The Shrinking Circle
by Randy Gage
In yesterday’s post I mentioned the people that had been disappearing from my life as my consciousness develops. I have found that process to be as much an unconscious one as a conscious one.
The group of people who are close to me is getting smaller, but the quality of those people is getting stronger and better. So the issue then becomes, when do you go too far, and become judgmental, and isolate yourself from the world?
Which is where we will go on the next post. Please share your thoughts below.
I believe that every life that touches mine is here for a reason and I must constantly look at each one to determine what lesson I am to learn. Life is full of good and bad and each person who touches our lives leaves us with something. It is up to us to determine what that something is and whether it will help or hinder us in our persuit of the dreams we are looking to fulfill.
Yes, we go through many stages in life starting with the earliest childhood experiences and as we grow, the lessons learned should be used to guide and strengthen us. The person you hated most in school taught you a lesson and the person you liked the most but couldn't get close to also taught you a lesson. Each one of us has a unique skill that will affect everyother person we touch. We are touched everyday and we touch everyday. Some we carry with us...others we remember for what they did...good or bad and then move on.
People in my life are here for "a reason, season & lifetime." This is how I categorize my relationships. This includes family, too. They teach us something or not.
I am consistently re-inventing myself and quickly allow people that will enhance my life to enter my space. Over the years, it has become a continuous natural development in keeping individuals away who are energy drainers and drama kings/ queens.
That said, I will never isolate myself from people because ultimately, I have a CHOICE to stick around or hit the road.
Here is an excellent quote! I try to be close to those I have faith in and look up too. Though close enough to those I know could be impacted as well...Hope that helps!
”Leaders must be close enough to relate to others, but far enough ahead to motivate them.”
- John Maxwell
Great post. I just read that as you become more enlightened you develop a higher level of compassion for people who are not enlightened. That makes sense otherwise enlightenment would be like an episode of Frasier.
I tend to like people at first as well. However, I have noticed that I get a feeling now of joy or not so joy in my solar plexus. I am now listening to that. I have also noticed that gossip, petty talk and such are boring and not where I want to be.
Thanks for a great thread.
To answer your original question, becoming judgmental and isolating oneself comes when one insists on a reaching a particular goal (say, $1million monthly income in a high integrity fashion) by only one route (for example, passive income from rental real estate).
Insisting on only "one route" is where judgment can get out of hand. The openness to other high integrity routes, such as network marketing or building a bricks-and-mortar style business, is blocked-- which blocks prosperity.
A personal coach taught me discernment (agreeing or disagreeing) is different from judgment ("I'm right BECAUSE....). I discern (or choose) to aim my life and efforts in a particular direction.
I also think that eliminating all people who are aiming for the same goal while challenging and questioning you is another way to go too far. If people are afraid to ask questions or hold their own point of view, then judgment is interfering with the process.
I'm in the process of kind of "weeding out" those types of people in my life and I've noticed the same thing.
The negative people are slowly fading away... however... not all the way quite yet!
So many great thoughts in the comments already wow.
Randy wouldn't the decision to weed someone out depend on their desire to grow, change, and seek out ways to improve not just the fact that they might not be at the same level of consciousness as ourselves?
If we only interact with people at the same level or higher as we are wouldn't we be missing out on the opportunity to add value and contribute to the growth of another person? and isn't that an important part of the
equation in our own growth? How do we know the person seeking to evolve isn't the next important inner circle person in our life? hmmm very thought provoking discussion RG.
Wow Randy! I love this post- it has some humility in it!
I was like "Quality of people"? what is that about?
But you answered it- how do we know for sure, and when are we just being defensive and judgmental?
I tend to like people immediately, and then they have to do something negative for me to retreat. And then I REALLY like people who like me- they show excellent taste!
I don't think that relationships should be measured in quantity but quality. I also don't think that personal relationships and business relationships are all that different. I connect in relationships only when there is trust. True, unconditional relationships can't develop any other way without eventually destructing. I like the saying, the cream always rises to the top. I don't think measuring loss's does any of us any good. It's all about today and going forward. I also know to be true, that when god takes something out of our lives, it's for our good and it is always replaced with something better if we have unwavering faith.
Randy if I interpret correctly, what you mean is that we must be very careful with the theme of becoming the judge of the world. That is, no one must believing
100% positive, and we had passed all tests and the others are inferior people. If we reach the point of considering everything else as inferior or negative, of an extreme form, that may be harmful in the long term and we can stay alone in the world. We must not become proud, but always be beings who seek enlightenment, but to help others, not for destructive criticism or become judges. Because we are here for that, to help to become better in several ways, till the people w meat, want to be helped. I hope I have understood the message correctly. Hug.
