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Are You Hanging on to Victim-Hood?

Posted By: Randy GageNovember 10, 2009

So we’ve been talking about how hard you have to work to stay poor in many countries.  And nowhere was this more apparent than in New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina.

Everyone was warned for days to evacuate, that the levies wouldn’t hold a storm of that strength and their homes would be under water.  And what happened?  Thousands stayed and complained that the levies didn’t hold and their homes were under water.  Now I have stayed in my home for several hurricanes.  But I don’t blame anyone else if I get in danger.

But the real clincher came in a story I saw on the people who were staying in buildings that were condemned as unsafe.  The poster boy was a guy featured in a huge article over half the page.  He was shown sitting in his lawn chair surrounded by broken glass and insulation from where his roof had collapsed.

Sorry kids, but that storm was three weeks before that pic was taken.  If you still haven’t even swept the God damned floor and you’re posing for pictures amid the squander, you are running for sainthood.  Otherwise known as choosing to remain in victim-hood…

We all face some curveballs from life.  The difference is not what happens to you, but how you choose to respond to them.

Do you see challenges as stepping-stones to build character and become the person you are capable of?  Or do you try to milk them for sympathy, look for people to commiserate with you and wallow as a victim?  It’s worth some serious reflection.

-RG

28 comments on “Are You Hanging on to Victim-Hood?”

  1. Totally agree...great insight. Reminds me of this quote from Og Mandino's 'Greatest Salesman In The World':

    "I was not delivered unto this world in defeat, nor does failure course in my veins. I am not a sheep waiting to be prodded by my shepherd. I am a lion and I refuse to talk, to walk, to sleep with the sheep. I will hear not those who weep and complain, for their disease is contagious. Let them join the sheep. The slaughterhouse of failure is not my destiny."

  2. My mom is the BEST source of victim-hood for me because she will listen to me whine and then she's "got my back" when it comes to backing up my whine...then I feel justified in my victimhood. Hey, I'm not blaming my mom for my "hood-ness", but I sure do know where to go for sympathy - it drives her beserk when I tell her the "stories" (my side of the story, BTW) of how my wife is high maintenance and spends all my money. The conversation almost always ends with the same andecdote from mom..."If I had the money that you make, I sure could do alot of good with it". I buy into this shit too...

    Anyway, I was thinking about your list yesterday...guilty as charged. I recently (within the last month) signed up for yet another network marketing opportunity, had one of the top leaders be willing to fly in and help me build my business...and then I stopped returning her phones calls. Like most top leaders, she moved onto someone who wants her help. WTF!!!! I guess she was fooled by the "Director" "title" that I have on my J.O.B.

    So, bottom line is, I guess it is alot of work to avoid prosperity. Double Yikes!!!

  3. I'm still trying to wrap my head around this one. I know what you are saying and I guess I'm just as guilty. Bad couneslors in high school didn't show me how to get in college (4.0 average), bad marriage, bad childhood... always trying to be perfect. Time to take charge, react positively and go make the lemonade out of the lemons.

  4. Thanks Randy for all the posts and knowledge. You introduced me to Catherine Ponder and i read, practice or put into play something everyday 🙂 I am staying out of the "hood".

    I am reaching out to try to find more like minded individuals and wondered if anyone who practices Unity, Ponder, Fillmore are in or around Chicagoland?

    Stay cool 🙂

  5. Randy,

    I've been giving this all some very serious thought again lately. Over the course of the last few weeks, I have had some very serious and interesting setbacks in my life. I'm not sure what is going on, but I do know not to blame anyone else for the crap. The only thing I'm pondering right now is, "What the hell am I doing to attract this stuff into my life right now?".
    Well, I'm working on figuring that out and getting past it all.
    Thanks as always for making sure we all stay truthful, especially to ourselves!

    Lucinda ' The Opera Diva'

  6. You know, in retrospect, maybe they are not really setbacks.
    Obviously these are areas I need to grow and learn from.

