Letting Go of a Negative Person

Isn't this a bit selfish, letting go of negative people?
Judge people negative and exclude them from our lives?
Maybe they're that negative because they're unhappy and I think no one should have the right to judge them.
I think that excluding negative people from our lives is a negative attitude and thus a contradiction.

Anyway if you forget your fat Ego for a moment, aren't you spiritually giving to others?

My family and friends have changed for the better since I've changed.

Making money isn't the only thing in life (unless it is)

I rather people fill my bucket, and I theirs. It is the ideal scenario in life, but when dippers drain my bucket I immediately evaluate the relationship.

After studying, "A Course in Miracles" I learned to choose ME: my sanity, inner-peace, and my JOY!

"How Full is YOUR Bucket"~ Tom Rath & Ph.D. Donald O. Clifton

lol, I'll definitely get rid of them or else I won't be able to succeed at what I'm doing that they are failing at. You always have to associate and surround yourself with people who share the same vision as you and not those who will bring you down.

Randy: meet positive persons it is the best way,was a pleassure meeting you last sunday,you empower myself to the next level on my life.LIVE RICH!!thank you.

I find that if I don't have the good sense to leave certain types of people behind fast enough, eventually they'll do the job for me by turning on me. Strange how that occurred to me just now. It can be tough, because often it means having to live with certain lifestyle choices and such, but so it is.

I think like most people, I have too negative people around me.

One of the things I do when I´m in a meeting with friends and they are talking about others people, or complaining about the life, the business, the economy problems that don´t let them to advance, I choose to be quiet. And begin to think in other things in that right moment.

By the other way, as I published in my Facebook wall last week, my favorite answer when somebody comes to me complaining or gossiping is: You are right. (As Kiyosaki says: what you have in your mind is your reality).

What do You think about this?

In other words, I try to stay as less as possible with that people.

With love from Colombia,

-GJ

I Eliminate Negative People In my Life Immediately. Whether they are Family or friends. I refuse to let negative and toxic people sabotage my success.

This is a very good question Randy. First of all i think that if we have such persons in our lives, they could be reflecting our inner struggles as well. We may have attracted them by our very thoughts. In this case, the situation will demand some self examination and correction of our own issues.

That said, such negativity is not healthy for anyone who is looking forward to or even journeying towards success. One thing i learned from you Randy is that our income and prosperity will be the average of our five closest friends. If i should have this negative person as one of those friends around me, i will be prudent to let go of him/her.

I think the only way we can change such negative people is by being the best of ourselves....exuding that positive energy in our lives and God willing, these guys will perceive it and change.

Hi Randy,
I have been helped several times from my family and I needed the help and appreciate the help. However would it been good to let me figure out on my own. Turn this around...do people like spending time with us or have they left us. I do believe there are reasons people come in and out of our life it's a matter of following our instincts. I guess everyone alive has that instinct from there ancestors who decided not to follow there friend into the sabre tooth tiger den.

Love your family, choose your peer group!

The energy spent by people to push away "negativity" reminds me of one of the core lessons Dr. John Demartini keeps hammering home to his students:

i.e., trying to be positive all the time puts us in emotional unbalance that can lead to experiences not unlike bipolar syndrome.

The teachers that we know who are determined to stamp out negativity — almost to the point of giving up the rest of life’s pleasures — are the ones who are experiencing “what you resist persists.”

More can be gleaned from the above point here:
http://www.lwlworldwide.com/blog/the-pursuit-of-happiness-can-cause-unhappiness/

In dealing with negative people, Marshall Rosenberg, PhD at Nonviolent Communication might help. He tells you how to talk and defuse situations. I found a lot of good information there. Here's the link for anyone who is interested:
http://www.nonviolentcommunication.com/index.htm

This could be a good resolution for relatives. It has worked for me.

A wise person reminds us that we cannot "see" something in another that is not present in us.

Hi Randy,

As always wonderful questions to reflect on.

Recently I have had to deal with a few negative people in my life.

Situation One: has resulted in me letting go of the relationship and surrendering to the fact that no matter what I do, I will never make this person happy. In this situation I have learnt to work through not taking things personally, that in this situation it's not about me, it's about the other persons perception of who I am and the choices I make.

