Appreciating the People in Your Life
by Randy Gage
The holiday season is coming up, and hopefully you can spend some quality time with your loved ones. But you don’t have to wait for the holidays to do that!
In the last few years I lost my grandmother, grandfather and my favorite great Aunt. In each case, they were ill for a while, so I sent them cards, flowers and called them often. But what makes me the happiest of all, is that the last words each of them heard from me was that I loved them.
That’s easy to do, when someone is old and has failing health. Unfortunately I have lost some other dear friends and loved ones that weren’t elderly and sick. All of a sudden they were just gone.
Death is part of the dance of life. And you never know when the people around you may be gone.
Do they know you love them? When’s the last time you told them? Today would be a good time. And while we’re on the subject, please know how much I appreciate you guys! The community here is amazing, and ever day I look forward to interacting with you.
Randy, four years ago I chose to have a relationship with my father after many years of little to no contact. We created a new father/son relationship that is focused on the future and not the past. Not more than two days after reconnecting, we learned that my dad had cancer. We're not sure how long he'll live. What I do have though is a relationship where love is full expressed. And I no longer worry about not telling my dad how much I love him. Thank you for reinforcing the importance of expressing our love to those while they are still alive.
We see about 0.5% of all energy.
With technology, governments see about 2%.
Point being, there's a lot of people we don't see, but they are still around, and in many cases look at us as having a problem, not them.
A matter of perspective.
Love is the underlying frequency of everything, including what we might perceive as the opposite.
3 rarest phrases, people say:
I love you
But they make us stronger, and our family - happier! ))
I know I checked in above briefly yesterday, but I did not really say all I wanted to. I was a little burnt out. ;-) But today is a new day!
I just got back from taking my 11 year old son to school We have a ritual of listening to very LOUD, classic rock and roll on our morning drive … it’s a mom and almost-teen bonding thing! (Who says there must be a generation gap? LOL!)
Well, today, an old song by Van Halen came on called “Right Now”. (Admittedly I liked them better with Diamond Dave rather than Sammy Hagar, but none the less …) Today, the words to that song really touched me because it echoes the message so many in this community have mentioned here in relation to making sure to tell the people you care about exactly how much you love them while you have the chance. Give it a listen today if you get a minute. (Video is awesome too!)
As I was driving, I thought about how fortunate I was to have the chance to spend those few minutes of time with my son, to wish him a great day and tell him that I Love him … right NOW … because I haven’t always had that opportunity with all my kids.
3 years ago, when my oldest daughter turned 18, she became convinced that the wisdom of adulthood had come down from the heavens and landed upon her. She was big and independent and no one was ever again going to tell her what to do about anything - so one of her first major solo decisions was one to get into a relationship with an abusive, controlling man who was 12 years older than she. This man had a prison record, a history of hurting our family and knew, very well, the vulnerability of a girl this age.
As any Mom would be, I was upset, worried, scared for her safety and well-being … so I told her so – PASSIONATELY. We argued, we screamed and she was pretty insulting to me. Finally, I’d had enough of her disrespectful attitude and I demanded the keys to her car. I suggested to her that if she thought he loved her so much, why didn’t she ask him to make sure she had a roof over her head, a way to get back and forth to school and work and food to eat every day? In the heat of the moment I was trying to make a point and … unfortunately it worked. Also unfortunately, not in the way I wanted it to.
After I went to sleep that night, she called him on the phone, packed her things and moved out. In the morning when I woke up … she was gone.
I didn’t see or talk to my daughter for 2 ½ years after that. She refused my calls, returned my letters and packages and at one point, even tried to file a restraining order against me when I tried to visit her. She didn’t talk to her brothers and sisters, her best friends, left her job … basically severed all ties with anyone in her normal life. It was as if she was dead to us – and, in fact in retrospect, I sometimes wonder if that pain might have been easier to bear than knowing she was somewhere and could see us but didn’t want to.
Finally, about 3 months ago, I received a call on a Friday afternoon from someone who knew our family and also knew the man that my daughter had been living with. The call was to let me know that my daughter had been arrested on 3 felony drug charges and was sitting in a jail cell about an hour from my home. My heart stopped. That was my baby.
I never questioned what I had to do. I posted her bail and went to pick her up. I cannot tell you what it feels like to not know if your own child is going to be willing to go home with you, even if the alternative is sitting in a jail cell. Fortunately, she hugged me when she saw me and our reunion began. I must have told her a hundred times that night that I loved her – and now that she is back in my life again, I try not to miss a day without letting her know.
