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Are You a Friend?

Posted By: Randy GageNovember 14, 2009

One of the things that can bring the most joy to your life is having friends.  Not just social circle acquaintances, but real friends.

But to have friends you must be a friend.  Meaning you will do the work that is required to keep a friendship strong.  And yes sometimes it really is work.

Some of that entails: Stay in touch.  Keep confidences.  Be willing to give advice when it’s wanted and needed, and be willing to be quiet and just listen when it’s needed.  And above all, be real.  Real friends need to know that you will always tell the truth.

So how are you doing on all that?

-RG

34 comments on “Are You a Friend?”

  1. The Law of Association comes into play at some point. Moving out of a circle that limits your growth is the most difficult issue to acknowledge and act upon. Are your friends supporting your dreams and aspirations or denying them? Can you tell the truth as you experience it or are you required to hold to the 'party' line? Are your friends empowering your greatness or helping you play small?

    We must hang together, gentlemen...else, we shall most assuredly hang separately. - Benjamin Franklin

  2. Great reminders. My challenge is to just shut up and let my friends talk to me.

    I have a tendency of wanting to offer advice to 'help' them and solve their 'issue'.

    I ask them now, 'do you want advice or want me to just listen?', so I know for sure.

    Namaste'

    Jhanna Dawson

  3. Great question for all of us to ask ourselves! Thanks for the post. It's the whole "reap what you sew" principle in action. If you are loving and loyal you will attract that to your life. Also - you have to make sure that you are a FRIEND to yourself as well. Once you have learned to love yourself (not in a conceited way, of course) then you will overflow with it, and people will want to jump on board!

    Awesome stuff
    Mike Shippey

  4. Randy,
    So often your posts are very simple yet profound. In todays world we are building friendships all over the world via face book twitter, etc. It's obvious to see those that are looking to build relationships and friendships from those that are not. Friendships in the physical world are a little easier to build and maintain. It's the online friendships that take a bit more effort but if you take the time to pay attention to them the friendship can be built.

    Thanks for the insight.
    Don Enck

  5. I have VERY few friends, but I can tell you that I think I am a good friend. I have two very good friends, maybe three, but I would do most anything for them. I do like what Michael E. said though...one of the things I have ***trouble*** with is letting go of relationships once they are done...whether it be intimate, friends/acquaintences, business - whatever. Moving on at the appropriate time is a challenge, but alot of the time it is necessary for individuals to continue to grow.

  6. What you say is very true..I'm also coming to realize that some of our longest friendships and closest friendships often need a break.. I believe there are many levels of friendship and then we have some acquaintances too.

    One of my favorite sayings comes from Eleanor Roosevelt who quoted : "Many people will walk in and out of your Life, but only True Friends leave footprints in your Heart".

    Often we may take our friends for granted and vice versa. This is a pitfall and needs to be avoided. Integrity is something we have or don't; we cannot learn about it, attempt to achieve it or pretend. And keeping Integrity with all our friendships is important.

    My two cents.

  7. Being told that I am a great friend is THE single best compliment I have ever gotten; being told that several times is a wonderful gift. I work hard to make sure that friends can always say that about me. The thing I struggle most with? Remembering that it's not always about me, taking a deeeep breath, and talking less. (Which anyone who knows me will tell you, is a far stretch).

    Being a great friend is a gift that you constantly give and that constantly gives back to you. You can't beat that. You don't have to be pretty, or smart, or tall, or rich...you just have to show up.

    Blessings...

  8. Only when you will understand what does it means -- to be real friend -- only then you will have real friends either, but before you will have just not real friends, but pals. Having real friend indeed - it's the first important step to having your real love. Because to have real love you must do just exactly the same things, that were advised in this topic, but much more deeper. You must learn how to give real, endless love, if you want to have it. But you wouldn't know what exactly it is, before it will begin. Therefore you must asking advices about love from the most happiest pair in love you know, but not the worth.

    If somebody thinking, that he have terrible life -- he haven't real friends and real love. Because if you have them -- your life can't be terrible; it's beautiful. Maybe not prosperous, but happy. And than you just should to going on -- become wealthy, healthy. Or, may be, vice versa. And than you will be truly prosperous 🙂 It can't be without real friends and love.