Gabriel Suarez, from Puerto Madryn
This is indeed a very good point you make Randy. Where DO we draw the line especially when our goal is to be surrounded by interesting, successful and influential people that share common goals and interests.
I have been consciously weeding out people from my Life and there aren't too many left. I HAVE made some new friends and will continue to expand in that way.
Judging is never good, but we need to be around people that are prosperous, inspirational and have integrity, too.
As I go through changes (as I grow) people do seem to slip away and I am more contented with my own company and value my time and make choices that reflect those changes. I think it is because I am valuing my self and my time as my consciousness develops. Thanks for the occasional prod, Geoffrey
Like wildlife in a forest, the people in your life are going to continually change and evolve as the life process continues.
I simply allow myself to live and always strive to do my best. I find that people of like mind are magnetically attracted. That way, the only filter I have out there is people who always strive to be genuine, loving, and grateful.
It would be exhausting to make friendships a cerebral thing. I like all my relationships to be heart centered. Imagination and brilliance come naturally to people who simply strive to live a fulfilling life. Makes conversations at parties much more interesting if you're surrounded by positive people.
Very thought provoking post, Randy. Thanks to everybody for sharing their thoughts.
Dear Randy Gage.
(LOL) No chance you will end up there!
Fortunately there is a lot of very good and bright people in this world, and if you end up lonely - perhaps it is oneself that is the crittical one. This wacuum you talked about creating, doesn't that apply here too - weet out negative and the wacuum will fill up with positive?
I have never had a large circle of friends from very early on as a child. My parents always thought I was a loner and accused me of being unsociable. Even to this day, my friends are few and far between, not because I am judgemental but because I find it hard to relate to the general person on the street that is only interested in what is happening on the latest soap opera episode! The square pegs in the square holes just think I'm too weird anyway! I'm quite happy being the square peg in the round hole with few friends!! (But do have a wonderful husband who totally 'ets me!)
I don't see just one circle, but many circles. Some people are within the circle closest to me and some people remain in an outside circle. I don't typically eliminate people from my life, but I do find it necessary to reduce contact with difficult or draining people. My concern is if we are always eliminating people from our "circle" where is the opportunity to grow as a person? Where is the opportunity for me to have a positive influence on someone else if I only interact with the desirable people? I believe everyone comes into my life for a reason. Maybe I need to learn something from them or maybe I need to be a light to them. It's my challenge to figure that out. I am not only looking for people to have a profound impact on me, but I would love to have a profound impact on someone else(GOD willing). That is even more rewarding!
Great comments! I actually USE the words "inner circle" when talking about certain people, but I consider myself to have very wide circles, and am continually meeting and liking new people all the time.
Aundrea, My thoughts, also. I feel my purpose is to help the less fortunate. Unless it is advisable to remove myself, I continue the battle. When I find it is draining, then I take a few hours to figure out how to handle the situation. Rest and recoup! Come back better and stronger! Life is always a challenge!!!
I completely agree with the above post. I term it as my top shelf people that are closest to me and have inspired me on some level. The I have my mid shelf which are people that may speak a different language (metaphorically speaking) than I, their good people but have not opened up and usually are in denial a lot of the time. I choose when I spend time with these people and for how long. Well the bottom shelf get very little attention from me these people typically suck energy from me and I have no time for.
Where I find it difficult to balance is in my business life because I'm in sales and my lively hood means I really can't be that selective....I however choose clients too because some are just energy suckers.
The answer lies in your predominant vibration factored with your sociability. If you feel high energy, light and happy, and continue to interact with new people, chances are you aren't judging too much.
It's when you become addicted to judgement that problems ensue. Your vibration tells you right away; you become arrogant, haughty and pick out the worst in people. It's like everybody sets off a Red Flag because they aren't good enough for you. You seek to filter people out before you give them a chance.
As always, thanks for sharing.
I really think it is a matter of gauging who in your life depletes your energy. If you have someone who is constantly negative and never has anything good to say it usually affects your mood.
We need to protect our selves from the people that feed off our positive emotions and only deposit negativity. It is a natural balance that we are sometimes so oblivious to. As I say; keep the people in your life that leave the least "emotional foot print"; those are the people who will have the most profound impact on your life.