Okay if you hated yesterday’s post, today’s should really have you gnashing your teeth! We’re headed into the weekend, so I was thinking about what would make a good topic to work on for personal growth. I came up with a great idea…
How about self-integrity?
It’s simply shocking how many people can’t be honest with themselves…
Take the contractor who is doing some renovations at my condo right now. When I ask him for completion deadlines on various aspects of the project, he eagerly and earnestly provides them. Deadlines he never meets. Not even close.
Of course he’s lying to me, but he gets off on a technicality. Because he’s not knowingly lying to me. He actually believes what he is saying. He’s really lying to himself, but he’s told that lie so many times he’s come to believe it.
Like a lot of people today, he’s delusional and has only a sporadic connection with reality. (Please don’t ask why I haven’t fired him yet. As fascinating a discussion as that would be – that’s a whole other subject. Maybe my next book!)
I often have the same exact conversation with him three or even four times. And each time it’s a completely new conversation to him! That’s because when you say something he doesn’t want to hear (like how he has to schedule the electrician to install an outlet tomorrow, or a plumber to hook up a sink) – he simply doesn’t hear it.
He looks right at you, nods his agreement and says yes. But he doesn’t hear it. It’s almost like people who have been childhood victims of abuse or in a horrific accident. To protect themselves, their brains build a wall around that memory, and don’t let them access it.
There are many people who are so dysfunctional that when you say things that are uncomfortable to them – they simply don’t hear them. They look right in your eyes, agree with you, but their memory is erased five seconds later. And when you try to hold them accountable for what they agreed to, they look at you like you’re speaking in tongues. I bet you know people like this. (And if you’re thinking you’re married to one, you’ve got a lot of company.)
I play softball with a bunch of guys that think their athletic skills are exactly the same as they were 15 years and 30 pounds ago. (Of course I wouldn’t know anything about that!)
I used to work with a guy who continually boasted that he still wore the same waist size trousers as he did in high school. The fact that he lowered his belt an inch every couple of years, so it fit under his expanding belly never even registered on his radar.
There are lots of people who actually believe that thinking they are going to do something, is the same as really doing it. It’s just another way of lying to yourself.
I know alcoholics who think they’re not, because they only drink wine or beer. I used to tell myself I wasn’t a meth addict because I only did it on the weekends.
It works the other way too…
Many people tell themselves lies about their own potential in a way that unbeknownst to them, limits their success. They convince themselves that they’re too young, too old, are missing the right education, or were born on the wrong side of the tracks.
So how are YOU in all this?
If you are serious about success, there are two vital questions to ask:
1) Do you tell yourself the truth?
2) And have you surrounded yourself with people who will tell you the truth, if they think you are lying to yourself?
Those are two of the most important questions you can ever ask yourself. Make sure you tell the truth!