    Lucinda

  7. Randy:

    I would like to knowthe process by which you change you negative programming. In the previous posts, You told us that you were broke(you owed $50,000) and the IRS took your business. Since you had time, you started to listen to personal development tapes. Which ones?
    O.K. you were introduced to big "A" and you didn't do anything in it.
    I am interested in finding out how you change your mind from been broke and living in your car and 10?? years later been a success in NM.
    How and Who did you approach people at first? Who did the presentations?How did you created stability in your business?Did you find people who did not have limiting beliefs to join your business?
    In mind, there is a gap between been a dishwasher and becoming a multimillionarie in NM. How long did it take you to make $100,000 per month in NM from the IRS taking your business?
    Maybe as sign posts for us who are in the same position as you were.

  8. Your works and all that have helped me identify when I am beginning to slip into victim hood. And I can easily release it, because I know that as long as I hold on to being a victim, I cannot attract the thoughts, and the flow needed for me to become a victor.
    As an aside randy, I asked for your help in getting the word out about my own info-products, but I haven't heard from you yet...
    Looking forward to your next post!

  9. I will not say I NEVER fall into victim - hood. I use that racket sometimes when my woman complains about some issues that seem to occur.
    But the last two years since i took a 12 step program to release from alcoholabuse i have learn that I have the descision about being a victim.
    Really , it is rarely no good enrollment in selfpitying.
    That is something one do to get assignement .
    Assignement that comes from contribution grows in better earth.
    I growed up in a 6 children family that the mayor competing was about being the most victimised one.
    I have seen through this and I am the only one of brothers and sisters who dont live on a social wellfare program.
    I work from home.

  10. I needed this today.

    The faster I embrace my (trespass,mistake, failure)-the faster I wrap my arms around it and hug it...the faster I can use the experience (and even pain) to teach me.

    I have to see it, I have to accept it, and only then am I empowered to move forward.

    If I lie to myself, if I reason through it, then I am running from it- I am in effect becoming a victim of my self.

    I realise working through this- the faster I accept, embrace is the faster I can grow...evolve.

  11. Curveballs... all day, every day... the interpretation of them is a matter of perspective for everyone.
    When you're prepared to handle a certain situation, it's not a challenge.
    If it catches you off guard - that is when you are confronted by your own mindset. Crisis situations could be looked at as serious wake up calls.
    The challenge is not just solving the situation; it is exceeding our image of ourselves, our believed limitations and fears.
    And yes, these curveballs are the building blocks of character, absolutely... you get to decide whether you want to build your strength or your weakness.
    It's important to realize the sharp difference between identifying the situation and immediately moving in the direction of the solution AND dwelling on the situation and losing ourselves in it.
    Pushing the Restart button is not as difficult as it may seem at first glance... I'm speaking from my own experience :o)

  12. Randy I want to be the first to admit that I'm a bit of a softie at heart when it comes to empathizing with people if they have concerns about no money.

    I mean you've been there before right? Ok, I don't necessarily rub there back stressing to them how unfortunate they are. I ask them if there are any alternatives they can find if they have plenty of time but no money.

    Maybe putting aside an hour of charity work for their local church or doing a fund raising event for some non-profit organisation. In that way they not the victim because they are now contributing for a positive cause.

    When that person applies for a(dare I say it)job. The employer will hold their application with greater consideration. Then once they cosy in there job let's make them uncomfortable and offer them a chance to be financially free. Sounds good to me what does everyone else think?

  13. Randy-

    Great post. I couldn't agree more with you. Playing the victim gets you exactly what you ask for. Maybe some sympathy here and there but that's about it.
    It may sound harsh but you can either get stuck in victim-hood or quit your whining, shut your mouth and do something about it!

    Walt

  14. blame the counsellors and childhood. You are an adult now not a big child, stop assigning blame. Acceptance and action are the solutions.

  15. When I say 'YOU" i don't mean you personally. This is so common in many people. Reliving their past and using it to stop them moving forward. Guilty as charged: grew up in poverty, never had what I wanted, always behind the neighborhood kids....waaa waaaa poor me. Now I work as a counsellor (employment and lifeskills) and I share my story, alcoholism and the changes. Most people find it hard to believe the positive, charge, going forward person working with them had a horrid beginning.
    The past is great for lessons and learning.

