Comments on: Why Would You Choose Being a Victim?

By: gene

gene — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 01:11:58 +0000

yes,still I have this victim mentality in spite the books and emotional processes i have done for years because I still struggling financially…I don’t know why BUT I am willing to let go of this victim-hood and get financially free..

gene

By: Are You Hanging on to Victim-hood? :: Randy Gage

Are You Hanging on to Victim-hood? :: Randy Gage — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 12:39:59 +0000

[...] yesterday’s post we asked why anyone would choose to remain a victim. Now of course to even suggest such a thing [...]

By: Jamie

Jamie — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 00:48:12 +0000

The book is called Get Out of Neutral by J.B. Glossinger… it is an amazing book in my opinion. It really helped me open my eyes to what my ego was doing to me. You guys should really read it if you have not already.

By: Carmen

Carmen — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 21:04:53 +0000

I think my victimhood boils down to a worthiness issue. Case in point. Just this weekend my European boyfriend and I spent our last night together, (I’m going back home down under). He booked a 4-star hotel for us before I got there to meet him and he said it was a lousy hotel and checked out. He then asked me if I wanted to go to another hotel or stay in my relative’s spare apartment, which I happen to know does not have a decent bed, only cushions on the floor. And you know what, I said to him that I didn’t mind and that he could choose. Truth be told, I would much have preferred another 4-star hotel and obviously he was prepared to pay for it. Sad thing is that I obviously didn’t think that I was worth it. Wow!

By: Char

Char — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 18:45:23 +0000

First, RG is it tomorrow yet?
Okay. For the woman with the 18yr. old. A lot of children(adults) at that age go off to college, others have jobs and are productive citizens assisting their families with emotional and material support.

So what’s his excuse. I have children, now adults and I can speak about this. At eighteen she had a choice, college, job or move out. She did the latter. The other one was sixteen and choose to live with her father. I had rules, boundaries. Now the oldest has her master in ed. and will soon have it bus. The younger is into med. assist.

So, with that said, all the best for you and your son.

By: marvin

marvin — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 10:56:52 +0000

First, Randy slap me in font my face. When I first read this blog, I can’t sleep without thinking. I self searched why I am still dumb and sick after a lot of reading. 4 years from now, I encountered prosperity lessons. At that time frame I experienced ups and downs. That woman in the post is like my life, I am still broke and Y? It is because it is siren of satisfaction? it is because my negative belief is cemented to me or fears of success or fears of failures?
I come to realize I am surrounded by the people who are negative. I come to believe I did not change the places, the people in my life, the action that I took and the thinking that I had. I felt it is tough to change. It is a breakthrough if I change.
Enough..I recognized the evil in me..When I think past failures, pains, feel anxiety, history of my family, I am not entertaining these in my thoughts instead I am focusing to the activities that I needed to change my life into better.

By: Chris

Chris — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 09:26:17 +0000

Ye, spot on. I can totaly relate to that – I’d love to know your comments Randy

By: Benny

Benny — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 02:18:31 +0000

Victim!!! That is what I have been for years. I had a father who was very stern & believed in the lash so much that I got it almost everyday. My father was born and raised in what we called the Jim Crow south, South Carolina to be exact in 1931 under a father that was born just a few years after the emancipation proclamation. Its interesting that we talk about victimization, what someone did to me or didn’t give me. Well I’m one of the those victims too! I know that my grandfather and great-grandfather were definitely physical victims as were many of my family members back in those days, not to mention some of the things that I saw my father endure when I was a child that were clearly rascist. When I look back on my own situation and what I endured as me and my older siblings integrated a white schools in the 60’s, it used to bring tears to my eyes how adults could treat children so harshly because they were of a different race. My parents tried to convince us to stick to our studies, but it was hard, as my teacher often slapped and pinched the black students, or called them names, often degrading us in front of the white students. On top of that, they’d send home reports stating that we were unruly only to face a drill seargent for a father. Eventually, things changed in the schools as more blacks integrated into the school systems, however not before a mark was left on my psyche. I becamed a victim both as school and at home. In Ohio in the 60’s and part of the 70’s the school system still practiced corporal punishment, and I received my fair share, and some. I wasn’t a saint, just a kid trying to survive the torturers at school, and the torment at home.

Yes, I am becoming a victim a little bit more each and everyday as I realize that there are no guaranteed meals, but that one is responsible for oneself. When we accept that its okay to make mistakes from time to time, and accept responsibility for, them we’ll be okay!

I won’t mention the industry that I work in, but I have never heard so many victims in my life! I had a father that didn’t accept victimization even if it was happening right in front of him, and I served in the military, and they didn’t accept it either. Then I land a job where I listen to victims all day long whining about why they can’t pay their bills because they blew their money on something else! And yes, they want me to be sympathetic toward their situation, which I find very hard, but my company requires that I put on a mask and pretend that I’m really concerned. I can’t do it, and I won’t!!! I couldn’t do it and sleep at night. I show empathy, but in certain situations where a person is trying to work me, nothing is happening. As far as the victim goes, the more I am true to myself and others, the better I’ll be, and vitimization will fall off.

The woman who had the 18 year old, I am not offering advise, but I will say that I was out of the house at 17. I graduated early, told my father I was joining the military, and shipped out the day after graduation, and I haven’t looked back! I can say that as a man, your son does need guidance, but not from just anyone, and my belief is that he needs to hear it from a man that he can trust to help guide him. To help him understand that he is absolutely responsible for whatever predicament he finds himself in, reason being, when he finds himself in any of these problems, unless he accepts full responsibility for them, he can’t fix them. If you believe someone else is responsible, then you give that person the power to correct the situation, and not yourself. They do it in their time, and under their conditions. On the other hand, when a person takes responsibility for their problems, then they themselves call the shots! At some point you must let go of holding your son’s hand so that he can find his metal. I have two sons that I admire because I did the same with them, and as long as I held their hands so to speak, they did nothing, and everyone else was as fault for everything that didn’t work in their lives. The eldest is now a campus police at a prestigious university in Washington DC, and working on his degree, not to mention a good role model, and the other in acrew cheif in the USAF and stationed in Okinawa Japan, and working on his degree. Both have stopped the blame game, and are very good to bounce ideas off from time to time. Keep your head up mom!

By: Philip Giordani

Philip Giordani — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 02:07:50 +0000

Excellent! I just realized that so many people know and
understand this “victim, story, excuse” thing that I’m more
motivated than ever to quit it! I don’t like the idea of someone
around me thinking ‘you choose your life situation’ and then
turning around and going away without saying anything because
why should they? As far as they know you’re stuck! Also, to succeed
they AND you must hang around focussed A players. The only way
to accomplish that level of success…
is to BE it, otherwise those responsible A’s will go away. You’ll be left
to wallow in your victim story.
In my opinion this blogpost is a ‘breakthrough post’ because so
many people sharing and believing the same productive thing helps
to change your belief permanently. Thank you all, Phil

By: Kathleen Caldwell

Kathleen Caldwell — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 21:25:38 +0000

I can completely relate to both Randy’s experience with the woman still enveloped in victim hood (myself) and the parent with a struggling child (also myself). I believe the answers are also the questions we should be asking ourselves. Is this serving me? What is my “Why”, is it big enough to bring change? What is the worst thing that could happen if I do this? What is the best thing that could happen? What small adjustments in my course could I make to change the direction of my life?
Write these things down. Look at them daily. Put one foot in front of the other and just start in the desired direction. Trust in the Divine to guide you and know that if you fall down, you can get up and try again. The future has never looked so bright.