Working through the impact of learning that actions have consequences at an early age at the moment. Thanks for posting this at this time. Almost seems like it is a message meant for me. We never think about the impact of the words we use have on young people, was discussing this with my aunt and mother yesterday, both realised it had happened and were able to relate to this in their early lives too, neither realised it was a practice they carried forward to their kids childhoods.
Why You Self-Sabotage Your Prosperity
by Randy Gage
Oh I know all about you. Yeah, you.
I know about the times you stole money from your parents. Lied about who broke the dish. Cheated on your high school sweetheart. Gossiped behind your best friend’s back. All those spiteful, petty, and jealous thoughts you’ve had.
I know other people think you’re good, but I know the truth. And now you know that I know.
Okay I’ve carried this far enough; you get the point. And it’s a really important point if you want to know how to manifest prosperity. And the issue Jim raised in the comments yesterday (and others have raised in other posts) about why you may have worthiness issues.
And know that almost all prosperity issues stem from worthiness issues…
The self worth you have for yourself. You will manifest prosperity in direct proportion to the degree you believe you are worthy of it. Every day of your life you subconsciously answer the question, “How much abundance can I stand today?”
As Dan Millman points out in his excellent book, Everyday Enlightenment, you learned at a very early age, two prime directives of life on earth:
1) If you’re good, you’re rewarded.
2) If you’re bad, you’re punished.
These were drilled into your subconscious mind by your parents, teachers, babysitters, and other caregivers, and were reinforced by all the media you were exposed to. They are burned on your hard drive.
Of course you don’t always get caught…
Lots of times you do bad things and no one sees. Lots of times you have bad thoughts and nobody knows. But there is ONE person that knows every bad thing you have ever done and every bad thought you’ve ever had your whole life…
And depending on what belief system you’ve been raised in, you’re probably thinking there’s an omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent God that caught each of these things too. So basically, you’re screwed.
Every time you catch yourself doing something like this, you’re probably lowering the perception you have of your self worth. And subconsciously you know you’re supposed to be punished. So you punish yourself, not even knowing you’re doing it, by self-sabotaging yourself.
Does any of this relate to you? Do you sense a breakthrough here? I hope so and hope you’ll share your thoughts below.
This material is from a chapter of the new prosperity book I writing, and I believe this information can allow you to stop sabotaging yourself, raise your self worth, and accept the abundance you are meant to have.
So please check in below, and I’ll pick up here on the next post.
My past haunts me and always holds me down like a huge weight that takes me to a low place emotionally.
Okay Randy, so what will you say, what is the difference in your actions caused by fear (afraid to be BAD) and caused by your true wish and desire?
Some people can be/or try to be successful just because they are afraid to be losers, afraid to be BAD (that comes from the very deep childhood). And some people can be successful because they want.... So far i have not seen many samples of the second case..... Or there is the other angle to look on that?
Why i want to be rich and prosperous -> because it gives me the freedom and strength... why i want to be strong -> because...... and where is the end point? do we not try to compensate with that our old "lacks", fill the "holes" and feed our low self-esteem, coming from the childhood?
i have very low self esteem...i have big dreams but i never get respect from other...can u pls suggest me something so that i can get respect in the society
Well, this is EXACTLY how I had gotten over 600lbs. I USED to beat myself up for every tiny thing. Whether it was in my control or not. I have been working VERY hard physically and emotionally and have shed over 100lbs in the last year. I WILL continue, till over 400 lbs are gone FOREVER!
This emotional, abundance worthy side of my self has been the most challenging to overcome, but I am, every day things get better and better.
I am VERY excited to have found your blog Randy. I truly feel your in site are going to be PIVOTAL in my releasing myself from this emotional burden.
I CAN'T WAIT!!!
Catholic guilt, so deeply imbedded - I really didn't know it was there....so now I need to explore how to begin to forgive and release....