Situation Two: has resulted in a much closer friendship and mutual understanding. I shared with the person how I was feeling when around them, that I was constantly giving in the relationship with no reciprocity. She was very apologetic and extremely grateful for my honesty as she was not aware this was how she was being perceived. We have both agreed to move forward with our relationship with honesty and giving/receiving.

Thanks again Randy!

I love this quote that I actually just shared with someone on twitter...

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” Dr Seuss

Randy, I think their are people who touch our lives and move through and like wise we touch people lives and either stay for a bit or move on.
We are not here to "collect" friends or people but rather to experience !

I love people from all walks of life. I choose to stay around those that lean more positive, I was just tested for 23 years regarding the negative.

I long for harmonious and loving enviroments and I can choose that for myself today - When in a enviroment that is not that way, I choose my reaction or not.

Right !

Hugs, Donna

I'll interrupt them to turn the conversation to something more positive. If that doesn't work, I get away as fast as I can!

If it is a friend, yes, I am all for lovingly releasing them. If it's a family member, I limit the time I spend with them.

I spent most of my life always trying to help the negative people in my life, but there are many who didn't want that. They were just looking for an audience to complain to.

So if they're not willing to do something about their situation, I think it's best to just let them be who they are. And I won't be around them.

There is no good reason to let them take up my time because I know nothing good can come from it. If I allow negativity in my life, the more negativity will continue to come.

And that's not acceptable to me anymore, it's not who I am.

In releasing the negative people, there became room for the amazingly happy and positive people in my life instead.

RG,
Have you ever noticed when the posts are about the negative people in our lives they multiply like bunnies. When they are about us they are slightly less. LOL. *Myself Included*

Anyway I agree with all. I notice I have less and less in common. I know this happened to you from you posts. When I came out 20 years ago I caught myself hanging around with a lot of gay people, in recovery. I noticed that it didn't matter whether someone was gay or straight I was attracting negative people. I changed and moved away. I guess everyone goes through a phase. I now go to a "gay friendly" church and I have a good mixture of friends.

My minister told me a little secret. When she is with people who are not so 4th dimensional she silently says to herself "that maybe true for you but it is not true for me." She stops the negativity getting in the brain and then goes on. She also said someone prayed "go to meet your good elsewhere quickly". I am told that even works on husbands.
Thanks,
Jim

I love them but I release them.

As I grow and prosper, in both wealth and consciousness, the negative people no longer fit. The simple truth is that we no longer have the same interests or goals so drifting apart seems to happen naturally. It doesn't mean that I don't still love them or care about how they are doing, it's just that there's a lot less to talk about and the relationship naturally evolves. No judgment about them, it's just time to move on.

I made a conscious decision over a year ago to remove myself from environments where there are negative people or even those that look at the Universe as anything less than infinite. If I encounter someone negative I run like the wind!

And as you advised a long time ago Randy, I do not expose myself to the news or other negative media to maintain a positive outlook.

This blog has been an immense help. I am creating a vacuum by releasing the negative people, my relatives. I visualize letting them go. I visualize I have moved on.

Most of my life, I have tried to get my relatives to like me...but after having found the root cause, and reading about victim hood/sabotaging oneself/jealousy on this blog, I am moving on.

I affirm, visualize and repeat to myself I am the victor, much better than them and they don't deserve my company.

I am actually in new a place with this as of recently. Where I used to resent the negative people in my life because they pushed all my buttons and were co-contributors to a lot of unnecessary drama in my life, now I am able to actually feel gratitude for them.

No - I wouldn’t voluntarily spend any time with someone negative when given the choice, but when there are negative relationships that are not ‘optional’, I can use them as a gauge to see exactly whether I am playing in my big self or my small self by how I respond to them. As some of the other members already wisely said, no one can make you feel any way in particular – so if an interaction with someone else’s negativity is able to ‘engage’ me and get me hooked into a detrimental dialogue or less than positive feelings, I know it is a cue for me to look at what is going on inside of me that I need to take responsibility for so I can get back on track. Usually, this is a great self-discovery tool.

So, simply put – I say avoid the unnecessary negatives and work on yourself until you are able to the best of your ability to remain unaffected around the necessary negatives. And as a last note, I do try to take a deep breath after a ‘negative’ encounter and silently wish that person well. I believe everyone (myself and others) is doing the best they can in any given moment.