    Krono, Ukraine.

  9. This is an interesting subject for me right now. I have a friend I have known for over 20 years. She considers me her best friend. I feel a little guilty because I don't have the same feelings for her. I feel she is a good friend but there are many things about her values and belief system which give me pause.
    She is one of those people who you need to either cut ties with or at least severely limit your exposure to if you want to change your life.
    There is always some new drama in her life every single week. I have gotten to a point in my life where I can't handle it anymore.
    The most recent...two car accidents inside of a week then about two weeks later her car got broken into while parked at a church.

    Anyway, without boring you with details, we had a misunderstanding the other day. Instead of her just asking me about it, she went off and jumped to conclusions (like she always does). She might have been hurt by the misunderstanding but I was even more hurt by her assumptions. To cap things off, she's pissed off because I missed her son's 18th. birthday party last week. I haven't heard from her since a week ago Friday. Which is very unusual.

    This whole situation has me second guessing myself all over the place. Maybe I'm not such a good friend etc. At the same time, maybe it is time to cut ties. Is this a part of my growth? I don't honestly know. Maybe I do, I'm just afraid to admit it to myself.

    Got any insights Randy, now's the time.

    Thanks for letting me vent.
    Love,
    Lucinda "The Opera Diva"

  10. Randy,
    It is easy to be charming, funny, popular... breeze in an breeze out of peoples' lives. It is hard to be the kind of friend who stays, cares and never leaves someone. I spent my whole life in a military family, moving constantly, yanked from pillar to post. I never kept in touch with anyone I left behind, never finished a project or goal. My parents both had similar backgrounds and so my friendship role models were very dysfunctional.
    It is the bane of my existence now. I don't follow thru with my business connections/customers, I lose touch with people I would love to keep in my life and have caused alot of pain.
    I want to make a change in my life/relationships. I'm using my day planner to schedule calls/birthday cards/engagements. When I can't make an appointment/call, I am not making excuses/white lies anymore, I tell the truth and apologize for my inconsiderateness. I ask for forgiveness. I tell people that I appreciate them and love them for no reason, even if it's in my screwed up way and to please be patient with me. There is nothing as important as being a trusted friend and to trust in return. I am finally blessed with several good friends who thank me for being in their life. Maybe there is hope for me yet.

  11. You know, it happens so that my best friends are leaders of my group in MLM.
    SO, thanks to Randy's books i have got a lot of people in my organization and got a few really devoted friends.
    I feel happiness because i am sure that if i am in trouble this people will always help me and take care of me 😉

  12. Randy

    You are such a true friend and a mentor. Today you have toched my heard as I am at this moment trying to comfort my friend who has just lost his mother which is the only parent left and she passed over yesterday after a short illness.

    You article really touched me.

    Thank you very much Randy Gage...

  13. Ренди,спасибо Вам! Чем больше читаю Ваши книги и анализирую,тем больше понимаю,что так оно и есть в жизни людей.

  14. I've transitioned to new friends over the past few years who are in resonance with the new me. Being a true friend takes much less effort.

    My old friends are still friends but I see them a few times a year. Good people but their career goals are very different than mine; this has caused some dischord in the past and was a spur to release some relationships.

    Friends are honest. Supportive but firm, caring but motivating. The more truthful you are the easiest it becomes to find friends who are resonant with the person who you are.

  15. I have the same experience. I have changed from a shy and tiny little mouse into a human being and I found some great friends among people who have always been there or have expeienced the same transition.

    Best to you all!

    Natasha

  16. Being a friend is to be good as loyal as we are. Give advises,,give some money for happiness and celebration,,give what you can give from you. But if ever there is a lot of critism, why do u stay? too much critism drops your self-esteem. They are firefighters that kill your dream or ur self. If we have a friend that is a firelighters that bring passion in ur life or bring happiness, believe in you, not saying bad things from you in back or or in front of a lot of people, understand you first, listen to you and give advises after understanding your circumstances and best of all support you in oyur dreams,, then they are a gift.