Hellooo mr R.G. Thank you..Vashata tema me razvalnuva.Vazpitana i izrastnala v bednost-da bada chestna i otgovorna-da pomagam i da davam ot sebe,da organiziram,parva v uchiliste.Dnes s dalboka bolka v sardtseto si.19godini emigrantka v greece me dovarshixa,kakvoto i da opitvam nisto ne se poluchava,taka sabotirax sebe si ,che ne terapia a promiana v dalbochina mi triabva .Obicham xorata i te me vavliakoxa v tova koeto sam dnes,zastoto ne biax podgotvena za kontakti,viarvax vav vseki che priema nestata kato mene ,no uvi izlagax sebe si.Sega prodaljavam leka poleka tarseiki vazmojnostta/shansa/ za promiana.Samo sabotaj-nai loshoto..Tarseshta lichnost sam i viarvam v sebe si.Ste nameria nachin za promiana da osastestvia mechtite si.Promiana ,promiana...Nov nachin na jivot...s uvajenie..happy day
Yes, you sure know a bit about me, Randy!
It used to relate to me quite a lot although I seem to be "worthier" these days. Losing over 75% of my bad thoughts since the summer of '08, "I/you am/are useless!" is under siege --->> "I am/You are highly successful!" is the new way of life - for me anyways.
I really like it this new way, man. And am going to keep working on it...
Yikes! You nailed it! Therapy, firewalking you excessive compulsive work and achievement and I still sabotage. So if therapy and fire didn't work how do you figure one can simply acknowledge and make the shift?
Thanks so much for pointing out what should be the obvious. Painful but indisputable.
This totally explains my root issue. I have worked hard so many years and I have what it takes however it has not benefited me because of this self-sabotage stuff that you are speaking about. Yes I totally receive what you are saying. I totally need to get rid of this bad habit or thinking of mine immediately. Thanks for you post.
Okay, I said I would stop writng, but I didn't say I would stop reading. Of course, now that I look back I'm not sure you can believe a word I say. So, because I do feel terrible now, because I did do something wrong, I am writing again. Sometimes guilts okay, it tells us when were wrong and helps us to do the right thing.
So, I apologize for calling you all a bunch of sappy sycophants and I apologize to Randy for, well I said a lot of bad things to you I won't repeat them. Sorry. I hurt myself too. I'm not sure what I really think of you Randy to be honest.
I do know I had a really good point and some wisdom to share, that didn't come across because I responded to you like a naughty child instead of an intelligent adult. Ewww, my bad.
So now I don't know if I will be heard, which made me so mad in the first place. You were wrong and dismissive in your comments to me, and there was a bit of an insult in your reaction to my first "Learning the Lessons" blog. But still, I responded poorly, by insulting you.
We do lose a bit of our self worth when we do things that are wrong. And it doesn't matter what extrinsic impact our wrong doing has, if it's good or bad. It is about our intrinsic experience. Trust me I know this after the last few days.
Wether you think God will punish you are not doesn't matter, it's how you will punish yourself. If you think you are bad you won't want good things for yourself, and you won't respect yourself.
Let the guilt be a lesson to not do bad things anymore, or to rectify situations one made bad:)
Not me of course, I'm speaking to everyone else. (that's joke people okay, no one gets my humor here but me)
I once had someone tell me, you can't respect yourself if you don't respect others (I won't show her these blogs). I think it's true, so don't do it. But still we have to forgive ourselves and move on, and hope that others we offended forgive us in time too. I will NEVER put my picture on this blog.
Randy - This is one of the most important pieces I've ever read on the web. Anyone who does not have what they want in life needs to read this daily.
Thanks for telling it like it is.
I was self-saboteur for a while back until I got a clue and realized what was going on around me didn't match my words.
I now am more conscious of what I am doing, thinking and saying. It makes a big difference.
I was having breakthroughs as I read your introduction, Randy. Stealing from parents, etc... so I wasn't the only one! I laughed a little and got some perspective- thank you for that. And I loved your question, “How much abundance can I stand today?” WOW!!
At an early age, I formed a belief that, "If I am perfect then I won't be punished, and only when I'm perfect will I have a chance of receiving a reward. " Hmm, avoiding making mistakes combined with the idea that prosperity is awarded to me by people who are judging me... that's a disempowering stance.
I am looking forward to reading further posts and your new book!
“the idea that prosperity is awarded to me by people who are judging me” WOW! When I teach workshops/courses that is kinda what I think, are they judging me by thinking I am giving them value for money? Good content? etc. Wowza WealthyRocketWoman you just switched the light on for me. Thanks!