Randy:
I pass by that only a few days ago, an I read something that help me,when a persone gives toyou a differente point of vew,usually we think that she or he are negative, just because they do not share our views or perceptions, another way to receceive that perceptions different to us, is to know that this can help us to re-afrim or to view where can be the difficulties, it is Randy like the "sombra" and "la luz",shodows and lights,we can learn a lot from shadows ,because after all,shadow doesnt exis tby it self,it exists only because ther is no light,The only thing that we have is our light and no"negative"persona can take us down, exepet we don not take their percpections as a support of ourgoals. , I think that a negative persona can light ourgoals, if we do not take their percpections as some personal judgment a disaproval attitude, it is just what that person view and it is nothiong with us.
The thing a read it is fromAbraham,and here it is:

We encourage you to make peace with everyone who opposes you and with everyone whom you oppose, not only because you cannot insist on their yielding to your perspective but because their opposing perspective is of tremendous benefit to you.

You see, because of your exposure to what you perceive as their wrong or bad or unwanted behavior or perspective—you have given birth to an improved situation. And just as they helped the problem side of the equation to come into focus, they helped the solution side of the equation to come into focus, also; and that solution waits for you in your Vortex of Creation.

Through our daily meditation process, you will come into alignment with those solutions and creations that are in your Vortex, and from inside your Vortex, you will feel appreciation for everyone who contributed to its becoming.

When you make peace with those who differ in desire and belief and behavior from your ideas of what is appropriate, you do not perpetuate what you consider to be wrong. Instead, you align with the solution side of the equation that has been waiting for you in your Vortex of Creation.

--- Abraham

This is very timely for me, just sent my mother a letter pointing out how jealous and competitive she is with me... you know, you want to be a good son, she's 87, but on the other hand she's a raging narcissist, always has been...
Never calls me, then when I call her, all she does is talk about herself, complains non stop, tells the same me me me stories over and over and then gets really jealous and competitive when I tell her what I plan to do...
In short, everything that I hate, and have asked her nicely a 100 times not to do around me... saynorra, au revoir, etc... no more toxicity!!!

If someone comes to show it is negative, l will not believe what you see it. I think the best way to teach, if you do not talk much. The attitude and thinking of what can be changed? Negative for those who need evidence. I say this! Ok so now we do not believe this many people, but you give yourself a chance and not me. I try to remain friends throughout.

Hi,

I don`t think anyone can `bring you down` as you can only do that yourself. And if I do see someone as bringing me down then I am projecting an aspect of me onto them, so it behoves me to look inside myself to see if, and where I might be doing the same thing.
I do believe toxic people come into our lives whether family,friends etc to allow us to learn something about ourselves which we would rather keep hidden from ourselves. It is so easy to put something outside ourselves rather than takes responsibilitty for our part in whatever is happening.

It seems from the posts that many people are putting family into a seperate box - what if you were born into that family for a specific learning purpose and `what if` you did not seperate family from the rest of the world simply because they are `your` family.

Dear Randy:
Sure, it is a good idea release them and move along. However, our relationships are an exact reflection of our mindset. Have you noticed the personality of a person changing depending on which it is interacting with? responding to your expectation?
I think we should change our believes about relationships, love ourselves, respect how others are in order to draw in more positive people. If we move along of negative people without healing our minds and feelings we will attract more negative people into our lives.

Randy...engaging question. I think a morbidly and continuously negative person who is a friend/acquaintance/vendor should be gradually and respectfully worked out of our life. Friends who are negative may be going through a season of life or life changes that has brought out the worst in them. Those are worth sticking with to see if you can be a positive influence. I do believe in that...being a positive influence. But there does come a time when it's necessary for others to reap what the sow in negativity. And that is that others will not want to traffic with them socially. Family...they are there for life. With them you have to draw boundaries and use the situation as a way of making your own values of positivity stronger.

Randy...engaging question. I think a morbidly and continuously negative person who is a friend/acquaintance/vendor should be gradually and respectfully worked out of our life. Friends who are negative may be going through a season of life or life changes that has brought out the worst in them. Those are worth sticking with to see if you can be a positive influence. I do belief in that...being a positive influence. But there does come a time when it's necessary for others to reap what the sow in negativity. And that is that others will not want to traffic with them socially. Family...they are there for life. With them you have to draw boundaries and use the situation as a way of making your own values of positivity stronger.