  17. Great post Randy! I have a lot of great friends where I live, but my best friends are back in a small town in Ontario called Hanover. I try to stay in touch as much as possible, but unfortunately the distance is making things difficult. You are right - it does take a lot of work to make friendships work - even more sometimes than relationships with your wife!
    Thanks,
    KREGAR

  18. Ryan

    [ The more truthful you are the easiest it becomes to find friends who are resonant with the person who you are. ]

    Spot on. 🙂 Thank you. U defined it for me there.

    J

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  • 34 comments on “Are You a Friend?”

    1. The Law of Association comes into play at some point. Moving out of a circle that limits your growth is the most difficult issue to acknowledge and act upon. Are your friends supporting your dreams and aspirations or denying them? Can you tell the truth as you experience it or are you required to hold to the 'party' line? Are your friends empowering your greatness or helping you play small?

      We must hang together, gentlemen...else, we shall most assuredly hang separately. - Benjamin Franklin

    2. Great reminders. My challenge is to just shut up and let my friends talk to me.

      I have a tendency of wanting to offer advice to 'help' them and solve their 'issue'.

      I ask them now, 'do you want advice or want me to just listen?', so I know for sure.

      Namaste'

      Jhanna Dawson

    3. Great question for all of us to ask ourselves! Thanks for the post. It's the whole "reap what you sew" principle in action. If you are loving and loyal you will attract that to your life. Also - you have to make sure that you are a FRIEND to yourself as well. Once you have learned to love yourself (not in a conceited way, of course) then you will overflow with it, and people will want to jump on board!

      Awesome stuff
      Mike Shippey

    4. Randy,
      So often your posts are very simple yet profound. In todays world we are building friendships all over the world via face book twitter, etc. It's obvious to see those that are looking to build relationships and friendships from those that are not. Friendships in the physical world are a little easier to build and maintain. It's the online friendships that take a bit more effort but if you take the time to pay attention to them the friendship can be built.

      Thanks for the insight.
      Don Enck

    5. I have VERY few friends, but I can tell you that I think I am a good friend. I have two very good friends, maybe three, but I would do most anything for them. I do like what Michael E. said though...one of the things I have ***trouble*** with is letting go of relationships once they are done...whether it be intimate, friends/acquaintences, business - whatever. Moving on at the appropriate time is a challenge, but alot of the time it is necessary for individuals to continue to grow.

    6. What you say is very true..I'm also coming to realize that some of our longest friendships and closest friendships often need a break.. I believe there are many levels of friendship and then we have some acquaintances too.

      One of my favorite sayings comes from Eleanor Roosevelt who quoted : "Many people will walk in and out of your Life, but only True Friends leave footprints in your Heart".

      Often we may take our friends for granted and vice versa. This is a pitfall and needs to be avoided. Integrity is something we have or don't; we cannot learn about it, attempt to achieve it or pretend. And keeping Integrity with all our friendships is important.

      My two cents.

    7. Being told that I am a great friend is THE single best compliment I have ever gotten; being told that several times is a wonderful gift. I work hard to make sure that friends can always say that about me. The thing I struggle most with? Remembering that it's not always about me, taking a deeeep breath, and talking less. (Which anyone who knows me will tell you, is a far stretch).

      Being a great friend is a gift that you constantly give and that constantly gives back to you. You can't beat that. You don't have to be pretty, or smart, or tall, or rich...you just have to show up.

      Blessings...

    8. Only when you will understand what does it means -- to be real friend -- only then you will have real friends either, but before you will have just not real friends, but pals. Having real friend indeed - it's the first important step to having your real love. Because to have real love you must do just exactly the same things, that were advised in this topic, but much more deeper. You must learn how to give real, endless love, if you want to have it. But you wouldn't know what exactly it is, before it will begin. Therefore you must asking advices about love from the most happiest pair in love you know, but not the worth.

      If somebody thinking, that he have terrible life -- he haven't real friends and real love. Because if you have them -- your life can't be terrible; it's beautiful. Maybe not prosperous, but happy. And than you just should to going on -- become wealthy, healthy. Or, may be, vice versa. And than you will be truly prosperous 🙂 It can't be without real friends and love.

      Krono, Ukraine.