I agree with KimbraLee.
Your framing of the words slapped me into an understanding of myself I was unaware of. Thanks!!
“If I am perfect then I won’t be punished, and only when I’m perfect will I have a chance of receiving a reward. ”
"the idea that prosperity is awarded to me by people who are judging me"
Wow, did the way you framed this hit me powerfully! I too have shared these exact same thoughts and beliefs and you really helped connect some dots for me.
Awesome insights! This post reminds me of a statement I heard years ago from Creflo Dollar.
"Sin make cowards of men" (us all) Thanks Randy for all you do.
The people you connect with allow you to stand more abundance in your day to day living. I can relate to the feeling of not being ready to stand that much abundance.
The whole worthiness discussion I newer really got. Even for two years I studied as a psychotherapist, but the worthiness issue always seemed to be about somebody else not me. Maybe a language that just weren't coherent with the one I was raised with: language of the rulers. But this is different. It's a gut feeling that this is breakthrough material. I can't wait to read the other chapters on your prosperity release.
Love and Respect - Pierre Leyssac, cph
This brings us to the question:
Is there such a thing called "sin"?
Or are we just creating our reality like we want it to be.
What do you think?
Sin is simply missing the mark. I loved reading that from Randy's books, my pastor says the same thing! :)
We've all missed the mark, and will continue to miss the mark. None of us are perfect. The way you feel about missing the mark, and what you do with the opportunity for improvement is the key. Your self worth and self esteem shouldn't take a hit because you missed the mark. You should evaluate what happened and how you can do it differently next time.
you're conditioning allows you to create your version of (limiting)reality which is all good to the expansion of YOU(Univers or GOD or how do you want to call yourself).. and after you let go of this limitation you get to selfishly devour the joy of being and recognizing yourself. Beside names and forms is you, your ego is conditioned to think in names and forms so only your ego can be righteous or sinful but your ego evaporates when you awaken to who you are.. so you are all and you are nothing.. just enjoy it
... Every day of your life you subconsciously answer the question, “How much abundance can I stand today?”
God, I LOVE that! What a great perspective.
1. If you are good you are rewarded
2. If you are bad you are punished.
The drug barons etc all over the world, who flourish and escape the law and get to enjoy the proceeds of their evil trade are, erm, good ?
I agree.Good and Bad? If it is destructive it is bad. Whether alcohol is legal or illegal it is bad. These gymnastics of good for one and bad for another gets into some crazy thinking. Some of this New Age Philosophy gets real silly.
I think Randy just pointed out that this is what we are taught. I don't think he said that this was true. Good and bad is always just a perspective. Trade towers being demolished was good to some people and bad to others. Rain is good for some and bad for some. Selling drugs is good to some and bad to others. Not much difference between selling alcohol and selling drugs. Except one is legal and the other is not. Look what happened with the prohibition of alcohol in the early 1900's. It was a breeding ground for crime. Since it was made legal again everyone thinks it is fine.
Self sabotage is something I’ve spent more time thinking about and working on than I wish I’d had to. I’d like to think I am ALL over it … At the very least I’m definitely more aware these days of the different faces it can wear so I catch it quickly if it tries to pop up.
I think where I really got stuck for a long time was that I kept thinking of self-sabotage only in terms of being something I had to ‘actively’ do to myself, (i.e. procrastinate, waste time, waste money, etc.) I didn’t have much trouble with those types of things so when I did my personal inventory, I didn’t get that it applied to me. My biggest struggle was actually more rooted in not understanding my own role in the seemingly ‘passive’ version of it – you know, all those ‘bad’ things and ‘bad’ people that I thought were just randomly rocking my world! For the longest time I really couldn’t wrap my mind around how I co-created those things when they appeared to be due strictly to other people’s behavior and circumstances ‘beyond my control’. I thought I suffered from ‘other-sabotage’, not self-sabotage! Newsflash … same damn thing. ;-) And you can’t fix what you won’t own!
