The Victim Whisperer
by Randy Gage
If you’re like me, you like peace and harmony in your life. And that means having peace and harmony with the people in your life. But I discovered something quite ironic…
Some people aren’t happy unless they’re unhappy.
Some people are so invested in being a victim, they reject anything that could be a good thing for them. And they often ridicule, belittle, or even attack people who are striving to do, have and become more in life.
By all means, try to make peace with them. Just know that some people who attack you don’t ever want peace with you. No matter what you do or say they cannot be won over because they thrive on their perceived injustice and being the aggrieved party. Their entire identity is tied up in being a victim.
Reach out with love. But if they’re not willing to accept it, set boundaries on how you will allow yourself to be treated. If they don’t honor the boundaries, get them out of your life.
You’re not the victim whisperer.
Thank you, Randy. Yes, we can choose our attitude towards life, no matter what victimization situation we find ourselves in. Also If we are privy to others' pain - what has made them victims, then we will be less inclined to judge them when we perceive their attitudes as bad, and we'll be more inclined to demonstrate empathy and offer hope to them. Here's a poem about my own hypocrisy. http://christianesk.hubpages.com/hub/The-Waitress-and-The-Hypocrite
Hi, Randy! What do you usually eat for breakfast? What is your favorite food? A short list, please. What is your favorite drink? What you would be able to cook for your guests?
@VladyslavDinapoly I follow the Fit for Life program of only fresh fruit until noon. I never cook, but I'm a very good one and can make many things. -RG
I very much like the title you chose - which seems to be connected to a books- and movie title which was famous some years ago. Good marketing! :)
I'll go one step further: stop talking to those who want to feel bad.
I give every worrying person the possibility to talk about his or her problems with me and try to find a solution. Everybody makes mistakes and sometimes the solution takes longer. Thats ok. That is life.
But when I'm feeling that someone likes to be in this depressed victim state, I let those people go because their mental state spreads like a virus and I do not want to be ill.
People repeat what they are rewarded for - both good and bad. Sometimes there is greater attention for the negatives (I used to refer to it as the Queen for a Day mentality if anyone can remember that TV show from long ago). Would be good to figure out what the "good" replacement reward would be.
I've met people like this before Randy and they thrive in the victim hood lifestyle. It seems that being a victim is part of their identity now. It's so limiting for them to think and live this way. Life is so much more fun when we drop the negative attachments that we believe are us.
Hey Randy what do u say to groups(Jews, Blacks, Women) who bring up issues of discrimination, profiling, sexism, racism, etc. How do you not be a Victim of these things when sometimes it can be institutionalized?
Institutional or individual - it doesn't change the dynamics: You can be a victim or you can be a victor - but you can't be both.
@Randy_Gage "Only the Sith deal in absolutes"- Obi Wan Kenobi to Anakin Skywalker.- "Revenge of the Sith" :)
Thanks Randy.I've decided to limit my exposure to negative, anti-prosperity people who are invested too much in being miserable and unhappy. I was for a long time as well.Seeing the unrest in the world, it made me realize no one is going to hand me a good job, no one is going to hand me success and happiness. Most people borrow money to pay for success- success for most people means having a good job, a mortgaged home, and car payments. Of course, more and more common nowadays is educational debt due to the "new" promise. "Do well in school, go to college, get a good job, buy a car, buy a home, save for retirement, retire, die.Sounds like a pretty evil plan to me.This doesn't mean that it has to be back-breaking of course. We have to live in the moment.I'm writing an article for a blog right now which gives some tips on dealing with negativity, both within ourselves and others.I am using my ability to write as a way to bootstrap something and will use entrepreneurial skills to launch my music into the world, and help others as well.I will share the article in a future comment when it is posted.Remember, we teach most what we need to learn.(P.S. I am available to write copy and work on other writing projects. Since I know a lot about audio, and can compose music, I can help with creating music/sound for your project or teaching you about how to make better podcasts. Please e-mail email@example.com)
I can relate to this as do many. The one area that comes up right away is connected with those that seem to 'get off' on making others feel guilty. I refuse to play that game since it magnifies the victim belief. Life is about thoughts and choices. If someone chooses to feel they're a victim, it's THEIR choice. I will have no part of it! Thanks for posting Randy.. very appropriate as always :)
I am surely not a victim whisperer! You can say that again! :D Thank you for this gem, Randy! OMG! Loved this!
Great thoughts. Reminds me of something I learned in the military. When faced with a negative/hostile person on your team that is harming the group, you want to insulate yourself from them, yet not isolate them from the team. Always give them the potential to come around.
So true. That's one of the reasons we live in a litigious society - people don't want to take responsibility for their actions.
Really thank you for this post Randy! Because i have a similar situation like that in my life right now. I was attact by a relative family member (on my girlfriend side) for no reason, many times in a row. She is a real nasty person and negativity is her second nature. Look, i can't change her. So i have decided to remove her out of my life. I think it is the best thing for me.
This comes at a very poignant time...I needed advice with exactly this sort of situation!! Some questions though: How much love do you reach out with? Suppose they dont respond when you reach out, but they respond sometime down the line as though nothing happened or with excuses? How do you prevent yourself being used?