  16. I knew what you were saying. At first I was like hey.. but yes I'm an adult, time to quit blaming everything on the past and react positively to the circumstances that are laid out in front of me.

  17. I see problems like low sales ans temporary setbacks as temporary and nudges to study deeper...problems make me go to my knees and pray more and lead me to books with deeper understanding because I m in pain as a results being closer to my goals!!!!I have decided to take full charge of all my actions..

    Gene

  18. The only thing we take with us, out of this life, is our character. Everything that is thrown at us is about building character and tenacity. Then, turning around and teaching/helping others with our new found strategies/patience.

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  • 28 comments on “Are You Hanging on to Victim-Hood?”

    1. Totally agree...great insight. Reminds me of this quote from Og Mandino's 'Greatest Salesman In The World':

      "I was not delivered unto this world in defeat, nor does failure course in my veins. I am not a sheep waiting to be prodded by my shepherd. I am a lion and I refuse to talk, to walk, to sleep with the sheep. I will hear not those who weep and complain, for their disease is contagious. Let them join the sheep. The slaughterhouse of failure is not my destiny."

    2. My mom is the BEST source of victim-hood for me because she will listen to me whine and then she's "got my back" when it comes to backing up my whine...then I feel justified in my victimhood. Hey, I'm not blaming my mom for my "hood-ness", but I sure do know where to go for sympathy - it drives her beserk when I tell her the "stories" (my side of the story, BTW) of how my wife is high maintenance and spends all my money. The conversation almost always ends with the same andecdote from mom..."If I had the money that you make, I sure could do alot of good with it". I buy into this shit too...

      Anyway, I was thinking about your list yesterday...guilty as charged. I recently (within the last month) signed up for yet another network marketing opportunity, had one of the top leaders be willing to fly in and help me build my business...and then I stopped returning her phones calls. Like most top leaders, she moved onto someone who wants her help. WTF!!!! I guess she was fooled by the "Director" "title" that I have on my J.O.B.

      So, bottom line is, I guess it is alot of work to avoid prosperity. Double Yikes!!!

    3. I'm still trying to wrap my head around this one. I know what you are saying and I guess I'm just as guilty. Bad couneslors in high school didn't show me how to get in college (4.0 average), bad marriage, bad childhood... always trying to be perfect. Time to take charge, react positively and go make the lemonade out of the lemons.

    4. Thanks Randy for all the posts and knowledge. You introduced me to Catherine Ponder and i read, practice or put into play something everyday 🙂 I am staying out of the "hood".

      I am reaching out to try to find more like minded individuals and wondered if anyone who practices Unity, Ponder, Fillmore are in or around Chicagoland?

      Stay cool 🙂

    5. Randy,

      I've been giving this all some very serious thought again lately. Over the course of the last few weeks, I have had some very serious and interesting setbacks in my life. I'm not sure what is going on, but I do know not to blame anyone else for the crap. The only thing I'm pondering right now is, "What the hell am I doing to attract this stuff into my life right now?".
      Well, I'm working on figuring that out and getting past it all.
      Thanks as always for making sure we all stay truthful, especially to ourselves!

      Lucinda ' The Opera Diva'

    6. You know, in retrospect, maybe they are not really setbacks.
      Obviously these are areas I need to grow and learn from.

      Lucinda

    7. Randy:

      I would like to knowthe process by which you change you negative programming. In the previous posts, You told us that you were broke(you owed $50,000) and the IRS took your business. Since you had time, you started to listen to personal development tapes. Which ones?
      O.K. you were introduced to big "A" and you didn't do anything in it.
      I am interested in finding out how you change your mind from been broke and living in your car and 10?? years later been a success in NM.
      How and Who did you approach people at first? Who did the presentations?How did you created stability in your business?Did you find people who did not have limiting beliefs to join your business?
      In mind, there is a gap between been a dishwasher and becoming a multimillionarie in NM. How long did it take you to make $100,000 per month in NM from the IRS taking your business?
      Maybe as sign posts for us who are in the same position as you were.