It was confusing and disheartening … I could be in a positive emotional space, studying and working on my self-development and spirituality, feeling like I was in the flow - but still, every time I would be gaining momentum in my life … bam … some kind of crisis would arise that required all my time, energy and money. I’ve taken myself out of the game more times than I can count! :( It wasn’t until just this past year that I made the connection as to how my own self-worth had EVERYTHING to do with every single one of those situations. We all teach others in our lives how to treat us, we bring situations into our own lives, and when we think little of ourselves, (because yes, we've been programmed to) our boundaries are very weak. It’s like wearing a sign that says, “Hey, take advantage of me … because I’m not worth your respect.” You don’t need to say a word to get that message out – it’s a posture! How can you expect someone to respect you when YOU don’t respect you?
… and that’s where my real work began and continues.
My sign for this 'punishment' system is feeling of unease or uncomfortable feeling that rises, when I think of deeds I've done.
When I presented my thesis at the college for example - I was not properly prepared and the thesis itself was not really good. So when I think of it now, I still get this feeling of shame raising.
How unnecessary is that! Forgive and move on is the only thing to do, or take it again, if this would help me. I understand that this feeling is showing me the true state I'm currently in about this - and that there is little acceptance of my failure in me. I have conversations with my rational mind about it, and try to convince it, that it's all good and I am forgiven, however I have not convinced my subconscious yet... needs some more attention.
So my feelings guide me always to the things that need my attention, if there is still unease, I'm letting it sabotage me.
I have chosen to live tranquil life, with no big upheavals, so I have so much compassion for individuals, who have so major things to transcend and forgive. That is a hard and a wonderful thing to have.
I can recognize when people condemn themselves for all the 'bad' things they've done... it breaks a heart to see that. These are people who are able to do really heinous things, because it's hurting so much inside. Lot's of compassion is needed here. They need to know that, there are no things that cannot be forgiven.
I was listening to my husband saying really harsh things to me the other day. It hurt so much... and just then I noticed, that we have this mechanism of closing ourselves down, when we encounter something that hurts. I noticed how arguments rose inside me, I didn't want to hear the words, however after noticing it I just stood there without letting the wall of arguments rise inside... and you know, the hurt passed in a minute. It was really amazing.
I have a friend, who is absolutely immune to harsh words... and he's immune to almost anything going on around him... this what happens when so much harshness has been around since childhood. This wall becomes constant. It can protect us, and it does limit us to unimaginable ways... My husband says, he's head has 3 feet of concrete around his head. It sure feels like that. He has condemned himself, so he's closed to the world, and he's clueless.
It's OK to do mistakes and feel bad about them... for 3 minutes or in a hard case for 3 hours, then we need to move on. Life's meant to be this way, we still need to experience all range of emotions and feelings... for 3 minutes and then return to bliss. How about that.
Randy mentions Dan Millman, I just listened his interview... yeah - everyday enlightenment. That's what happens when we forgive and move on.
Sunshine to all
Even after years of working on myself and clearing a lot of old limiting stuff, I find that the self sabotage kicks in just as I am about to go up a step or two in the amount of abundance I am attracting and manifesting.
It is so frustrating that the old mind virus programmed into me from a young age can still trip me up. This happened just last week and I didn't even realise what was going on until it kicked me up the butt good and hard. It was a real shocker and made feel like I'd gone back ten years. Talk about triggering old patterns!
So how do you help someone step up to the next level of abundance once the old virus steps in particularly so unexpectedly? And how can you help them to stop it happening again (what are the warning signs that it could be creeping up again?).
Randy, the discovery I have made about self-sabotage is to recognize it, and forgive myself. I believe FORGIVENESS plays an important role in raising my self-worth so that I can begin to receive more abundance. It is a healing process.
Also, I strongly believe that we can recognize our divinity with such confidence as to KNOW IT and OWN IT. It is a powerful force that resides within each and everyone of us. It can direct and help us to align with our authentic self. This power is for us and not against us.
My faith system is very much loaded with heavy things like
- giving up your possessions and material stuff for God and his providence
- giving up love, relationships, and sometimes even family for the higher purpose
- physical life is limited and there is an eternal life is waiting for you - so get ready for that
- my problems are not significant compared to God's problems
- care about your spiritual life in the first place
So imagine the amount of issues I have to deal with. And I haven't yet figured how to do that so far. I hope this blog will help me in some or other way.