So, the one thing I would share today with everyone who pops in here and is a parent is … no matter how frustrated you get with your children – even when they make poor decisions, when they use poor judgment, when they disrespect your rules – whatever you do, ALWAYS make sure they know you may dislike the behavior, but you still Love THEM, and you always will … no matter what. Like so many others have said above – you never know when you will not be given another chance to tell them so.
Thank YOU for your inspiration and for telling it like it is - even if sometimes we don't want to hear it!
Ur messages touch with heart's chords and are practical , bold and straight-forward !! Getting to know you , getting to read your story ,getting to absorb all that information and becoming a subscriber of this blog has been the best event happened to me during past 1 year !!
Many thanx for all your knowledge sharing :)
You know I love you. But I'll keep reminding you anyway. So does everyone I love in my life. The people in my life are my biggest blessings and I want them to know that constantly.
I have made it a point since my car accident never to go to bed angry or with uncleared emotional issues with anyone, especially anyone I love. Saying sorry & I love you anyway is much better than never having the opportunity ever again to say it at all. I know I can die anytime.
So again, I love you rocksta. Just because you are you. And to all my family, mentors & pals reading this, you know I love you guys too - and thank you for loving me. xoxo
Great post - simple and easy to understand. Yet, not always the simplest to do. We get caught up in our own worlds and often forget to take the time.
Much like gratitude, showing love and appreciation AFTER is easy and anyone can do it. However, it takes a great mind to show gratitude, love and appreciation BEFORE someone does something for us.
If we want to become masterful at anything, let's focus our mastery on gratitude, appreciation and love.
Thank you for sharing this and helping us all to remember to say I love you.. I lost my Sister,Mom and Brother all within 2 weeks of each other and wish I would of said it more than I did.
You are a great inspiration to us all.
Randy, I'm grateful and appreciate you for your openness and vulnerability. Your willingness to share your life and experience with us. Thank you.
Dear Randy. I deeply love God, my children, my wife, my mother, my in-laws, my sisters and my brothers and nephews. In August, my father died, now his is another place looking and enjoing, he was hospitalized for two months. I could tell him several times how much I loved him and he also made me know that to me. I did a letter on my facebook, on his departure. I am in peace. I think that's what gives us happiness ... love and be loved by the people we have around us, thank God I'm growing in this everyday a little more, we must not stop growing in it, never. Now I am also developing, as Jesus taught, to love all the rest! I think that elevates us and allows us to eliminate all fears. Love is the greatest power! Indeed, at first, I did not feel you me very well, I hden`t a a good picture of you, but eventually, I began to know you and have begun to love you as a friend, although we do not know personally. Thanks. Hug. Gabriel Suarez
I deeply appreciate every point of reflection you post.
Your mentorship is invaluable and for that I am very grateful. Te quiero mucho y muchas gracias.
Thanks for a great post. I have a cousin who I hadn't seen in 40 years and over 10 years I got to know her and her husband. We became close Florida friends as they still lived in NY. When they came down we had a rule that only call if you want to get together and no expectations. Welll 2 weeks ago her husband John died in his sleep. We are all crushed and yet upon reflection I thought differently.
First I was so grateful my cousin brought him back into our life and I know he lived each day of his life the way he wanted. He gave up a successful dentist practice to operate a bar and restaurant. He said,"It would be more fun and easier to sell someone a beer than a root canal."
From reading your posts I am changing my thoughts. Tomorrow my experience at the luxurious wedding.
I breathe fully, calmly, relax my body and I find myself easily expressing love to everyone. Thanks Randy. :)
I love this blog and its members too!!! My two cents on relatives... just because they're your parents, bros, sisters, etc doesn't mean you have to love them, especially if it's not reciprocated or it's toxic, neg, etc...
I blasted my self-absorbed mother in a letter about a month ago and was fully prepared for that to be it.. didn't want it to be... but call a spade a spade...
And amazing... she's actually calling me now and being nice and not so self-absorbed... love you guys!!!
Randy, I look forward to your seminar in March to learn more about yourself also. I am grateful for the blessings in my life now and being part of this wonderful community of those who are ready to voice their true thoughts and feelings! Life is good. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and love!
Thank you Mr Randy Gage I love you,world need more gentleman like you,you empower myself every day,Thanks God and universe power.Nothing better than said:Te quiero.Gracias.Clarissa.
I have shown my love and appreciation to all those who have been ill and returned to their souls' home to the next dimension, which does help to cut out any regrets you may have throughout your life.