    8. Your works and all that have helped me identify when I am beginning to slip into victim hood. And I can easily release it, because I know that as long as I hold on to being a victim, I cannot attract the thoughts, and the flow needed for me to become a victor.
      As an aside randy, I asked for your help in getting the word out about my own info-products, but I haven't heard from you yet...
      Looking forward to your next post!

    9. I will not say I NEVER fall into victim - hood. I use that racket sometimes when my woman complains about some issues that seem to occur.
      But the last two years since i took a 12 step program to release from alcoholabuse i have learn that I have the descision about being a victim.
      Really , it is rarely no good enrollment in selfpitying.
      That is something one do to get assignement .
      Assignement that comes from contribution grows in better earth.
      I growed up in a 6 children family that the mayor competing was about being the most victimised one.
      I have seen through this and I am the only one of brothers and sisters who dont live on a social wellfare program.
      I work from home.

    10. I needed this today.

      The faster I embrace my (trespass,mistake, failure)-the faster I wrap my arms around it and hug it...the faster I can use the experience (and even pain) to teach me.

      I have to see it, I have to accept it, and only then am I empowered to move forward.

      If I lie to myself, if I reason through it, then I am running from it- I am in effect becoming a victim of my self.

      I realise working through this- the faster I accept, embrace is the faster I can grow...evolve.

    11. Curveballs... all day, every day... the interpretation of them is a matter of perspective for everyone.
      When you're prepared to handle a certain situation, it's not a challenge.
      If it catches you off guard - that is when you are confronted by your own mindset. Crisis situations could be looked at as serious wake up calls.
      The challenge is not just solving the situation; it is exceeding our image of ourselves, our believed limitations and fears.
      And yes, these curveballs are the building blocks of character, absolutely... you get to decide whether you want to build your strength or your weakness.
      It's important to realize the sharp difference between identifying the situation and immediately moving in the direction of the solution AND dwelling on the situation and losing ourselves in it.
      Pushing the Restart button is not as difficult as it may seem at first glance... I'm speaking from my own experience :o)

    12. Randy I want to be the first to admit that I'm a bit of a softie at heart when it comes to empathizing with people if they have concerns about no money.

      I mean you've been there before right? Ok, I don't necessarily rub there back stressing to them how unfortunate they are. I ask them if there are any alternatives they can find if they have plenty of time but no money.

      Maybe putting aside an hour of charity work for their local church or doing a fund raising event for some non-profit organisation. In that way they not the victim because they are now contributing for a positive cause.

      When that person applies for a(dare I say it)job. The employer will hold their application with greater consideration. Then once they cosy in there job let's make them uncomfortable and offer them a chance to be financially free. Sounds good to me what does everyone else think?

    13. Randy-

      Great post. I couldn't agree more with you. Playing the victim gets you exactly what you ask for. Maybe some sympathy here and there but that's about it.
      It may sound harsh but you can either get stuck in victim-hood or quit your whining, shut your mouth and do something about it!

      Walt

    14. blame the counsellors and childhood. You are an adult now not a big child, stop assigning blame. Acceptance and action are the solutions.

    15. When I say 'YOU" i don't mean you personally. This is so common in many people. Reliving their past and using it to stop them moving forward. Guilty as charged: grew up in poverty, never had what I wanted, always behind the neighborhood kids....waaa waaaa poor me. Now I work as a counsellor (employment and lifeskills) and I share my story, alcoholism and the changes. Most people find it hard to believe the positive, charge, going forward person working with them had a horrid beginning.
      The past is great for lessons and learning.

    16. I knew what you were saying. At first I was like hey.. but yes I'm an adult, time to quit blaming everything on the past and react positively to the circumstances that are laid out in front of me.

    17. I see problems like low sales ans temporary setbacks as temporary and nudges to study deeper...problems make me go to my knees and pray more and lead me to books with deeper understanding because I m in pain as a results being closer to my goals!!!!I have decided to take full charge of all my actions..

      Gene

    18. The only thing we take with us, out of this life, is our character. Everything that is thrown at us is about building character and tenacity. Then, turning around and teaching/helping others with our new found strategies/patience.

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