Bulldog with a Bone
by Randy Gage
It sure feels good to be a victim. Or at least we sometimes think it does…
I see this often when counseling people on prosperity. They start the discussion by suggesting that they’re looking to learn what will help them live a life of prosperity. They want to know what they can do to create a breakthrough. Usually they will swear their fierce determination to do whatever it takes.
Until I tell them…
That’s when the argument starts. Because when I tell them they need to release the bitter feelings they are holding against someone or something – they start making the case of how victimized they were, trying to make me understand and come around to their way of thinking.
They want to replay their custody case, divorce agreement, or duplicitous business partner blow-by-blow, to rally me to see the grievous injustice they have endured.
Like a bulldog with a bone, they simply won’t let go.
But you have to let it go. You have to forgive, and move on. You have to figure out what YOU did to cause this, or what lesson YOU are meant to learn from the situation.
Your peace and prosperity have nothing to do with the person or institution that harmed you. It has to do with what you learned from the lesson and how you choose to respond moving forward.
Now if you’re like most people, you’re reading this and already mitigating how this doesn’t apply to you…
You’re validating and justifying how horrific the treatment you received was – and how naive and insensitive I am not to understand this. You want to point out how mean, or how evil, or how unjust your victimizer was. But remember, this has nothing to do with them. It’s all about you…
You can be a victim. Or you can be a victor. But you can’t be both.
What are you choosing?
@sivkolstad Thanks 4 getting the word out!
Thank-you for posting this I struggle with people everyday that just won't let go that if you continual to fall victim to there own mind set and won't listen until they are ready to change there is nothing I can do. I love your statement that you made "You can be a victim. Or you can be a victor. But you can’t be both".@
Hmmm, I disagreed when you spoke about letting go all negative people. I had very challenging period of time to make this decision. I realized that by holding on to my relationship with my close family, I sat on the spring. All I want to say here that it is a fantastic experience when it occurs. A great feeling of release and freedom. Thank you for the clear message all the time. God bless you. M.
I had someone tell me once...Who was the one at the scene of the crime each time. Knowing the answer was me, at first I was mad but then I realized it was up to me to change it!!
In spite of my negative upbringing, I have learned that I can communicate with almost anyone, and most people DO have something to offer the world; not just Harvard graduates or people born with the fortune of good connections. Although some of them are good people too, and i am not against either. I am merely against the mind virus which tells us these are the only two ways to be at the top of any game.I have learned that some people are going to act like children who've had a toy taken from them, or even worse didn't get a toy and believe no one else should either and label the toy company as evil and unfair because they don't have one. As with a child, you must be firm yet fair, or walk away if you cannot do anything.I've learned to be patient with people who are different from me, but most importantly, patient with myself.I've learned that people are more willing to listen to and even want to help me if I do not act like I am entitled. On the other side, I have come to realize that boldness is necessary quality as well.People who are successful should not be held up on pedestals, although we can learn from their example. and neither should people diminish their own worth for the sake of another. We can only be ourselves.
I'm going to save my story because I let it go long ago...I choose to be a victor. Thank you RG, it IS great!
I know that it applies to me Randy, I take responsibility for it being about me. I think I have an issue with letting go though. With time, incidents in my past become less intense and I think about them less and less, but I wonder whether I've actually let them go, even though I've spent a lot of time processing these issues and doing various exercises out of books to assist with this. I have a feeling that I don't actually REALLY know what it means and feels like to let something go, completely. I did your burning bowl ceremony, I think it was at a seminar in Sydney years ago late at night. Although I think it's beautifully elegant, I think I still resist that kind of process.
I totally agree. Its not the person or institution, they are just the packagaing. If it wasnt that person or institution we would attract some other person or institution.
We attract them because we need them. We need the lessons. Its lifes way of saying there is something you need to learn about yourself here. Theres some issue within you that you need to resolve.
For me there was a friend. That lesson taught me I need to have boundaries regarding what I will accept and wont accept and that I have a fear of speaking out when those boundaries are crossed. When I first realised this I developed boundaries but would shout and scream when those boundaries were crossed. Not the healthiest way of course, but in some respects I atleast challenged the fear of standing up for myself. Nowadays if necessary I speak up, in a calm assertive manner. The thing is though, nowadays I dont really attract people who cross boundaries. ANy issues that may arise in friendships tend to be discussed calmly and positively.
