Why You Sabotage
by Randy Gage
No one likes to believe that suffering is the result of their own mental chaos or that they could be sabotaging their own success. It’s a lot easier to believe we are random, innocent victims. But that’s usually not the case…
I do believe sometimes we have burdens to bear because we’re helping or demonstrating a lesson to others. But most of the time, our suffering is the result of our negative or dysfunctional thinking.
A negative or limiting belief, creates a negative or limiting vision, which inspires negative or limiting actions, which produce negative or limiting results.
As far as analytical equations go, it’s a pretty simple one. Alas, the human condition is slightly more complex. So how does self-sabotage actually play out?
There are a lot of possible causes:
- Worthiness issues
- Low self-esteem
- Fear-based approach to life
And it is this last one – self-hate – that offers some very revealing insights. It’s frequently the driver for some of the other causes on the list. And it’s always the most shocking scenario to those affected by it. Most people usually reject the possibility outright, in complete denial of the reality.
Let me give you some common examples I see regularly:
- Gay or Lesbian people who are homophobic
- Minorities who are racist against their own race
- Rich people who despise people with money
So how could this possibly be, you wonder? How does it come about?
Let me know what you think below. Then on the next post, I’ll reveal what I have found, and give you some shocking examples that will astound you. So don’t miss the upcoming post. It’s about to get real hot in here!
But first, your turn…
Self hate is one huge sabotage. It can become a vicious cycle, and it's the cause of many addiction. Example of a alcoholic. To relief the stress and negative feeling, this person gets drunk. After that he blames himself for getting drunk. He hates himself for that, and he feels bad. To make himself feels better, he gets drunk again. And it goes on...
Yes,without sugar coating it, it does boil down to self hate...all of it. Whether you want to call it bad programming from your parents or another adult in your life, or the religion you were brought with...whatever. I learned to hate myself because I felt unaccepted for who I really was, and I took it out on myself for years. And in many ways
@JiminLai Thanks 4 sharing! Altho the causes are not self-hate, addiction, nor low self esteem. Its merely my own stupid carelessness. Hehe
I'm about to read the next post where you go deeper into the issue of self-hate. At some point I'd like you to go deep on the one just above it on this list, addictions.
With your background you surely have much to share on this topic.
How about spending some time listening to the inner dialogue that one has with one's self. That will tell you all that you need to know of what kind of relationship you have with yourself.
Thank you Randy ~ a lot of that negativity and constriction is foisted on people from way back in their infancy, so in fact they *are* victimized ...but it just doesn't help things if they (we) continue in that victimized stance. Btw, I couldn't get into Livefyre without allowing them to make posts on my behalf, but I wanted to mention that I love the response written by Darlene S. O'Shea too (the computer analogy).
Another possible cause is programming, including an internal programmer in an artificial mind construct working against you. It sounds woo-woo to many but is another reality coming to the surface. Awareness and knowing is a first step. Whatever comes from you that is against you is ultimately not you at all, even though you have also ultimately chosen the experience for some reason. Many need to push themselves up against a wall to be able to see and deal with themselves. That's why they are here.
Bring it on Randy.. When I did The Training with Werner years ago, he used the same expression and MAN did it get HOT! And even in the Landmark Forum, Randy McNamara, who was an EST trainer, also would get in people's faces. The beauty of it is simple. Sometimes we need to bread DOWN before we have a break THROUGH.. So let's go dude.. I'm ready!
I experienced (by my mom) that (her) suffering has to do with dis-belief (uncertainty) due to lack of knowledge (info). Not really negatively driven, just - out of knowledge. It´s the main part of her suffering. Hard to watch, for me.
I also learned that burdens are born out of old family dis-arrangements. So we get tasks that others didn´t solve. Others - from our family tree. And the more it was ignored in the past, the more we get and the harder it is to solve.
If we solve them, we can demonstrate it to others and say that this was a root cause to show. Now, here I am now - on your path. I came from the low negative and it took me a bit longer ;)
The possible causes you listed above, all are a full hit!!
Unfortunately, I was never into self-hate and can´t say anything about the other aspects you listed above....
...lets wait for he others to reply -
Love it Randy! I agree with Success365. Fear is what sabotages us and hinders us from going further.
fear of success, fear of what others will say about you, fear of not fitting in, fear of change..... and on
Being that I myself am a openly gay man, and have for the longest time played the "victim" to self sabotaging; I think a lot of it comes from what we learn to be unacceptable in society. We then take those things that society fail to accept about us as our own, and use them against ourselves. For me, I know that for years I remained in the church and even almost became a ordained minister. Months before my initial sermon, I realized that I was actually approving and accepting the messages that who I am was wrong; even though I didn't actually believe it was wrong. I was going to church faithfully and regularly to get insulted and broken down; when I should have been getting built up there. I didn't speak up for myself or for those like me. I finally got a clue (Thank God) and started doing major work on Deeone, and that fear of what I thought others would think if I became open about my preference begin to dissipate. As soon as this happened, I was then able to find peace within myself, and love who I was created to be. Not only that, but I found someone who would love me just as I am, as well. Today, I no longer allow what others think about my choices, decisions, or personal preferences to dictate how I will think of myself. I learned that I am in full control of my happiness, and so I took the power I was giving to others back. And I'm keeping it from now on. Great message man! Loved this and can so relate to what you have said here today.