    9. This is an interesting subject for me right now. I have a friend I have known for over 20 years. She considers me her best friend. I feel a little guilty because I don't have the same feelings for her. I feel she is a good friend but there are many things about her values and belief system which give me pause.
      She is one of those people who you need to either cut ties with or at least severely limit your exposure to if you want to change your life.
      There is always some new drama in her life every single week. I have gotten to a point in my life where I can't handle it anymore.
      The most recent...two car accidents inside of a week then about two weeks later her car got broken into while parked at a church.

      Anyway, without boring you with details, we had a misunderstanding the other day. Instead of her just asking me about it, she went off and jumped to conclusions (like she always does). She might have been hurt by the misunderstanding but I was even more hurt by her assumptions. To cap things off, she's pissed off because I missed her son's 18th. birthday party last week. I haven't heard from her since a week ago Friday. Which is very unusual.

      This whole situation has me second guessing myself all over the place. Maybe I'm not such a good friend etc. At the same time, maybe it is time to cut ties. Is this a part of my growth? I don't honestly know. Maybe I do, I'm just afraid to admit it to myself.

      Got any insights Randy, now's the time.

      Thanks for letting me vent.
      Love,
      Lucinda "The Opera Diva"

    10. Randy,
      It is easy to be charming, funny, popular... breeze in an breeze out of peoples' lives. It is hard to be the kind of friend who stays, cares and never leaves someone. I spent my whole life in a military family, moving constantly, yanked from pillar to post. I never kept in touch with anyone I left behind, never finished a project or goal. My parents both had similar backgrounds and so my friendship role models were very dysfunctional.
      It is the bane of my existence now. I don't follow thru with my business connections/customers, I lose touch with people I would love to keep in my life and have caused alot of pain.
      I want to make a change in my life/relationships. I'm using my day planner to schedule calls/birthday cards/engagements. When I can't make an appointment/call, I am not making excuses/white lies anymore, I tell the truth and apologize for my inconsiderateness. I ask for forgiveness. I tell people that I appreciate them and love them for no reason, even if it's in my screwed up way and to please be patient with me. There is nothing as important as being a trusted friend and to trust in return. I am finally blessed with several good friends who thank me for being in their life. Maybe there is hope for me yet.

    11. You know, it happens so that my best friends are leaders of my group in MLM.
      SO, thanks to Randy's books i have got a lot of people in my organization and got a few really devoted friends.
      I feel happiness because i am sure that if i am in trouble this people will always help me and take care of me 😉

    12. Randy

      You are such a true friend and a mentor. Today you have toched my heard as I am at this moment trying to comfort my friend who has just lost his mother which is the only parent left and she passed over yesterday after a short illness.

      You article really touched me.

      Thank you very much Randy Gage...

    13. Ренди,спасибо Вам! Чем больше читаю Ваши книги и анализирую,тем больше понимаю,что так оно и есть в жизни людей.

    14. I've transitioned to new friends over the past few years who are in resonance with the new me. Being a true friend takes much less effort.

      My old friends are still friends but I see them a few times a year. Good people but their career goals are very different than mine; this has caused some dischord in the past and was a spur to release some relationships.

      Friends are honest. Supportive but firm, caring but motivating. The more truthful you are the easiest it becomes to find friends who are resonant with the person who you are.

    15. I have the same experience. I have changed from a shy and tiny little mouse into a human being and I found some great friends among people who have always been there or have expeienced the same transition.

      Best to you all!

      Natasha

    16. Being a friend is to be good as loyal as we are. Give advises,,give some money for happiness and celebration,,give what you can give from you. But if ever there is a lot of critism, why do u stay? too much critism drops your self-esteem. They are firefighters that kill your dream or ur self. If we have a friend that is a firelighters that bring passion in ur life or bring happiness, believe in you, not saying bad things from you in back or or in front of a lot of people, understand you first, listen to you and give advises after understanding your circumstances and best of all support you in oyur dreams,, then they are a gift.

    17. Great post Randy! I have a lot of great friends where I live, but my best friends are back in a small town in Ontario called Hanover. I try to stay in touch as much as possible, but unfortunately the distance is making things difficult. You are right - it does take a lot of work to make friendships work - even more sometimes than relationships with your wife!
      Thanks,
      KREGAR

    18. Ryan

      [ The more truthful you are the easiest it becomes to find friends who are resonant with the person who you are. ]

      Spot on. 🙂 Thank you. U defined it for me there.

      J

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