This is good stuff,really inspired me.But I wish you could really expound more on the subject of attracting abundance in our life
I developed with a lot of mixed beliefs, like, "you can do anything you set your mind to, but, mansions are for rich people. I took the task on at the young age of 18, of reinventing myself. Thankfully the universe must have known I needed the best so I was exposed to it. After 3 consecutive Tony Robbins seminars, and countless others, I thought not even a supersonic jet could stop me from reaching my full potential. That's where the fun began. I learned my thermostat was set at a comfortable 68 degrees. My success rose way beyond 100 degrees, along with it self sabotage. Finally figured that one out. There's always a few cob webs in the corners, or at least there were at my place. Why do I tell you all this? I came up with a solution that I didn't learn in any books or seminars and it was actually not intended to support me, but my children. I thought it would be a great idea to journal my life for them, now that they were on their own, so that when I was no longer here, they would have my life in written words. I began to recall all my life experiences from birth. In doing this, a few light bulbs went off. It's amazing what you can recall by doing this exercise, some things which I pray I will be dead before my girls read them. Anyway, it worked for me. Took me to a whole new level once I was able to recognize some remaining negative beliefs. I guess the moral of the story is, wisdom is learned by costly experience and you are never going to be free from anything until you stop making excuses.
You make some very good points in your blog. I teach these very same principles in my coaching and learning community.
It is possible to identify your limiting beliefs, i.e. the default programming in your bio-computer, and reprogram it. You have to be willing to peel the layers of the onion and identify what is there, but it can be done.
Additionally, when you operate in an environment that is truly empowering, one that supports you and your life purpose, confidence, success and ongoing growth, you are able to establish new patterns in your life that allow for greater success, self esteem and results.
The environment needs to be based on love and compassion as well as commitment, tenacity, integrity, results.
Most people do not think it is possible to have an environment that integrates these divergent energies, but it can be done and is being done in the community I lead and manage.
Thanks for your contribution! I look forward to your next installment.
Ever since I read Accepting Your Abundance, I have been conscious of possessing a victim mindset and have actually noticed lack of prosperity programming all around me.
But your post today has explained another facet on prosperity. Looking very much to reading your latest book on creating a prosperous mind!!
You hit it my friend, as usual. Self-sabotage was at the core of any and all of my abundance issues. Yet I didn't even know I was doing it for the longest time.
I'd like to add another dimension to your discussion. What if you were taught by authority figures (like your dad and your grandmother) as a child that you were unworthy, imperfect and deserved nothing but pain and angst? Think that might set you up for some self-sabotage through your life?
It did for me. Yet those beliefs was so subconsciously buried I didn't even know they were there. That's how it is with kids. before we're 6 YO, our cellular memory is open for any and all impressions. And the impressions that are formed there stay with us as part and parcel of who we are, every day of our lives. Unless we find a way to release that memory.
All of my life, I would reach a certain level of abundance and then - something would go dramatically wrong. Or I'd reach abundance in some areas of my life but others would be desolate... great career, no relationships would be my particular case.
But then I opened some doors in my subconscious thanks to some spiritual focus - and I learned about my childhood programming. As I opened those doors, the pieces of my life all began to fall in place. Talk about a wake up call!
It didn't matter how good I was, what I did, what I gave, how much I supported others. I spent decades trying to save the world while I pushed myself too far and too hard - trying to be good enough to deserve my life even as I hurt myself physically and more. None of my doing mattered. I was unworthy and so I self-sabotaged to limit my abundance.
NO MORE. Now that the subconscious stuff is out in the open, I'm healing it. Every day I have mantras and meditations that remind me of my value. I am also consciously monitoring my thoughts -and when I feel myself begin to waver on my worth - I pivot my thoughts and focus on shifting my program. That programming has been in there a long time - but it's leaving and I won't let up til it's out of my way and I am soaring!
Every day is better and better - and it will continue to be just that way forever after.
I'm on the other side of me and my buried beliefs and on the path to thriving!
luv n light
Very well done you made it on the other side Rebel! Your story touched me deeply, as I experianced some of the same things, and have struggled to move out of that jail. I also think I'm on the other side to start being successful in life. Glad you made it. :-)