Another person I attracted to enable me to challenge a fear and show me I still have certain insecurities about myself. With both people I challenged my feelings of resentment and I have let go and moved on. I`m sure deep down I still have some resentment. I want to bring those feelings out and challenge them until I`m clear.
One of the best quotes I`ve read, though I`m not sure who its by, is " We dont forgive people for their benefit, we forgive them for ours"
Forgiveness is a selfish act about us and only us. It has nothing to do with and perceived perpatrator.
@afbpj Thanks 4 getting the word out!
Dis-Identifying with your current "unserving scripts" and programming, can be a very challenging thing, however it's divine order..
It's the exact thing we need - to know our birthright!
Brutal honesty and self responsibility is crucial...we have to realize taking charge of, and prospering in your consciousness is a choice; owning prosperity consciousness.
Sure it takes discipline,
but willingness is proportional to the path, as you allow yourself to experience god's great desires within you.
It's a beleif driven universe and we can ask ourselves what beleifs do we need to experience permanent prosperity.
Study the The Dynamic Laws of Prosperity, and follow the example of our Great Prosperity Warrior and Leader here, of Light ~ Randy Gage..
I am really getting God wants me to be rich, I hope you are getting it to..it's our birthright. This IS a lavish universe and we are all children of it!
I LOVE these discussions, I'm in love with the concept of prosperity consciousness!!!!!!
I'm in love with this CAUSE..I'm in love with you people..
When we have prosperity consciousness , we become CAUSE AND INFLUENCE for prosperity.
We can argue for prosperity or against it, and what we argue for as individuals and collectively , we get to keep.
I'm argueing FOR prosperity.
Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou!
@JiminLai THanks dude!
"You can be a victim. Or you can be a victor. But you can’t be both."
It sounds awfully good to say "you can be a victor." But sometimes it's easier said than done.
As you've indicated in other posts, the problem stems from our belief in ourselves. Everybody wants to be a victor, but not everybody believes they can be. Similarly, people don't want to be a victim... but the really nice thing about victimhood is that it's achievable. Anybody can do it. And for people with self-belief issues, given the choice between the "impossible" (being a victor) and the possible (victim), they naturally choose the possible -- even though they don't want it.
So I guess the trick is to prove to yourself that your second sentence is true --- you CAN be a victor. Then you can start to forgive.
This is heavy-duty stuff, Randy. Thanks!!
@jimbarber I disagree with your statement, "But sometimes it's easier said than done." Because I believe it's ALWAYS easier said than done. But that doesn't mean it isn't worth it, because it always is. -RG
@Randy_Gage@jimbarber It's not about easy or tough I reckon- it could be simply as easy as opening the door that has always been right there, or, as tough as keep going round in the circle of victimhood, regrets, remorse and all the stupid baggage. I KNOW that to be able to move on I MUST loose some weight-- is that weight of the remorse and evil-feelings against people you hate WORTH carrying around if that's stopping you form being prosperous! Certainly not. They are not worth it. Not the people who caused pain and not the events. Delete them bro!
I am learning this here in my 40's and wish I would have done it sooner. I tell people to let the past be. You can't change it, so just let it be. It means taking responsibility for yourself and your life (without blame, shame, guilt or burden).
Too many of us feel we deserve to be a victim. God (Higher Being) wants so much more for us than we think we deserve for ourselves!
Can't you be in between? Like I feel I am right now, switching from one role to the other? I know how it works, I am 90% of the time in prosperity mode and 10% of the time I fall back in the old trap of victimhood (but aware of it).
Interestingly, there is one particular relationship that I have invested years of trying to "make it work". Ultimately, after being burned many times over, keeping a record of the "transgressions", and playing the "blame game", I realized that I had to forgive, let go and move on. This is a timely post that helps me to continue to take full responsibility for my circumstance and keep it moving!
@matt_maziarz Thanks 4 the love!