This posting is contradicting to what the most institution taught. Some of my clients say this is selfish, not caring or consider other first. However, they are facing a huge problem of not enough in their life. Yes, we have to take care of ourselves first, then we can serve others better.
Saving the World
by Randy Gage
I’m having a fantastic time working on my next book, Risky Is the New Safe. I’m exploring some fascinating topics, perhaps none more intriguing or controversial than selfishness as a virtue. This provides one of the most important lessons on success and prosperity you can ever learn. And it’s something them never taught you in Sunday school…
Your highest moral purpose must be your own success and happiness.
If you see your main purpose in life as serving others, you have an extremely low opinion of yourself, don’t believe you are worthy, and will experience a tremendous amount of lack and limitation in your life. Not to mention you’re probably personally responsible for the founding of at least three Codependents Anonymous chapters!
Insanity is a lack of reason or good sense. We could certainly define it as unsoundness of mind rendering a person unfit to maintain a relationship or look after his or her own needs for emotional well-being and survival. People who spend their existence worrying solely about the needs of others and not themselves are not noble, benevolent, and spiritual. They are just crazy. To quote Melvin Udall, Jack Nicholson’s character from the movie, As Good As It Gets:
“Go sell crazy somewhere else; we’re all stocked up here.”
People who don’t look after their own needs first, really can’t help others in a healthy way. They can console them, participate in their drama, or enable their co-dependence, but they can’t offer them real, meaningful help.
Want to save the world? Great, it needs all the help it can get. Start by making sure your own needs are met first. Get the money thing out of the way. Get yourself in a position of strength – and you’ll be amazed how much good you can do!
You can only pour into others for so long before you need to be filled up again. If you are always pouring and never refilling, you will become empty and no good to anyone else or yourself. You should stay so filled up that what you pour into others is your overflow!
Hey Randy, been listening again to the CD's of our MegaMLM in Vegas, (March, 2011). Amazing training!
I'm very excited to share with you and my fellow 'Gager's the very exciting news that I launched NexGenHaiti.com 3 days ago to raise funds for Haitian children to attend school and to complete the construction of a school in Corail, just outside Port Au Prince.
I met two, Haitian men in Toronto a year ago, who have devoted many years to raising money and sending supplies to Haiti. I attended two fund-raisers, spoke with many fine Haitian people and became informed about the state of education in Haiti.
There's really no limit to what we can accomplish by 'putting it out to the Universe' and inspiring others to believe in the possibility of making a measurable, lasting difference in the lives of these great kids! Putting this Project together in the past 6 weeks, Randy, I basically feel unstoppable now - which will only help me as I expand my business globally.
M. Scott Peck said "You don't help the poor by being poor yourself". Randy's advice is spot on. I had a very toxic relationship with a "friend" for many years (I am embarrassed to admit) where all we did was kvetch every day on the phone for interminable amounts of time. She had a job she despised and spent most of her time on the phone while at work, and I was freelance (lacking discipline at the time) so it just evolved that, during the day, time would get wasted like this. A little voice was trying to tell me that I was wasting my time and getting nowhere. We were like each others shrinks, kvelling about the injustices of our families, boyfriends, clients, employers, the world, etc. I often wanted to hang up after 10 or 15 minutes, but I felt OBLIGATED and RESPONSIBLE to the friendship to keep talking to her because she NEEDED it. Classic co-dependence. I obviously had the same need or I would never have gone on with this. It really was a form of insanity. I finally listened to the voice that was trying to get through to me and got out. It was not easy. She did not want to let go and wrote long letters and e-mails that did not seem to acknowledge the problem we both shared. I did let her back in briefly and she told me about an awful event that occurred in her life in the interim and I realized that would never have happened to her if she was taking care of herself and not looking to attach to another person. I got out again, finally for good, because we had quickly gotten back into the same ol same ol. It really is an addiction. I unplug my phone now and keep the cell ringer on silent so I don't get distracted during "worktime". I get back to people when I am ready to and I no longer allow myself to be at the beck and call of everybody who wants to waste time, whether it is a friend who is just bored or a telemarketer. This "friend" actually did take a break from our daily phone calls during our relationship when one of my photographs was featured on the cover of an international news magazine. She admitted that she "couldn't handle it". The same thing happened when I had my first solo exhibition and was featured in a group show in a museum. She avoided both openings because she "couldn't handle it". That is when I realized she was only happy when I was in the pit with her, but did not want to see me enjoy any success. That realization made it a lot easier to cut the cord. I firmly believe I will be of no use to anyone, whether friend, family member ,or the world, if I don't take care of my own needs first. It took a while to get that.