However, when a business acquaintance whom you have enjoyed the presence and interaction with the spouse do not keep in touch, you opt for not making the extra efforts to continue to keep in touch due to the priorities you are faced with.
Then, out of the blue you learn that his business did not go well and he had returned to his adopted country in Canada with his wife to commit suicide, you are so shocked and sad, how do you come to terms with the fact that you had not made efforts to show your appreciation?
Should I have continued to make efforts to keep in touch to show my appreciation and friendship despite there was less of an interaction from them? Perhaps, they would have discussed and you could have been of help and comfort for them!
These are some major feelings/thoughts I have wrestled with. The only solution for such unexpected turn of events is that I have had to forgive myself for not showing more appreciation and to forgive the deceased soul and his wife also for not reaching out for help.
"A Course in Miracles" has given me more courage to face the turns in life, as well as the teachings of the Lord Buddha.
I appreciate the truth. I appreciate that after the last blog, I know who you really are Randy Gage. I offered a brave and daring criticism to your philosophies and all you offered in exchange was a misconstrued patronizing comment. I feel like a little girl who just found out Santa isn't real.
You should love and appreciate these people. They follow you and your message with loyalty. Maybe not always the critical thinking you ask for, but oh well. If they are modeling you, critical thinking isn't really neccessary.
Your appreciation for them should also apply to the last blog, since you let them argue for you while you hid behind them. I don't think a real Messiah would have done that.
The Millionaire Messiah is only a wealthy man. The real Messiah was healthy, wise and well poor. This is what I will remember, for this Christmas.
My christmas wish is that the joy this season brings gets extended throughout the new year. No matter where we are, there is always something to be grateful for. There is no greater gift we can give, other than ourselves and the impact we leave on those whose lives we touch. Yes, life is short and I too have lost people I loved unexpectedly. It taught me to never end a conversation with a loved one with out saying I love you. The greatest gifts we receive in life come from our giving, if it is truly from the heart with good intention. I hope, during these challenging times that we all give a gift of a smile or a hug to someone who really looks like they need it. It may be there only gift this season, and what a lasting one it is.
A happy holiday to you, RG! Thanks for all the inspiration you've given us in the year of 2010. We look forward to the year 2011, too, with you being a fantastic mentor to many of us. Just know we all appreciate you, love you, and so do I! Hugs::: : )
PS To all of you here in the Randyland community, I wish you a very happy holiday! Love to you all from my heart. A big smile and hugs::::: : )
Randy & Everyone, I love you guys too! It's wonderful how everyone shares. As my third grader would say - "Your totally awesome!"
I hope you don't hold yourself responsible for that. As you mentioned, your forgiveness to them and yourself is the key.
Annie, please take a breath. I wasn't hiding behind anyone. You wrote a scathing comment about me and then ordered me not to ever comment on your posts again. I can't remember anyone ever demanding I not post on my own blog before. A lot of people would have deleted and blocked someone for doing that. I chose to give you some space.
I have no problem with people disagreeing with me on the blog and actively encourage it. All I ask is that people debate the issues and not belittle or attack others personally.
My respect for you has increased at least 10 times after your controlled response and by not deleting or blocking this person even though she seems to continually attack you on a personal level.
Only in some tough conditions, a person's character stands out and by that definition , you have done excellently well. I feel reassured and happy to have made you my role model !!
I am sure you carry similar thoughts inside of you too Ann. When I read the title to the blog, I immediately thought, what about appreciating the people that are not in our lives. It's easy to love the one's we love and that love us, (O.K. the halo can dim a little at times) but isn't that the point? How impactful could we all be in ways we would never know, if we try to show love to those that need it most. It's easy to love the pretty dog in the pound who is smiling and wagging away, or man or woman for that matter. What about the one that's been beat up? You never know the story behind the sad exterior. A genuine sign of affection may not be reciprocated, but isn't the gift given upon our act of kindness back to us anyway?
Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you help them to become what they are capable of being. ~Von Goethe
PS This person has a name it is Annie. If you feel the need to shame me again, you may refer to me as such. Thank you ever so.
Personal attacks are not nice. I agree. I have apologized to Randy, he never mentioned that. I will hence-forth keep my attacks on an impersonal level. I don't hate the man. I stuck my neck out to show him what a grave mistake I thought he was making. It isn't esy on my end either. Besides, I am keeping W David C safe. If it were not for me and my oppositional posts, he would be doing something dangerous.