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." John 4:18. All of the examples Randy comments on, are in my opinion a direct result of self punishment, which is a effect from lack of love, for ones self and others. Love one another and fear will not have a hold on you.
I think that a lot of this selfsabotage depends on what you have in your foundation! What someone has told you and unfortently you believe that! For exampel someone tells you when you're a child that what you say it's wrong and you put this in your foundationP and have this little voice in your head that says to you "I can't say anything when it comes to ex discussions cause what I'm saying is wrong" and you're quiet.. And if you in a business or not this will sabotage a lot for yourself! About people who is gay and homofobic, they are so afraid to be different!! But if you shall succeed in Network you must do different things and change! I Feel sorry for all those ppl who's go around and are so scared that they have to live a life they don't wont to live!!!
Ok! You want some HOT here????? RELIGION SUCK !!! Why you thing the majority of people in the world are sabotaging themselves????
PD: here is where it HURTS! Haha
Nice Day Everyone!
I have learned to compare a human being to a computer. The person's essential nature, which is love, is the computer's hardware. The hardware never changes, no matter what software runs on it. The programs that are installed in the hardware by society, upbringing, education, experience, and everything else are the software. The software is what is running in the forefront and the computer begins to be identified with the programs it runs. For ex.what it can do, what it is...But the nature of the hardware is not affected-it just runs quietly in the background.
It isthe same with us human beings. Love is our true nature-but because we are PROGRAMMED by the things of the world, you onl ysee what they DO and not who they ARE.
Knowing this should help us become clearer the inherent beauty that resides within each of us. So when people hurt us and offend us we can know that it is a result of the programs they are running.
I grew up poor, full of fear, and believed that the more I suffered and the poorer I was the better chance I had of making it to heaven...through a lot of pain and suffering I have learned that John 10:10 states it clear..I have come to give you life and give it in abundance!! This is how I live and play my life "working in and towards abundance and prospirity....so long self sabbatoging..and Thanks Randy..You Rock!!
o,ok,ok,ok!!! I think a I started to understand this sabotage thing, because I sabotage my self very bad and most repetly times, so I can say all came up from the core belief we have, that creates our vision and well, you see what happend next!, so programing every-day live acord the pricipales thet govern prosperity and change limiting beliefs you will dicovered in the journey! live whit porpuse, rason and self-steem!!!! and your abundance will be manifestating!!! I take serius this prosperity stuff!!!! .... by the way! thanks! ;)
Adam blamed Eve for the sin of disobedience. Eve blamed the snake for the sin of disobedience.
God punished Adam, Eve and the snake. As long as there is sin in the world there will always be suffering. For example God said by the sweat of your brow you shall eat.
When I suffer I turn to God and ask for relief. Sometimes He gives it sometimes He does not. It is His decision.
The are all interelated. Self-hate comes from feeling unworthy based on shame and guilt. And since we don't want to feel those feelings then we project them to someone else leading to a life run by fear. In order not to feel fear,we soothe ourselves with an addiciton like drinking alchohol.
And thus avoiding self-hate.
Randy, you are speaking what others will not... thank you! For myself and my experience with human behavior, it comes to staying comfortable or the aversion to becoming uncomfortable.
I'm exercising the muscle to step out of the comfort zone, into the place I have not yet fully explored, into my true self and the mega success I know that I am capable of achieving. I practice with myself, the people in my inner circle, which is growing as I develop stronger success habits, and the people in my professional and social circles.
This will be an interesting comment feed to watch, as well as follow where you are going with these post!
I think the cause for all you listed is very simple, self-hate, instead of loving self. I'm experiencing it right now, although try to detouch myself from the situation, and look at it from bigger perspective. When I start hating myself, I go for proving to myself to be bad - eating a lot, not doing my job, sabotaging, really I turn into the wild beast! Amazing, actually!
Self-hate with people of color (I hate the word minority) is something so deep they it would probably scare you to really discuss that issue!!!!
Hmm... That's interesting. I believe it. Hitler was part Jewish. I think sometimes we pick up the beliefs of those around us, and of society. Even if it is negative about ourselves. Why do we believe what others think? We want love and approval. I guess some of us need it more than others.