is I'm not sure I've really conquered anything, because over the years, I have just moved from one unhealthy thing to another...overeating, spending ridiculous amounts of money and on and on.

      Anyway, to answer your question Randy...YES!!!!! I am creating the hero's journey...right now I am working on some health issues, a dysfuntional marriage, a suffering business and obesity, just to name the obvious ones...the victim in me wants you to know that these things are Stress from others, a wife who spends all my money, a shitty economy and the chemicals that the food companies put in our food source...oh boy...excuse me what I check into the mental health clinic! I have alot of work to do.

    24. Okay being aware is a very important first step. I'm holding a vision for you (and several others of you who commented) of making a breakthrough on this. Next post I'll talk about how this manifests as financial challenges.

      -RG

    25. I thank you for that vision...now it time for me to stop talking and take action...which in my opinion is where most, including me, disconnect...like oh shoot, I have to DO soemthing now?

      The past two blogs from you have DEFINITELY woken me up..thanks.

    26. May I say how grateful I am to have a community of "Developing- Thinkers" here. It brings such peace to me to know there is a place to uncover challenges and work them through with amazingly supportive minds.

      What a blessing!

    27. "Are you creating a hero’s journey by manifesting extra challenges in order to overcome feelings of insecurity and unworthiness? "
      I do create challenges for myself and accept that I always will, but the "extra challenges"- yes sometimes I make things harder than they need to be. And yes, I have/had feelings of insecurity and unworthiness. I also have self-assurance so maybe if I recognize the bad feelings and the areas they are in, I can change them to positive. Thank you for the reminder not to wallow in victim-hood.

    28. Thanks for the recommendation, found it on Amazon, looks good and have ordered it. Neutral I think is where I've been for too long. Looking forward to reading it.
      Thank you!!

    29. Ok fine, we know the problem. Whats the solution? I have tried writing down self limiting beliefs I discovered on a sheet of paper and burning them like a burning bowl ceremony...
      Sometimes I wonder if those are real self-limiting beliefs or maybe I made em up..
      But seriously, how does someone let go of these things?

    30. For me it's definitely that I don't think I'm worthy. I've been thinking over the recent events in my life and came up with a case in point. This weekend I spent my last night with my European boyfriend, (I'm going back home and leaving him behind), and he booked a 4-star hotel before I arrived but checked out because he said it was lousy. He then asked me if I wanted to go to another one or go and stay at my relative's spare apartment. I said I didn't mind and that he could choose. I said that knowing that the apartment didn't have a proper bed, just hard cushions on the floor. He chose the apartment and I had a lousy night's sleep. What I really wanted was to go to another hotel and obviously he was prepared to pay for it. Obviously I didn't think that I was worth it though. Wow!

    31. This Post is great. Overcoming obstacles is what I do. Creating them is what I now renounce. I now help others.
      My new mantra is "I am a role model of Prosperity."
      Steve

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