Looking forward to reading your new book once out on the shelves (or e-shelves!). It'd be great to see you on stage again after seeing you many moons ago in Sydney. Will see you out there somewhere :-)
I think a person needs to do both. Help others and help yourself. there are some who only think or help themselves,and that hurts those around them ( GREED KILLS). Then there are those who do nothing but help others and that makes them weak.
@153grover Everyone is greedy. Greed is great as long as theft is illegal. That way the only way to fulfil your greed is to produce lots of goods and services and then trade them for the goods and services of others. Everyone then benefits from the greed. Greed is only dangerous in a country with no property rights or in a Socialist Society. Then if you are greedy you just tax more of other peoples wealth, get a bailout or some mandate that forces people to give you money (like the mandate attached to Obama care that forces everyone to buy health insurance) Then greed dangerous.
Rock on Randy. I bought into the whole "serve others" mantra too and all it does is set one up for being taken advantage of. "Me first", I'm and Aries and that is our "Mantra anyway."
Ever ride in an airplane? Remember the training on using oxygen? Place the mask over your face and mouth THEN help others.
Randy, I am sure you mean well, but your platitude is a half truth. People here are not buying it anymore. "Go sell crazy somewhere else".
Loving is a paradox, if a codependent cannot love how does he/she ever change? It is all on a spectrum, anyways, the paradox is that the more loving we are to others the more we love ourselves. OF course the more we are loved the more we are loving. Don't cheapen the most important moral "Love" in our universe with such talk RAndy. It is negative.
If a codependent can never truly help anyone else of give love how do they change? Because they can. It can be changed by taking baby steps, or giant leaps. Nothing is so black and white. Please stop painting people into boxes, that is really not uplifting to me.
If a person is happy making their life's work about helping others, they are not crazy or codependent. They understand love in a different way than you perhaps. Perhaps they find joy in a different ways than you. But, they are not crazy.
It could be some people go out to help others because they do not believe in their worth, but what a better way to find out what your cable of than through helping others? Life is a process and all will discover their joy and potential in a variety of ways. To believe the only way to happiness is Ayn Rand's version of truth is "CRAZY". Unless you want to die old alone bitter and on welfare as Ayn RAnd ultimately did.
You don't own the truth. I know you mean to help. You don't want people to rely on others or think this is the only way. Well, your right codependency is a sickness, but it doesn't evaporate in midair once you change your mind about it. It is a process and a journey. For some they may always be codependent to some extent, this does not mean they will never be able to help or love another.
To save the world we will need love, tolerance and understanding of OURSELVES AND OTHERS. Also, you have to make paradigm shifts in thinking sometimes, in order to do that you have to be open to it. And, yes Randy, it also takes money. :)
@Annieb The airlines have the perfect philosophy. Put on your own oxygen mask before trying to help anyone else with theirs. The people who say they just want to help others put on their mask will soon die quickly from lack of oxygen. The people who look after their own needs first, get all the oxygen they need can then help lots of people. When we are free, rich and happy we can help many many people. But those who sacrifice themselves for others are usually broke, unhealthy and too stressed to help anyone. He doesn't say don't help others, just sort ourselves out first and then help others with the overflow. Then we have the means and time to help others like Randy is doing with his products, seminars and blogs.
My favorite topic Randy.. thanks!
Like you, I'm a BIG Ayn Rand fan and if anyone here has read "Fountainhead" or "Atlas Shrugged" you understand this principle which is how the major characters in each of these books live. It has to do with connection to our Joy also. If we are NOT happy by virtue of doing, having or being those things that are important and bring us happiness, we cannot make others happy. We MUST come first regardless. When we are IN our Joy, we can then bring others Joy, Prosperity and Abundance, but not before.
Do what makes YOU happy and then bring it to others.
Not sure if I buy this idea in its entirety. I agree with cliche's like "Charity begins at home" and "Look out for #1," but I also have heard that you can have anything you want if you help enough others achieve what they want. I'm retired, and now enjoy "giving back" by volunteering at various venues, some for the good of others, some for my own benefit. Your article is thought provoking, but I'm not sure where I would draw the line.
@Marvin from Tyler Maybe you don't realize it but you did exactly what Randy said: First you took care of yourself (selfish) so that, now you are comfortably retired you can "give back". If you hadn't taken care of yourself first there would not have been anything "to give back"
Isnt serving others a means to your own success and happiness? Afterall a business/profession is about providing a service to others
@ashome Business is a value for value exchange. Not sacrificing yourself for the common good. I give you products you love and you give me money. Both are helping each other and getting both of their needs met. Very different from the new agers who say "I don't care about me, I just want to help other people.