Negativity can pull you down fast. I use to be that person until someone graciously and bluntly asked me,Do you ever listen to what you say? I was taken back but then realized she was right.I was raised in a negative household and I had become what I was around.I had to work hard to turn it around because bad habits are not easy to change.So if I hear someone being negative and I feel they are open, I share my story and I believe I have helped many be able to hear themselves and work on changing.
If they don't change I will find excuses to not accept their invitations so I don't fall back into that trap.
I look forward to your next post,Randy.

Those that piss me off the most often resemble my negative thoughts and actions the most. Often I'm not aware of this until I stop and think WHY do they bother me.
As I change, different people irritate me!

Randy, I don't let them affect me anymore! I have learned how to release myself from the bondage of others mind control. I pray for them "Let Go and Let God Work On Them!"

I think it will all depend on the level of impact this guy has on my life.

Randy this is such a great topic!

Most often I believe they are there to help me grow through a much larger view of myself, personal & business relationships with everyone I have attracted into my life. There is a reason.

With family it's definitely a growth experience as we must find a way to love & co-exist, while sometimes limiting exposure or the type of exposure & conversations we allow ourselves to engage in.

With new contacts outside of business it's more of an observation, reflection & blessing & releasing the person.

In business ...that's where it really gets interesting!

In business for me it seems to be a combination of really doing some soul searching & reflection as to what degree I'm supposed to mentor and when to bless and release. There's ALWAYS something to learn there and sometimes it's downright painful ...especially when there's a ripple effect happening.

Sometimes it seems as though I have done ALL I can to accept any personal responsibility for the attraction, etc ... and there just doesn't seem to be an answer.

At this point I often think of someone I admire and respect for their wisdom ... Randy Gage, Eric Worre, Jim Rohn, Donna Johnson, Charlie Umphred...

Then, I ask myself ..."How would someone like Randy Gage deal with this situation?"

Then ... if I have done all of the above and have stacked up to the wisdom of a favorite mentor, it's time to bless and release!

Thank you Randy, this was timely for me today!!

Stephanie Steling

I changed most of my friends when i noticed the impact of negative peolpe in my life. There are some who are part of my family and i spent as little time as possible with them. I don't have time for them

Toxic friend should be elimated from one's life. According to psychologist Carl Rogers (1970), and this, by the way, is in the text book I teach my college students, there is a distinction between "nourising and noxious people." Noxious people criticize and find fault with people, while nourishing people do the opposite. Research shows that nourishing people boost our self-esteem, so the immediate correlation then, is that noxious people bring us down.
And isn't life hard enough without consiously allowing a relationship in our lives that we know is going to chip away at self-esteem -- something that is so so fragile and so difficult for so many people to cultivate?
Life places enough spontaneous challenges in our path, so a conscious decision to allow a toxic person in one's life can have no positive consequences. It can only create more self-work, which is, in essence, an added burden.

I agree with most of the comments.
If I can release them and move on, I do that, like in the case of some friends or a girlfriend.
But for example, in the case of co-workers or some family members I can't release, at least they show me how not to behave. I treat them like a challenge, in the sense that with their company I can't let my energy go down.
In the case of people with energy higher than mine, uhmm they are like a fountain of some rare mineral that energizes me!

I really like what Ryan has to say on this matter. I agree that even the negative people in my life are here to teach me tolerance. I also think it's valuable to learn how to respond or not respond to their negativity. It can be so easy to get sucked into the negative conversation and feel that I have to constantly combat and shoot down everything that is said. I am learning to be less affected by someone else's words, like I have a shield of positivity around me. I just nod and smile and move on. I don't disregard the person, I just don't absorb their negativity.

Hi Randy,

I see a lot of different thoughts on this topic today so I will share my 2 cents as well.

What I found in my life was that sometimes it's not as simple to just let go. I had one such relationship in my life that taught me or rather allowed me to see within myself what I needed to heal.

It was the kind of person that triggers your buttons, but unless you take the time to do some critical thinking and look inside yourself to see why you react you may miss the opportunity to let go of some much needed baggage that may be on board.

We all come across negative people from day to day, and yes, one may have a set plan in place as to how to deal or avoid them, but what about the closer relationships like Mother, father, husband, children the ones you just don't walk away from how do you deal with them?

With Gratitude
Olga

Energy vampires can be so good at what they do! I think they are both a way to help me work through issues as well as people I need to let go. When they are employees, I always need to remember that they are sucking the life out of our entire organization. Whenever I let one of them go, I'm amazed at how other people become lighter.